Tegan pushes on the handle of the door connected to the gas station that sits just mere blocks from her home. She winds her way through the aisles of candy and chips until coming upon another set of two doors. She pushes her way through the one that holds the sign displaying 'Women' and locks the door behind her after it clicks shut.
She steps up to the mirror, splattered with liquids she doesn't care to know, inspecting herself. She looks different than she had just one hour ago, much different. The long banger hair that used to hang half way down her back has been completely shaved off, leaving her hair just barely a centimeter long. She takes a deep, shaky breath. This new look will take some getting used to. She leans forward and takes in what this change has done to her other features. Her strong, square jaw is more pronounced than she ever thought possible, and her usually hidden pointed eyebrows that constantly make her look a bit pissed off are now always visible, but she doesn't mind. It makes her look tough, and that's just what she is going for. The only thing she doesn't dig about the haircut is her left ear, it permanently sticks out an angle from her sister sitting on it in the womb. She's always kept it hidden under hair so people won't look and poke fun at it.
She presses the tip of her tongue against the back of the stud that sits just under her lip, moving it around out of habit and turns to the side. She places a hand on each of her breasts and tries to flatten them as much as possible. She furrows her brow, unhappy with how little it makes a difference. If it weren't for those too large lumps on her petite frame, she'd easily pass as a boy. Not that she has any desire too, but the more butch she looks the more Sara will like her. Or so she hopes.
Sara has always gone after butch girls. Whenever Tegan picks up on something Sara seems to be attracted to, she'll quickly but subtly change herself to be like that. So far it hasn't worked. For almost a year Tegan has been throwing what she feels are obvious signals Sara's way. At first it was expected that Sara not pick up on them, she had no need to suspect her own twin sister would be flirting with her. Then the flirting came more often, and would get raunchier. Not to mention that Tegan would follow her around everywhere, offering to do this and that. Sara didn't exactly reciprocate or deny her, but if Tegan wanted to do her chores or buy her things then she'd let her.
Now after months of this happening, Tegan's become overly frustrated and discouraged. She takes ones last look in the mirror, smoothing out her worn Smashing Pumpkins tee. Making a promise to her grungy, distorted reflection that this is the last attempt she makes towards Sara, ever. If Sara isn't impressed, and finally makes a move than Tegan must move on. Soon they'll be hitting the Greyhound buses to start their dream of playing music and she can't be hung up on Sara when she'll have the chance to meet other girls who will give her the time of day.
She unlocks the door and takes the same path she used when coming in and walks back out into the sunny but cool outside air. She takes her time walking home, suddenly extremely nervous over the encounter she'll soon have. It's not the rejection she fears, she expects that, its if Sara makes a move. What will become of them? Is Tegan really ready to go into such an intimate territory with her own sister? She shakes the negative thoughts from her head, of course she is ready. She was born ready, damnit. She's Tegan Fucking Quin! She turns the last corner and onto the street of her neighborhood, running through the different ways to confront Sara. From cheesy pick up lines, begging, to just grabbing Sara's face in her hands and planting a wet, sloppy kiss on her.
She enters the old wooden basement doors in the back of the house and descends down the creaky stairs. She knows Sara will be working on music stuff in the office and turns the doorknob slowly. Sara is sitting in one of the two computer chairs with her back to her at the desk, hunched over writing something. Tegan plops down on the empty chair and pushes off with her feet, wheeling across the hardwood floor to Sara. She plants her feet on the ground to stop herself and rests an elbow on the desk, waiting for Sara to acknowledge her. Sara doesn't though, and Tegan figures she must be writing down lyrics. Not caring if she breaks Sara's creative process, she plucks the pen out her hands and settles on a cool "Hey".
"You interrupted me just to say 'hey'?" Sara doesn't look up, defeating Tegan's choice of action.
Tegan wiggles the pen in Sara's face in another attempt to get her to look at her. Sara huffs in annoyance and gives Tegan what she wants, directing her attention towards her. "What do you want? I have things- Oh." She's taken aback by Tegan's new look.
Tegan had planned on keeping cool but she couldn't stop her lips from pulling into a gummy smile at Sara's reaction. Surprise was a much better reaction than laughter. Butterflies explode in Tegan's stomach when Sara's hand starts to extend towards her face. This is it. She continues on to Tegan's bent ear and takes the top of it between two fingers, giving it a little shake.
"You look like a monkey." She giggles.
Ouch. A monkey? Her gummy smile immediately turns into a frown. The change of emotion certainly doesn't go unnoticed by Sara and she goes to correct her mistake.
"I didn't mean it as a bad thing, Tegan!" She protests, but Tegan is already up out of the chair, throwing the pen back down at Sara.
"Oh fuck off! I'm done with this!" Tegan hisses before reaching her bedroom door, proceeding to slam it shut. She leans against the door, taking deep breaths, the pain was more than she imagined it would be. She wanted to punch a hole in the wall. Or through Sara. Neither are a plausible option though and she settles on crying face down in her bed instead. So much for being ready for rejection.
Sara sighs, sinking down lower into the chair. Tegan's done with what? Done chasing her or done with Sara altogether? She never understood why Tegan always had to be so hot headed and negative all the time. Maybe if she took the time to stop and notice things, she'd have known that lately Sara has been returning her signals in her own shy ways, and that she didn't have to shave her head to get noticed.
Sara was used to being the one that was approached, she didn't exactly know how to get herself into that role. But it was time she learned right now. Standing up from the chair, unexpectedly filled with confidence, she takes the few short steps to Tegan's bedroom.
"TeeTee?" She knocks lightly on the wood before entering on her own. The lights are off and there's just enough light shining through the small basement window for Sara to see the faint outline of Tegan's figure, sprawled out on the twin bed.
Tegan watches Sara as she gets closer and closer through red puffy eyes until she's sitting down next to her, the bed groaning in protest from the added weight. Tegan shoots an unsteady glance at Sara before turning to lie on her side away from her. Sara puts a gentle hand on Tegan's forearm, the touch sending an unavoidable warm feeling throughout Tegan's whole body.
"I thought you knew monkey's were my favorite animal?" She offers.
"Oh." Tegan barely whispers, unable to control the small amount of hope she feels about where this could be going and the maybe she overreacted.
"Yup, and did you know that I also find them very cute?" Sara tugs on Tegan's arm, forcing her to fall on her back.
"Oh." Cute wasn't exactly what she was going for, she wanted to make Sara weak at her knees.
Tegan doesn't have time to mope over what words Sara would use to describe her attractiveness because Sara is soon bending forward and placing a soft hesitant kiss on Tegan's identical lips. She removes any pressure after a few seconds and mutters into Tegan's lips, "I'm bananas for you, Tee." She moves gingerly off the bed, slightly embarrassed at her lame joke, and hurries out of the room, just in case she somehow took all of Tegan's signals the wrong way.
Tegan lies stunned on her bed, fingers grazing over where Sara's warm, moist lips had just been moments ago and her own pull into a toothy grin. She is capable of forming only one thought.
"Oh."