Hello friends! I needed to get my creativity flowing a little, and as I am currently obsessed with Lucifer, I decided to write a little Deckerstar one-shot, post season 3 finale.
I do not own anything, or gain anything from writing Lucifer fanfiction, except for the practise and joy it brings me.
Enjoy!
Lucifer bit down the wave of nausea that seemed to rise steadily from his stomach and up through his throat. The pain that coursed down his shoulders, through his furled wings, was a contributing factor to the sickness that he felt, however, despite his struggle to admit it, he knew deep down what fuelled those feelings within.
The feelings of dread, of anxiety, and worst of all, those feelings of rejection.
Oh, how his bloody heart ached, more than the pain of the bullet wounds across his wings which struggled to heal.
More than the pain of being shot, or stabbed, or anything that made him vulnerable while Chloe was in his presence.
Except for Chloe herself, that was.
The image of her shocked and terrified face flashed across his mind for the thousandth time, adding to the hellfire he felt within. He stood suddenly from the edge of the penthouse couch in which he had been perched, whiskey bottle clutched within white-knuckled fingers, until Chloe's face flashed again within his mind and he threw the bottle across the room, hitting one of the glass windows and shattering it.
He cried in anguish, falling to his knees as he did so.
Why? Why was his father so cruel, so manipulative, to have given him his face back at that very moment? He wanted to show Chloe what he really was, on his own terms, yet dear old dad decided to destroy everything he cared for.
But was it really Father? A voice floated through his mind, and he entertained the idea for a moment too long, opening himself up to what felt like an ocean of pain and nausea.
He had killed Cain, not Father. He had killed a human, he had defied the one rule his father had been adamant about, he had killed the soul his father had punished to wander the earth for eternity.
It was all him. It was all his fault, all of it. Not his father's, not Cain's.
Just Lucifer.
Chloe's sapphire eyes, wide and terrified, seared across his mind once more.
He couldn't hold back the tears this time. Planting his hands squarely on the wood boards, he sobbed into the floor, his shoulders aching with each heave.
Lucifer didn't hear the doors of the elevator open, and he didn't hear Chloe's hesitant footsteps as she approached him, cautionary.
This was the last place Chloe had wanted to be. Her heart had been beating out of her chest all night, and all morning, hands shaking with every movement. She couldn't even explain the scene to the officers who responded to the call, and she was thankful for Dan and Ella who had come to her aid and whisked her back home.
She had barely spoken a word since she uttered her realisation to Lucifer, before he had turned and run from her in the same manner that he had saved her. Chloe had seen the red skin turn back to white, red eyes morphing back into the dark eyes she knew so well, excepting the utter panic which filled them. White had blurred her vision, and he had disappeared, leaving her alone with the bodies of Pierce and his men.
She couldn't explain what she had seen to Dan and Ella. They had taken her home, and she had begged Dan to let Trixie stay with her, but Chloe had struggled to keep what she had seen from affecting her movements around her daughter.
Chloe had curled herself into her bed, trying unsuccessfully to subdue the sobs that escaped past her lips. After some time, Trixie came into the room and curled into her mother, letting Chloe cry into her hair.
It took some time before either of them spoke, until Trixie could no longer hold back the questions she had been dying to ask.
"Mommy… What's wrong? Are you hurt? Is Lucifer alright?"
Chloe battled with another round of fresh tears, before she responded.
"I'm alright, monkey… So is Lucifer… I just… I don't think we will be able to see him anymore..." Trixie's head shot upright to look at her mother more clearly, before tears started to form in her own eyes.
"Why? Did Lucifer do something bad too?" It was Chloe's turn to straighten up, and she looked at Trixie with a tilted gaze.
"What do you mean, 'too?'" Trixie's face fell, and she looked towards the pillow underneath them.
"I… I heard Daddy talking… I heard him crying… Pierce did a bad thing, didn't he? He hurt Charlotte, didn't he?" Chloe inhaled sharply, the image of both Charlotte and Pierce's lifeless bodies crossing her mind. Knowing that Trixie already knew most of the truth, she felt it wouldn't be right to make up a story to cover it.
"Yes… He did hurt Charlotte… He killed Charlotte, monkey… But you don't have to worry about him ever again, okay? He will never hurt you or anyone else again, I promise." Tears fell down Trixie's face soundlessly and she thought contemplatively for a moment, before returning to her original train of thought.
"Did Lucifer not protect you from Pierce?" Lucifer's devil face crossed Chloe's mind, before she remembered the white wings which flew her to safety, and she half-choked on her next words as they passed her lips.
"No, monkey… He… Lucifer… He saved me from Pierce, he protected me…" Trixie didn't understand, her brows knotting in confusion.
"If he protected you, then why can't we see him anymore?" Chloe didn't know how to answer that one, not only because she didn't know how to explain the situation to Trixie, but because her daughter had brought up the internal conflict that she had been having all afternoon with herself.
Lucifer protected her, he always had. He had done anything and everything he could to save her, not just with Pierce, but various times over the past three years. She struggled to reconcile the person she thought she knew he was, and the person who had just been revealed to her.
Why hadn't he told her sooner? She cried in her mind. However, as soon as the thought appeared, she banished it. Chloe thought back to every single moment Lucifer had said that he was the Devil, that he had talked about Heaven and Hell, that he had talked about his father being God, that he had earnestly told her what he was.
Chloe had been living in her own naivety; he had never lied to her once, she just chose not to believe him.
Trixie saw the conflict on her mother's face, and she held onto her tighter, whispering words that Chloe didn't realise she needed to hear.
"I don't want to lose anyone else, Mommy. We already lost Maze. We lost Charlotte. I miss them. I don't want to miss Lucifer too." Chloe begun to cry again, struggling with the words.
"It's not that easy, monkey… I… I found out something that scares me a little. I don't know how to get over that…" Trixie wasn't sure, but she wondered if her mum was scared about Lucifer being the Devil. Trixie had known since they first met, and he introduced himself as such. She hadn't questioned it, and as an eight-year-old with a bigger imagination than any adult and most children, she took his words as the complete and literal truth. Therefore, Trixie's next words were easy, as though her mother should have understood all along.
"Lucifer is my friend. I know that sometimes he says he doesn't like kids and calls me funny names, but I trust him, and I know that he would never hurt me. He would never hurt you, either. Lucifer loves you."
Trixie's words were so innocent, yet so pragmatic, that she could hardly argue with her. So, Chloe, never being so unsure in her life, had asked her daughter for advice for the first time.
"What should I do?"
And that was how Chloe was carefully walking towards a sobbing Lucifer. Her eight-year-old daughter had told her to go to Lucifer, and after a restless night and dropping Trixie off at school, she had tentatively taken the route to Lux. The only reason she hadn't turned around back to the precinct was due to Trixie's last-minute pinkie promise that she would see Lucifer that morning.
Trixie had picked up far too much from Lucifer, Chloe thought idly as she drove to Lux, though on closer analysis of those thoughts, Chloe realised that her daughter had literally picked up tricks from the Devil.
The Devil.
But when Chloe entered the penthouse, she didn't see the Devil. She didn't see the being that had brought fear to the hearts of billions of people over the past millennia.
No, what Chloe saw instead was a broken man, and she knew that she was responsible for his tears.
The look that she had seen in his eyes as his face changed, was a look of rejection and despair.
He thought that she had rejected him. He thought that she didn't want him.
Chloe almost laughed despite herself; the Devil, literally terrified of the thought that she didn't want him.
As she approached his sobbing body, she wondered if he were right. He had warned her about the other side of himself; he had warned her that it was monstrous, and that she would only want him for what she already knew of him.
Could she love him despite knowing exactly what he was?
She wasn't sure yet, but the only thing she knew is that she had made a promise to her daughter, and if Lucifer had taught her anything, it was to be honest and to keep your word.
Lucifer could hear his name being called, and he knew it was the Detective's voice, but he didn't think it was anything except a broken memory, a hopeful dream, until he saw her shoes in his peripheral as he clutched at the floor.
His body reacted automatically, as he lifted himself back into a kneeling position but away from Chloe, as though maybe she had come here to kill him.
When his eyes met hers, the only thing he saw was concern. He looked for any trace of terror, and besides the slight shake to her hands and her increased heartbeat, there was nothing there.
"Detective, what… What are you doing here?" He croaked, his throat hoarse with crying. Slowly he stood, his shoulders absolutely killing him as he took several steps away from Chloe. He winced at every movement, and it didn't go unnoticed by Chloe, who looked him up and down to assess his injuries.
"Lucifer, I… I, ah…" Chloe trailed off as she looked to the ground, seeing more bloody feathers, not quite as many as at the ambush, but enough to be fearful again.
Lucifer closed his eyes at the sight of fear in her eyes once more, his sardonic reactions beginning to catch up with the situation he was in.
"If you are so scared of me, Detective, why are you here?" At any other point Chloe may have felt a sting at his words, but she could hear the undertones of doubt and that rejection which instead begun to solidify her most pressing fears.
"Lucifer, I'm not going to lie and tell you I am not afraid, that I'm not completely terrified by the world that has just opened up before my eyes. But the reason I am scared, right now, is for you." Lucifer frowned at her, though the walls that he had built up around himself did not falter.
"I think your tiny, vacuous human mind just cannot process the fear correctly, darling. You are most certainly scared of me, and not for me. I am the Devil after all." Chloe's breath hitched as he said the words almost casually, like he had every other time, but this time she understood the depth and the truth to them.
It wasn't just a metaphor or an immersive acting technique. It was completely and utterly literal.
Before she could go down that rabbit hole, she focused on his words and narrowed her eyes a little. She knew what he was trying to do, and her resolve strengthened. She remembered Trixie's promise, but she also remembered her words. Her daughter, with all the wisdom she had gathered in her short life thus far, was completely correct.
She couldn't lose anyone else, most of all Lucifer. In her mind, she remembered all the moments she had shared with Lucifer; all the laughter, all the pain, all the tears, the kisses, the dances… Things were beginning to make more sense, even while her world was crumbling around her. She was beginning to understand him more. The excuses, the attempts at trying to win her over but backing off…
He was just as scared as she was.
"Lucifer, I didn't lie to you when I told you that you weren't the Devil, not to me." She took a step closer, continuing, "I didn't lie to you when I told you that I had your back, no matter what. I didn't lie to you when I told you how much I care about you. So, don't you dare try and push me away now, and don't you patronise me. I am worried for you, because you saved my life, again, and you're injured. I… I'm here for you, Lucifer."
Lucifer, renowned for his wordplay and quick tongue, was at a complete loss for words. He knew that she wasn't lying, but how could she not be? How could she be there, telling him that she was there for him? After everything? After what she had seen?
"Why though, Detective? Why do you still care, after… After seeing the real me?" Chloe bit down the bile in her throat and the fear in her chest, as she scrambled to explain why.
Why was she there? Because she made a promise to Trixie? Because she felt obliged to be there? Because she felt as though she owed it to him? Why did she still care, even when she knew he was the Devil?
Chasing her own thoughts, she finally tripped over the truth in the centre of her being, leaving her sprawling, attempting to right the chaos in her mind before she spoke.
Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and exhaled quickly, before releasing the feelings that she had been holding onto for three years. The feelings that she had tried to fight, had tried to drown, without success.
The feelings that told her that regardless of what he was, of who he was, and despite what she had seen him capable of… She loved him.
Chloe opened her eyes and, without further hesitation, lifted her open palm to cup his cheek gently. Lucifer flinched, as though he had been physically burnt, but did not pull away from her fingertips. His eyes brimmed with shock and tears, but she could see the faint simmer of hope underneath it all.
The Devil was hoping for her acceptance.
"Because… Because despite everything, Lucifer, despite the complete shit storm that always seems to surround us, despite the fact that everything you had told me for the past three years was true, despite the fact that you are literally the Devil… Lucifer, despite all of that, my feelings are unconditional. They did not waver when you left me, when you married Candy, when you continually pushed me away, when I said yes to Pierce, when I said no to Pierce. I refuse to lose you, not after all we have been through, and not after losing Charlotte and Maze… I refuse to lose you, because… Well, be… Because I love you, Lucifer!" Chloe's fingers dropped from his cheek and she begun to cry, the swirl of emotions within her chest getting the better of her.
She turned from Lucifer and stepped several steps away, not wanting him to see her like this. It was as she reached for a bottle of alcohol on the coffee table that Lucifer's hand met hers, freezing it in place. Chloe sobbed a little and hesitated to look up at him, not because she was afraid of him, but because she was afraid of his response to her admission.
She shouldn't have been afraid, though, because the pain that had been rushing over him began to retreat until it was just a trickle, a bearable ache through his body. He felt shell shocked. The Detective, Chloe Decker herself, had just admitted to him that she loved him, even after seeing his face. How? How could this be? How could he be worthy of something so pure, something so…
Divine, he thought within his mind, half-heartedly swatting the word away.
Chloe stood upright, though held her head low, attempting to stifle the sobs that still emanated from her throat. Déjà vu set in, as he almost slipped from his lips a question regarding why she was crying, when he closed his mouth.
Last time she had cried like this, she had only wanted one thing.
Taking in a deep breath, Lucifer closed the distance between them and enveloped her within his arms. She wrapped her own around him without hesitation, and despite the pain that jolted from his back, he didn't flinch, not for a moment.
Chloe lent into him, breathing him in and embracing the feeling of his arms wrapped protectively around her, just like he had done so many times before, but this time was different.
This time, there wasn't a chasm between them. This time, they were finally standing next to each other, finally on the same page with each other.
It took some time for the lump in Lucifer's throat to disappear, but finally he spoke the words she had been aching for what felt like more than three years to hear.
"Dete- Chloe… I… I feel I am not worthy of your love… Dear old Dad, I know I am not worthy of it… But it doesn't stop me from feeling… From feeling the same for you…" Lucifer sighed, struggling to express how he truly felt. He realised quickly, though, that if Chloe seeing his true face hadn't scared her senseless, then surely telling her that he loved her, too, wouldn't cause such a response?
"Chloe, I love you," He rushed out, exhaling deeply as soon as the words passed his lips. "I didn't even know what the bloody emotion was before I met you… I didn't think I could feel that way about anyone, and I hadn't, for a millennium…" Now that the words had begun, it was almost as if he had broken the tap and the water begun gushing everywhere.
Lucifer didn't even attempt to stay the burst.
"I haven't the faintest clue why a being so bloody pure would love me," he said, rolling the word on his tongue as though he were still trying to understand the taste, "but… And I cannot believe I am thinking this, let alone saying it… I… I feel so blessed to have you in my life."
"Chloe Decker… You… You are everything."
Now, the reunion happens far more quickly than I would have liked, but I only wanted to do a one shot in lieu of my other stories. Leave me a comment or some constructive criticism, and let me know if it's maybe worth doing a few other one shots, or continuing this as a full story?
Thanks for reading! xx
