A/N
First, let me say a HUGE thanks to all my readers who have been so patient with me as I get these outtakes done. I know it's been months since I promised, but here it is. Hope you like!
Second, Thanks to my Beta BlackJackLily – who I am deeply indebted to for all of her hard work on all of my stories. She rocks my world.
Third – I have quite a few stories that are out in contests and will be posting them once the contests have closed. So if you want to read more of my stuff - click author alert or follow me on Twitter at mcgt2008.
Last – I have a fic in the Lady in Red Contest open for voting now. Please go, read & vote for your favorite. Link is in my profile. I'm also submitting one to the Behind the Lyrics Contest, so if/when you see voting open for that – please read & vote for that too.
Outtake #1 - A Picture's worth 1000 Words
Senior Class Picture Day – Forks High School
"Alright, Edward, once we finish with the superlatives, can you go take some candids in the gym while we're waiting for Eric to set his equipment up?" Angela directed me as I finished shooting the last couple of the day.
"Trevor, can you tip your head down just a bit?" I asked the winner of Forks' Best Looking superlative for our year. He also happened to be captain of the varsity soccer team and was the bane of my existence. For some reason he hated my guts. I wasn't sure why, but he and his buddies were constantly giving me grief.
"Got what you need, Cullen? Your lazy eye is making me a little ill." He sneered, while Ashley, his best looking female counterpart, just snickered next to him. I don't have a lazy eye, it's the reflection in my glasses that makes me look like that, I thought angrily, grimacing at the happy couple.
"If you want to look like shit in the yearbook that's fine with me, otherwise, tilt your chin down and close your mouth," I sniped back at him, knowing that the retribution I would eventually receive would probably be unprecedented.
Quickly taking the last few shots I needed, I stalked out the room and headed for the gym, hopefully before Trevor could catch up and probably shove me into a locker or something.
I felt myself falling quickly to the ground as I was pushed from behind. "Have a nice fall, Cullen. You little fuck. I better look spectacular in the yearbook or your ass will be smeared all over this hallway." He nudged me in the back with his foot forcefully to make his point as he walked past my prone form.
"Edward, are you okay?" a quiet voice behind me asked as I was trying to right myself while picking up the camera that went skidding across the linoleum floor.
"Oh, um… yeah. I'm fine, thanks." She held out her dainty hand out to help me up. My embarrassment was palpable as I felt my cheeks and ears heat up. The look of pity in her eyes made me want to crawl into a hole and die.
Turning on heel I walked quickly to the gym, giving the girl of my dreams a quick nod and leaving her alone in the hallway.
Could my luck be any worse than having Isabella Swan see me laid out in the middle of the hall? I doubted it at this point and was fuming by the time I made it to the gym. I was pissed that I was the outsider in this tiny ass school. I wasn't popular, but I wasn't really a geek either. At least I didn't think I was. My only real friend was Ben, who was in charge of sports and advertising for the yearbook. We worked a lot together when I had to shoot photos of the various school sporting events. We didn't hang out a lot, but we ate lunch at the same table along with some other people who were on the yearbook staff. They were all pretty nice, but between school, yearbook, Jazz band, and my Seattle Youth Symphony rehearsals, I didn't have a lot of time to be social.
The gym was filled with Forks' 2003 graduating class, all ninety-four of us, give or take a few. I started wandering around and shooting candids of the various cliques standing around. My anger started waning after a few minutes when I noticed Bella hanging out with a group of four of her girlfriends, all talking excitedly about something. My lens was drawn towards her long, mahogany locks that were framing her delicate face. I snapped picture after picture of her smiling and laughing with them. I saw Lauren stalk over to the group and no doubt said something snarky as the group all had frowns now lacing their previously happy faces.
Fucking Lauren… Although I thought it was funny that she won the underground superlative, person most likely to end up a porn star. The underground superlatives were far more amusing than the standard ones that were going to be presented in the yearbook: Most likely to pose for Playboy, best rack, most likely to end up in jail for embezzlement, least likely to succeed, worst hair, most frightful use of makeup, most likely to end up a hacker, geek most likely to marry a model because of being a millionaire, and my favorite, most likely to end up in rehab before they're twenty-one. Although I probably only really liked it because Trevor had won that illustrious category.
"Edward?"
"Oh hey, Eric. What's up?"
"Can you help me with this? I want to go do a light check and the natives are getting restless…" he asked, setting down a large camera bag and tripod while he took the light meter and walked off, not waiting for my response.
I watched the crowd of seniors as they milled about, trying to find seats in the bleachers next to their friends as I set the tripod and camera up. Eric walked back, thanking me for my help before nodding and telling me to go and join my class for the picture.
Looking around I saw all the cliques sitting in little bunches. Trevor and his soccer cronies were all huddled together, surely plotting their next deviant act. It took only a moment before I spotted Bella sitting with her friends, Sydney and Jessica. They were talking quietly, glancing around, nodding their heads and pointing at the various people surrounding them. It took just a moment before she noticed I was watching her. She looked up through her long lashes and smiled coyly, waving slightly at me. I looked down at my feet, embarrassed that I had been caught staring, just as I heard a shout from the stands.
"Hey, Four Eyes! Down in front you ginger headed douche bag," Tyler cat called from the third row, causing me to blush deep crimson and stumble my way over to the first seat I could find in the first row. Mortification overwhelmed me and I didn't even realize the picture was taken until I saw the rest of my class getting up and leaving. I sat where I was until the gym was mostly empty before heading back to the yearbook room with my camera clutched angrily in my hand. I was so tired of being picked on at this podunk fucking school. With Emmett out of school, I had no one to really back me up, and the bullies swarmed like vultures.
Angela was putting things away when I entered and asked if I was okay. A regretful grimace sat across her face.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied, not really answering the implied question of my humiliation as I started to put the equipment away.
"You know not to take that that stuff seriously, right? Trevor's an asshole, everyone knows that…" She patted my back, trying to comfort me, but all it really did was make me more sullen about the entire situation.
"Yeah, thanks…." Was the best I could grumble through clenched teeth. Suddenly an idea popped into my head.
"Oh, Angela, can I ask you a favor?" I asked, suddenly spinning around and almost bumping right into her. "Can I take the camera with me for the weekend? I just want to play around with my new Photoshop program. I'll return it Monday…?"
"No problem, just bring it back before homeroom." She smiled warmly while waiting for me to finish putting the equipment away before turning out the lights and shutting the door behind us.
"Have a good night, Edward. See you next week." Giving me a small wave she turned and walked down the hall towards the front parking lot, leaving me alone in the dark and quiet hallway.
My head was still swimming with dark thoughts as I made my way outside towards my car. The sky was just starting to light up with the sun bouncing off of the clouds that had begun to dissipate. I picked up the camera in my hand and started taking a few shots of the forest behind the school, illuminated in brilliant salmon and turquoise. After shooting for a while, I noticed someone on the other side of the lot sitting on the bleachers looking off in the distance. Grabbing the telephoto lens from the camera bag, I switched it out quickly to see who it was. Once I focused, I could see that it was Bella Swan. She was sitting gazing off towards the forest with a somber look on her face. Her hair was glowing from the reflection of the orange streaking across the sky. I zoomed in slightly and framed her pensive face with the dazzling array of colors that were surrounding her, from the deep green of the forest to the luminescent reds and blues of the sky, it was completely breathtaking. Her eyes were looking off into the distance, but through the lens they were alit with the fire of the setting sun. I snapped and snapped, unable to help myself at the spectacular beauty before me. I suppose I should have felt a little sheepish that I looked like a crazy ass stalker with my long telephoto lens focused on the girl of my dreams, but all I could think about was what if? What if she was mine?
I watched as the other boys in the school tried to woo her when they felt brave enough to face her father, which was a requirement if you wanted to date her. Everyone in the school knew that. Meet the dad, date the daughter. I heard that she had recently broken up with some junior named Devin when he got a little handsy on their last date. Rumor had it that she kneed him in the balls before storming out of the party they were attending. I grinned to myself knowing that she could handle herself in such a situation.
I watched as she suddenly stood up, shaking out her hair and stepping off of the bleachers to greet her father who had just pulled up in his squad car. She smiled softly at him as she got in. They zoomed off before I had a chance to even put the camera away. The sunset had begun to wane as I dove off towards home thinking about all of the what ifs and what nots…
The first thing I noticed was my brother's monstrosity of a truck when I pulled into our driveway. Since football season ended, he comes back almost every weekend to mooch off of our parents for food and laundry services, but my mother loves that he comes back, even if it means restocking her refrigerator every Monday morning after he's left.
"Hey, Bro," he called, rounding the corner from the back of the house.
"Hey, Em…" I nodded and continued walking towards the front door, eager to escape the shitty day by ensconcing myself in my room for the rest of the night. Not that I didn't love my brother, but Emmett tended to see the sunny side of a situation, and I just didn't feel like a break in my clouds.
"Edward, wait up!" he shouted, quickly falling into step with me as I reached for the doorknob. I turned and scowled up at him.
"Hey, what's going on?" The thing about Emmett was that even though he was built like a linebacker, he was more insightful than anyone would ever give him credit for. He seems to sense my moods, sometimes before I even register that I'm in one.
"Just a shit day, Em…." I sighed, pulling open the door and waiting for him to enter before me.
"Girls or boys?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" I smacked his arm and sulked up the stairs, unsure of what my brother had just insinuated.
"Edward… come on, that's not what I meant…" He chased me up stairs and strong armed the door to my room, waiting for my reply.
"What then? You want me to tell you how great my day was?" Rage that had been stuffed down into the deep recesses of my body for so long bubbled up, unable to be contained for a moment longer.
"You want me to tell you that I love being the object of ridicule from Trevor Johnson. That he managed to humiliate me not only in front of the girl of my dreams, but in front of the entire senior class? Do you want me to tell you that even in a million years, I'll never be able to catch Bella Swan's eye. That even though we barely speak, I've been in love with her since Banner made her my partner in tenth grade? That my heart aches every day watching her smile and laugh with her friends when I know I'll never be one of them. What more do you want from me, Em? Can't you just leave me the fuck alone? Please?" I begged, my voice cracking at my last plea to be left alone to my misery.
I'd been drowning in these feelings of inadequacies, loneliness, and heartache. I knew I only have about five more months until I was out of this God forsaken place, to the land of sunshine and overly exposed bodies. But until then, I was in agony spending each day wallowing in the crap that was my life.
"Jeez, E. I'm sorry…"
"Save it… I'll see you at dinner." Slamming the door shut on my brother's shocked face left me feeling guilty. I knew he just wanted to help, but sometimes I just didn't want to hear it.
Picking up the camera bag, I pulled out the cables and plugged it into the laptop that was sitting on my desk. If one thing could make me feel better, it was the sweet, innocent face of my crush. The pictures pulled up quickly and I sorted through them, copying the better ones for my own personal use, including quite a few of the pictures of her sitting on the bleachers, lost in thought.
I decide on the best three and began running them through my Photoshop program, playing around with color, depth, and intensity. I barely noticed two hours had flown by when there was a knock on my door.
"Edward, are you coming down for dinner, sweetie? I've called up twice…" My mom's musical voice called from behind the door before opening it slowly. She caught me jacking off once when I was thirteen and hasn't yanked the door open without knocking since.
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I was lost in my work. I'll be down in a sec." She continued into my room, glancing at the photo that was still up on my screen.
"Edward, did you take this?" Her voice sounded amazed when she replied to my humble nod. "It's beautiful…" She just stood looking down at it for a few moments. I couldn't take the silence any longer, so I gently shut it, clicking the laptop shut.
"I'm sorry… I was lost in that photo. Was that from tonight? I saw a little of the sunset through the window in my office, but I didn't see this…" she waved her hand down over my computer to accentuate her point, but I just shrugged, stood and walked to the door. I had never been good with compliments and today was no different. I tried to deflect it instead.
"Dinner?" I asked, trying to rouse my mother from her current stupefied state.
"Right, dinner…" She shook her head and marched down the stairs in front of me, leading me to the kitchen where I was pretty sure I would soon be subjected to the Spanish inquiry over my outburst at Emmett, and now a photo of Bella at sunset. It was going to be a long meal.
"Sooo… Edward, Emmett tells me you're having a little problem at school…" Carlisle asked nonchalantly while cutting the pork chop that was sitting on his plate.
"Goddamn it, Emmett…" I muttered under my breath, wishing that for once in his life he could keep his mouth shut.
My mother placed her hand on my forearm, trying to sooth my anger. "Honey, he was just trying to help. Don't be upset…"
Sighing, I shook my head, trying to clear away the feeling of frustration over having no control over my life. It felt like the world was spinning around me and I was stuck in the same spot. The things I loved, my music, photography and for the most part my family, were things I could control. I knew what to expect. It was the rest of the world that kept tripping me up.
"Okay, before you go all Doctor Phil on me, I'm fine. Things are fine. School sucks. Okay? It sucks ass. I hate it and can't wait until May to graduate. Trevor Johnson is a dick who for some reason hates me and has vowed to make my life a living hell. Then there's the fact that I'm never going to get the girl. Bella Swan's never going to notice me, ever. So yeah, I'm having a little problem at school. So can we move on to another subject now?" I sighed heavily after my rant and looked up to find three stunned faces looking at me as if I had suddenly grown a third head.
"Oh, sweetie…" My mom grabbed my hand as a tear rolled down her cheek. I hadn't wanted to make her upset; I just didn't want this to become a big intervention. I felt crappy enough at school, I didn't want to feel the pity from my family too.
"Um… Edward? I may have an idea about why Trevor isn't your biggest fan…" Emmett spoke up, his mouth half full of mashed potatoes.
"What?" Turning in my seat I glared at Emmett, wondering what in the hell he knew.
"I'll tell you later, little bro. It's not really dinner table talk…" He smirked and shoveled another forkful of potatoes into his mouth, thereby avoiding answering my question more thoroughly.
"Honey, what can we do? Do you want me to talk to Elaine Johnson? Is he bullying you? I won't stand for someone making you uncomfortable…," my mother ranted, waving her fork around to make her point.
"Mom, please, its fine. I don't need either of you…" I looked pointedly between both of my parents before continuing, "to get involved. I can fight my own battles. Now can I please be excused, I'm not really hungry." I stood up and stalked back upstairs without waiting for their reply, only hearing their distant murmuring behind me.
I tried to go back to working on the photo, but my heart just wasn't into it. I was restless with the pent up frustration that I'd finally exposed. I couldn't take pacing in my room for a moment longer and made my way back downstairs to the living room where our baby grand stood, gleaming majestically at me, just waiting to be played.
Sliding onto the bench I stretched my fingers and played a few scales to warm them up, my mind still lost on the image of chocolate eyes and mahogany hair.
My fingers began flying over the keys of their own accord. My heart pounded in my chest and I felt more alive than I had in weeks. I knew that what I was playing was beautiful, yet haunting. I allowed all of my angst, anger, frustration, and hell, even love flow though my hands and into the melody I was creating. I probably looked like a deranged madman sitting here playing my hands off, bouncing in my seat to the rhythm I was creating, but It felt like I could feel the music all the way to my soul. I had never experienced this feeling before playing other people's music.
After a few minutes I slowed down the tempo and finally stopped, needing a moment to collect my thoughts about what had just transpired. It was as if I was possessed by the music and I didn't know how or why it happened. Glancing up, I saw my family looking at me from the doorway in stunned silence.
"What?" I asked, exasperated with them looking at me as if I was some zoo animal.
"I got this…" Emmett nodded his head at my parents and they left, still looking glassy eyed and maybe even a little bit stoned. Not that I was a stoner, but being a high school student, I knew what it looked like.
"What is going on tonight? Can't a guy get a little bit of privacy when he wants to be left alone? Jeez…" I began playing some Dave Matthew's Band off the top of my head and waited for Emmett to reveal exactly what had shocked everyone into silence.
"Dude, are you playing Where Are You Going? Cause that's awesome. I thought you only played that classical shit."
"Shut up, Emmett and tell me what the hell is going on? You guys are all walking around like I'm an alien or something." I watched carefully as he crossed the room, looming above me and looking a bit like the jolly fucking green giant in his oversized Seahawks sweatshirt and a huge grin.
"We're not… jeez, you're just touchier than usual, okay? You don't usually spout off all at once like that. Shit, I doubt mom's ever heard you mention that you liked a girl before. Give'em a little slack… I on the other hand am fucking proud of you. You finally let all that shit that's been bottled up inside you out today. It's a wonder you haven't gone postal before this." He chuckled, patting me harder than I would have liked on the back before flopping into the chair beside the large fireplace. "And whatever the fuck you just played was unbelievable. Have you ever thought about composing, because if that was an Edward Cullen original, I'd buy it. Well, especially if it had some banging lyrics to go with it. You know I can't be listening to just instrumental shit. I have a rep to protect."
"I don't know how to compose. I was just releasing my typical teen angst out on my baby." I stroked the keys lovingly before shutting the cover and spinning to face my brother.
"What were you thinking about when you were playing?" he asked, cocking his head in question while looking intently into my eyes. I couldn't help but tilt my eyes towards the tawny colored hardwood floor, unable to maintain his intense scrutiny.
"Why?" I mumbled, not wanting to reveal the anguished source of inspiration.
"Because I think it helped you to create that amazing piece of music. Now stop dodging the question and just answer me. I've never heard you like this, Ed, and I really am beginning to believe you could make serious magic on that piano if you channeled it correctly."
"I was thinking about unrequited love, that's all… I just, UGH…. I don't know. I've barely spoken to the girl, but I think about her constantly and feel this crazy connection to her. I'm going crazy, aren't I? I'm an idiot…" Shaking my head I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes, willing them to stop the confusing thoughts from running around in my brain.
"You got it bad… jeez… Well, I gotta run. I have a date with Allison Joyner. Haven't seen that girl in two years. Man, she's smoking now..." He stood up and gave my back a gentle brotherly pat as he passed me walking to the door.
"Don't give up, Edward. That shit was good. You should write that down. Who knows, someday you could be a big pop star." He laughed, not believing a word of it and left me to figure out how someone actually goes about composing a song.
With a heavy sigh, I walked up the stairs to my room to see if I could find any blank staff paper. It seemed that my Friday night was going to be filled with composing after all.
Maybe someday I'd get the girl and I could play her the song I'd written for her. Maybe someday…
A/N
Thanks again for reading & reviewing. You guys rock.
I have a poll in my profile on what outtake to write next. I've decided to be a contributing author in the Fandom for Sexual Assault Awareness – so I'm going to let you decide what I should write next.
I'm also co-hosting another O/S contest with KatieCav – Showers to Flowers Pick a Pic contest. So check out my profile for the links & details.