I don't own Bleach. Kubo does, and he's one hell of a mangaka.

Toushirou Hitsugaya was sitting at his desk, staring at something he'd never seen before.

His vice-captain, Rangiku Matsumoto, was working. That's right, she was working at her own desk instead of lounging around.

"Matsumoto?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you....working?"

"Because the ostrich told me to, sir."

"What ostrich?"

"The pissed-off ostrich behind you."

Toushirou turned around and saw nothing there.

"Matsumoto, there's no ostrich."

Rangiku looked at Toushirou with a frown.

"Yes there is! He's breathing down your neck."

"I'm telling you, he's not there."

Suddenly, Rangiku was upon the small captain on an instant. "HE IS SO THERE! IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A LITTLE PISSANT, YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO SEE HIM!" With that, she stormed out of the room.

Toushirou blinked and shook his head. He had to get to the bottom of this.

The captain of the 10th Division looked around as Shinigami were either dancing around, screaming at each other, or giggling madly. 'Have they finally gone mad?' He thought as he raced towards the 4th Division. What awaited him would shock him even more.

As the young captain entered the grounds, he saw the healers cheering and lying around the compound. "What is going on here?!" He demanded as he stormed inside. "Have you all gone mad?!" Then he saw Retsu Unohana, sitting near her table, in the nude.

In the nude.

"Oh, hello, Captain Hitsugaya." She smiled at him, not fazed at the slightest at her current state of undress. "What brings you here today?"

"Captain U-U-Unohana! Why are you naked?" He tried to focus on her face, not wanting to look at her body.

"Why, whatever do you mean? My clothes have just decided to take a vacation, that's all." Then she proceeded to giggle madly.

Hitsugaya took two steps back as the healer stood up and with a crazed look in her eyes, she took off down the hallway.

Then he heard a loud scream. "HELP!"

Isane Kotetsu dove behind Toushirou, as Unohana held up a pair of scissors. "Isane, snip-snip."

"NO! NO!" Shrieked the hysteric vice-captain. Toushirou looked at her and saw that her pigtails were cut off. "Captain Unohana..." He looked at her with a shocked expression.

"Captain Hitsugaya, don't you dare defend that bad girl." Unohana shot a frosty glare at him as she raised the scissors. "Or it's snip-snip for you too."

Toushirou didn't need to think twice as he tried to wrestle the scissors from her grasp.

SNIP!

Unohana's braid fell to the floor as Toushirou held the offending scissors in his hand. "No.... NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Unohana wailed in anguish. Toushirou dropped the scissors and ran like hell. "DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!" Isane screamed after him, but to no avail.

Toushirou raced towards the Kuchiki Mansion, hoping that he'd need an ally in this state of madness.

He burst into the room, seeing Byakuya sitting at his desk.

"Kuchiki! Kuchiki, we have a problem. I-"

"I know."

"Then- What?"

"I know why you have come. It's because of the ostrich."

"Not that ostrich crap again."

"Do not mock the ostrich."

Byakuya glared at the small captain with a great ferocity. "HE IS OUR LORD AND MASTER!"

Toushirou shook his head. Byakuya was gone as well. "Oh, god. Is there no sane person left?" He dashed towards the direction of 2nd division.

As soon as he reached the compound, he heard a loud wail. "MY BREASTS ARE NOT GROWING!" Toushirou nearly jumped out of his skin.

Soifon was running about, as if she were looking for something. "Where's the damn milk?! I need it to grow my breasts!"

"Captain Soifon!"

"MY KINGDOM FOR A CARTON OF MILK!"

"Soifon!"

"OMAEDA! OMAEDA, YOU FAT FUCK, WHERE ARE YOU?! I NEED SOME MILK!"

"SOIFON!"

"WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!" She turned around and glared at Toushirou.

"Never mind." He said in a tiny voice.

Soifon began to resume her quest for breast growth. Toushirou dashed out of the place and headed towards the meeting hall.

He entered the buliding and saw the rest of the captains arguing about something.

"WE NEED MORE SAKE, DAMMIT!" Kenpachi Zaraki roared.

"SAKE? YOU MONSTERS WOULD DESTROY THIS PLACE IN AN INSTANT!" Mayuri Kurotsuchi screamed.

"I AGREE WITH ZARAKI!" Shunsui and Ukitake shouted in unison.

"Gentlemen, Gentlemen! Can we please not have an arguement in this place of intellect?" Konamura Sajin asked.

"ENOUGH! NO ONE IS GETTING SAKE!" Head Captain Yamamoto roared. "We are here for these," He held up a pile of weed.

Toushirou widened his eyes. "So, that's what making the Shinigami act insane."

"That's right, boy. This is what the humans use on this day called, '420.'" Yamamoto smirked. "And we have decided to celebrate this occasion."

"But what about Aizen?!"

"Fuck Aizen. He can go find some Mary Jane for all I care. This weed is ours."

Toushirou sighed in defeat. "Can I have some then?"

Toushirou was chasing a nude Momo Hinamori with a crazed look in his eyes. "COME BACK! I JUST WANT TO CLIP OFF THAT BUN ON YOUR HEAD!" He giggled wildly.

Rangiku watched this spectale with an amused look on her face. "I knew Taichou would come around."

"DID I SAY YOU COULD HAVE A BREAK, BITCH?!"

"No, Master Ostrich!"

"Then get your ass moving!"

"Yes, sir!" Rangiku ran back to her desk in a fright.

An ostrich wearing sunglasses was smoking a pipe. "420 is the best day ever."

The end.