The Singing Contest, a percy jackson and the olympians fanfic

A/N: I know it's overdone, but I can't help it! I had this weird mental image of Percy singing-AH HA, you almost made me tell. You'll have to read to find out!

As for The Secret Life of Percy and Artemis and The Ancient Warrior, I know I should be updating them, but I'm having trouble with T.A.W's action scene, and T.S.L.o. is going to get way complicated (I hope, at least) in CH3, so don't expect much updating for them. As for Artemis Discovers Pertemis, I'm just being mean and holding back the final chapter .". That's the point of a cliffy, after all.

MAJOR DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE LYRICS! THEY BELONG TO THE BANDS/SINGERS THAT OWN THEM! I BEG OF YOU, DO NOT COPYRIGHT MY PODEX! I REPEAT, NONE OF THE LYRICS SEEN/SANG/READ HERE ARE MINE! THEY ARE NOT MINE! REPEAT, THEY ARE NOT MINE! THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM! THEY ARE NOT MINE!

Now that done. I warn you: There will be alot of lyrics on this page.

Percy POV

This sucks. My life sucks. And let me tell you why.

Today was a hot and humid summer day. So, what with all the families going in and out of the country by plane, boat, or just car, you'd think that every god was busy; Hermes, for obvious reason, being the god of travel and all; my dad, Posiedon, blessing or destroying boats at will; Zeus, 'regulating' air traffic by blasting planes out the sky; Hades, with all the paperwork that comes with dead souls; Aphrodite, making best friends fall in love with eachother on romantic beaches; so on and so forth.

Nope. All of them-yes, even Hades-were chillin' at Olympus. Appaerently, when something big occurs that is positive for the gods, they are 'required' to 'take necessary energy repletion precautions', and 'regenerate lost energy'during the second season. It translates to,"When something good happens to us, we party 'till summer's over." Pft. The pricks.

How is this bad for me? Well, the Olympians decided by a 'landslide vote' that Camp Half-Blood 'needs' a singing contest, and that on represntitve is needed for each Cabin, besides Hera's. That's why my life sucks. I can't sing if Kronos not being ressurected again counted on it.

Thalia walked in my Cabin, uninvited. She looked terrified, which was how I knew that she already knew the terrible news. She muttered,"I can't believe this. I just can't. Why the Hades do we need a singing contest?" I shook my head.

"I don't know, Thalia. I just don't know," I responded in despair.

At that point, Nico walked in. What the Hades(pun intended)? Won't I ever get some privacy?

"I don't wanna do this," he said sadly."I can't. It's too much." He cradled his head. I sighed sadly, agreeing with him. Tommorow was 'the day' after all. I patted his back.

"Don't worry Nico. We'll get through this," I murmured in was what I hoped was an encouraging tone. He looked at me sadly.

"But, I'm not ready. I haven't even chosen a-" I cut him off.

I looked at him in the eye. "We CAN do this. I know we can."

Thalia snickered. We glared at her. "What?" Nico asked.

She held up a voice recorder and hit 'play.'

"I don't wanna do this. I can't. It's too much."

"Don't worry, Nico. We'll get through this."

"But, I'm not ready. I haven't even chosen a-"

"We CAN do this. I know we can."

She hit the stop button. We both blushed at the implications the recording meant, if only heard. She smirked."I wonder what Annabeth, Hades, and Posiedon will have to say about that, eh?" Then she ran off.

"No, came back!" I shouted.

Nico grabbed my arm."It's no use," he said in despair."It's too late. We can't do a single thing..."he trailed off.

I sighed. This was not going to go well.

xxx

Time: 10:00 P.M.

[At night time, in the arena. Lights shine down onto a professionally built stage. Gods sit in the back, due to their size.]

Zeus POV

The singing contest began with Cabin One, my Cabin. I puffed my chest in pride as Thalia-my daughter, mind you- walked up to the makeshift stage and began to introduce herself.

"My name is Thalia Grace, the demigod singing for Zeus's Cabin." She then pulled out a guitar, sat down, and began strumming.

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
When the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me
'til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up when everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me
'til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aaah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
When the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me
'til then I walk alone...

She continued to strum alittle more afterwards, then stopped altogether. My mouth was agape, but I made no move to close it. My daughter was AMAZING! Then, I heard major applause, and I joined in. I added some thunder to add to it. And, as hard it was, I was smiling. A true smile.

She looked at me, and I gave her a thumbs up. She grinned.

xxx

Artemis POV

I gaped when she began to sing. She was amazing! I saw her grin at Zeus, my father, and hers as well. Then she turned to me, obviously wanting to know my opinion. I grinned at her, then mouthed, I'm proud of you. Tears of happiness glistened in her eyes.

Then she walked of the stage, and the applause slowly died. Chiron galloped onto the stage."A wonderful performance! However, many more campers are ready to sing! And now, we'll spin this wheel of Fate to see who will sing next!" A game show-style wheel appeared next to him, with all the various names of cabins attached. He spun it.

It landed on Hermes' Cabin.

xxx

Hermes POV

I grinned as it landed on my Cabin. I mean, they knew alittle of everything, so they couldn't bad at singing.

Conner and Travis Stoll happily walked up on stage, which had everyone but I groan. I tipped my head to the side. What was wrong?

Connor started off,"Hullo, folks-"

"-we are here-"Travis continued.

"-to do something-"

"-that we all enjoy-"

"'-which is to sing!" They finished together. I groaned. What were they going to sing?

"Pst, Hermes,"Apollo whisphered to me. "What are your prackers going to sing?" I shrugged, and quite frankly, didn't want to violate their privacy by reading their mind. Then music started to play, and Apollo sniggered. "Nevermind," he said. It made me nervous. Then they started singing, and I groaned in despair. Well, actually, they rapped.

[Blah= Travis]

[Blah= Conner]

Oooh
Elvis Presley as I live and breath
You stole rock and roll
Gave us rockabilly cheese
You dance like an epileptic
Nothing but left feet
I've seen it every record you set
Man, I Beat It
Here's a tip
Don't swallow a bucket of drugs
So you won't die on the toilet
Dropping hunks of Burning Love
I'm Bad
I'm a Smooth Criminal better face up
Call me Ed Sullivan
Shoot you from the waist up
Watch me moonwalk and I step on your blue suede
Even in death
I go platinum on Blu-Ray
Spitting out hits since I was six years old
I'm the King of Pop
You're the King of Jelly Rolls

Well I died on the shitter but I don't give a crap
You ain't got half the badass battle raps that I have
I got one for your monkey
Two for your clothes
Three for your family and four for your nose
You better surrender talkin' about them ABC's
Cause all you wanna do is teach kids the birds and the bees
This is the big time, Jacko
No dress rehearsal
I'll light you up like your hair in a Pepsi commercial
I can tell you're angry but I can't comprehend it
I stole from black culture
Why are you offended?
Your Daddy beat gold records out of you like alchemy
Don't make me spank you and dangle your ass over a balcony

Ohhh
It's about time for a Thriller
Didn't lose any chocolate
I just added vanilla
I'm going Off The Wall
I won't stop 'til I get enough
Whooping your big fat ass
With my shiny glove
How you gonna talk about the birds and bees
When you met your own wife when she was only 14
Then you made one daughter
She (Ah) came to me
I took her to my Neverland Ranch
To Hee-Hee
You shoulda stayed in the army dude
Shamone
Even Tito looks better than you
I'm singing
aaaahhhhhh
You're singing
Don't be cruel
There's only one crown baby
Let the one King rule

You're a creeper dude
You like to grab your own wanger
I only let you marry my daughter
Cause I knew you'd never bang her
You think you're tough?
Man, you look like Tootie
I was badder than you in my Blue Hawaii movie
You lost your damn mind
That's why they cast you in The Wiz
You're like a sad white woman
Who never got to be a kid
I'm out before you try to hold me and free your willy
Later weirdo
Elvis is leaving the building

I smiled at the same time buried my face into my hands. Then, I decided against it and smiled at my sons. The audience was to busy laughing at Conner and Travis than to applaud, though have the feeling that was the point. They turned toward me and I mouthed, I approve, Good job!

They smiled, then walked off the stage.

I smiled.

xxx

Apollo POV

I had never laughed so hard in my life. And that's saying something; I'm freaking immortal.

How could you not? It was freaking hilarious! The last thing I would expect for even Connor and Travis to sing or-in this case, rap- was a Epic Rap Battle of History. Thank you, creators of ERB.

Once everyone was done laughing-yes, even Hades laughed- Chiron came up on the stage again."Well, that was most... unexpected, though I can safely assume that was very entertaining for all of us." Oh, yes it was. I have it on video. "Now, though, it's time to spin the wheel!" The wheel of epic spinning appeared next to him, and we all cheered. For effect, I let a little light come down from the sky and hit the wheel. Crowd went wild.

Chiron spun the wheel, and it landed on...

Dionysus.

I grinned at Hermes, and vice-versa. This was gonna be hilarious.

xxx

Dionysus POV

I groaned. Why did I agree to this? Did it not cross my mind that my own children would get involved? I must've been drunk on soberness.

I heard Hermes and Apollo snickering next to me, and I glared at them, but they didn't stop. Alright, I thought, your children have kitchen duty for a month.

I sighed as Pollux stepped up to the stage, holding a guitar. As far as I knew, my children were terrible singers.

Pollux cast no introduction as he stepped onto the stage, and began to sing. As the music began to play, I heard Apollo snicker and whisper to Hermes,"Dad's not gonna like this one." I was confused until the lyrics came out of my son's mouth, really loud.

GRANDPA GOT RUN OVER BY A BEER TRUCK
COMING OUT OF WOODY'S CHRISTMAS DAY
GRANDMA GOT A JOB OUT AT THE BREWERY
I NEVER KNEW THAT SHE COULD DRIVE THAT WAY

GRANDPA WAS OUT DRINKING WITH THE FLOOZIES
SPENDING ALL OF GRANDMA'S HARD EARNED DOUGH
HE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TO PAY THE BAR TAB
SO WOODY TOSSED HIM OUT INTO THE SNOW

GRANDPA STOOD THERE FROZEN IN THE HEAD LIGHTS
HE LOOKED JUST AS HELPLESS AS A DEER
I DON'T THINK HE WAS AFRAID OF DYING
I THINK HE WAS AFRAID HE'D SPILL HIS BEER

GRANDPA GOT RUN OVER BY A BEER TRUCK
COMING OUT OF WOODY'S CHRISTMAS DAY
GRANDMA GOT A JOB OUT AT THE BREWERY
I NEVER KNEW THAT SHE COULD DRIVE THAT WAY

WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT HE'D END UP AS A ROAD KILL
SHE FLATTENED HIM RIGHT OUT ON THE CENTER LINE
HE COULD HAVE MADE IT TO THE CURB IF HE WERE QUICKER
BUT SHE BACKED IT UP AND SQUASHED HIM ONE MORE TIME

GRANDMA CRIED AND CRIED AT GRANDMA'S FUNERAL
NOT BECAUSE WE PEELED HIM OFF THE ROAD
ALL THE LOOT SHE GOT FROM HIS INSURANCE
WENT TO PAY THE BAR TAB THAT HE OWED

GRANDPA GOT RUN OVER BY A BEER TRUCK
COMING OUT OF WOODY'S CHRISTMAS DAY
GRANDMA GOT A JOB OUT AT THE BREWERY
I NEVER KNEW THAT SHE COULD DRIVE THAT WAY

Everyone was laughing really hard. Me included. Well, almost all of us. A few of the campers shot Father a wary glance, and Father himself looked like he was about to blow up. Somehow, though, he restrained himself.

I shot a smile at my son, which he noticed, and he grinned back at me.

xxx

Demeter POV

I stopped chuckling as Chiron-who I still think needs more cereal- trodded on stage. The rest of the audience quieted down as well.

Chiron started to speak,"Well,"he shot a glance at Zeus,"that was very...in a holiday spirit. Nontheless, let's once again SPIN THE WHEEL!" Everyone cheered as the wheel appeared. Chiron spun it on...ooooohhhhh, no.

Demeter.

Unlike my unmature brothers, I cheered for my daughter as she came up. She shot me a weak smile. I raised an eyebrow. What was she scared of?

"M-my name is Katie, for Demeter's Cabin..." And she began to sing the creepiest(but shortest)song I have ever heard.

Hiotsu,Futatsu,Mittsu,Yottsu,Itsutsu,Muttsu,Nanatsu,TO O!
Migi Kara Hae Teru Ude o Hikkonui te,
Uekibachi ni Tsukisashi te Miru ne,
Hitosashiyubi to Nakayubi o Karame,
Suteki Suteki na Hana no Kansei,
Aaaa~
O niwa ni ha Kirei na Otete ga Takusan sai te te,
Hitotsu mo Onaji Mono ha nai Desho!
Kyoufu Gaaden~
Kyoufu Gaaden~
Kyoufu Gaaden~
Kyoufu Gaaden~
Kyoufu Gaaden~
Kyoufu Gaaden~
Kyoufu Gaaden~
Datte Nige te ka Nai de .
Dare ni mo ie nai Himitsu no Hanazono,
Uchiake Rare nai Himitsu no Hanazono,
a''aaaaaa...
a''aaaaaa...
a''aaaaaa...
a''aa...
a''aa...
TotemoKirei na no yo Yubi ya 5 hon,Tama ni ha 4 hon
O me me o Hojikutte mi te Goran
Uso yo Uso Zenbu Uso Na no~
Uso yo Uso Zenbu Uso Na no~
Uso yo Uso Zenbu Uso Na no~
Uso yo Uso Zenbu Uso...
Tabun...FuFuFu~

(below are english lyrics)

Here's one, here's two, here's three, here's four, here's five, here's six, here's seven, ten!

Grabbing on a right arm, pulling, pulling

Stabbing the soil on the top of my pots

Putting together the pointers and middles

A wonderful arrangement of my flowers

In the boundries of my garden. Hands sprout out so beautifully.

But they are not the same types, I'm right, for sure.

Fear Garden

So don't run away!

I cannot say anything about my secret garden

I cannot tell anyone about my secret garden

Aaaaa...

Hands with five fingers are the best. Though sometimes I get only four fingers.

You have eyes, so you can see what I'm telling you, it's true.

Only lies, there are only lies here

Only lies, there are only lies

...Maybe

Nobody was laughing at this one. As Katie sang, the english lyrics had appeared behind her. And it creeped everyone out. Including me. There was an applause, however. Though I think that it was only for the sake of using their hands. Katie looked uncertain'y at me, and I forced a big smile out. Her eyes brightend, and she skipped off the stage.

Awkward. Then again, I guess there aren't that many songs about plants...

Hades, who was sitting next to me, whisphered in my ear,"Your daughter is awesome, Demeter. Can I have her?"

I glared at him. "No!" He pouted-yes, it shocked me too. The lord of the dead was pouting.

Chiron came up on the stage, looking quite disturbed. "W-well, it's time for a 30 minute break, everyone, so...take a break."

And just like that, he walked off.

Did you like it? I'm going to continue it, but not soon. Maybe within the next few weeks. Please review!

#1: Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day (well, Thalia likes Green Day, so I thought, why not?)

#2: Epic Rap Battles of History Season 2: Elvis Presley VS Micheal Jackson by ERB [or was it nicepeter...or Epiclloyd...I'm not sure] (I really didn't know what to do for the Stolls so...yeah)

#3: Grandpa Got Run Over By a Beer Truck by Da Yoopers (I really didn't wanna do 99 bottles of beer on the wall, so...yup.)

#4: Fear Garden composed by Chaa; sung by Rin Kagamine (yeah, I don't know any plant songs...Fear Garden was the only thing plant related...)

Please review!