Hey! So yeah, I'm still alive, I'm so sorry that I haven't been updating lately, the past weeks have been some crazy ones, but I'm definitely going to update more this week!

Well anyway, here you have this lil fic!

Hope you all enjoy it!

"You go ahead and drink it. It's expensive liquor. Do it one at a time, at the time you've drank it all… I'll come back."

Lies, lies, lies.

The heat of the alcohol going down in his throat, his face getting red, and the little cups filling all the table. For a while, he did drink one at a time, but when the years passed when the bottle never ended, he just drank it all. Drink it to forget, drink it to not think more.

The old lady never told him anything, no, she just kept on putting a new bottle when the other was finished. She kept on acting normal as if the bottle was still full and he, he kept on faking that once that bottle would be finished again, he would come back.

"Don't you think is too much for today Gintoki-san?" The old lady asked while pointing to the bottle at his side. Of course it has been too much, that bottle was full when the afternoon started, now it was almost empty…

"No." He simply answered while serving himself another drink. It wasn't enough, it was never going to be enough, he could still remember the last time he was there, when everyone was still together, when he wasn't left alone… "If you are tired I will close the shop." He simply said, not caring about anything else apart from his drink and his memories.

One by one, everyone left him behind, now he only had himself and the memories of everyone else. You would come back... Lying is bad Hijikata-kun. As the warm was going down his throat the voice of Hijikata was becoming more and more clear in his mind, that stupid promise he made of coming back, a stupid promise he never kept...

They went missing four years ago, all the little information they had about them disappeared, not that they ever had much thought, the rumors about them were gone too. It was Matsudaira the one that sent them a card, saying that there was a raid in where the Shinsengumi was hiding, that they had to get separated in order to live, that all clues after that were gone, that they never found their bodies after that…

Otae and Shinpachi were the first ones to left, she promised to find them, to find Kondo even if it was going to cost her, her own life. She swore to come back with them or their bodies, and Shinpachi had to go to with her, but deep down they knew he wanted to find them too.

The next one was Kagura, she went with her father in order to become stronger, in order of looking for them in space, to get any clue of them. She made Gintoki promised to tell her if he got to know anything about Sougo, or the others, she would come back as soon as possible if they appear once again.

While he stayed back on Edo, he couldn't stop them nor he could say anything against them leaving, those were things they had to do, look for their beloved one, getting strong for that person. He had to let them go, put his best smile, promised them to keep everything safe until they all came back, hiding all his fears and feels and drown himself in the drink.

He could be strong, but he couldn't tell them to not go, to take him with them, to stay with him, no, he couldn't be that selfish, he could joke about those things, he could joke about being lonely. But he could never tell them that he did feel like that, he could never stop them from following what they wanted.

"Please take care of yourself Gintoki-san." The lady said while leaving him alone, alone so he could keep on drowning himself, alone so that the nightmares could bother him more and more.

"I'll come back."

Even now he could still remember how serious Hijikata was when he said that and for years he had to believe blindly in those words, in that promise, hell, he still believed in his words now, that's why he still keep on going to drink from that bottle every day, why he keep on pretending that the bottle was full every day.

Deep down he still believed that one day they would come back, that Hijikata would enter that shop just to insult the mess he was now, that Otae and Shinpachi would be with Kondo and that his Kagura would run back to Earth as soon as she heard that Sougo was back. That everything would be back to normal.

Such stupid dreams. Another cup being filled out, the warm filling his inside again, but it didn't feel nice, it never feel nice, to be honest, something was missing and he knew that well.

Every drink, every time the alcohol went down his throat, everything reminded him of them, on how much he missed them, on they little he tried to stop them from going, on how little he tried to look for them.

It was fun to think of that, while Kagura was probably training herself to death, while Otae and Shinpachi were probably looking nonstop, he was simply getting drunker and drunker every day.

But he couldn't help it either, what was he supposed to do now? After five years? What was he supposed to do? He was pretty sure that Otae and Kagura were already doing everything that could be done to look for them, so what could a lazy guy like him do? If those two couldn't found them, why would it be different for him?

He sighed while his hand was pouring another drink. It's been awhile since the last letter too. They never were too common, to begin with, but they came, Shinpachi always made sure to write some few lines just to tell him that they were okay, and still looking, it was not much, but it helped to calm himself down. Kagura, on the other hand, her letters were always fewer, one every three or four months, talking about some monsters she had killed, and the people she had met, the little girl he knew sounded like a mature woman now. He missed them so much, but he never told them that...

From time to time, they would also mention the Shinsengumi, how some people have heard of them, how happy they were when they found that clue, but those stayed like clues and nothing else. One pointless clue taking to another one, but even if that happened they keep on having hope. The thing that he was surely having troubles with. It's been five years after all.

"At the time you've drank it all… I'll come back." The voice appeared on his mind once again, almost as if the man himself was at his side, laughing with him, like the last time they were together.

"You should hurry Hijikata-kun." He filled another cup. "This bottle is going to be over soon, you know? You should hurry Hijikata-kun." His voice was almost like a whisper. "Hurry up and bring them together." He simply said before pouring the last bits of that bottle. "Just bring them back…."

The bottle was now empty in front of him, and a sad smile appeared on his face. So the bottle is still full for you, huh?