DASTARD PASSION: THE EROTIC ALLIANCE OF JIMMY LEE AND THE DARK QUEEN

By Quillon42

It was Jimmy alone against the rest of the outer space passel now. His unusually-endowed, amphibian partner Rash had lived up most unfortunately to his name and charged too impulsively into the enemy, the shadily-bifocaled froggy falling to so many beatings, bullets, and bottomless holes. Terribly the Toad suffered indeed; he would have to recuperate to the point that he would not be able to respawn until the next hamhanded crossover (considering that this was Tradewest, probably Battletoads Ikari Warriors or Battletoads RC Effing Pro Am).

And the other legionnaire Lee couldn't even be bothered with the assignment at all, as Billy was too busy knocking away nukes in front of his garage in order to protect Marian from them (this was the next step the Shadow Warriors were taking, after punching her in the first Double Dragon and shooting her in the second).

And the remainder of the Battleleaper ensemble was waiting hand and foot on Angelica after the latter had been assailed by Sekka (from The Shadow Falls installment of the Dragons continuity).

As such, it was up to jivin' Jimmy alone to take out the last bastion of baseness in the galaxy to boot: none other than the diabolical (yet delectable) Dark Queen.

Said monarch had made her presence known most ostentatiously throughout the abjectly-affected universe, her face adorning so many news features that it made her almost a tenth as obnoxiously ubiquitous as Miley or Markle. And just as an egomaniacal Oprah deigned once to not display herself on the cover of her magazine, but rather allowed an Obama to grace the spread in her place, so too would the execrable empress permit a live feed on her screens for the challenger approaching her now…just so the solar system could see him on the hard end of a harsh asskicking.

For certain this final boss would be quite the challenge for the punctilious pugilist that was Jimmy Lee. He just was not aware that it would become physical to such a very intimate level.

Now the crimson-jacketed and cordovan-follicled fool made it all the way to the final steel hallway in the Queen's own private patrol ship. His jaw plummeted and his eyes escaped his sockets upon witnessing the wondrous femme figure that was alighting into the area.

He had heard tell of the sublime sight that this sister would present upon confrontation, but no exclamations could sufficiently express how enticing this empress was in fact. She was so fully human, this Dark Queen, with satiny ivory skin and ever inescapable ebon eyes. Her hair was poofy piceous, but no traveler brimming with testosterone noticed this as he was too drawn to the charcoal corset that tightly trapped the rest of her breath-bating body…and he was too taken with the thought of divesting the dame of the same.

A mech with spindly legs nearly as long as the lady's had stridden most errantly onto the floorspace; the malicious madam minded this and wrenched a limb from the meddling device.

"Oh stop whining; I'll fix you later on, you wearisome widget." Then to the deviant Dragon: "Once I get through whipping this…lepton who dared to dock into my hangar bay."

Verily the boy was balefully beset, this Jim Lee, the one who drove punches into punks (and not the one who danced pencils into papers and made comic books a bit too extravagantly overdrawn).

(Said artistic offense was second only to the fact that, in the Marvel rendering of the Double Dragon miniseries, they had the gauche gall to make Stan the Man himself the Dragons' mentor, given the coincidence of surname).

He could not even blink before he was buffeted across the kisser by the manufactured femur, the denimed dude sliding across the lethal linoleum in a lamb's tail shake. And it was the tail of the trick that was the Queen now that followed, her brazen buttocks listing left then right as she sauntered toward her target.

"I know fully why it wasn't Billy who had made his way up here," she started, palming the business end of her cybernetic cudgel. "And it's not only because of those nuclear warheads hailing down exclusively upon his garage.

"I told my best friend Sekka, before directing her to where Angelica abides, that I knew someone from the Dragon Dojo would come to challenge me despite all the halfass heroes' setbacks of late.

"I just didn't think he would honestly look so…third-rate second-player."

A grave grit was now etched into the face of the fighter, to replace the wearied wince from an instant ago.

"Know that it was I, Dominique of the Shadow Warriors, and part-time Dark Queen of the cosmos as well, who had sealed your fate today. My ad hoc scepter here will consummately school you not to trespass upon my cruel craft…"

Of a sudden a downward hook punch from the interloper was un-Lee-shed, it arcing directly into the blackest boot of the bodacious bitch. This made the madwoman holler holy hell and drop her extraterrestrial ugly stick a second following.

Rather than reckon the rod, Jimmy elected instead to utilize his own personal arsenal. Gainfully the man kneed the gorgeous gorgon in the stomach, then hurriedly he hushed out his slick slingwire and shot it out to the ceiling. Then he tied the treacherous titaness's wrists together so that she was ever so standing up and stretched out in the middle of the floor.

And before the shaft-shiverworthy shiva could force either of her feet upward to ascend into her attacker's unmentionables, the jaunty Jimmy was already aroused and well up into her glamorous grill.

"You're not gonna animatedly antagonize anyone after I'm done with you," taunted the substitute Lee to the sultry lady in the steamy setting of her sanctum sanctorum. "I know that you and Bill had dated briefly before, before Marian had come along."

He started to bring his fingers down upon the onyx costume of the conqueress. As he gently pulled earthward, uttering out the even more vibrantly vanilla flesh underneath: "I had made Marry's acquaintance first then, you know. She should have been mine."

Now the licentious one of licorice locks was more attentive than ever at her vindictive visitor. Cantankerously the contender had continued: "But you, Dominique…you had to go and be the Lilith to Bill's Adam, and leave him so he could…'settle'…for the Eve that was the woman I should have had."

"That blond boor was more of a bobo than the hulking meat of man who's opposed you guys time and again," the Queen shot back fiercely. "He was too goody-goody for me; and I owed his sensei a favor, for saving me from an unfavorable relationship with that bastard Burnov. …I mean the buffer one from earlier on in the series, not the bloated one thereafter."

"Well, Your Haughty-Ass Highness," began Jims now, "with emphasis on the ass…" He reached down feverishly with both hands, his tense palms cupping comprehensively both cheeks of her ample alabaster ass, then hauling the hussy in closer so their lips were but a picoparsec apart.

"I'll have you know that I was in charge of the Warriors on Earth, well before that old Shadow Fool ever took over. Unlike that himbo Bimmy now, I can be very, very villainous…"

Her jet irises lasered intensely into his own eyesight.

"Show me."

And then the ever more malevolent Lee luridly lampreyed onto the fullest lips of his comely captor, his still-bejeaned body hemming itself in upon her infinitely-improbable, utterly-undressed figure. Consummately the knout between the lout's choppers pushed passionately against the femme's own gustatory goad, each breathing hard that air that lingered languidly in the staid star cruiser chamber as they proceeded with their quest-length kiss now. Quasar-quick were the Queen's hands as they yanked down from their binding, their nails raking ravenously down the back of the man who would hold her prisoner in her own lair, she divesting the man in turn of his own coquelicot-toned Canadian tuxedo in her own singularly bitchy, brash way.

As this duad of deviousness now billowed down to the shiny iron floor, Jimmy jostled ahead with his Williams slugger most willfully…though the Dark Dame halted it with a forceful vertical palm.

"Do you have, ah…a weighted doughnut for that bat, by any chance…?"

"…

"…Of course, my malicious mistress. All my Warriors gang gear is fully packed in my pocket."

He wasn't lying, was Jimmy Lee, as there were several weapons in his pants that he was ready to use with, and not against, the Dark Queen. Nevertheless the Uppercut he threw to whisk out the relevant heavy ring was performed in a rather restless and flustered manner.

"Really there's nothing to be down about, my juking Jimmarama…Her Grace will very much make this experience your greatest."

And then this lady most lascivious let her body reign, she ascending atop her lover to take this ardent throne of interstellar intercourse. Hands of the man that were so callused from corporeal confrontation, the palms of the same now glided so pleasurably along the smooth Olympus and Ascraeus Mons of Her Majesty's sumptuous summits, his hands grasping at her astronomical knobs as she prudently permitted his probe to enter into her interior atmosphere.

His chary Chintai nunchuk stiffened at the sight of her pallid yet pristine belly rising and falling in front of his face while her girlish girth grinded against the magnificent mast of his manhood. Just as with the famed Kiss My Fist or the Big Bad Boot, both perpetrated most professionally by the Toads, here the most tender member of the Dragon's constitution had expanded when action demanded it, the tough guy's tackle enlarging within the woman he was most intensely and consensually having his way with.

At this the Queen commenced to leap upon this most lecherous of Lees, she joyriding upon Jimmy with endless energy, the femme fixing herein most fervently in a way that no rabid ribbiter could ever do the same, not upon a hinky hovering skimmer in an impassable and seemingly-blood-vesseled hurdle-riddled passageway, not in any other adventurous instance.

Then as the allegedly-lesser Lee was nearing his own personal peak, his most treasured weapon turned into the testiest of typhoons within his woman, just as the fucker himself had become a funnel while descending on a wire to engage against underlings. She arched in utter intergalactic passion, her black hole consumed with the singularity of his secret kata-conjured sauce…

…

…

…

Both the Dragon and the Despotess dithered on the floor, each so exhausted from one to the other that his and her bodies blinked in their supine state, like a defeated and soon deceasing Henchman of the Shadow.

This Darkest of Dominiques then grabbed the hand of her own slave of love, and pointed to the controls of her sinister ship.

EPILOGUE

Billy, Rash, and the entire interspecies ensemble was at a complete loss for chintzy dialogue once they beheld the baser Brother Lee at the helm of Professor T-Bird's Vulture vehicle. As the same followed his evil gal's ginormous Gargantua away from the Earth's surface, the hapless heroes noted that their erstwhile ride had a new name etched upon the side:

A-Quee-Leen, to mock the aquiline features of the good guys' leader, and to celebrate the new alliance between the wayward fighter and his fiercest regent.