"So, my Obama Chia head came with this thing, eh?" America says, pressing a button on the Chia Pet alarm clock. The alarm starts playing a catchy yet annoying tune played with something that sounded like steel drums and a female voice singing "Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia at intervals. "Hey, it's kinda cute!" America decides, and starts dancing to the tune. "The others are gonna love you! Especially Jamaica!" Racist America says, picking up the Alarm clock that had finished its song and carrying it downstairs. He walks into the kitchen, where England and France are debating over which pastry is better: A croissant or a scone.
"Well at least mine won't give you a heart attack! Croissants are LOADED with FAT!" England rants.
"Well, we French work it off, instead of reading like a sorry bunch of losers! Why read when you can…"
England turns. "America-!"
"Croissants," America answers.
"Ohoho~," France laughs.
"YOU'RE MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD, YOU DIABETIC GIT!"
"Don't forget he's my brother too!" France frowns.
"WELL…"
"Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia!"
Something makes a hissing noise as France covers his ears. "Zut alors! Usually my voluminous hair protects my ears from sounds like that, but that thing is loud, mon ami!"
"Not to mention annoying, aru!" China walks in, covering his exposed ears.
"Mein got! Who are the vandals playing loud and distracting music while we, the almighty axis, are training?" Germany runs in and whips his head back and forth.
"Ve~ I like it, Doitsu! Dance with me!" Italy calls as he picks the alarm clock up and starts dancing with it.
"I am sorry, Italy chan, but I have to agree with Germany CHAAAAN!" Japan shouts as Italy drags him to the center to dance with him.
"You could hear it from all the way in Axis territory?" America asks Germany.
"ANTARCTICA HEARD IT!" Germany shouts. He lowers his voice. "And he was not happy either!" The song then ends. Italy stops dancing and looks around.
"Where's England?"
Everyone looks around. Now that the music is off, they can hear England's grunts and Russia's voice.
"Let go!" Ceiling Russia urges from his little alcove.
"No!" England, hanging on to the edge of the opening shouts, "There's no snow down there!"
"Hey!" Russia frowns, "Do you have to insult everyone at all hours of the day?"
"Yes," England says sarcastically, "Otherwise my daily schedule will be ruined!"
"Oh…" Russia says thoughtfully, "I think you need another schedule." England rolls his eyes.
"You are not a cat, monsieur England"
England freezes. "So, so what if I hissed and hung on to the ceiling? Monsieur Annoying!"
"It's Monsieur France to you!"
"And I'm Monsieur Hero!" America says, standing under his brother, "Now let go! I've got you." He clings onto his brother's legs.
England sighs. "Okay, on three. One, two…"
"THREE!" America tugs on England's legs. Suddenly his vision is overwhelmed by darkness. "WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?"
"America you GIIIIIIIIT!" America shakes his head and finds himself looking at England's briefs and scrawny legs flailing about. His eyes widen as he realizes that England's pants were covering his eyes before.
"Bye bye!" Russia says, plucking the last of England's fingers from the edge and closing the alcove.
"RUSSIA, I'M SO STARTING A WAR WITH YOOOU!" England shouts as he falls.
"WAAAAAA, uh, don't worry I'll catch you!" America yells after the gentleman. His glasses fall beside him. "Not now," he mutters. As he stoops over to pick it up, the Chia alarm clock slips out of his pocket.
"America!" England shouts as he nears the ground.
"Right!" America says, adjusting his glasses. He was a little right from where England was about to land, hopefully in his arms. He starts cautiously stepping backward, and his heel presses onto the alarm clock.
"Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia!"
America whips around to see where the alarm clock is and England crashes to the ground.
"Screw Tylenol, does anyone have any Brandy?" England asks, dazed.
"I have vodka!" Russia's muffled voice is heard. England groans.
"I'm so sorry…" America stoops over England and hands him his pants.
"It's not your fault," England says as he pulls on his pants, sounding like he's drunk, "It's that demn alarm clock's fault!"
"Oh yes, ze thing zat sent England running," France grins.
"Shut up, moron! Now, where's the accursed clock?" England looks around.
"Your sense of direction comes as often as your sobriety, monsieur England."
"I SAID SHUT UP, WANKER!" England locates the clock and picks it up, hands trembling.
"Ve~ don't kill the clock, England! It… " Germany clasps his hand over Italy's mouth.
"Sorry, chap, but it has to go!" England starts laughing but then freezes as the alarm clock starts to vibrate violently.
"Um, part of the alarm?" America suggests.
England throws the clock onto the floor and jumps into Germany's arms. Germany looks down at him, drops him, and walks away. "Thanks for nothing," England scoffs. Now everyone could feel the intense vibrations under their feet.
"Earthquake! Hey, can a hero stop an earthquake?"
"That would make a good movie, America chan!"
"I'll make the knock off action figures, aru!"
"Ve~ I think it's angry at us! GERMANY, CAN YOU MAKE US SOME PASTA TO EAT BEFORE WE DIE?"
"NO!"
"This must be very advanced dark magic!"
"Give me a break, monsieur England!"
"VODKAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
China shrilly screams. "IT'S GROWING, ARU!"
Now that the confusion is cut, everyone looks to see the alarm clock increasing in size. It eventually cracks the ceiling in half. Ceiling Russia comes sliding out.
"This is fun, da?" No one answers him as he lands and brushes himself off.
The clock then starts growing robotic limbs, one arm being a laser, the other being a gun. It finally stands in front of the gawking nations in all its glory.
"That would be SO COOL if it wasn't gonna hurt us!" America finally says.
"Ummmmm… EVERYONE, FORM A CIRCLE!" England suggests.
"This isn't Dora the Explorer!" America whines.
Spain walks in. "Dora Dora Dora the Explorer…" He looks up. "RAYOS!" He runs away.
Russia grabs China's hand and leads everyone to form a circle around the former clock.
"Now what, da?"
"I say we make it dizzy and then get the hell out of here!" America pipes up.
"Oh yes, our resident hero," England comments sarcastically. America's face grows hot with shame.
"Then what do you say we do?" America retorts, "And we won't agree on performing black magic!"
England pouts. "Hmph"
"Well I think…"
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!"
"Germany!" France and England simultaneously say.
"We don't have enough time to be fighting when this monstrosity may vaporize one of us in a matter of seconds! We have to calm ourselves and talk this out. If you've got a strategy you'd think would work, please make sure it is perfectly reasonable and then say it. Everyone gets 8 minutes to talk. Neither whispering nor running out of time will be allowed. Now, the first person who wants to speak first shall raise their hand after making up their mind. You may speak, Italy." Germany points to Italian raising his hand.
"Déjà vu" France mutters.
Italy takes a deep breath and thinks hard. He opens his eyes and smiles. "We could feed it pasta!"