A/N: So, you know how some authors post miscellaneous plot bunnies they find in a little side project of their own? This is such a project, but canines eat rabbits and these are free to expand upon, so I would like to welcome you to…

Turbowolf's Hunting Grounds

Opened to the public this November 15th, 2018, as per Lease 00-000 of [Error 404: Item not found]:

Plots found in the following passages are declared free for adoption in Open Season for anyone who:

Credits the Leaser, Turbowolf, in their title on their trophy

PMs Turbowolf to read and enjoy enforce local game laws

may replace title Names the bunny

XD

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT own Fairy Tail. That right belongs to Hiro Mashima, the lucky bastard. I don't make any sort of money off of this, and only own what/who I come up with.

Laxus is a Dick, for EarthDragonArnighte's challenge:

X784, Fairy Tail Guildhall—Battle of Fairy Tail

"Fine," master Makarov sighed.

"Come again, Master?" Mirajane asked, disbelief in her blue eyes.

"I'm too damn old to keep running this guild, and I'd rather fail to deal with Laxus than something deadly," the old guildmaster explained, walking towards the lacrima that would broadcast his abdication across Magnolia.

"But master!" Natsu protested, "He'll kick out half the guild!"

"I don't want to be abandoned again," Gajeel muttered.

"I know that, brats!" Makarov yelled, "But none of us can leave and nobody out there can stand up to him!"

In Kardia Cathedral

"Listen up, Brats!" rang Makarov's voice through the air, given a metallic note by the amplification magic.

"Alright," Laxus smirked, walking out of the church.

"I, Makarov Dreyar, hereby relinquish the Fairy Tail mastership to my—," the old man's voice was interrupted by the crackle of radio static.

"Heh, good thing Fried cut out swearing from that thing's vocabulary," the lightning Dragonslayer snorted, his smirk growing.

"—good-for-nothing grandson, Laxus Dreyar," the former Fairy Tail Guildmaster finished.

Lightning split the sky and struck Laxus, who disappeared into it.

In the Fairy Tail Guildhall

Lightning split the sky and struck the hall, and Laxus appeared from it.

"I gave you what you wanted, Laxus, now let them go," the elder Dreyar ordered.

"I wouldn't be ordering your new master around, Gramps," the younger Dreyar sneered, "Evergreen will get here when she gets here. In the meantime, I have a list to show everybody."

"Get him!" shouted Natsu as he and Gajeel leapt from their hiding places, Natsu's fist alight and Gajeel's hand turned to iron. Laxus teleported with electricity, and the two first-generation dragonslayers punched each other instead.

"Why you little—" Gajeel started.

"That was all your fault!" Natsu accused, silencing Gajeel with his other fist. The two younger dragonslayers were soon embroiled in a brawl while Laxus chuckled at their antics.

"Oh yes!" Laxus realized, "The list!" he exclaimed, reaching into his pants pocket and producing a wad of paper. He uncrumpled it to reveal that it was two sheets full of names. "I'll tack it up to the request board," he decided, marching over to the paper-filled corkboard and pinning it right in the middle. He felt a magical pressure to his right and turned to see Mirajane in her Demon takeover, charging a dark ball of magical energy.

"You aren't the master," Mirajane growled, voice deep and guttural.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Mira. It would be a shame if I were to break one of those nice, petrified girls," Laxus threatened in a deceptively calm voice.

"You wouldn't," Mirajane gasped, lowering her magic ball ever so slightly.

"What can I say?" Laxus shrugged, an evil smirk growing across his face, "Dragonslayers are known for their, ah collateral damage."

Mirajane, the feared—but out of practice— She-Devil of Fairy Tail, gave a defeated sigh and visibly deflated. Her takeover dispelled in a flash of magic, and she slumped into the nearest table. "Now what?" she growled into the wooden surface.

"We wait," Laxus replied, beaming at the guildhall like a kid in a candy shop.

An hour or so later

Alzack limped into Fairy Tail, rubbing the bruises Fried had given him, and blended into the mob of mages Laxus was standing before. The rune mage had apparently beaten him back because he stood on the stage with the rest of the Thunder Legion. He didn't see the elder Dreyar. The murmuring of the whole guild blended into an uproarious racket that seemed to be angering the new master.

"Alzack!" cried a green-haired sharpshooter, cried, and the quickdraw mage couldn't believe his eyes as Bisca Mulan brought him in for a kiss.

That final shout seemed to have done it for the Lightning Dragonslayer, who now had an angered vein bulging across his forehead. "EVERYBODY SHUDDUP!" he yelled, and thunder boomed.

Nobody made a noise after the thunderclap faded to silence.

"As you may have heard, I am now your new master," Laxus announced, "and as such, I am making changes. I have compiled a list of mages who have shown chronic underperformance, and will be culled to preserve the strength of our once-mighty guild!" Only the Thunder Legion cheered the electricity mage's attempt to garner support, and a scowl overtook Laxus's features. "Anyone whose name I call has twenty-four hours to pack their things, remove their guildmark, and leave."

Laxus cleared his throat before continuing. "Macao Conbolt, Cana Alberona, Elfman Strauss, Juvia Lockser, Levy McGarden, Happy, Lucy Heartfilia, Jet and Droy, Gajeel Redfox, Alzack Connell, Bisca Mulan, Laki Olietta, Max Alors, Nab Lasaro, Reedus Jonah, Vijeeter Ecor, Warren Rocko, Wakaba Mine, Chico Hammitt, Joey Fullborn, Krov, Niggy, and Mikuni Shin."

A cacophony of protests rose from the guild members and evictees alike, easily triple the previous volume. Shouts of "But this is our home!" and "Fuck you, Laxus!" filled the air.

A bolt of lightning struck the middle of the mob, and everyone shut up and moved to reveal that Laxus had fried Max. "Out," the Dreyar growled, and the other evictees vanished in a cloud of dust.

The next day

Lucy sighed into her strawberry milkshake. It was the last one she would drink in the Fairy Tail guildhall, and that made it a bittersweet memory. "I'm going to miss this," she mumbled to nobody in particular.

A familiar backpack slammed onto the bar next to her, and Lucy jumped in surprise. "You ready to look for a new guild, Lucy?" Natsu asked, hopping onto a barstool.

"Actually, I thought I'd just get a normal job. Maybe a reporter or something," Lucy blandly replied, staring into her milkshake with none of her usual confidence.

"I can't work for a newspaper!" Natsu cried, "You can't be telling me all my research was for nothing!" he shook Lucy, rivers of tears flowing down his face.

"Whoa, Natsu!" Lucy yelled, getting the dragonslayer to release her, "What are you talking about? Laxus said you can stay,"

"Laxus gutted this guild," Natsu declared, scowl evident in his voice, "We're gonna go to Lamia Scale because they're accepting mages."

"Yeah, Lyon's master promised me a job if I ever tire of Fairy Tail," Gray added, sidling up to Lucy's left, "Apparently mages of our reputation are in high demand."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Lucy asked, her attitude performing a 180, "To a new Fairy Tail!"

Natsu gave his biggest, most infectious smile, and Lucy couldn't help but smile too.