Lolita Master Tenshi San Mon Juan
Chapter 1
The Beginning of the End
Angelo Mon Juan was born and raised in New York, where his parents owned and ran a mediocre pizzeria. His mom, Paola Ramona Copernicus Fettuccine Alfredo Faghetaboughteit Paisano was an Italian lady who moved to New York from Sicily in her late twenties, at which time she met his dad, Carlos Mencia Roberto Ramirez Tortilla Food Stamps Juan, who moved to New York from Guadalajara at the age of sixteen, and at the time they met (when he was in his late twenties), owned a local pizzeria. The two proceeded to get married at a pizza pasta yellow-taxi gondola pinky ring and spaghetti convention. Nine months later their wonderful Italiano Mexicano half breed child was born into a world that would never accept him, but that unknowingly would need him in their darkest hour.
Lolita Master Tenshi San Mon Juan
Chapter 2
The Power of Weeaboo Power Flowers
Angelo, now in his late teens is very much interested in anime, manga, and all things supa kawaii and Japanese. He has never liked his baka gaijin name Angelo, it was not KAIWAIIKI or JAPONESE at ALL!!!!!!!!! It didn't sound like ANY J-pop artist or anime character (well, maybe a little, it sounded like the name of a character that a manga would ad if the ratings weren't high enough, or a filler character, but he didn't swing that way so the whole name in general was bad for him). He changed his name to Tenshi, it was like the Japanese word for angel or some shit. Tenshi san spent hours a day chatting with his best friend Weeaboo Stu on anime streaming website chat boxes while watching his favorite anime RAW, WITH NOOOO SUBTITLES CAUSE HE WAS HARDCORE JAPANESE!!!!!!! They would talk about Japan and Japan accessories. Tenshi san had never been to Japan before, but Weeaboo Stu was there once, around the time of the Naruto Merchandise Incident in Akihabara about thee years back. Tenshi san didn't care one bit about that though because he never really liked Naruto ;_; He never thought it was (especially now that the story was like a bad fanfiction), and that it was an insult to good anime that he liked like Cowboy Bebop and Akira, you know, the ones that were being made live action by Hollywood? They talked about that too, it made them RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, one thing that Weeaboo Stu said made Tenshi san really curious, it was about the Weeaboo Power Flowers that were being shipped to New York and would arrive within a few hours when the sun came up (btw Tenshi san and Weeaboo Stu don't sleep, it interferes with anime and replaying Shin Megami Tensei games over and over again on expert mode!). Tenshi san had always thought that the Weeaboo Power Flowers were a myth, the flower itself, as the name vaguely implies, gives whomever eats it the power to deflower any loli in Japan!!!!!!!!!!!! This excited Tenshi san vigorously for he was still a virgin (it wasn't because he couldn't get girls, there were countless baka gaijin newfag weeaboo yaoi fangirls in New York, it was because NONE OF THEM WERE LOLITA OR JAPANESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111one11111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!!!!!!1111111111!!!!SHIFTONE). This was perfect because Tenshi san had been saving up money for years to go to Japan, and Weeaboo Stu was in town, so they would go get the flowers and then fly to Japan ASAP, nothing could stop them! Or so he thought.
Lolita Master Tenshi San Mon Juan
Chapter 3
Montezuma Puma
Tenshi san was so excited, and he just couldn't hide it, he was about to lose control, and he though he liked it! He put on his Parappa the Rapper beanie and his ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH T-shirt (it was his favorite T-shirt even though he knew that in Japan it was actually "RAW RAW FIGHT THE POWA") He grabbed his knapsack containing a thumb drive with all his loli fap material and all of his favorite games and a memory card. He looked back and said his goodbyes to the shop.
"Goodbye dumb ol' baka gaijin parents and goodbye to your gaijin food!"
With that, he was off forever.
Tenshi san was thinking about the thing he would miss the least, and after juggling it around in his head for a minute he knew it would be that Zoobooks commercial, he thought after like 10 years they'd stop frequently showing it, but again, he'd be wrong. Purging the announcer telling him of the great deal he would be getting ordering Zoobooks from his head, he carried on. He finally arrived at the museum and saw Weeaboo Stu, the two then greeted with their super secret Otaku Maku Haku The Rock-u greeting. "THREE NEW RARE JAPANESE FLOWERS, ONE NIGHT ONLY, COME SEE THEM NOW!!!" Tenshi san compared the Museums banner to the title on an item on ebay, all caps and flaunting around the word "RARE", but in this case, it really was rare, there were only four in the world to begin with, two of them were stolen by the loli pimpgod back in 95, one of which he ate, the other one is he had is rumored to have been given to Kawaii Waffle Chan, that guy who stole all of that Naruto Merchandise and blew up that Zeppelin three years ago, he lives with his parents now and draws manga half the day and bangs his loli sisters the other half, what a douche bag! Anyway, there they were, the last two Weeaboo Power Flowers, two of them, one for Tenshi san, and one for Weeaboo Stu. Tenshi san knew that most people there didn't even know what Weeaboo or even Lolita meant, that made him ANGRY, so many baka gaijins in one room together admiring something they didn't understand as the greatest triumph of nature EVER! It was time to make their move, Tenshi san didn't really have a plan, he was going to yell "FIRE!!!" and see where things went from there, but something unexpected happened, someone ripped their shirt off in a swift and sexy motion to reveal bombs, instant chaos! "Who would do something so swift and sexy?", Weeaboo Stu remarked. Tenshi san recognized the perpetrator, it was none other than Montezuma Puma, he was famous on the interwebz, he did something wacky on camera and posted it on 4chan and became a real cool guy who didn't afraid of anything! Some would say he was football team., and now he was trying to steal the weeaboo power flowers, all Tenshi san could think was "Bitch gotta go!"
Lolita Master Tenshi San Mon Juan
Chapter 4
Bitch Gotta Go!
What was Tenshi san going to do? Aha! This guy obviously wasn't going to blow himself up if he wanted some hot loli tale, or at least money from some guy (or girl) who wanted hot loli tail, plus the bombs were paper mache! At the moment that Montezuma Puma grabbed the flowers, so did Tenshi, he then declared a Xia Lin Showdown!!!!! This of course was to distract him while Weeaboo Stu knelled down behind him so Tenshi san could push him. Tenshi san then grabbed the flowers and they made like a Loli's legs and split!
Lolita Master Tenshi San Mon Juan
Chapter 5
The Oath of the Loli Master
Tenshi san and Weeaboo Stu had never felt so safe on a plane, away from the danger of Internet celebrities getting in the way of their sweet tasty unsoiled loli cherry. The Stewardess came by, she was azn and smokin' hot. Tenshi san almost shat his pants! But Weeaboo Stu nudged him, they couldn't think about that right now, they had something a lot more intense and earth shattering to think about. Grown laddies have their place, they thought, with their curves and large breasts, but a loli has years to gain those features, and in the mean time, their bodies are supple and petite, unsoiled and *unf* *unf* *unf* it was too much to think of, their hearts couldn't take it, they'd cross the actual bridge when they came to it, but for now they had to get to Japan, get some heart pills, then loli fuck time. They put the weeaboo power flowers in their martinis and made a toast. Right before they drank their old lives away in order to start their new lives as Loli Masters, Weeaboo Stu uttered these words,
He said "Lets recite the oath of the Loli Master, I'm not really sure how it goes, but it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete when I wore a younger mans clothes."
They then drank the faggy drinks and had two simultaneous orgasms that lasted eight seconds.
Lolita Master Tenshi San Mon Juan
Chapter 6
Japan Man Tenshi San Mon Juan (Featuring Weeaboo Stu)
Tenshi san and Weeaboo Stu very much liked their supa supa kawaii hotel, what they didn't very much like was that it was a supa supa kawaii capsule that they had to share... they looked like total sodomites entering the thing together, they thought that closing the blind would solve the problem, but it only made them look more faggy. They had to find some form of income before they could afford a cool extra Japanese home. Fucking loli's is great, but it doesn't put bread on the heating table. (^____________^);;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; "How do I made money in Japan??? ¯\(ºдಠ)/¯" They simultaneously asked, when out of the blue, an annoying commercial came on the overhead TV. "YOU WANT MAKE MONEY!?!!!??". For some reason it was in English. "YOU WANT BE RICH AND GET MANY MONEY??????? IT SIMPLE!!! JUST COME DOWN TO AKIHABARA SATURDAY, YOU MAKE MONEY PLAY TAIKO DRUM MASTER, EVEN BAKA GAIJIN ELIGABLE TO ENTER!!!!!!!! GREAT DEAL!!! VERY GOOD!! YOU WIN FIVE HUNDRED MIRRION YEN!". "How conveniently placed!!" Tenshi san remarked. All Weeaboo Stu could think of was those insta-fap loli posters in the bathroom. Weeaboo Stu excused himself to the W.C. (thats what a bathroom is called in Japan!). Tenshi san took the opportunity to fap to the thought of loli sisters doing it in the shower, only he forgot to close the capsule door, so one of the maids saw him in all his glory. This wasn't one of the cool maids in the cafes, this was an older women. This strangely aroused Tenshi san, so he continued his business even though she was still there. The maid stood and watched the whole time.
Lolita Master Tenshi San Mon Juan
Chapter 7
Killing Time, Their Last Day of Being Poor
Tenshi san woke up with a wet feeling on his Mexitalian junk, mostly because he woe up next to the maid from last night. "Oh no, an older women!!! Oh well, it's better than sleeping next to Weeaboo Stu" he thought. "Speaking of which, where was Weeaboo Stu? Oh well, I better check out of the hotel, let me just grab Weeaboo Stu's stuff" He reached for Weeaboo Stu's bag, but instead grabbed onto a naked sleeping loli. "Oh god, what did I do last night!?" He put what clothes he could muster up on the loli, then swung his and Weeaboo Stu's bags over one arm, and swung the loli over his other. He knew the maid would get in trouble for sleeping naked in a vacant capsule, but she would have gotten in more trouble if he lest the loli there. On his way out he met up with Weeaboo Stu. "where were you you ass hole?" Tenshi san asked. "Oh, I fell asleep in the bathroom after I climaxed.". "Oh, okay then, lets go".
Fun Fact:
It's not the mans fault he falls asleep after sex, he just gets really sleepy due to the change in his genetic system after climax. He is not avoiding intimacy, so getting mad at him will just make you a bitch.
Tenshi san and Weeaboo Stu stopped at a ramen shop. Tenshi san ordered beef with various other Japanese things in it. Weeaboo Stu wasn't hungry though, he had a huge meal that morning with the hotel owner while Tenshi san was getting it on with that maid and the random loli which the duo must have left at the hotel cause she apparently wasn't with them any more. "dammit!" Weeaboo Stu remarked. "I never even had a turn with her!" Tenshi san had a fish cake stuck to his face (you know, those round things with the swirl in the middle? I think it's called Naruto in Japan. As clichéd as it made him look, it gave him a warm feeling inside). "so what should we do on the last day of us being poor?" Tenshi san asked, fish cake on face. If this was Persona 4 they could just do a social link, or fight some TV monsters to pass the time, but this was the real world (;_;). "we could watch anime" Weeaboo Stu remarked. "no, we can do that any day, I think we should practice Taiko Drum Master so we can do our very best in the competition" "great, lets get a move on!". Tenshi san very much wanted to fuck some loli's, watch his favorite anime, read some manga, and marvel at the wonderful sights in japan, but they had a mission. All Tenshi san could think of was if guys would fap in movie theaters if there was an X-rated movie showing. What's the point of porn if you can't fap to it? I mean, you could, but it would be very awkward, almost like a circle jerk, except everyone is in rows. Forgetting that awful thought, Tenshi san bought enough points or time cards or whatever the fuck kind of thing they use in Japanese arcades to last till tomorrow when everyone has to leave so the judges and stuff can prepare, one hour before the preliminaries. They were gonna play Taiko Drum Master all night to hone their skill perfectly, Then after they were rich could they fuck loli and enjoy life in Japan.
Lolita Master Tenshi San Mon Juan
Chapter 8
The Next Day
The next day, Tenshi san and Weeaboo Stu were utterly exhausted. They took a break for the first time in 34 hours of intense Taiko Drum Master gameplay Just as well too, they were just about to close the arcade to prepare for the contest. They didn't feel like moving, bu they knew if they didn't they'd be all stiff when the competition came around. What to do for one hour?
One loli gang bang later, Tenshi san and Weeaboo Stu were walking back to the arcade with a shameful feeling (they did the whole group thing to see if it would be weird with to guys, it was, extremely). Sure that they would never talk about it again, the two got their numbers and waited. The two knew that there was a chance that they would meet up in the end, and at that time they would give it their all, like in that one episode of Yu-Gi-Oh! Even though they only met yesterday, Tenshi san felt they had a bond so strong, they could overcome any challenge.
Lolita Master Tenshi San Mon Juan
Chapter 9
Taiko Drum Masturbation Ex Dee Dee Dee Dee Dee
Tenshi san blazed right past hundreds of contestants, Japanese and baka gaijin, men women and children. The crowd of watchers was in awe that this gaijin man was so great at this simple yet complex game, fans were cheering, guys were posting about it on 2ch, loli's were throwing their panties at him, he was unstoppable! Same goes for Weeaboo Stu, even more so because he mastered a special technique where he summons the gods to drum for him while he pleasures himself and cums PURE ENERGY!!! (for which he got the title Taiko Cummer) After half the crowd was covered in pure energy jizz, Weeaboo Stu had made it to the finals, and Tenshi san just had one more opponent, who could it be you ask? Montezuma Puma of course. Tenshi suddenly felt a strong pain in his chest. You remember that wacky thing Montezuma Puma did that he became football team for? Montezuma Puma, also known as Taiko Bum Master opened up a cosmic goatsee with the power emanating from his pure skill just to challenge the god of Taiko Drums to a game of Taiko Drum Master, Montezuma Puma kicked his ass and became the new god of Taiko Drums. There was no way Tenshi san could win this. The Lolita Master Tenshi San Mon Juan, was he really worthy of the title? All hope was lost for him, Tenshi san could feel his life slipping away—just as Tenshi san was thinking all of this Montezuma Puma took the opportunity to sodomize Tenshi san and just as fast as he did it he disappeared into the shadows. Tenshi san felt hurt, ashamed, and kinda like he just took backwards. But then he thought, "I can finally face off against my old pal Weeab—I mean, Taiko Cummer" and with his amazing ability to brush things off and purge things from his memory, he humming "Carry On Wayward Son" and with a skip in his step, pulling up his pants, strolled on contently over to face off against His fellow Lolita Master.
Lolita Master Tenshi San Mon Juan
Chapter 10
Lolita Master Tenshi San vs Lolita Master Taiko Cummer
Just as Tenshi san was sure that Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt were in some other time period trying to kill Adolf Hitler, he was sure that this battle would be one of epic proportions, Taiko Cummer questioned how he could just forget about what just happened, but then he remembered how that guy raped Tenshi san when he went tothe bathroom before they started training for the contest and how he managed to forget about that. The buzzer sounded, 3...2...1...BZZZZZ. A hushed silence befell everyone.......
~Zankoku na tenshi no you ni...
shounen yo shinwa ni nare.~
This was it.......
~aoi kaze ga ima
mune no doa wo tataite mo
watashi dake wo tada mitsumete
hohoenderu anata~
By this time in the song Taiko Cummer had already summoned the gods to play for him and the had already grabbed hold.
~sotto fureru mono
motomeru koto ni muchuu de
unmei sae mada shiranai
itaikena hitomi~
Tenshi san was barely holding on, he hit every note perfectly but somehow he felt that Taiko Cummer's perfect's counted more than his
~dakedo itsuka kizuku deshou
sono senaka ni wa
haruka mirai mezasu tameno
hanega ga arukoto~
Just because Tenshi san didn't have some awesome technique didn't mean he wasn't just as good! Just because he didn't flip around his drum sticks didn't make his hits any less precise.
~zankoku na tenshi no te-ze
madobe kara yagate tobitatsu
hotobashiru atsui patosu de
omoide wo uragiru nara
kono sora wo daite kagayaku
shounen yo shinwa ni nare~
Tenshi san was lagging, not in hits but in flare, if this was a Pokemon super contest he would be losing.
~zutto nemutteru
watashi no ai no yurikago
anata dake ga yume no shisha ni
yobareru asa ga kuru~
Tenshi san was becoming more and more persistent by the second.
~hosoi kubisuji wo
tsukiakari ga utsushiteru
sekaijuu no toki wo tomete
tojikometai kedo~
He started beating the drums more furiously than even the gods themselves.
~moshimo futari aeta koto ni
imi ga aru nara
watashi wa sou
jiyuu wo shiru tame no baiburu~
the gods retaliated by beating the drums so hard, the machine started breaking.
~zankoku na tenshi no te-ze
kanashimi ga soshite hajimaru
dakishimeta inochi no katachi
sono yume ni mezameta toki
dare yori mo hikari wo hanatsu
shounen yo shinwa ni nare~
VITAL SPIRIT! Tenshi san's drum sticks themselves broke into little pieces until he was forced to use his bare hands!
~hito wa ai wo tsumugi nagara
rekishi wo tsukuru
megami nante narenai mama
watashi wa ikiru~
Taiko Cummer was feeling confident, he was funally rearing up to the point where his hand motions could become more and more violent, so he would climax right at the climax of the song itself!!
~zankoku na tenshi no te-ze
madobe kara yagate tobitatsu
hotobashiru atsui patosu de
omoide wo uragiru nara
kono sora wo daite kagayaku--
But just then, something amazing happened. Taiko Cummer looked at Tenshi san (which was kind of weird considering we was beating the rook), and he could see something, something he hadn't seen in three years or so. The look in Tenshi sans eyes was the exact same he saw in Kawaii Waffle Chan's right before he blew the old Taiko Cummer—Weeaboo Stu's—zeppelin out of the sky and took that Sasuke plushie to the loli pimpgod, just then the gods beating the drums lost their will to go on, at that moment, Taiko Cummer came the biggest, brightest, and most powerful beam of energy ever seen by mortal eyes which shot right over Tenshi sans head while he hit the last beats perfectly, while the gods on Taiko Cummer's side, missed the last one completely.
--shounen yo shinwa ni nare~
Lolita Master Tenshi San Mon Juan
Final Chapter
Epilogue, The End of the End
Tenshi san and Taiko Cummer, formerly known as Weeaboo Stu, formerly known as Stewart Webelo Goldenstein now live in a house built in the tallest cherry blossom tree in Japan, The Pink Executive, overlooking all of wherever the hell Akihabara is in Japan. They fuck even more loli a day than the great Kawaii Waffle Chan himself, they own all of their favorite games, manga, anime, computer shit, Japanese shit, and propane and propane accessories. They make extra money by selling used loli panties lying around their house. The whereabouts of The Taiko Bum master Montezuma Puma are currently unknown, probably fucking some shota somewhere, what a playa!
The End
(until whatever happens next happens)