Digressions on Traynor

Thank you to Lanfear for the opening sentence for Traynor, which is 'Traynor couldn't stand it any more.'

The Challenge

Traynor couldn't stand it any more. EDI's voice was driving her insane. The smooth tones, the lilting, melodic quality, the precise intonation… it was like listening to fine music. Very fine, very erotic music. And after five shots and two beers, she was utterly sick to death of watching Joker smiling and flirting with her.

"Alright, that's it!" she declared, slamming her hand down on the table. "I have just as much right to date EDI as you do," she challenged Joker, much to his astonishment. And to the astonishment of the rest of the crew. "More so, even, because you hated her when you first met, where as I liked her right from the start."

Joker, it seemed, had had a few drinks as well, and he stood up, fixing her with a glare. "I was here first," he countered. "And I set her free from her shackles, so she owes me her freedom."

"That's just blackmail," Traynor argued. "You can't just decide she owes you one for the rest of your life."

"Well, I also protected her from getting deleted by the Alliance team during the retrofit. I'm watching out for her best interests."

"And I have far more in common with her that you do. We have a great time analyzing data together."

"She has you there, Joker," Shepard agreed, downing the contents of his shot glass.

"Hey, who's side are you on?" Joker complained, and Shepard just laughed.

"My own," he replied, then squirmed in his seat as Kaidan put a hand on his thigh. "And Kaidan's, when it's an issue."

Watching all the happy couples in the room was depressing. "Alright," Traynor decided, having had quite enough of this argument. "I'll fight you for her."

Joker looked at her like she was insane. "I have Vrolik syndrome," he said, taking three attempts to pronounce 'Vrolik' due to all the alcohol in his bloodstream. "That's a stupid idea."

"I don't mean a physical fight, you halfwit. I challenge you to a game of chess. The winner gets to take EDI out to dinner."

Joker looked confused. He glanced around at the rest of the crew… who were watching the exchange with great interest. "It's a good way to settle the argument," Garrus agreed. "In fact, you could have a match right now."

"Perfect," Traynor agreed. "I'll get my chess set." She stood up, then swayed on her feet and grabbed onto the back of the sofa. Who the hell had decided to make the room spin like that? "I'll be right back," she promised, weaving to and fro, then promptly walked into the door frame. "In just a few minutes."

Twenty minutes later, Traynor stared at the board in dismay. "What? How did you…? That's not possible!" she protested. "I was national champion in the English Chess League! How did you beat me?"

"You're drunk as a virgin on prom night," James said with a smirk, then sucked down another mouthful of beer. "You really expected to beat him in that state?"

"But he's srunk too. I mean drink. Drunk. He's drunk."

Joker snorted. "Yeah. But I played all the time as a kid. I couldn't exactly go outside and play soccer, could I? So I joined the chess club." He turned to EDI with a grin. "So, EDI. Dinner on me?"

"It would be a pleasure, Jeff," EDI said politely, and Traynor sighed.