Gray looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
"Hey, Mary!" a familiar deep voice calls from across the room. As I hear it, a blush blossoms across my face, my heart races like a galloping horse and a smile breaks across my face.
"Hey, Gray," I reply, turning around shyly. "H-how are you today?" he walks to the desk and sits comfortably on it, grinning from ear to ear. He's never truly at ease around his grandfather or other people. He always watches out of the corner of his azure eyes, hands balled into fists. He's never told me why he's so cautious, but I have ideas.
"I'm good," he says as I sit next to him. "Very good, actually."
"Very good? What's the occasion?" I ask, still smiling at him. "Did your grandfather promote you?" his smile fades slightly and I begin to worry.
I've said the wrong thing... oh, dear...
"No, not yet," he sighs, staring at the wall and unconsciously relieving my thoughts. "I've been thinking... less about work nowadays."
"Less?" am I still talking to the same Gray...? And is he blushing? I stare at the cheek that's visible and sure enough, the tell-tale blush stands out on his creamy face.
What could it be? I wonder, staring fixedly at him. Maybe... no, Mary. You're in way over your head if you think that...
"Yeah. I'm sorry I haven't been around," he turns and apologetically bows his head at me, "but something's come up." He sighs now and looks hopefully at me. "I can trust you with this, right?"
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be
"Of course!" I exclaim reassuringly, rubbing his shoulder. "You can tell me anything, Gray."
And hereupon the knight so true, with his eyes so ever blue, cast a glance upon her face, throwing all unanswered questions down from space...
"Okay," he exhales and begins blushing again. "Mary... I think... I might like..." my heart flies out of my chest. Is it me? I wonder hopefully, staring at the boy I want to marry. Does he like me, too? Is this really happening? His lips move, but no sound comes . It doesn't need to... I saw the name and my heart feels like it has dropped into my stomach.
Claire.
I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
He walks into the library two weeks later at the beginning of Summer. His face may be as red as a tomato but he's smiling. I smile back and nearly bound across the room.
"Hey," he greets me with a hug. He smells like sweat mingled with aftershave, but I love that. His scent is exquisite.
"Hi," I say in a breathy tone, regretfully pulling away. He readjusts his cap and takes his usual seat. "How was work today?"
"It was good. Claire stopped by," he replies, blushing as he says her name. My heart and face fall as he mentions her, the other girl.
In the romance novels, the hero always chooses the heroine, right? Maybe he'll choose me...
"-and she... Mary?" Gray looks at me, concerned. "Are you okay?" I look up and realize that I've zoned out whilst he was complimenting Claire.
"I'm sorry," I mumble, placing a fake smile on my face. "I'm just... thinking."
"It's weird, having your head in the clouds," Gray remarks, concern fading as he believes me. "Especially at work... I've nearly burned my hands off thinking about her. It drives grandfather mad."
And she's got everything
That I have to live without
She's so confident and happy. Always out and about with that smile on her face. If I was willowy and confident, would that make Gray like me?
No. He likes her for who she is, as it should be...
Gray talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me
Laughing, we walk to mother's hill. As usual, his hand is in mine. Does he realize that the sweat inside our grasp is mine? Or does he think it's his? Memories of me bandaging him after an injury at the blacksmith returns to me.
"Yo! Mary!" calls an accented voice. "And Gray, too!"
"Hey, man!" Gray greets Kai, giving him an awkward male hug... I think it's called a 'bro' hug. Kai tried to explain it to me once, but it didn't work out too well. "How have you been? It's been too long."
"It has! But I'm glad to be back." He hugs me and continues with, "You both look really happy. Especially you, Mary. Have you two gotten together?" we both blush for different reasons. Kai's question has made me want to run home, crying as Gray chases me.
"No," Gray replies hastily. "I have a girlfriend." My jaw quivers. Girlfriend? Already?
"Oh-ho!" Kai seems a lot happier now as he grins and pounds a pleased Gray on the back. "Who? Claire?" when Gray nods, Kai crows, "I knew it! I told you you'd get her!"
"And now you can pursue your dream girl," Gray teases. Kai looks mortified.
"Shut up!"
"Well, you can. I think she'd like that." Slowly, I turn on my heel and walk down the hill. The boys are so deep in discussion that they don't see me leave... or the tears in my eyes.
He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
"...Really?" I ask Gray over the phone. I feel nauseous. Horrible at what I've just heard. "You really think so?"
"Yeah," he replies. "I really love her, Mary. And she loves me, too! She actually kissed me! Me! On the lips!" he laughs gleefully. "I can't believe that she loves me, the apprentice blacksmith."
"I'm... happy for you," I spit out, biting my lip. "She seems to really adore you..."
"She does. How did the date with Kai go?" he asks suddenly. "Did he treat you right?"
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night
He'd arranged that date with Kai, hoping that I'd be happy, too. We'd sat on the beach, eating and laughing. Kai's a nice person... sweet and generous.
But I don't like him the way I like Gray.
"It went well enough," I admit. "But..."
"But what?" Gray asks anxiously. He wants his two best friends to be happy together, it's obvious to even Thomas. "What went wrong, Mar?"
"Nothing," I reply icily. "I think I hear Claire calling you..." there's an awkward pause as Gray understands.
"You... what?" he asks, speechless. "Mary..."
"I have to go," I say as I turn the phone off and begin to cry.
He's the best thing I never had.
He's the reason for the Teardrops on My Guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
Gray walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
Gray nods to me as he walks towards me, eyes veiled. We've been spending less time together since that phone conversation. As much as it hurts, I suppose I have no other option. The wedding of Claire and Gray is set three days from now. Two seasons after he confessed his feelings to me.
"Mary," he says, halting. "Can we talk?"
"I suppose," I answer, cursing myself for answering so airily. Can he see that he takes my breath away?
"I'm sorry," he starts after a pause. "I didn't know you felt like that... This has been killing you, hasn't it?"
"No." His eyes go as hard as ice.
"Mary, don't lie to me."
"I'm not," I mumble. "Gray, I'm happy for you. I really am. Claire's a wonderful girl..." suddenly, he's holding me in his arms. The scent I miss fills my nose and I sigh.
"Mary, I love you as a sister. You're my best friend. You know that. You and I have what Claire and I don't. She understands me, sure, but I don't have this connection with her." I nod as he takes a breath. That reassures me slightly, but... "I want you to be happy, Mar. Kai's a good guy-"
"-but he's not the one I love!" I cry, ripping myself from his arms. "Gray, I love YOU!"
"I know... and I can't return that. I'm sorry, Mary... I'm not letting you leave my life, though. Understand that." With that, he walks away after kissing my forehead.
He wants me to be happy... is that possible with one who isn't your true love?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Three days later, we're sitting in the church. Gray's nervously tugging his collar while I rub his back absently.
"It'll be okay," I reassure him for the fifteenth time today. "Trust me."
"What if she rejects me, though?" Gray asks again, blue eyes frantic. "If she leaves me?"
"She won't, Gray. She loves you..." Just like I do.
"You're right..." he forces a cynical smile onto his face. "This is exactly the wedding I wanted. How did you know?"
"I remembered it from when we were younger," I reply. He laughs at the memories. "You always said that you wanted a church wedding. And a cake with an anvil on it."
"Six year old dreams," he muses, staring at the cake in question. "Will you be okay, though?" he asks, staring at me with the look in his eye that I love.
"A hundred and ten percent," I lie as the church begins to fill. "Claire should know how lucky she is..."
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause
He's the reason for the Teardrops on My Guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
It's angst filled, but not so bad for my first Harvest Moon fic. Gray's my favourite bachelor for sure... but I feel sorry for Mary. This is what I think happens when Graire happens.