As I walk away
I look over my shoulder
To see what I'm leaving behind
"Listen Lina; I don't want to see your face in this office for the next two weeks. If you choose to disobey this order you will find yourself out of a job. Do we understand each other?" Isaac Blosser's eyebrows disappeared into the fringe over his forehead. He had his chiseled arms folded in front of him, his shoulders leaning lazily against the back of his chair. Lina stood before his desk.
"But Isaac what about-"
"Lina, I thought I'd made myself clear. It's Christmas and everyone has to take a break sometime. I want you to take that fiancé of yours on a nice long vacation."
"There's that big case coming up on Werewolf legislation; I've been working on it for mon-"
"Lina, the werewolves can wait or, well, they can't really but Amish can handle it. Remember him, the little peon you've been training since he finished school? Are you not confident in his ability?" Lina blushed. Self-consciously, she tucked a stray strand of dark hair behind her ear.
"I have every bit of confidence in Amish it's just that-"
"Lina, I don't like repeating myself. You are to go and pack up your things now and leave. You are not to return until after New Years. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"
"Yes but couldn't I just-" Isaac shook his head, smiling slightly despite himself.
"Go Lina. Liam is waiting for you. He's gotten off work too."
"I really don't know if I can justify leave-"
"Look, do you need a reason to go? Are you that crippled, that deranged and desperate? Well, visit my Aunt Lizzie, Elizabeth Abbott. She lives in London, or, well, near London. I'll get you the address. She's very lonely and I'm sure she won't say no to you playing saint." Isaac dove behind his desk, rummaging through the unorganized drawers. He resurfaced with a piece of parchment and a quill. He scribbled down an address and handed Lina the parchment. "There you go. Off you get." He got up from his chair and ushered Lina from the room.
An hour later, Lina stood outside the CDYSB (City of Dublin Youth Service Board) building on Morehampton Road. She had a box balanced on her hip. She wore a long, black winter coat and a bright purple scarf around her neck. Her dark, thick hair was cropped short, falling in soft waves around her chin and her gray eyes peered out from behind small silver frames. By all accounts, Alina Black was an attractive woman. She was slim and curvy with an inhumanly constant tan. She had a pleasant, oval face and a bright, broad smile.
She brought her hand up to the door and knocked lightly. She waited only a moment before the door opened revealing Liam Connelly, her fiancé. He smiled brightly at her, his round, freckled face practically glowing. "I can't believe Isaac actually got you to leave!"
"You don't think it's bad do you? Can you get away for this long?" Lina asked frantically, as Liam led her out onto the then quiet street.
"Of course, the kids will be fine without me for a couple weeks. You need a break m'dear." They got to Liam's small, rusty, blue car and piled in. "We'll just go home and pack. We can decide where to go from there."
"Well, actually, Isaac suggested we go to London. I'm supposed to visit his Aunt Lizzie," Alina replied wearily. She balanced the box on her knees and buckled her seatbelt. It didn't take long to get to their small flat.
"Putting you to work eh?" Liam chuckled softly to himself. "Well, London it is then. Maybe we'll run into your family somewhere."
"Don't be so morbid," Lina snapped back as they stopped in front of their building. Liam got out first and walked around to open the door for Lina.
"Don't be angry dearest," Liam soothed, kissing her on the top of head. Where Lina could be classified as exceptionally beautiful, Liam was only average. He was overly tall and lanky with shaggy, red hair, pale skin and freckles. "It's Christmas after all." Lina rolled her eyes but allowed Liam to help her out of the car.
Later that evening, the two love birds were sitting in the cozy parlor of a secluded country inn. Lina hated to admit it but, well; it was nice to be away from work. The fire in the grate roared magnificently and a tune played low from the stereo in the corner. Liam had his arm draped around Lina's shoulders and her head rested on his chest, her dark hair falling in front of her face. "I've never eaten that much in my life," she murmured contentedly. Liam grunted his agreement. "I think we ate an entire chicken between us."
"I think you ate an entire chicken yourself." Liam retorted. Lina chuckled but nodded.
"Wouldn't be surprised; it was good. Are you happy?"
"O'course; you?"
"With you, all the time."
"How are you kid?" Remus stepped into the twilight-drenched room. A small smile played on his lips, his hands shoved into the pockets of his trousers.
"Better," Ella answered, returning his smile weakly. "How are you?" He walked into the room, taking a seat beside her bed.
"I'm pretty good. Leo took your dad home; he hasn't slept in nearly a week."
"I know; I'm sorry I'm being such a bother," Ella's face fell slightly and she began to examine her small, bony hands.
"Oh no dear, you're no bother. We're happy to go without a little sleep. I think he's just worried that he'll wake up and you won't be there." He rested his hand on the top of her curly head. She had regained a bit of her old color but was still far too thin. Her dark curls had been brushed and washed and were braided over one of her shoulders, a limp red ribbon tied to the end. Remus hated to admit it but her fever quite became her.
"I know; me too," the latter part came so softly Remus almost didn't catch it. "How's everyone else?"
"Fine, Lily said she'd be by tomorrow. . . everyone's just fine. . ."
"Did Andrew get home okay?" Ella queried, not looking up at Remus. She was highly embarrassed about the kiss and even more embarrassed by her family's reaction. After Sirius' eloquent "What the Hell are you doing?" Andrew had been shoved mercilessly out of the room.
"Do you have no shame?" Remus hissed. "She's young, innocent, and nearly died!"
"I know she almost died! I-I was the one who made sure she didn't die." The words spilled out of Andrew's mouth before he could stop them.
"Oh, so you think she owes you something then?" Leo asked, his eyebrows raised threateningly.
"N-no, I didn't say that at all. She doesn't o-owe a-a-anything. I-I-I just thought I'd-"
"You just thought you'd take advantage of the situation!" James finished, cracking his knuckles.
"Of course not! I-I love Ella!"
"LOVE?" Sirius boomed. "She's just a little girl."
"You've only known her for a couple of months," Harry pointed out, his eyes flashing.
"Isn't that enough time? Look, I've never felt this way about anyone before. Touching her hand is like coming home. She fills me with this. . .this assuredness; I just know I can do absolutely anything. I know, I'm sure I love her, more sure than I've ever been about anything."
"Have you asked her her feelings?" Remus asked. "Whatever your feelings, you can't toy with hers."
"I-I don't know-I suppose I. . ." Andrew trailed off. If the conversation went further, Ella didn't remember it. He loved her; he'd kissed her.
"Yes, his father came by this morning and they owled to say they were home safe. An Auror has been placed at their house." Remus' voice sounded extremely strained. A long pause followed before Ella finally mustered up enough courage to ask her question.
"Remus?"
"Yes Ella?"
"H-how can you tell whether or not you're in love?" A blush crept into her cheeks.
"Why do you ask?" He hoped she was only curious and hadn't any vested interest in the answer.
"I-I don't know. Remus, do you think Andrew really loves me?"
"I don't know Ella; he certainly seems sure he is," Remus finished lamely, studying his knuckles, wishing he could make them collide with the boy's . . . something.
"If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone else?" Ella asked, leaning foreword till her face was only a couple of inches away from his. Remus nodded. "Okay, well, I don't know if I love Andrew." She settled back against her pillow; what little color had been in her face had faded. Remus was dumbstruck. While he had hinted to Andrew that his feeling might not be reciprocated, he had never really believed it. He had expected Ella to be enamored. She had never had a real boyfriend before, (he, Sirius, James, and Harry had made sure of that), and being rescued by a handsome man who loved her seemed right up her ally. He stared at her, dumbstruck. She looked like a child again, her eyes filled with the same worry he knew so well. Her eyes had looked like that every time she'd done something naughty.
"Um. . ." Remus groped for the words. What was he supposed to say? Part of him (okay, most of him) wanted to jump for joy. She wasn't sure she was in love! There was still hope that she'd live out the rest of her life a celibate nun.
"Well, you see, I just am so muddled right now. I know I should love him; it's the right thing. Andrew has been so good to me and, well, I don't not love him. He's quite handsome and brave, strong. I should love him," she bit her bottom lip and rung her hands. "Remus, what am I supposed to do?"
"Ella, sweets, you don't have to love anyone. If you're not sure right now, wait. I'm sure Andrew will understand. Oh dear, don't cry! You've done nothing wrong."
"Oh, I just feel so impotent. I can't move or do anything. Ever since I took that bloody potion I haven't known myself. I've been utterly useless." Tears streamed down her white cheeks. "I just don't know what to do." Remus slid onto the bed beside her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She turned into him and grabbed the loose fabric of his shirt. Remus felt the front of it become soaked as she cried.
It was a good ten minutes before her sobs subsided. She fell back against her pillows and managed a small smile. A good cry always made her feel better. "Hey, I almost forgot to tell you, the Healers say you'll be able to come home for Christmas! That's in only a couple of days. They'll let you leave Christmas Eve, right after dinner and stay at home till the day after Christmas. Isn't that lovely?" Ella brightened and smiled widely. She nodded.
"It does; it sounds absolutely wonderful."
"I thought we'd invite the Potters and then maybe, sometime during the day, pop over to the Burrow. I'm sure Harry wants to see Ginny at some point."
"That sounds perfect. I'm beginning to greatly dislike these walls." She eyed the white plaster with distain before letting out a huge yawn.
"Well, you looked tired. Perhaps I'll just run home and check up on Leo and Sirius; I'll let you have a little rest." Remus got up to leave but Ella stopped him, resting a limp hand on his arm.
"Oh, don't go. When you're here I feel almost normal, as if I'm just in my room at home." Remus nodded complacently and sat down again, tracing her bony jaw with his finger.
"It's nice to know you still need me for something Love."
Ella soon fell asleep and didn't awake for another seven hours but Remus didn't go home, too afraid she'd wake up and not find him there. He entertained himself with a gargantuan stack of books Mr. Thomas had sent over from Flourish and Blotts.
Christmas Eve came quickly. Lily had banished all the boys from the house so they'd all come to the hospital. At the moment, Harry and Leo sat on either side of Ella, fighting over her box of Chocolate Frogs. "That's five for you Harry! Haven't you ever heard of sharing?" Leo exclaimed, snatching the box from Harry's hands.
"Oh and you don't think I saw it when you snuck two when I wasn't looking?" Harry tried to snatch it back but Leo pulled it away. Ella was biting back laughter and Sirius rolled his eyes.
"Boys," Remus warned. "Behave yourselves. They're not yours anyway. Stop stuffing yourselves with Ella's food." Both had the good grace to look embarrassed and Leo set the nearly empty box on the bedside table. Sirius looked at his watch.
"It's nearly six. We'll soon be able to get home to real food."
"You've only had a few meals here. I've had to live here for days off that garbage." Ella laughed, throwing a spare pillow at her father.
"Hey! Cheeky thing," Sirius threw the pillow back but smiled none-the-less.
An onlooker would have thought the meal cart attendant was a celebrity the way the inhabitants of the room flocked around her. "Move out of the way you idiots!" the stooped old woman snapped irritably.
"Excuse me ma'am," Ella stammered, adopting her most adorable puppy-dog expression.
"What is it dear?" the woman asked kindly, smiling down at the frail teen.
"I know you've gone all this way to give me my dinner but, well, you see, my Aunt Lily has dinner waiting at home. I wouldn't want to stuff myself with this wonderful food and hurt her feelings. I was wondering, and know you have every right to say no, if I might skip on dinner here." The woman paused a minute before nodding.
"I don't see what harm could come from that dear." She turned on Sirius who cowered under her gaze. "You just make sure this poor dear eats well at home. I'm warning you if she hasn't put some meat on those bones I'll. . ." she made a series of very frightening gesticulations; Sirius seemed to get the picture. "The Healer will be in in a minute to give her a final look over. Happy Christmas dear," she smiled at Ella and sent a final glare Sirius' way.
"Very smooth," James praised, giving her a high five as soon as the woman was out of ear shot.
"Thanks, I learned from the best."
Four hours later, everyone was in his or her respective bed (or couch as was the case with Lily and James.). The study had been turned into Leo's bedroom and Harry was kipping with him for the night. Ella's room was just how she'd remembered it. Not one book was out of place (she had, of course, checked closely). A soft snow was falling outside and the London flat was silent. Everyone was asleep, well, almost everyone.
Ella sat beside her window, leaning her head against a book shelf, next to a copy of "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them". She had been given a wheelchair and found she was becoming quite good at maneuvering it. She was clad in a white night gown that had belonged to her mother. Nothing else fit. She had her quilt wrapped around her shoulders. The room was warm enough but she couldn't manage to shake her chill.
The clock in the entry way sounded midnight. "Happy Christmas," she murmured to herself, a tear slipping down her pale cheek.
"Happy Christmas," a voice behind her whispered. She whipped her head around and caught sight of her father. He was wearing plaid pajama bottoms and a matching top that hung open as if he'd just put it on getting out of bed. She gave an embarrassed smile and brushed her tears away. He crossed the room to her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. Her small, slender hand slipped into his and they stayed silent for a moment, looking at the falling snow.
"Dad."
"Yes Ella?"
"What do you think it's like to die?" The words hung in the air like a gas, dumbing the Auror into silence.
"Why do you ask that?" His voice was low and soft, sounding close to tears.
"Sometimes I think it would be easier to just, I don't know, give in. Who am I to. . ." Ella trailed off, dropping her hand to her lap.
"Does it hurt still?" Ella nodded and Sirius winced. He bit his lower lip, trying to think how best to explain death to his baby girl. "I-I imagine dieing is like going to sleep. There's a-a golden shore; every color is brilliant. The blue of the sea is like Safire; the green of the trees is like emerald. There's a warm breeze." Ella's eyes closed and another tear made its way over the tip of her nose.
"Go on."
"The warm air sets around you like a warm embrace. Your feet don't seem to hit the ground; you hover above the sand. There's no more darkness, no more evil. You are, you are at peace." By the time Sirius choked out the last words, tears were slipping down his cheeks as well. "Ella, Ella, please don't give in." Ella could not find words.
Dumbed into silence, father and daughter watched the snow for what felt like hours. They seemed lost in their own worlds. Ella broke the silence finally, batting away her final tears and clearing her throat. "Where's Regulus?"
"Oh," Sirius squirmed guiltily; he had totally forgotten about his brother. "He's at Hogwarts with Dumbledore. He'll be safer there."
"Oh, I'd like to meet him."
"Don't worry; I don't think we'll be able to avoid Regulus anymore." He smiled despite himself.
"Good; I'd like to thank him, him and Professor Snape." Sirius was glad the room was dark for he had a feeling Ella would have been none to happy about the face he was making. His daughter was far too kind for her own good.
A/N: Okay, new angle. I'm sorry it's taken so long but 12th grade year is a beast of a year. I hope to get at least one more chapter out before the end of the school year. In early June I'll be going on a choir tour and will be gone till the end of June. Anyway, tell me what you like, what you don't like. In short, REVIEW!