The Pull
Disclaimer:
A/N: the summary is from "Under Ground Hotel", a yaoi manga that can be found on mangafox. It's explicit, but it's got a decent plot and all.
Summary: There are some things you just can't resist. The apple has always wanted to kiss the earth, and gravity wouldn't take no for an answer.
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Crunch.
Apples in the shinigami world taste like that stuff you call cardboard.
Apples in the human realm? They taste juicy. They taste like what I'd imagine the sky would taste like if I could take a bite out of it.
Light tells me that a man discovered the force that keeps humans tied to the ground by sitting under an apple tree. He thinks highly of that Newton person.
I'd be a little jealous, if Newton wasn't a few centuries dead.
The shocked expression on your face speaks volumes on your knowledge of me. Of course I fell in love with Light. The obsession, the charisma, the utter insanity. The boy thought he could be God. I was drawn to his intensity like a moth to a flame.
Or an apple to the earth.
000
Light is absolutely caught up in whatever he does. Each moment is lived out with a quietly flaming passion. The outwardly calm mask conceals a cauldron of bubbling emotions.
When I'm alone with him in his room, it's that cauldron that shows up on his face. Excitement over the Note, worry that he'll be caught, pride at his own genius, happiness because he believes what he's doing is actually good.
It's a pity, what'll happen to him.
I can see his days running out over his head. It's not long enough for his dreams to come true. I guess that old saw, about shinigami infecting people with bad luck—I guess it's true.
I wish it wasn't.
I wish I could tell him this mad feeling in my chest. I wish I could hold him properly. I wish he was a death god. I wish I was human. I wish we were possible.
Hey, if wishes were fishes, there'd be no room in the river for water.
000
My Light. My light. My stupid genius. My clever idiot. Some days I can't quite believe I love him. But I see Rem, and she talks about Misa the same way I talk about Light. It's love. It's gotta be love. For all the crap you humans believe about it, I can't believe that this is the sensation that molds so many of your fates. I expected it to feel a lot more dangerous. I thought if I ever fell in love, I'd fear for my life.
I don't want to go the way of Gelus. I don't want to die for Light. I want to live for him, live with him.
I want to kiss him.
It's inconceivable, of course, that he'd ever even consider it. But it doesn't dull my desire.
000
Light. He's so young. And already, his life force is dribbling away. Days slide by. Ryuuzaki's days slide by even faster than Light's, until he's dead—killed by Rem. There's a hollow ache over my chest. Rem killed herself so that Misa would be a little bit happier.
I'm nervous. Rem never showed signs of being as weak as Gelus. What if love's a sort of poison that bends you to its will at the last moment? What if I die for Light?
He watches the television screen, and I watch him.
"It won't be long now, Ryuuk," he says, "Are you happy with the entertainment I'm providing you?"
"Heh. You humans are just fascinating."
That half-smile, sinister. He only ever half smiles, because he's only ever half thinking about what's at hand. He's changed, in that way—always, always, his mind is wandering. I can feel it. And his eyes—they've changed too. They've seen a lot of death. They've gotten a lot sharper.
The apple is straining at its bough. The earth sings to it softly.
Do I still love him? Is this still Light?
Yes to the first. Maybe to the second.
"Glad you're not regretting your decision," he murmurs, "Your decision to let the Note fall."
"I've never had to regret that decision," I tell him.
And it's true. Sometimes this love thing hurts, because he so clearly has no room in life for anyone but himself, but I've never regretted my decision. I've never been bored since I came to the human realm.
The apple breaks free. The earth opens its arms for it.
000
His days slip by even faster. Something's gone wrong with his plan, something's come up unexpectedly—several someones, actually—and it shows in his eyes.
They're sharper than ever, and for the first time I see a shard of hatred in them.
Do I still love him?
Yes.
Is this still Light?
No.
This is Kira. But somewhere, tucked deep within the folds of his Armani suits, there's the boy I gave a Death Note to, and the boy that I fell in love with. That's why I hang around—that, and let's face it, he kept his promise. There always is entertainment.
The apple reaches the earth. But the earth turns it away. Its just a game. Gravity works on every apple there ever was.
The earth can't kiss back.
Humans are just so fascinating.
000
His days. They're over. I hover as he walks into the warehouse, where Near waits. I don't know what to do. A part of me—yes, that poisonous part of me—wants to take the note from Mikami and write the names of everyone in that warehouse, everyone in the world, every human that can stop Light's breath. But the vast majority of me fights the urge.
I will not go the way of Gelus and Rem.
They were weak. I am strong.
Light's plan is going horribly awry. He's getting desperate. His companions are getting uncomfortable.
I've heard a bit about this 'heart of hearts' that humans have. I think it's crap, but maybe within this heart, L's men knew Light was Kira all along?
He's turning to me. I'm falling into him. I can't stop myself. I have to stop myself.
"Help me."
"Yeah. I'll help."
My eyes glow with indecision, my mouth twists into a tortured grin. I write a name down in the Note.
Yagami Light.
I'm sorry, Light.
Heart attack.
I want to live more than I want you to live.
000
Looking back, I see it. The way I fell for him. It really was like an apple falling to the earth. I always wanted to kiss him. And his gravity drew me in, drew me close.
But in the end, I chose myself over him. I escaped—or did I trap myself? Because it feels like a piece of Light, a piece of his half smile is still in my heart, lodged painfully there for the rest of eternity.
A piece of a half smile.
It must be really small.
And yet, it's the bane of my existence.
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Ryuuk/Light. …Well, I suppose I should've seen this coming. XD