HAPPY END OF OCTOBERWEEN, PEOPLES AND NON-PEOPLES!
For the occasion, and because I'm bored out of my mind, here's a Halloween crack-fic!
Disclaimer: Trick or treat, I own nothing, give me something sweet.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Halloween in the tooniverse!
…Shiznit's 'bout to get crazy. 'Nuff said.
Walking down the street dressed as Moon Knight was Fanatic97, accompanied by FF2 dressed as Boris. Both of them had two giant sacks filled with candy. "Remind me again why two full-grown men are going around trick-or-treating?" Fanatic asked.
"Who cares, we just want candy?" FF2 guessed in an obvious tone.
"…Correct!" Fanatic looked around. "Speaking of adults who still act like children, where the heck is your girlfriend?"
"She said she would meet us at nine…" FF2 looked at his watch, seeing it was 9:45 pm.
*squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak!*
"I'm here! *puff puff* It's really hard to move in this thing…" WG panted, running up in a Teddie costume… which squeaked every time she walked. She did a double-take, looking at FF2. "What the…?! Dude! I thought you were dressing like Kanji this year!"
"I looked all over, but the stores either didn't have the cosplay gear… or did but was charging $200, and I ain't made o' money!" FF2 replied.
"…how much did that Boris costume cost, then?"
"Uh…"
"Have a lover's quarrel later, you two! We have candy to collect!" Fanatic exclaimed, then looked around. "…right as soon as ATF and Proxy get here."
"Is anyone else coming along?" FF2 asked.
"Tracker and Kasey are doing a 'Haunted House' party at the pizzeria, Moon is having a 'Creepypasta Poetry Night' with the Hetalia crew, and any other author we know read my other crack stories and feared for their lives." WG answered.
"I HOPE YOU ALL GET RAISINS IN YOUR SACKS!" shouted a voice, and over walked ATF… wearing nothing but a red cape and standing in a pair of pink polka-dot boxers. Beside him stood his robot friend, Proxy, who was dressed as Genos.
"Anti! …You're trick-or-treating as Captain Underpants?" Fanatic questioned.
"I WAS coming as Superman… but then a bunch of heathens mugged me for my candy!" ATF groused. He turned to Proxy. "Speaking of which, why didn't YOU do anything, robot-bodyguard-o-mine?!"
"You were being assaulted by five-year-olds. It is against my programming to harm children." Proxy answered.
"You could have at least told their mothers!"
"I did. They demanded proof, I had none, then questioned why a teenager was trick-or-treating in his underpants."
ATF rubbed his face. "I knew I shouldn't have had Jonesy babysit Captain Sprinkles tonight…"
"C'mon, a bit of candy will cheer you up. We have a whole night!" Fanatic assured.
"Right, right… *sigh* Okay, I guess posing as the elastic-waistband-warrior will have to do…"
"Technically, Captain Underpants wears briefs, not boxers." WG pointed out.
ATF gave her a look, then tore off the cape. "Fine! There, I'm Vincent Brooks! Happy?!" he stormed ahead.
"…You need sheep-horns!" FF2 called.
"AAARRRRGGGHHHH!"
"…ah, let's find him something to wear, otherwise it's going to take at least 30 pounds of peanut-butter Snickers© to get him back in a good mood." WG whispered.
"So long as alcohol, powdered sugar, and musical-numbers aren't involved." Fanatic stated, as they made their way down the street.
Down the same street walked Star Butterfly (dressed as Wonder Woman), Marco Diaz (dressed as Jack Sparrow) and Tom (dressed as Deadpool). "This is awesome!" Star exclaimed, racing down the street. "A whole night off from Mewnie monarchy, just to devour bags of candy and participate in horror-themed events!"
"And I got a list of all the houses giving out full-sized candy-bars," Marco added, holding up a list.
"I heard the Addams residence is holding a big event. The neighbors said last year it was loud enough to wake the dead!" Tom added.
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! I want to cram in as much fun tonight as possible! Let's get enough candy to beat Pinkie Pie's record from last year!" Star said, hyped up as if she already had a large intake of sugar.
"Mind if I turn on some music while we walk?" Marco asked, turning on a portable radio.
"Hey, guys and ghouls; it's your hosts, Case Rogers and Leo Brave, tuning in to give you some entertainment on this Hallows Eve night," came Leo Brave's voice.
"Before we start our Paranormal Playlist, we have a special bulletin to issue out," Case Rogers stated next. "Trick-or-treaters and party-goers beware, there's been reports of kidnappings on CGI Street; authorities advise to stay out of the vicinity until a thorough investigation can be carried out."
"There's also been sightings of a hockey-masked, machete-wielding maniac chasing after people around Warehouse 13. …I can't believe they're doing that cliché either. Stay alert, and it would be a good idea not to dress as such a character for Halloween this year- the police have already made 67 mistaken arrests,"
"Now with those chilling news outta the way, here's our first song. Ranking Number Eight on the charts this month is Boyz 4 Now's 'I Love You So Much (It's Scary)'…"
Marco turned down the radio, looking at his friends. "Whoa, talk about creepy."
"Is it just me, or is Halloween getting more dangerous every year?" Tom asked. At this moment a dark van with the words 'Free Candy' painted on its side pulled up. Tom glared, making the car catch fire as two kidnappers dived out… then got beat up by angry mothers.
"I can't believe it! Halloween is supposed to be a night of candy, costumes and the occasional prank!" Star sneered, tossing a roll of toilet-paper over the now-smoldering van. "There is NO WAY I'm going to stand around and let some psychos ruin this night! This is a crucial moment for childhood, darn it!"
"Star, please don't go where I think you're going with this…" Marco moaned.
Star grabbed her boyfriend and best friend by the wrists. "Let's go save Halloween, boys!" With that, she hauled them down the street.
They ran down a street with fewer kids, passing by a red car. At the wheel was Dan, blaring his horn as he tried to drive, stopping every few inches as trick-or-treaters kept crossing the street. "HEY! STAY ON THE SIDEWALK! (dumb trick-or-treaters)" he was grousing. "Who in their right mind came up with this holiday?! Kids running around in costumes to get candy, teenagers going to wild parties-" he hit the brakes as a couple kids on bikes rode in front of him. "WATCH IT! BE CAREFUL OR BE ROADKILL, IDIOTS!"
Grumbling to himself, he made a U-turn, heading back down the street to take a less-crowded route. He drove down CGI street, parking his car and heading into the grocery store. For some reason, it was abandoned and in shambles. "…Geez, someone got a head-start on Black Friday," he looked around the store, finding one loaf of bread and some almost-expired lunchmeat in a ransacked aisle, walking to the register.
No employees were around, however, and the check-out seemed to be smashed.
Dan shrugged. "Five bucks should cover it." He said, dropping money on the counter and walking… backing up and taking back 3 dollars. "On second thought, they were having a sale this week…"
Walking outside, he made his way to his car, climbing in and setting his groceries in the passenger seat-
*plop!*
Only for them to fall on the ground. "What the…? AUGH!" Dan screamed, seeing that half his car had been melted! Climbing out, he inspected the damage. "Green, acidic liquid…" he looked at the gutter, seeing strange pods planted deep down inside. "Slimy, egg-like husks…" he looked back at the store. "Signs of a vicious attack…!"
He then fumed, clenching his fists, then bellowed into the night.
"ALIIEEEEEENNNNNNS!"
0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0
On the other side of town, everyone paused. "…Was that Dan bellowing in rage, again?" WG asked.
"Yep. Must've gotten abducted again," Fanatic guessed.
"Well, while he's alien-hunting, let's run amuck and fill up with enough sweets to give us health issues when we're in our 40's," FF2 stated. He paused, looking at ATF. "…At least, for those of us that can still age."
"L-Let's j-just g-g-get g-going," ATF shivered, still in his skimmies. "I'm f-f-freezing m-my b-b-b-b-boxers off!"
"A decrease in body-temperature is confirmed." Proxy stated.
"And just our luck, the costume shop had nothing but skimpy attire," WG sighed.
"…So? ATF cross-dresses all the time. What would be the difference?" Fanatic questioned.
ATF gave him a look. "I DO have standards, you know!" he snapped. "…and I'd rather run around in polka-dot shorts than dress like an over-sexualized replica of a Disney princess."
"They also did not sell open-chested dresses and thigh-high skirts in an extra-small size," Proxy added.
"There's got to be SOME place we can- oh look, something convenient." FF2 said, pointing down the street at a pier where a foreboding warehouse stood.
"Ain't that Old Man Jenkin's rundown, supposedly haunted warehouse?" Fanatic asked.
"No, I mean the place next to it,"
They looked over at another foreboding warehouse. "Crazy 8's Props & Gags Shack By Th' Sea?"
"Too far over. That one." He pointed at the warehouse with a large 13 on the side.
"Warehouse 13? What could be in there?" WG asked.
"Besides a horrific plot device? …Maybe something ATF could wear." Fanatic guessed.
"But this place has been closed since…" ATF looked at his watch. "Noon! They've probably cleared out everything by now,"
"ATF, if there's one thing I've learned in cartoons, it's that they NEVER leave a warehouse empty. It's to help characters find themselves in quirky set ups."
…
"I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS PLACE IS EMPTY!" Fanatic shouted, looking through the window of Warehouse 13.
"What do you mean, Fan? It's full of crates!" FF2 stated.
"I know. I just felt like throwing the readers off, nyuck-nyuck-nyuck!"
*Squeak!*
WG whapped him with her Teddie paw. "Let's just hurry up and browse around. The sooner we get ATF a costume, the sooner we can get chocolate-wasted,"
"Before I break out into hyperthermia, preferably." ATF shivered.
"Your body temperature is extremely low. Applying heat, now." Proxy stated, then hugged ATF; his metallic body glowed, giving off heat.
ATF blushed, his pupils dilating.
"C'mon, Anti, lets find you something." WG said.
"You guys go ahead… I'll stay out here," ATF hummed, resting his head against Proxy.
WG rolled her eyes, then began walking. *squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak,*
She paused, then turned to the others. "On second thought, lets change out of our costumes first. I don't want Teddie having a fit because I got grime on his suit," popping off the top, she climbed out, dressed as [human] Teddie. She then stuffed the bear-costume into a tiny bag.
"I'm keeping mine on. I can get around fine!" FF2 replied.
WG looked at him.
*WHAP!*
Smacking the muzzle of the Boris head, she made it face backwards. "Do it or you'll lose your deposit,"
FF2 pulled it off. "There was no call for that!" he sneered, grumbling as he shimmied out of the costume, wearing only black shorts and a white T-shirt.
"I'm keeping mine on- namely because I'm wearing nothing underneath and this story ain't having me expose parts that should remain private!" Fanatic declared, then pointed forth. "Now, onward into the warehouse!"
With that, the trio entered, leaving ATF to cling to Proxy. "Take your time!" he called, hugging the robot.
Unbeknownst to everyone, something was lurking in the warehouse…
"The Narrator knows something!" Proxy shouted.
Gah! Uh! Scene Change!
"Hold it-!"
0O0O0O0O0O0O0
Meanwhile on CGI Street, a Predator was walking through the area. Something behind it growled… but it aimed its gun over its shoulder and shot the Alien in the face, killing it. Another Predator walked over. "I'm bored," it whined in their language. "We've already cleared the district of Aliens, their eggs are destroyed, and I really have to use the bathroom,"
"I told you to go before we left!" Predator 1 sneered.
"I didn't have to go then! …Besides, I think we killed all the aliens. We only unleashed, what, 4 of them?"
The first predator took out a tracking device. "Bad news, bro. One of them was a queen… and I think she laid one more pod somewhere,"
"*sigh* Fine. YOU go find it… I'm going back to the ship to watch 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show',"
"The original one or the remake?"
"…Yes." With that, Predator 2 left, leaving Predator Numero Uno to search the streets for his last prey.
On the other side of the block, Tom, Marco and Star were looking around, Star using her wand as a scanner. "There's something here alright…" she whispered, her eyes shifting in suspicion.
"What gave it away?" Marco sarcastically asked as they stood around broken pods, dead Aliens, and a few dummy-props with holes in their chests.
"This looks worse than my first year in Anger Management," Tom said, gasping as an Alien carcass fell off a busted streetlight.
"Whatever caused all this… it's going to regret crashing our Halloween night!" Star grimaced, kicking an empty pod out of the way.
There was a rattling sound and the trio turned, Star aiming her wand, Marco striking a karate-stance, and Tom having his fists on fire…
…only to see it was a cat running out of an alley.
"Sheesh. For a minute there, I figured- WHOA!" Marco cried as a plasma-blast shot at them, and he leaped into Tom's arms… only to remember his hands were on fire and he jumped back out, batting out the flames. "Ow, hot hot hot!"
The Predator stormed towards them, its plasma-gun aimed at Star. "Watercorn Stampede!" She exclaimed, summoning the spell and having several waterbred-unihorns trample the Predator!
Tom summoned fire and set the creature ablaze… yet it remained standing! Marco ran up and karate-kicked it in the face, making it topple back… but really the Predator was just getting pissed. It aimed its cannon, blasting at them and forcing them to take cover.
The trio ducked into an abandoned arcade, staying hidden as the Predator walked by; its tracking device beeped and it looked at the screen, before turning and heading in the other direction. "What kind of monster is that?" Marco asked in a whisper.
"It's more of an alien… well, a Predator to be specific." Star answered. "Mewnites used to go Xenomorph-hunting with them once a year in the woods back home, until Predators thought it was 'non-sporting' to use magic and decided to take their game elsewhere."
"…and apparently they chose Earth. Great. But what are Xenomorphs?"
"See those corpses with acid-blood and phallic-symbolism?" Tom replied, pointing at an Alien corpse. "THAT'S a Xenomorph. They come from eggs laid by a Xeno-Queen, which produce face-huggers that impregnate anyone they latch onto."
"Ew! Why?!"
"To serve as a metaphor for sexual-assault."
"…No, I mean WHY do they do that?"
"Oh. To ensure the survival of their species, I guess. I mean, they've become pretty scarce in the last century- those sequels, prequels and remakes don't exactly help them thrive either."
"We can't let them run all over the city! There's KIDS out there, for crying out loud!"
"That's probably why the Predator is here- to wipe them out," Star thought, then held up her wand. "And I say we beat him to the punch! What do you say, boys? Feel like spending Halloween going Xeno-Hunting?"
"So long as none of us get face-hugged…" Tom wretched, and they headed out.
Unbeknownst to them, Dan was hiding nearby, having overheard everything. He ducked down, seeing the second Predator was walking into a restroom of a half-ruined gas-station. Sneaking inside after it, Dan saw it left its plasma-gun on the counter and- smirking to himself- grabbed it and took off running. "Don't waste your time, kids… that Alien is aaaalllll mine!" he said to himself.
The second Predator walked out, freezing when it saw its weapon was gone! "Oh, crud… Mom's gonna kill me!" it gasped, then took off to quickly find its weapon.
0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0
Back at Warehouse 13, Fanatic was… talking on his cell-phone.
"Yeah, we'll be stopping by the Pizzeria after we find ATF a costume. …*sigh* Tell Ballora that Proxy is NOT interested in a relationship right now… because he's got a kid to look after! …No, no, I said WG is DRESSED like Teddie, I didn't say he was actually coming. …I don't know! I've never met him! Oh, but ATF has him on Fakebook, he can see for ya. …Yep, anytime, Track. Make sure Foxy doesn't burn out the Pac-Man machine again."
While he was talking, he failed to notice something lurking in the shadows…
"AHA!" Fanatic shouted, turning and shining his flashlight… on a random cupcake wearing a tiny top-hat, monocle and sporting a handlebar mustache. "Doctor Squeaks, I KNEW you would make an appearance someday! Go on, shoo!" he turned to the audience. "…He knows what he did."
…
With WG and FF2, they were walking through the warehouse, FF2 shaking. "N-Now I know h-how ATF f-f-feels," he shivered. "No d-d-deposit is worth this!"
"Oh, here," WG sighed, pulling out an extra pair of black pants and a long-sleeved white shirt. "I brought a spare outfit. You can put it on,"
FF2 did a double-take. "You had a spare outfit this whole time, and you didn't give it to ATF?! Why?!"
"…He hates it when we end up wearing the same costume."
"Never mind." FF2 took it around the crates to change. "Why are you carrying a spare outfit anyway?"
"After what happened on New Years Eve 2015, there was no way I was going to risk running around in a bunny-suit again."
"…Okay, fair enough." FF2 stepped out once he was done changing. "How do I look?"
"You look OUT!"
*Skish!*
…Too late.
While their backs were turned, Jason Voorhees stabbed his machete right through FF2!
"…ouch," FF2 grunted, falling back behind the crate.
"FF2!" WG screamed… then glared at Jason. "YOU… DIE!"
Jason swung his machete at her- which she blocked with her own machete (never goes anywhere without it), then shot him with her laser-vision, making him crash through the wall, landing outside near Proxy and ATF! "Holy muffins!" ATF yelped.
Fanatic raced over. "I heard threats! What happened?!" he asked.
"Jason Voorhees stabbed my boyfriend!" WG cried.
"…but, he's a Time Lord. Doesn't he regenerate?"
"Oh yeah." WG looked over at the crates. "You okay, babe?"
There was a glowing light as FF2 regenerated… looking very, very different. "Uggghhhh… I feel like I got hit by a truck full of fat people- while it was on fire." He stated, his voice sounding like the Tenth Doctor. He then noticed Fanatic and WG gawking. "…Okay, you're looking at me funny and Fan looks like he's trying not to fall over laughing. Who or what do I look like?"
"Riddle me this: what videogame character are you NOT a fan of?" Fanatic asked in return.
FF2 flinched. "Sephiroth?!"
"Nope. Guess again."
"Skeith?"
"Not even close."
"…Junpei Iori?"
"No, keep guessing."
WG nudged Fanatic. "Here's a better hint… Who has wide eyes, messy hair, and reminds you of a Christmas tree?"
FF2 froze. "No…" he hurried over to a window. "No no no no no no no no-" He looked at his reflection…
Seeing that he regenerated and looked like Swaine- but with black hair. But mostly he looked like the thief from Ni no Kuni.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" FF2 screamed… at a high pitch he never hit before.
*thud*
…concluding his shock by passing out.
WG turned to Fanatic. "You got that on camera?" she asked.
"It's already trending on Youtube," Fanatic chuckled.
ATF and Proxy ran in. "We heard high pitched girly screaming! Is anyone hurt?!" Proxy asked.
"FF2 got stabbed and turned into a sexy bitch. Is Jason Voorhees still out there?" WG replied.
"Yeah… kind of. Proxy set him on fire." ATF answered. Outside a window, Jason Voorhees was doing the stop-drop-and-roll procedure.
"Good… BECAUSE I'M GONNA KILL HIM FOR GOING STABBY-MCBIGSWORD ON MY BOYFRIEND!" WG whipped out her machete (which caught fire) as she said this.
"…even though he regenerated looking like Swaine?"Fanatic asked.
"I don't care if he looks like Kanji Tatsumi- no one cheap-shots my bunny-fluff!"
"Kanji Tatsumi sounds like the better option, actually." Swaine- I mean FF2- said as he snapped back into consciousness… then aimed a gun at his head!
"Dude!" WG smacked the gun away. "No hara-kairi!"
"Oh come on! I look like the love-child of Spike Spiegel and Usopp!"
"Unless you look like someone from Family Guy, South Park, or other form of offensive media, you stick with what you got!"
His shoulders slumped. "But I don't like it…!" he whined.
"You're not killing yourself just because you don't like how you look. That's sending a bad message to readers!"
He crossed his arms, giving her a look. "…you enjoy this, don't you?"
"Very much so, yes. Now let's get going- I want to show Jason how I can break someone's (bleep) 34 different ways!" With that, WG stormed out.
FF2 sighed, then followed. "If this is because I didn't do the dishes…!"
Fanatic nudged ATF. "C'mon, I wanna videotape Swaine-Face's lament," he whispered.
"I thought we were here to find Anti a costume?" Proxy questioned.
"Maybe there's something in here- AUGH!" ATF screamed after looking into a crate… and something jumped out and latched onto his face! "GEH IH HOFF! GEH IH HOFF!"
"DOBBY'S SOCK, IT'S A FACE-HUGGER!" Fanatic shouted, then whipped out a can. "I never thought I'd have to use this pepper-spray!"
*fssh!*
…he had it aimed in the wrong direction. "AUGGGHHH! ME EYES! ME EYES!" Fanatic ran around, knocking over crates and the like… and eventually something caught fire because that just tends to happen with these guys.
Proxy aimed and shot the face-hugger off ATF's face, the teen taking several deep breaths. "Anti! Are you okay?!" the robot asked, rushing over.
"…I feel more violated than a virgin uke in a bad yaoi…" ATF groaned, then ran over to a crate and vomited.
Fanatic stumbled over, his eyes red. "Okay… we should go now… building is burning… my eyes are burning… everything is burning…" he groaned. Proxy led them both out of the building, which turned into a pile of ashes seconds later.
WG and Swaine-Face- I mean FF2 were scouting the area. "So what was the screaming about, why is the building burned down, and why does ATF look queasier than Shaggy Rogers after he watched SAW?" the latter asked.
"Bro, are you okay?" WG asked.
"I think we should take him to a hospital… or Area 52. He was violated by a face-hugger-" Fanatic explained.
"WHAT?!" WG paled and her eyes became as wide as dinner plates. "THERE'S FACE-HUGGERS IN THIS FIC?! NUH UH! NO WAY! I DIDN'T AGREE ON THIS!"
"Whoa, honey, calm down-!" SwainF2 tried to coax.
"No! You guys know I have virginitiphobia!" WG began to hyperventilate. "Oh man… I think I'm gonna be sick…"
"YOU'RE going to be sick?! I'm the one who might be pregnant!" ATF sputtered, then began to sway. "…with that said, I feel a black-out coming on… Proxy, hold me."
Proxy caught ATF after he fainted. Fanatic looked over, seeing WG cling to Gascon- I mean Swaine- I mean… ah screw it, she clung to her boyfriend for dear life.
"…We may need a scene change to help everyone recuperate," Fanatic commented to the reader.
0O0SCENE0O0OCHANGE0O0OWHEEEE!0O0O0
The Predator walked towards the pier, just in time to see the burned down warehouse. It turned invisible, using its thermal-seeking goggles and spotting the Authors and robot leaving; its sensors also noted that one of them had been attacked by a face-hugger.
It took aim with its plasma-cannon, preparing to destroy those he deemed as threats…
Not noticing a burned Jason Voorhees sneaking up from behind…
There was a screech as a face-hugger leaped towards the Predator; he ducked, and it latched onto Jason's face! Thankfully with his hockey-mask, it was hard for the creature to penetrate him, but that didn't keep the undead serial killer from flailing around.
(If he had the voice, he would probably be screaming something along the lines of, "Holy shit, what is this thing, get it off, mommy, augh, for the love of all that's pure get it off, augh, augh, augh!" and stuff like that.)
The Predator took aim, blasting at Jason and the face-hugger until the violating-creature was melted off his face. Jason, after shaking off his shock, raised his machete to stab the Predator, only to end up getting punched in the face, soaring overhead and crashing in another part of town.
Predator turned, seeing that the Authors were gone. He stalked off, his scanner showing there was still one more Alien in the vicinity.
0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0
With Star, Marco and Tom, they were trying to track down the Predator… taking a shortcut through a graveyard. "Are you sure he's going in this direction?" Tom asked.
"He was heading towards the docks. If we come across the Aliens first, we can destroy them and send him packing!" Star said, looking at her wand/scanner. "There should be one on the other side of this creepy cemetery,"
"Star, I don't like this… I'm getting a bad feeling," Marco said. "Maybe we should go around."
"Oh calm down, Marco! There's nothing here! …Except zombies."
Star pointed over at a group of zombies lurking towards them. "Hey, do you guys know the way to the Addams residence?" one zombie asked.
"Yeah, their party is keeping us up again," a second added.
"Three blocks down, four blocks over." Tom replied, thumbing in one direction.
"Thanks, mate." With that, the zombies stalked off.
"Enough filler! Let's find those Aliens!" Star exclaimed, rushing off.
"Star, wait up!" Marco called, him and Tom chasing after her through the cemetery gates.
Around this point, the Authors were hurrying down the block; Proxy was carrying an unconscious ATF. "C'mon, the Pizzeria is right over there! We can lock him inside a springlock suit so that whatever bursts out of his chest will be grinded to hamburger, and we can feed it to the Creepypastas!" Fanatic was stating.
"I'm concerned about him. He has a bad case of REM," Proxy stated. "His brainwaves are showing signs of distress,"
"YOU try sleeping well after getting face-raped," WG scoffed, clinging to her boyfriend's back while having her gun aimed in every direction. "Anything coming up on the scanner, hon?"
FF2 was looking at his phone-screen. "Um, nope. It seems clear," he was saying hastily.
WG looked down, then gave a deadpanned look. "…dude. That's your Fakebook profile."
We get a look at said profile, having a status update reading, 'Ended up regenerating into a wide-eyed freak, face-huggers are loose, and no candy yet fml'.
Proxy looked at ATF. "I'm going to try waking him up. Something isn't right,"
"Probably just gas. It's natural with alien impregnations," Fanatic assured.
Alas, within ATF's subconscious, all was not well. The lad was running around a boiler room in terror.
Appearing before him was Freddy Krueger. "Where ya going, little boy? How about we play a game?!" he taunted, raising a clawed hand. "It's called, 'Name that organ'!"
ATF only knocked him over in his run. "Not now, Fredward! I've got enough to deal with!"
Krueger gave him an odd glance. "Kid, you realize you're dealing with the guy who can kill you in your dreams, right?!"
"You DO realize I'm a pregnant 13-year-old living in 2018 America, right? I'm already freaked out beyond the point of a near-death experience! …oh, and Fluffy is right behind you."
"What?" Krueger turned…
Seeing Fluffy, ATF's dark-ego. "So you like killing KIDS, do ya?!" he snarled, then began to do unspeakable, violent things that even Freddy Krueger couldn't pull off.
"GAH! OH SHIT! OW! NO, NOT UP THERE-AUGH!"
*ZAP!*
ATF snapped awake, and a beaten-and-bloodied Krueger appeared in reality. "…Just gas, huh?!" WG questioned Fanatic.
"What happened?" ATF asked, noticing his hair had electric currents fizzing through it.
"Apologies, but I had to zap you into consciousness." Proxy said, his palms like defibrillators.
Glancing around, he saw they were in the Pizzeria.
"Hey! What're you doing here?!" Freddy (Fazbear) snapped at Freddy (Krueger).
"…right now, bleeding…" Krueger groaned.
"I got this." Foxy stated, then crammed Krueger into a springlock suit. He turned to a table where Moon, the Creepypastas, and the Hetalia cast were sitting. "If he tries to pull any of that nightmare-crap after he dies again, deal with him would ya?"
"He'll be going to the not-so-nice-place, sugared and glazed." Moon assured, eating some pizza.
ATF gasped, groaning and clutching his abdomen. "Ohhhh shit…! It's coming…!" he cried.
"Already?! I thought these things take 24 hours to pop out!" WG cried.
"Must be a preemie," FF2 stated.
ATF fell back onto the counter, his stomach starting to bulge! "Someone get some water!" Chica cried.
"Water, my ass! Get this kid a Pepto-Bismol!" Bonnie shouted.
"What's going on?! What's wrong with ATF?!" Tracker shouted, rushing out.
"Stand back, sis! We're about to become aunts!" WG yelped.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" ATF screamed as his ribcage was pried open, and out crawled a small alien! The whole pizzeria gasped.
The alien then donned a tiny top hat, cane, and began dancing down the counter.
Alien: ~Hello my baby, hello my honey
Hello my ragtime gal!
Baby you're so beguile
You make my heart go wild!
If you refuse me, honey you'll lose me
So c'mon
*Mangle drops a stack of dishes as it passes by*
And tell me I'm your own…!~ *escapes through window*
Gape. That's… that's pretty much all everyone at this point could do after that.
"…check please!" FF2 called.
0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0
With Dan, he was following the trail the remaining Alien left behind… mainly consisting of dummies- I mean, 'corpses that were NOT made out of cheap material'- with stuffing coming out of their chests… I mean, holes in their abdomens that were leaking stuff that was NOT ketchup, vinegar, and raw hamburger mixed together in a poor attempt to make it look gory because our budget was spent on candy. *munch munch*
He approached an abandoned building, where the trail seemed to have ended. Walking through the backdrop- I mean, front doors- he entered the set of the studio's basement… I mean, the vacated structure that just so happened to be filled with leftover props and costumes.
He paused, seeing fresh acid was sizzling on a crate filled with scripts for future Star Wars movies. "I know you're in here… come out and show yourself, ya overgrown dick!" he called.
Something moved behind him, and he quickly turned and shot-!
"Eep!" Marco yelped, once again managing to avoid getting hit with plasma. "Watch it!"
"What the…?! How did you guys get here so quick?!" Dan demanded.
"The set was connected to the employee break room," Star said, while munching on a donut and sipping a coffee. "(By the way, do NOT try the cheese-dip. The special-effects guy had some, and is STILL clogging the toilets),"
"I'm lactose-intolerant, so who cares?!" Dan looked ahead. "Fine. The more of us here, the more bait- I mean, 'help' I'll have to catch that alien," he paused, giving a short wave. "Oh, hi Tom."
"Hey, Dan." Tom replied casually. Marco and Star looked at him. "…We had a class together once. Last one before the instructor decided to take early retirement,"
"SHUSH!" Star hissed, raising a finger. "Something's moving in there…"
They cautiously walked onward to a door with a piece of paper reading 'Authorized Personal Only' (someone was in too much of a rush to proof-check that, apparently), and walked in.
Meanwhile, the two Predators entered from another side. "I TOLD you not to leave your crap lying around!" Predator 1 scolded.
"I had to take a shit! And last time I checked, it's not easy to drop a load while carrying a plasma-gun… or do you REMEMBER what happened at the Christmas Party?!" Predator 2 sneered.
"Whatever- oh, crud, don't move. The scanner's picking up Xenomorph activity here!"
"Ah frick-frack! Why couldn't we have just hunted something else, like vampires, or werewolves, or politicians?"
"Stop bellyaching and keep moving! Once we kill this thing, we can go back home and marathon 'Sex and the City',"
"Seriously?! Why can't we watch anything good?!"
"I'm sorry, but WHICH of us pays the cable bill?!"
The two Predators stalked off.
Right after them came the Authors-
*CRASH!*
…falling in from the ventilation ducts. "…okay… it definitely isn't in the vents…" Fanatic groaned.
"But it did run in here… right?" WG asked, clinging to FF2.
"Yeah… but… I don't think it's alone. I think there's more of them!" FF2 responded, looking at his scanner.
"I'm prepared this time!" ATF said, wearing a football helmet… and also sporting a giant band-aid on his abdomen.
"I detect alien activity through there," Proxy stated, pointing at the door.
Everyone went in…
…and were immediately yanked off to the side by Star, Marco and Tom. "Star! What the- mmmf!" Fanatic began to shout until she covered his mouth.
"Shhhhhhhhhh-shh!" Star hissed, mouthing the words, 'It doesn't know we're here', pointing over the stairway.
Everyone peeked out…
"Hey! Get out of here!" Fanatic yelled at Doctor Squeaks who was in their line of sight.
Beyond the dapper cupcake, they saw the Alien Queen, three other Aliens, and a few pods in the middle of the ground floor.
"What's the plan?" Tom asked.
"I'm good with explosives," WG offered.
"We have to be careful about this. These things move quick, so we can't just barge in and start shooting-" FF2 began to state.
"Hey, what's Swaine doing here?" Marco asked. FF2 quietly fumed.
"Just. Don't. Rush. In."
"…You mean like what Dan's doing?" ATF pointed out.
"What?!" Star gasped, and looked over.
Dan was standing before the Queen, plasma-cannon aimed right at her. The Aliens growled and hissed at him. "Alright, 'Your Highness', here's the deal! Either you pay for the damages on my car, or these pods get smelted!"
The Queen roared at him.
"Oh yeah? What's your insurance coverage?"
The Queen growled.
"You call that a co-pay?! Lady, you need to get with a better company." He took aim. "Oh well. Any last words?"
The Queen lunged and Dan shot; the rest of the Aliens had him surrounded.
"…Welp. So much for stealth." WG said, then jumped into the chaos with the others. She and Tom got to work frying the pods- mainly because no one wanted to risk any more face-huggers.
The Queen ended up knocking FF2, Proxy, Marco and ATF into another room, the three Aliens rushing in after them. Star and Dan were doing their best to defeat the Queen. "Spider with a Top-Hat!" Star cried, launching her most powerful spell.
Dan continued blasting, but the gun suddenly went 'ppthhh'. "What the…?! Low Battery?! Oh, come on!" he shouted, until suddenly he was slammed into the wall, seeing stars! "…clean up on aisle 12…"
The Queen advanced on Star, who stood her ground…
There were more shots, as the Predators came in, leaping from the rafters! One stabbed the Queen in the head, while the other shot her with plasma, but the Queen was holding strong, throwing one into the other- both of them crashing on Dan just as he was waking up! "OOF!"
The Queen prepared to devour them, but Star blasted her once again. "Over here, you overgrown baby-maker!" she shouted, and led the Queen away.
Tom and WG stood nearby, panting. "Well. That's all of them." Tom said, wiping his brow.
"Thank God…" WG sighed, then looked around. "Um, wasn't this room full of chaos a moment ago? Where's my boyfriend?"
"Where's my girlfriend?!"
The two exchanged glances… then took off to find everyone.
The Predators and Dan stood up. "That's it! Now I'm mad!" Dan snarled, storming outside.
Predator 2 looked at Predator 1. "Next year, we're going to Disneyland." He groused.
…
Meanwhile with the others, they found themselves cornered by Aliens. Proxy had his palms out ready to incinerate, guarding ATF; Marco had a karate-pose ready; and FF2 had his Sonic-Shotgun fired up.
The Alien in the middle, which was smaller than the rest, veered closer; it looked different from the others, with black hair on its head.
ATF paused. "Wait a minute…!" he spoke up, walking forth and pointing at the middle Alien. "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, YOUNG EXTRATERRESTRIAL!"
"Um, ATF…? W-What're you doing?" Marco asked.
"Hold on, I'll handle this." ATF stood in front of the middle Alien. "What do you think you're doing, running around, hunting people?! Do you have ANY IDEA what time it is?!"
The Alien growled at him. To its surprise, ATF smacked it!
"Don't use that tone with me! You were just born, what, two hours ago? And you think you can just race off on Halloween night by yourself?! There's weirdoes all over the city- I should know! One of them stabbed FF2 here and turned him into a Lupin III-Meets-Tulio-like character!"
FF2 refused to comment.
The Alien growled again.
"I don't CARE what your mother said! You popped out of MY chest, you live under MY rules!"
The Alien snarled.
"Don't back-talk your surrogate-father! Or need I remind you how excruciating it was during your birth?!"
He growled again.
"One more crack, and I'll show your friends here your baby-pictures!"
The two other Aliens snickered. The middle Alien whined.
"Now say goodbye to your killer-comrades, and go into the corner and think about what you've done!"
The Alien groaned, walking into the corner as he was told.
The other two aliens snarled, coming closer to the others.
ATF held up his phone. "I HAVE YOUR PARENTS ON SPEED-DIAL, TOO!"
They paused… then fled.
ATF sighed, crossing his arms and looking at the others. "Kids these days: they burst outta your ribcage, grow 9 feet tall within the hour, and suddenly think they can do whatever they want!"
*CRASH!*
Star came flying into the room. "Star! Are you okay?!" Marco asked, rushing towards her.
"Sure… nothing a few Kit-Kat© bars won't help…" Star slurred before going unconscious.
The Queen came bounding in. She was about to attack, but laser and fire-balls hit her in the face. She turned towards WG and Tom. "Nuh-uh! I ain't letting my boyfriend die twice in one night! …And PS, you are SO DEAD for getting my brother pregnant!" WG snarled.
"…Say hi to your aunt," ATF said to the Alien still in the corner.
"Eh-wo," The Alien squeaked.
The Queen bellowed, summoning the other two Aliens back. The Predators bounded in; one aimed its plasma-gun at the Authors deeming them threats, and the other prepared to attack the Queen.
"Looks like we're in for an epic fi-" Fanatic began to say.
"Bored now," WG said, opening a portal that led into the depths of space, making it suck in the Queen and two Aliens!
Everyone blinked. "…okay, but… what about them?!" Tom asked.
WG rolled her eyes and dropped her weapon, as did everyone else. The Predators shrugged- then turned to the Alien in the corner. "Nah! That's my nephew! You zap him, you get hurled into space next!"
The Predators paused. "Ah screw it. I'm done with this crap," Predator 1 sighed, and they walked out.
"Well, looks like that's all wrapped up," Marco said, as WG opened a portal outside of the building.
"Yeah… but I feel like we forgot something," FF2 said, rubbing his chin.
…
At this moment, Dan just finished lining the building with explosives. "TRICK-OR-TREAT, MOTHER-!" he began to shout, before his hand slipped on the detonator.
*BOOOOM!*
Everyone paused, looking back at the mushroom-cloud forming over where the building once stood.
Dan walked by. "No need to thank me! Just ridding the world of a few vandals from outer space!" he exclaimed.
"But, we actually-" Marco began. WG rested a hand on his shoulder, shaking her head in a 'Don't bother' manner. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "…whatever. Let's just get back to trick-or-treating,"
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Everyone walked down the block. ATF was wearing a Sigourney Weaver costume… walking along with his Alien child, wearing a large knit-cap, a T-shirt, and a pair of pants. "Now remember, don't eat too much candy or you'll get a tummy-ache. And no eating other people- it's often frowned upon in society. And if anyone makes fun of you, don't spit acid on them, come tell me," he was telling him.
Tracker and Moon came running forth. "Sorry it took us so long! I had to help repair the window, and Moon… well, she wanted to get candy," Tracker said.
"I see we still have an Alien in our midst," Moon commented. "Nice kid, ATF. He has your hair."
"Thanks! This is Jeffrey- Jeffrey, say hi to your Aunt Tracker and Moon," ATF replied.
"Jeffrey?" Tracker questioned. "You named him Jeffrey?"
"Sure! Look at that smile! That's a Jeff smile!"
Jeffrey smiled eerily; Jeff the Killer gave a deadpanned look, refusing to comment.
"Where are the others?" Moon asked.
"Doing a ritual to reverse FF2's curse… or at least that's what he calls it," ATF said, thumbing down the sidewalk.
FF2 stood on an outline of his Ink-Alchemist symbol… which was made with the sugary-insides of a few thousand Pixie-Stix© "You sure this will work?" Fanatic asked.
"Well, we're supposed to use salt, but sugar will have to do!" WG said. "Alright, honey, hit it!"
FF2 held up his wand. "By the powers of Full-Metal Alchemist and Harry Potter logic that I used in the St. Patrick's Day crack fic, abra-ca-dabra, turn me back!" he exclaimed, waving his wand.
*ZAP! POOF!*
Everyone coughed, waving away the smoke. "Well? Did it work?" Fanatic asked.
FF2 stood up, looking the way he did at the start of the fic. "Yeah, I think so,"
"I think so too," 'FF2'… who looked like Swaine still… also replied…?!
The two identities looked at each other. "ACK!" both cried. "What the…?! How the…?! WHAT?!"
"…This, kids, is why you shouldn't use magic to solve your problems," Fanatic told the audience.
"So, rather than changing back, FF2 ended up splitting from his new identity?" WG questioned.
"I believe that is the case…" The second FF2 said.
"SWEETNESS!"
"Stop it." FF2 turned to his new counterpart. "Well, there can only be ONE FF2 mentioned in this fic!"
"Oh, shiznit, you're not going to kill him, are ya?!"
"What? No! I was going to ask him what he'll call himself. I mean, it would be confusing if we both went by 'FF2',"
"No kidding," The counterpart said. "Well then… you can call me… 'Fuckboy Jones',"
"You are NOT making that your name!" WG sneered.
"Fine, fine… then call me, 'Doomi I. M. Horn E.,"
"Oh, pick a normal name!"
"Okay, okay! Sheesh, someone lost her sense of humor… Well, call me Wesley F. B. Louis,"
"FB?" Fanatic questioned. "What does that stand for?"
"Fuck-Boy,"
"DUDE!" WG snapped.
"Hey, as long as I'm looking like THIS," the Swaine-look-alike pointed at his face. "'Fuck-Boy' is going to be part of my name, somehow!"
"Fair enough," FF2 snickered.
"Okay, but here's the REAL question… Which one of you is going to be WG's boyfriend?" Fanatic asked.
FF2 and Wesley looked at WG. "Well, darling? Who do you choose?"
"Well! This is sudden! Um… I think I'll choose-" WG began to state, then did a double-take. "Holy shit, THERE HE IS!"
They watched as she raced across the street… and attacked Jason Voorhees before he could stab someone.
"Son of a bitch! How dare you stab my boyfriend! I kill you! The power of pain compels you!" WG was shouting as she tore up Jason reeeaaal badly.
*doink doink doink*
His hockey mask bounced across the street and landed, spinning, in front of the others, being all that remained of him… until a truck ran it over. "Mmmmmaaaaaybe we'll ask her later," Wesley suggested.
"Yeah/okay/good call," Everyone else agreed.
"Lets go get candy, already!" ATF exclaimed, and the group took off.
They ran passed the two Predators, who only shook their heads and went back into their space-ship, turning on the radio as they shot off… deciding never to visit Earth and its weirdness for a long, long while.
~Girl it's freaky!
(Written by Wherever Girl)
You trick or treat me!
(Special Thanks to FF2 and his name-choice for Wesley; Fanatic for his insanity; and the special-effects guy who did most of his work on the toilet)
My teeth are extra sharp
My body's extra hairy
(Leo Brave and Case Rogers based on characters from Shaggy Pugsy and Flip, Season2, by Anti-Twilight Forever)
I'm running in the dark
I love you so much
It's scary~
(Yet Another Crack-Fic Production)
...
In the depths of space, the two Aliens and Queen floated in the blackness.
"Mom… I want to live with Dad," One Alien stated.
"Not now, Billy, mommy has a headache…" The Queen groused.
END