Today was a typical day in Typical Japanese City. A young, green-haired teenager ran through the streets at full speed, because he desperately needed to get to school on time. For the past three days, his commute—which should only be a 20-minute walk—was interrupted by supervillain nonsense.

Unfortunately, today was no different. As the kid ran toward the train station, he heard an earth-shaking BANG! A giant dude was throwing around a train. Pedestrians were groaning. One guy was calling his boss, "Hey, so, I'm gonna be late again because of a supervillain…"

Although the boy did enjoy a good show, it was annoying that he was always late for school. As he watched the battle, his mind drifted. He thought about the first time special abilities appeared in the world:

It was a glowing baby in Stereotypical Chinese City Name City. All of a sudden, humankind randomly evolved to have special abilities. It'd be no problem if their quirks were harmless, like the ability to eat ice cream without getting a brain freeze. But no, people were suddenly able to smash buildings, breathe fire, or create explosions.

A lot of people used their special abilities for evil. A shit ton of villains started popping up everywhere, destroying shit and causing trouble. Then a shit ton of heroes started appearing, and beat up the villains. And it's kind of been that way since. It's sad, actually, how violent the world has become. In history books, they say before the appearance of quirks, the world was a peaceful place.

I want to make the world a peaceful place again. That's why I want to be a hero.

But my quirk fucking sucks.

The boy was lost in his thoughts and didn't notice when a popular super hero appeared to save the day. He was startled back into reality when some fangirls screamed and cheered. Looking up, he exclaimed, "It's Into The Woods Guy!"

"I'm Into The Woods Guy!" shouted Into The Woods Guy as he created wood from his hands. "Wood Prism Powers!" His wood tentacles wrapped around the villain.

"Finally," the masses said, relieved that they could get to work, and that very little damage had been done to the infrastructure of the city. But they exhaled too soon, for yet another hero arrived on the scene. "No fear everyone, The Female Titan Lady is here to save the day!" shouted The Female Titan Lady as she drop-kicked the giant villain.

So a few buildings were destroyed, the road was obliterated, and a couple hundred people died. But, hey, she was really pretty and caught the villain, so all is well that ends well. At least that's what she said when Into The Woods Guy, reprimanded her. "No it didn't end well!" he yelled.

"Whatever!" She smiled for the fanboys and the television cameras. Into The Woods Guy sighed.

So did the teenage boy. He thought, Heroes can be kind of dumb sometimes. They have these magnificent physical powers, and that's awesome, but all too often, they don't use their brains. It's as if they're too busy cultivating their quirks to focus on smarts. It's fine to use brute strength, but thinking can be a useful special ability too. Of course I'd believe that, though. Thinking is my special ability.

The boy's name was Precious Green Bean Child, but his friends called him Green Boi. His quirk was called Mutter Mutter. Basically he can think his way out of any situation. It wasn't a flashy quirk. Not at all.

"Unlike The Female Titan Lady," he said aloud, pulling his notebook out of his backpack and scribbling in it. "Dumb as shit, but has a great quirk." He glanced up and saw her skin-tight outfit. "Yeah. She'll be popular. Based on the statistics of superhero popularity, she ticks off all the necessary attributes. It's unfortunate, though, because she'll probably cause more harm than good. Do they just let anyone with a flashy special ability be a hero? And why is she handling incidents like this? Shouldn't she be reserved for things happening in open areas? And—"

Some random stranger saw him talking to himself and said, "I see that dopey grin. Hey, kid, are you a fanboy?"

"Uh, hehe," Green Boi replied. "Yeah."

"You wanna be a hero?"

"Yeah." He smiled. A smart hero. One that doesn't rely on brute strength all the time.

…

When Precious Green Bean Child was but a kindergartener, one of his friends, Angry Explodey Boi and his goons, Stretchy Fingers and Batwing Boi, were picking on a quirkless little kid. Green Boi felt it was unfair, and jumped in to defend the kid. "Hey, stop it Explochan! You're hurting him! If you don't stop, I'll stop you myself!"

Angry Explodey Boi chuckled, and cracked his knuckles, causing a mini-explosion in the palm of his hands. "What can you do, Green Boi? You don't have a super power."

At that time, Precious Green Bean Child didn't think he had a special ability. He thought that he'd eventually get his mom's telekinesis or his dad's fire breathing. He thought that maybe fighting his best friend would make the powers appear. So he too pounded his knuckle into his fist.

He got his ass whooped that day. And after that ass-whooping, he started to think. People aren't all made the same are they? Maybe I shouldn't have fought him with my fists. Maybe I should have ducked and ran and tired him out. Yeah, I should have made him run, because I run faster than him, and if I had climbed on the jungle gym, he would have followed me, and I could have pushed him off. He would have hit his head and I would have won. So if I need to fight against Explochan then I need to out-think him.

Coincidentally, that was the day his quirk manifested. But it wasn't telekinesis or fire breathing.

It was thinking.

…

At school, everyone called him quirkless. Because in this world, only cool quirks or quirks of brute physical strength are considered useful.

The teacher was talking about applying to high school hero programs. As usual, he was bragging about Explochan. "Mr. Explodey Boi has what it takes to go to Plus Ultra Academy High School. He aced the mock exams and his quirk is really flashy. On top of that, he has a bad attitude, so he'll be really popular. He's the 'problematic fav' archetype. The 'anti-hero', if you will."

Green Boi rolled his eyes. "Keep stroking his ego," he grumbled. That was the problem with his quirk. Sometimes he said stuff aloud that he actually meant to think.

"What was that, Mr. Bean Child?"

"Ahhhh! Nothing!" Green Boi quickly said.

The teacher scratched his head. "I thought you said something. Oh, yeah, don't you want to go to Plus Ultra Academy High School too, Mr. Bean Child?"

His classmates burst into laughter. Most of them had interesting special powers too. One girl could turn her hands into flames. One guy could make his skin into rock. One dumbass could stretch his eyeballs really far out of his head. That one was fucking useless, and Green Boi often wondered how the hell that kid even figured out that he could do it, but it was fun to look at, nonetheless. All of them had physical improvements to their body. Not Green Boi.

All he had was an advanced intellect. He was average height, average size, an all-around average shonen boy. He wasn't flashy at all.

Explodey Boi made sure to remind him of that constantly. "Listen up you fucking wannabe loser," he said, slamming his hand onto the desk where Green Boi was sitting. The explosion he created knocked Green Boi against the wall. "You really think they'd let someone like you in, when they can have someone like me?" Explodey Boi's hands were smoking.

Green Boi didn't want a fight. He knew good and well that he simply did not have the strength to defeat Explodey. "Hey, look, I'm not trying to compete against you!" Green Boi said, backing up against the wall. "It's just that I've wanted to be a hero since I was little. You know that. I may not have a powerful quirk, but I can still—"

"You'd never be able to hang out with the best of the best!" Explodey Boi's hands were sizzling. "You'd die in the entrance exams for Plus Ultra High!"

Green Boi lowered his head. He was smart enough to know that. He knew that he didn't stand a chance, physically, against all these super humans. But he also knew that he was smart enough to overcome almost any situation. He could do it. He could do it if just given the chance.

Explodey Boi snickered. "You might as well call yourself a quirkless bastard. Go eat ass, punk."

His classmates burst into laughter again as Green Boi cowered in the corner, struggling not to cry.

…

At the end of the day, Precious Green was looking at his phone, reading articles about the fight between The Female Titan Lady and the villain this morning. "I'd better write this shit down," he said to himself as he pulled out his notebook. Unfortunately, Explodey and two of his goons approached him. Swiping his notebook, Explodey said to Green Boi, "You goodamn nerd. What do you think you're doing?"

"What's that? His diary?" said Goon 1.

"He's taking notes on how to be a hero? How pathetic!" said Goon 2.

Fuck you guys, Green thought. Aloud, he said, "Give it back!" He had spent months scribbling and sketching in that journal. It was really important to him.

But Explodey clapped it in his hands and singed it. Then he tossed it out of the window.

"AHHHHH!" Green screamed.

"Look, you damn nerd, heroes are people who've shown potential from a young age. Heroes are people like me. And when I'm the only one from Shitty Middle School to go to Plus Ultra Academy High School, people will recognize my greatness. Understand? So do me a favor, and don't even apply. Got it?" He pressed the palm of his hand against Green Boi's shoulder and burnt it.

Fuck you Explochan. But Green Boi didn't say it aloud. The Goons laughed. "He doesn't even have a bit of fight in him," said number one.

Number two added, "Cuz he doesn't want to get his ass whooped. He knows he can't really be a hero."

As Explodey and the Goons walked away, Explodey paused to say one last thing, "You know, if you want to be a hero, there's one thing you can do. You can take a swan dive off the roof of the school and pray that you have a better quirk in your next life." He chuckled and concluded, "Go eat ass, punk." The three of them left.

Green Boi sniffled a little. If only his Mutter Mutter quirk came with just a bit of physical boost, he'd put Explodey Boi in his place. "You go eat ass, punk," he grumbled. He walked out of the building to retrieve his notebook, and said to himself, "You can't just go tell people to kill themselves Explochan. I know he's only looking out for me, but, shit... What if I did jump? I should play a prank on him and do it. That'd scare him shitless." He chuckled. "How could I do it? Hm, I'd ask someone with a telekinesis quirk to catch me and I'd go up to the roof and…" He shook his head. "He wouldn't fall for it. He knows me too well."

Greenie saw his notebook in the koi pond. He stared at it. "Explochan doesn't want me to hurt myself being a hero. That's why he's giving me so much shit. He'd rather bully me out of my dreams than watch me fail to reach them. Or worse, actually die trying to become a hero. He's saying that if I have a death wish, it'd be easier for me to jump off the roof than to die fighting a villain. He's not poetic, but he means well… I think…" He picked up his notebook and shook it. "It's ruined. The ink bled… Well if it dries, maybe I can save it."

He kept walking. He didn't really know where he was going. His legs just carried him forward as he thumbed through the water-logged pages of his notebook. "I mean, what kind of hero would I be anyway? But I want to be one. I want to be a hero so bad."

"You wanna be a hero, kid?"

"Huh? Who said that?"

A green sludge monster shot out from the man-hole cover beneath him. In a second, Green Boi was enveloped in its slippery, oozing body.

Panic. Green Boi panicked as he tried to pry the villain off of him. Clawing at the Ooze Dude felt like clawing at water. He couldn't get a grip. Meanwhile, the Ooze was choking him, pouring into his mouth like a long, long chug of soda. It fizzled and burned his throat and his nose. "Look kid, just let me have your body," Ooze said. "I'll make good use of it."

Green Boi was struggling. He thrashed and thrashed and reached out his hand hoping that someone would appear and grab him. He couldn't even cry for help.

Can I think my way out of this? No, it's too late for that. I panicked. I struggled. I wasted my oxygen supply. What I should have done was calmed down and held my breath and relaxed so he thought I was knocked out, and when he let his guard down, broke free and run. But what if he caught me again? Then I'd be in the same situation.

Maybe being a hero is impossible without a fancy super power or brute strength. But why am I worried about that now? I'm about to die. I'm seriously about to die. This is a pathetic way to die. I wanted to be a hero, yet here I am, being drowned by a villain. What are they gonna tell my mom? He started to cry. My mom's gonna have to bury me. No! No! This can't be the end! Someone! Someone! HELP!

As Green Boi started to lose consciousness, he thought he saw the silhouette of someone coming to save him. He closed his eyes and felt his body go limp.