It was a cold, wet, rainy day; in other words it was the typical Seattle day, and I hated it. I despise anything that make my feet slosh around until my toes are numb, or that makes my already thick and unmanageable hair any worse than it is on an everyday basis. I hate having to put on two layers of clothing just to make sure that I stay warm without wearing my large oversized coat. Running errands is hard enough for me since I am so klutzy that the government should allow me a handicapped sticker; its only made worse by the slippery surfaces that the rain makes and having to nervously clutch an umbrella in my hand praying to God that it won't slip out of my accident prone fingers and impale someone when they aren't looking. In short I absolutely hate living here.
And so the question that I hate to answer most is constantly asked of me. Why would I live somewhere that I hate? The truth is complicated in all of its seeming simplicity. I am now running my mother's bed and breakfast because after five years of happily running it herself she wanted a new adventure. Another great love to explore with a man over a decade younger than she is. So here I am to take care of her pet project; to take care of her the best I can even from afar.
She named the inn The Lovely Swan Bed and Breakfast. I hated the name from the beginning. She thought it was clever; a slight pun on Swan with it being our last name. I didn't see the humor in it. It sits outside the city halfway between Seattle and Forks; the small, rainy town I spent my teenage years in.
It occurred to my mother one day that she missed the tie to her roots that she was missing while we were living in Arizona. She hated the rain, loved all the sun, but hated having to talk to old friends over the phone. She loved the heat and the fact that she could tan during the year; but she had grown tired of hearing of high school reunions and old girlfriend get togethers rather than participating in them. It had come to be somehow that her hatred for small town life had been outweighed by her desire to go back home and try something new. It had not occurred to her however that I had hated every moment that I spent in that small town.
She had always been eccentric; what others would love to call "free spirited" but this was large even for her. She was stuck on the idea of moving back to Washington before she had even formed a plan in her head. But, that was my mother; no plans equaled greater adventures and she was always looking out for adventures.
So within six months she had found a nice place that she had determined would become a great bed and breakfast that sat on the outskirts of Forks; neatly placed between small town life and the big city lights. My mother had found her perfect compromise. She could see her old friends; have her home town ties while still having all the adventure that she wanted. The constant stream of new guests from all over the country allowed her to chat and meet new people. That was until five months ago. She had met the much younger rookie ball player Phil.
Phil had instantly caught her fancy and during his weeklong stay with us she had pledged her undying love for him. Two weeks ago she followed him off to Florida. I promised to stay here and keep the B&B running while she went and had her fun. It simply didn't seem right to me that she should continue being so unhappy without him when I was capable of giving her all she wanted.
My daily reverie of how I had gotten here is broken as I hear the phone ring. I clear my throat and pick up the phone. I expect to hear Angela, one of our few employees, calling out. Valentine's day is coming up and it's all that anyone with a significant other can think about. And since I haven't found anyone that I have been willing to date I am once more alone, and cursing this horrid holiday that Hallmark has decided to make into something other than a superficial validation of what should be already known between two people. Instead it's a high trilling voice. It seems odd to be coming from a person. Since the voice somehow reminds me of the soft sounds of a wind chime; sweet and soothing.
"I'd like to reserve three rooms for the weekend," she tells me. And in those few words I can hear the enthusiasm in her voice.
I look over the log in book quickly and bite back a groan. I'll have a full house this weekend. There goes wallowing in my "Bella's all alone pity party".
"When will you be arriving?" I ask breaking out of my head and thoughts.
"Oh, we're on the highway already so maybe in an hour, maybe two tops."
"Oh- umm- ok what's the name?"
"Cullen, we're from the area, my brother here just needs to get away from people for a while and he won't go on his own. He's a bit of a work-aholic," she says in a stage whisper as if any of this would matter to me.
Even though I've heard the inane babbling of plenty of people the affection and enthusiasm which this woman was talking to me was contagious and endearing. And I can't help the giggle that escapes me when I hear the harsh whispers in the background obviously disagreeing with what she had just said.
"Well then the Lovely Swan Bed and Breakfast will be just the thing for him. Would you like the rooms next to each other?" I asked going over a mental floor plan in my head. Most of the weekend guests wouldn't be arriving till Friday night. Since it was still early Thursday they could have the pick of the rooms.
"Oh no, put one on the first floor and two on the top floor. And don't worry, we can wait ten or fifteen minutes for the rooms to be done when we get there."
The certain tone that she had when making her last comment had taken me off guard. It wasn't what she said. I might have to have them wait a few extra minutes to make sure everything was in order. What was odd was the way that she was talking. It wasn't so much a comment as a statement of fact. Either way there was nothing more that I could say as she had already hung up the phone and the dial tone was coming through loud and clear as I slipped off into more thoughts.
All in all I didn't mind running this little place. It was quiet enough that I could have plenty of time to myself and the sightseeing kept contact with the guests to a minimum. Not that I didn't like people, I just couldn't seem to relate to them like anyone else. Their worries were not my worries. I didn't like the things that normal twenty five year old females would like. And I couldn't find a man that would be able to hold my interest for longer than a few minutes.
I always felt like the outsider in any conversation I had, and I was happier sitting off to the side watching all the action rather than partaking in it. I guess I had gotten all of my highly non-existent social butterfly ways from my father, who seemed to be the only one that understood the value of silence and the beauty of being left alone to decompress at night.
The few people I worked with were all nice and good to work with. I was able to get along with them all very well. It was a surprise to me that things had been running so smoothly for me after having my mother run it for years. She had done all the hiring's and yet I was perfectly happy with the way that everything was. If only the weather were just a bit nicer it could very much be a near perfect existence.
I busied myself getting the rooms ready, making sure the sheets were clean and that I had everything all set up for check in. Even still, with only me working that night it was too much to do and before I was ready I heard the front door open. I groaned into the empty room and straightened out my blouse. I knew there was no hope for my hair that had gone curly and frizzy from the days incessant rain so I simply pushed it out of my face and made my way quickly into the foyer.
What stood before me were the most beautiful people that I had ever seen. None of them truly looked alike and yet the resemblance between them was striking. There was no way to deny that they had to somehow be related to one another. They were simply too beautiful to not be.
Standing in the very front was a small woman who could be no more than five feet tall. Her hair seemed perfectly styled in very short spikes that almost framed her devastatingly beautiful face like a halo of black hair. Her big brown eyes stood out beautifully and to me she seemed as if she could be a woodland fairy. Standing beside her was a man that had to easily tower over her by over a foot. He seemed quiet and controlled which was a contrast to how she seemed to nearly vibrate in her spot from the effort it seemed to take to stand still. His blonde hair fell about him in curls and although it gave him a boyish quality there was no denying he was a handsome man.
Next to them were the biggest man I had yet to see and the most gorgeous woman that I had ever laid eyes on. I had always known that there wasn't much to look at when it came to myself; but somehow this woman made me feel as if I needed to go and join a circus side show. So beautiful was every feature on her delicately arranged face and body that I could not fathom how any man could walk by her without falling on his knees and declaring himself in love. It was how Romeo had fallen for Juliet; and I was certain that was how it was for her and the man that she was with. There was nothing else to do but fall instantly in love with all of her sophisticated beauty. The man seemed to be two men combined into one overly large one. Even through his thick sweater I could see that every inch of him was carved out of thick muscle. His black hair curled and fell into his eyes and around his face in a careless way which suited the large grin that he wore on his face. And his blue eyes stood out like a clear ocean against the sandy shores of his tanned skin. They were both beautiful and belonged together.
The closer that I got to the group the easier it was to spot the quiet man who stood to the back of the group. I could not decide whether he was respecting the two couples privacy or if he was trying not to be seen. It did not really matter though. He seemed quiet and pained almost. He didn't seem the type that would willingly make a stay at a place like this so he must have been the work-aholic.
I can't really say how long I've been staring at the group of them; studying them, trying to categorize and figure them out before they even speak. As if on cue the quiet one turns and locks his eyes on me. His bored expression going from surprise to something that looks like anger back to the bored blank look.
I have seen more than enough of his face though. And the closer I get to him the more apparent it is that he's handsome, devastatingly beautiful and very self possessed. In short he's breathtaking and heartbreaking all at once. And I can't seem to decide between running the other way or do my best to seem professional while I am internally drooling over him.
Quickly, I factor in my inability to run without tripping and decide on the latter option.
I clear my throat to get myself together. Somehow the room has gotten smaller and I feel as if someone has turned a very bright spotlight on me.
"Hello, welcome to The Lovely Swan Bed and Breakfast. I'm Bella and you must be the Cullens'." My voice sounds small and weak to my own ears and I hope that they don't notice it.
"Yes we are. I'm Alice, this is Jasper. The big goof over there is Emmet and with him is Rosalie. And the intense brooding one trying to hide in the corner is Edward."
I smile at the tiny woman in front of me. She's the smallest of all of them yet she seems to command them and I like her instantly. Alice will be one of the few guests that I have that I am happy to see stay and sorry to see leave.
"If you'll just sign in right up here at the front desk. You can drop your luggage right here, I still need a few minutes to finish up everything. I'm very sorry but I'm on my own tonight and it takes a while to get everything all set up..." I trail off not knowing why I'm rambling. My thoughts always tend to come out to quickly and I have yet to figure out how to fix it.
"I already told you we won't mind the small wait."
"Speak for yourself." The voice is quiet and deep. It sounds like muted velvet and spoken silk. It's thick like honey and as soft as satin. The simple sound sends my head spinning and craving for more of him. If he would only sit with me and talk to me forever. I'm sure that would be my perfect version of heaven.
I turn to the voice not surprised that it came from the beautiful man off to the side. His voice now matches the devastating looks. I look down at the floor quickly to check I haven't turned into a puddle and shuffle my foot a bit. He doesn't sound upset with me only with the idea of being here at all.
"Please forgive my brother he isn't usually so brash," Alice's tone is light although her words speak volumes to him somehow.
My bottom lip slips out from beneath my teeth; a nervous habit I never realize I do and wave off her worries.
"No apologies necessary. This kind of thing isn't exactly everyone's cup of tea," I chance a quick glance at him and realize how foolish the idea was.
His eyes are a jade green filled with a ferocity that seems fake since I can see the gentleness that they hold. His small smile tells me that I was right about my assessment of him and it brings a large smile to my face.
"My sister is right though. It was terribly rude of me to make such a comment. Whether it was true or not, it should not haven been said. It was not meant to offend you or this place. She just has rather strong- opinions, and she tends to believe it would be best if we all abided by them."
"That's because you would be- and you have been- so stop making such a fuss."
I let out a laugh at the sibling banter and stepped back to the front desk.
"Here's the book, check out is any time before midnight on Sunday and I'll have your rooms ready in about fifteen minutes."
I place a pen on the book and back away from the group. They will think that I left to finish the last checks on their rooms, and I did have to do that. The truth was though that I simply could not handle looking at Edward Cullen anymore, or the idea of being in close proximity to him. Something about him was making me weak in the knees and I couldn't quite understand why.
As I straighten out the sheets on the beds and do final sweeps of the rooms to make sure that everything is clean and organized I try to put my emotions into words.
The best that I can come up with is that I'm hormonal. I can't remember the last time I had a man hold me or experienced a real kiss. Not that I don't have the same desires and physical cravings as any other woman but finding a man that has been able to awaken those within me have been extremely rare. The almost inhumanly beautiful man in the front room had stirred me up; something I was not used to at all. Had the other two men been single I most certainly would have noticed them just as much as I had Edward. I repeated that over and over in my head, ignoring the part of my mind that was telling me that Edward was the only one I truly noticed and he would always be the only one I noticed.
Edward- the name fit him almost to a tee. It had an older, elegant sophistication that it carried with it and he carried it quite well. He seemed like a man that had just stepped out of a Jane Austen novel; aloof, sweet, tall, handsome, and with a set of morals and beliefs that would be unwaivering.
I stepped back into the front room quietly hoping to not disturb whatever family moment they might have been having at that point.
Both couples are standing and talking to each other. They laugh and shake their heads at different times putting on expressions to whatever is appropriate for the turn the conversation has taken. The simple scene tugged at a piece of my heart I hadn't realized I had. I had always been happy on my own, taking care of my mother. Seeing before me the very idea of siblings and being that close to people made me feel a type of loneliness I did not know I felt.
My eyes scan the room automatically not knowing what they are searching for until they land on a head of perfectly styled messy hair. His back is turned towards his family and he is studying a painting on the wall. He gives a few short answers whenever adressed but his focus never fully leaves the painting. Not until I begin to walk towards them and trip over the perfectly flat wood floor.
I stand up as quickly as I can and brush myself off more for something to focus on rather than being dirty. I know my face is red from my blushing and hearing the laughter is not helping.
"Are you ok? That was a pretty good spill, I'd give it an eight."
I look up into the face of the one introduced as Emmet and see his large smile and an arm outstretched towards me as if to keep me from falling again.
"Uh- yes I'm fine thank you. Keep watching me and I am sure that I can give you a solid ten before you leave here."
Making fun of myself was the one way I had learned to deflect the attention that my constant tripping had drawn to me.
"If the four of you will follow me I'll show you to your rooms upstairs," I turned to Edward who had stayed where he was although he had gone from looking at the painting to looking at me. "Your room is set up down here so if you'd like to wait down here and I'll be right down to show you to yours."
I took his small smile and nod of his head as a yes and turned toward the stairs.
"Your rooms aren't right next to each other. They are on either sides of the bathroom which is right here. There's a lock and a little privacy sign that you can put on the door so no one will bother you. Although it doesn't seem to be a problem for anyone. Most people spend their days shopping or hiking. Its a pretty private place. A breakfast buffet is served at 8am, we have everything from waffles to muffins. Dinner we serve at 6 and you're on your own for lunch. I'm always around so if there's anything you need help with just let me know."
"What if I want a shopping buddy?"
I turned to the small voice that could belong to no one else other than Alice.
"I'm sorry, what did you ask?"
"Rose here promised to have quality time with Emmet. Some nonsense about girl time getting in the way too much, Jasper has refused to go shopping with me for at least a month-"
"Alice the last time I went with you I had a shoe thrown at me."
"I was trying to work and all you did was make jokes and try to eat!"
"Sweetheart I hadn't eaten that day at all. And-" he said loudly cutting off anymore of her arguments. "It landed us in counseling. I have a scar from that incident and I'd rather not have to see a shrink once more. I would do anything else for you, but not that."
I stood amazed at how a few words and a simple touch from him could calm her down so completely. She turned to me calm but not completely satisfied.
"So you see I need someone to go out with me at least once this weekend. We are going to be great friends, just come out with me once and you'll see."
I smiled at her genuine enthusiasm. She didn't seem to mind what other people thought or wanted. She had exactly what they needed, or so she seemed to believe fervently.
"I'm sorry, even if I could get away I don't like shopping that much. I try to do it as little as possible. But I really can't get away this weekend. I have to stay close to the inn. Everyone started asking for time off because of Valentines day so I'm on my own."
"What about you? Don't you have someone to spend it with?"
"No, I'm a free agent. Not that I have time or energy in shopping around for guys. Most of them bore me." I look around the room and see four amused faces. Emmet and Rosalie have started unpacking even though they are listening to me and Alice and Jasper are staring at me caught between amusement and curiosity.
"And I have no idea why I just told you all of that. Ok well here are your room keys, I'm downstairs if you need anything, and I'm going to show your brother to his room now."
I walk out completely embarassed and ashamed of myself. I was supposed to be likeably professional not spilling out my inner most thoughts to guests. Even my mother was not that open.
Still berating myself I walked back into the front room and right into the one man that I could not shake from my mind.
"Are you alright?" His voice was so filled with concern and his eyes so deep and intense that I stood speechless for a moment.
"I'm fine, it happens all the time. I'm sorry, are you ok? I didn't hurt you did I?"
"Not at all," he said with a chuckle as if my frame would never be able to hurt him.
"Are you sure? I've created some major damage with my clumsiness," I say to him in a joking manner. Even though my concern if very real. I've gotten into some very bad scrapes because of my inability to stand upright.
The only thing that could make me anymore embarrassed then I have been since this family walked through the door would be to injure the one man that I have felt any spark towards for—well ever.
"I'm positive. No harm, no foul," he said smiling.
It had to be the first genuine smile that I've seen him make since he walked through the door. It lifted into a perfect crooked grin. One that said he was completely unaware of just how beautiful he was, and that he was slightly unsure of being here, alone with me. And somehow that knowledge was more comforting than anything else.
I honestly could not come up with reasoning for his uncertainty as I quickly ran through possible reasons in my head. Men became nervous around beautiful women, women that made their knees go weak and their mouths go dry. I had never been one of those women. Men always laughed and joke with me. Never once has one been so pulled to me that the only thing they could think of doing was to pull away.
"Well, like Alice asked me to do, I put your room down here. It's right down this hallway. Here's the bathroom, you'll pretty much have it all to yourself since most of the rooms are upstairs. You'll be sharing it with me, and maybe one other guest. I hope you don't mind." I knew I was babbling and yet I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to say something witty and clever. I wanted to desperately get him out of shell and open up to me. Have him speak to me about anything and everything. I wanted to know that I could make him laugh and get him to enjoy himself while he was around me. My mind, as it warred with itself over what to say could think of nothing like that. So I settle for giving him the two cent tour down the hallway.
I know that in my mind it isn't logical to love someone after quietly staring at them for twenty minutes. And I knew I wasn't really truly in love with the man following quietly behind me. What I did know was that I was already in love with the sound of his voice.
I knew that he could read anything to me, say anything to me, and I would swoon. He could tell me how hideously ugly, or plain I was, and I would smile with a dazed look in my eyes and readily agree.
"Here's your room. The rest of your family is upstairs on either side of the bathroom; the second and fourth door on your right as soon as you head up the stairs. I am two doors down if you need anything don't feel afraid to come and find me," I try to flash my friendliest smile to him so that he'll know I mean it.
I know that it is something that all hotels have their workers say to guests. It is a way to make the guests feel welcomed and like they are being taken care of like Hollywood starlets. In most instances I say it knowing that a guest will only come around when it is a major emergency. I say it this time fully hoping that he will indeed take me up on my offer whenever he feels like it.
I hear a whispered thank you after I finish my small speech and I stand there unconsciously, not knowing what I am waiting for, or if I am actually waiting for anything at all. Perhaps I am waiting for him to make an offer like his sister Alice did, or for him to ask me anything at all about myself like so many others do. But somehow I know that he won't. I know that he values the quiet moments, and the privacy that he can get when he's away from his siblings. He wants to be alone, at least that is how he looks; staring intently at his shoes not knowing exactly how to approach any other conversation with me.
"Well I'm sure that you're tired from your drive out here, I'll just leave you to unpack," I say awkwardly heading back out of his room.
I can see his mouth move up and down as if he's trying to make words come out and then an angry scowl. I can't tell why his change of mood had come about, but he seems lost in thought. So without another word I close his door and head back to the front. I still have about another hour before I turn in for bed. All the rules that my mother set up I still abide by. The front desk closes at ten at night; the kitchen closes at eight, no more dessert or finding any snacks. And I have always given myself off at least one day during the weekend. Except for this weekend, God I hate Valentine's Day. All the happy people with their boyfriends or girlfriends, holding hands and being absolutely smitten with each other. Even seeing older couples walk around as if they were just as in love with each other as the day that they met. It all turns my stomach and makes it erupt with nervous butterflies.
The holiday itself is superficial but I still want someone to love. I hadn't ever really given it too much thought. I always get a little blue around now, seeing others in love and not seeing it myself. But I had never got as depressed as I am right now. The thought of being alone my entire life had never entered my head. Somehow that's all that I can seem to think about right now.
Will I be forty by the time I marry? Will I have kids? Will I ever find someone who can make my heart stop and my knees weak? And as soon as I can see the questions in my mind, the answers play out just as quickly. I can see myself married soon enough to the man that is now two doors down probably sleeping. Our children would have his soul filled piercing green eyes, and the shocking bronze colored hair. They would inherit everything wonderful from their father and I would be even more in love with him than when we married. Every time that he turned and smiled I would become breathless and faint. He would quickly become my everything and I would welcome it with open arms.
I do not know how long I got wrapped up in my own thoughts and day dreams but I do know that is has not allowed me to sleep. Turning to the clock on my night stand I see that it is now one a.m. and I have been lying in bed for three hours with no luck of falling asleep. I sigh and throw the covers off my body. I am frustrated with myself for letting my mind get so wrapped up into thoughts that I know will never come to pass and also I can't fully tell where they came from. I had never been a big believer in marriage, seeing my parents divorced and struggling to meet all the bills and move on with their lives. Something that to this day still evades my father no matter how he tries to accomplish it. I've never thought myself the marriage type so to fantasize about it something that is beyond description to me.
In an attempt to calm myself enough to sleep I go to take a shower. I love these moments, the quiet of the night where I can feel like I am alone in my own house. I can see myself anywhere other than here and believe that I have dreams and aspirations for myself other than keeping my mother safe and happy.
Letting the hot water relax the knots in my back I sigh and keep my mind blank. Letting it wander back to the place where I see a future with Edward Cullen is useless and heartbreaking. I need to keep myself calm, not begin to think over the things I never knew I always wanted.
As I step out of the shower and dry myself off I listen to how quiet the house is. There is no movement from upstairs and I can't hear anything from Edward next door. I find that I like thinking his name even if I haven't found the courage to say it aloud.
Without over analyzing every thought in my mind I dry myself off and wrap my robe around me. I finally have enough self-control to stop the errant thoughts that have going through my head at warp speed all night.
After convincing my mind and body to finally relax all I want is to climb into my bed and sleep for the next six hours or so. Flinging open the bathroom door my eyes haven't adjusted to the darkness out in the hallway, but it doesn't bother me. I've wandered these halls enough to know where I am and where I'm going in the light or dark. Three steps into the hallway and I crash into a large hard object. My body recognizes him before my mind does as I instinctively wrap my hands around his biceps to keep myself from stumbling to the ground. And even though I ran into him because of the dark I am grateful that he cannot see me blush from embarrassment once again.
"I-I am so sorry. I didn't know you were there I thought everyone would be asleep I-"
"Its fine really. I didn't realize anyone would be up either. I had fallen asleep for a bit and woke up with a need for a snack. I was going to try and make a run for a quick burger or something. Although we do need to stop running into eachother, literally." He stopped speaking and looked down between us pointedly.
I stared for a quick moment before realizing that I was still wrapped around him. I cleared my throat in way of an apology. My throat had apparently swelled shut while I was staring into his eyes and memorizing just how wonderful he felt under my hands.
"Do you know of any places that are close by? Every store I know of is a bit of a drive that I am not really in the mood, or condition to make." He raised his eyebrows and stared at me.
I know he is waiting for an answer, he is tired and hungry and still clutching onto me. I mentally berate myself for making myself seem like a blundering idiot.
Great, the most gorgeous man you have ever seen and you can't string together two words.
"Bella?"
The sound of my name and the tone of Edwards voice break me out of my daze.
"There isn't anywhere decent around without a bit of a drive. But I'm a little hungry myself, would you like to have a little snack with me?"
"Isn't the kitchen long since closed?" He teases me. The light tone of his voice is light and airy and feels like a fresh cool breeze against my stale existence.
"It is only closed if you aren't in with the owner. Since I've bulldozed into you twice I think it only fair that you get something in return." My body is screaming for sleep but I can't help but to find a way to spend time with this man. I'll be exhausted tomorrow but I know that Mike and Angela are covering breakfast and I can at least sleep in a little bit. Even if I couldn't, I would still take this time. The man is irresistable to me, there is no denying it.
"Well how could I possibly turn down an offer like that?"
I smile and finally straighten myself up and out of his arms immediately missing the contact. "I'll just put my stuff in my room and we'll get something to eat." I smile and head towards my bedroom. "Meet you in the kitchen."