This is The Good Life
by FatPatrick12345
edited by KirbyXtreme
Ch.1- Communications gone bye-bye
"Help me out!", cried Olimar.
"Shut up you fagit!", replied Louie.
"You know I'm the master here so help me out!"
"Fuck you! "
Louie was just sitting down on a bunch of red Pikmin made to look like a chair. Olimar finally got sucked into the Jellyfloat and started yelling. Louie got bored and started throwing the reds at the Jellyfloat.
"One Pikmin started pooing, two Pikmin started pooing, three Pikmin started pooing..." Louie said as he threw Pikmin. Most of the Pikmin hit nowhere but luckily some hit the enemy and it died. Olimar was HELLA mad, his face was all RED... His red light on top of his helmet started turning black and his helmet started exploding. Olimar fainted by the horrible oxygen so the reds started bringing him back into his ship... Louie was snoring inside the jellyfloats dead body. A weird bug started going towards him, the bug looked like a bee, except smaller. It went into Louie's pink nose and started TOUCHING it... Louie got a frying pan and smacked the bee away... Suddenly a really big shadow went on Louie and Louie felt cooler... When Louie looked what was making the shadow he fainted... It was the small bee, but know FEROCIOUS and ENORMOUS. So the reds started coming back and they threw themselves at the big THING... Louie started coming back into the REAL world,andOlimar chose to end the day...
Louie drank some 'Grammie The Hammie' (some kind of coke) and felt really better. He passed some to a red Pikmin the Pikmin turned brown, yellow, blue, orange and all the other colors... but didn't finish back to red! The Pikmin was yellow! Louie started saying "Good boy" to the yellow Pikmin...
When Louie finally did all the math up he understood! The age of the Pikmin drinking 'Grammie The Hammie' determines the color of the number of the age of the pikmin ever discovered? For example: if the Pikmin drinking the 'Grammie The Hammie' has the age of 2, it becomes the color of the 2nd Pikmin ever discovered!
He was so proud of himself! He went screaming to Olimar... Finally when Olimar understood and said,
"Interesting..."
Louie was holding out his hands ready for a present.
"What are you looking at?", said Olimar
"Huh?", replied Louie, "What about my present?"
"No present for you bitch, now turn around you fat dick."
Louie turned around whimpering... Olimar said,
"Oh wow... I can see your butt crack..."
LATER...
Olimar was trying the 'Grammie the Hammie' on other Pikmin. They got red for a one year old, yellow for a two, blue for a three, purple for a four and a white for a five. They ran out of 'Grammie The Hammie' and didn't have anything else to drink.
Louie said to order more packs from planet Hocotate so they started taking out their laptop. Olimar's laptop had no battery so they had to use Louie's. Olimar had never seen Louie's comp, so he was anxious. Olimar went to the bathroom. He was walking and saw a white Pikmin chewing their phone. Olimar thought, 'What the fuck?'. Louie didn't know what to do so he just started playing some games on his laptop... When Olimar came back he asked,
"Well... did you order?"
Louie didn't respond.
"Louie?", said Olimar. He went next to Louie and found him playing a game from a website.
"Oh man you made lose...", Louie said, "You fucking jackass, and why did you step on the thing that lets us have wireless internet? Oh... hell no... You broke it..."
"Oh shit.", said Olimar
"Now we don't have internet connection, you fat bitch..."
"Well, if we cant order with our comp lets just order by phone", Olimar said. 'Oh no', Olimar thought, 'I shouldn't have said that...'. Louie walked to the phone and just looked at it. It was purple... Louie sniffed it and said
"Oh fuck."
It was all poison from the little white Pikmin that Olimar saw before while going to the bathroom. The phone didn't work, they didn't have 'Grammie The Hammie' and they had no internet connection... Louie was playing with little toy cars and a hammer squishing the cars... Olimar thought... and finally he knew what to do!
"If we cant connect to Hocotate or talk by phone... We might as well go there!"
"Oh fuck no!", replied Louie, "Everybody hates me there..."
Olimar didn't care, he walked to the ships engine and tried turning it on. The switch wouldn't move. Olimar cried for help... And Louie came to the rescue!
"Here here... Let the master do it..."
Louie tried and he tried and he tried... He was getting mad now... But still trying the same thing...
"Okay this is harder than I thought... A man needs to do this!"
Louie ran to the bathroom, and a few seconds later he came back wearing winter clothes and holding the same hammer he was playing with before... He walked to the engine saying nothing. He held back the hammer and said,
"I'll try hitting the switch so please silence..."
He released all his force but had his eyes closed, so he missed. He hit the fuel tank and made a BIG hole. Fuel started falling out... Louie just stood there doing nothing... Olimar was trying to find tape but he was too late... All the fuel fell into the ground and got absorbed by the bread that Louie was eating five months ago... Louie threw the bread away. Olimar repaired the hole that louie made and said something...
"Great MASTER... you are just a fucker..."
"What do we do now?", asked Louie. They just sat there...
"I know!" screamed Louie.
"No please Louie, no more..."
"But this one's good!"
"NO!"
"Okay, geez.."
"I got it!", said Olimar.
"What is it?", whimpered Louie.
"Where's the other fuel we brought from home?", asked Olimar.
"What?", replied Louie.
"You know, the one in the big green bottle..."
"Uh oh... You know when we ran out of Grammie The Hammie?"
"Yeah..."
"Well I thought that any liquid was okay so i tried that... and then the Pikmin died but I didn't tell you."
"And You gave it ALL?", said Olimar.
"No... But since it didn't work I threw it away..."
Olimar went to bed, thinking... 'Great... I have to work with this bitch... This guy is just pure crap... I can't believe it... No internet connection, no phone, no Grammie the Hammie, ship doesn't work and I have to work with a bitch... Although I squished the internet thing... How could my life be worse?' Olimar's bed broke in half. Olimar screamed,
"I THOUGHT MY LIFE COULDN'T BE WORSE! Damn... Fuck no!"
Louie came in Olimar's room.
"What's wrong?"
Olimar waited a few seconds before saying something.
"... Can't you see?"
Louie went in his room and started laughing like heck. He came back. He stayed standing there looking at Olimar's face... Olimar looked so pissed off...
THE NEXT DAY
"What do we do now?", asked Louie.
"Shut up you fag.", replied Olimar. He went to the bathroom... Olimar locked himself in the bathroom making a plan to kill Louie...
"Hahahahahaha!", screamed Olimar "HAHAHAHAH!" He thought... 'I'm gonna kill him! And it's gonna be fun! Oh oh oh hoh ho! I should throw a knife at him while eating or... ohohoohhooh I know! Ohh ohhho hoh! I shall throw a white Pikmin at him or put venom in his coffee!'. He came back out and he chose to do it tomorrow...
A sound came... It sounded like a cellphone ringing. It was pretty close...
"Hear that?", asked Olimar.
"Shut up, I'm trying to find my cellphone!", replied Louie.
"CELLPHONE?", exclaimed Olimar, "Here here! Don't pick up! Give me the cellphone!"
Louie was already talking at the phone...
"Yeah?", Louie said, "Uhuh... of course... He's right here next to me... Okay, bye."
Louie passed the phone to Olimar.
"It's Your wife... She wants to talk to you."
"What?" replied Olimar...
INSIDE THE CELLPHONE!
"Hello?", said Olimar.
"Hi, this is Pumpkin."
"Hi honey!"
"Listen..."
"Okay."
"Remember when Louie came in our house the day before you went to that planet?"
"Uhuh..."
"First: he scared our children. Second: he destroyed our TV. Third: he made a hole in our kitchen. Fourth: he flooded our bathroom. Fifth: he squished all the toys of our children with his hammer. Sixth: he was screaming and now all of our neighbors hate us... And there are like 50 more things he did that day and I am still paying for all the repairs and stuff... While you and him are just having fun there..."
"No, listen, I'm planning to kill him because he's doing all kinds of stuff here too so..."
"No more excuses young man! Louie's pretty cute though."
"But-"
"No BUTS you fag!"
"Honey?"
"Shut up dammit!"
"What? Honey?"
"I wanna get a divorce."
"What?"
"You heard!"
"But it wasn't me!"
"Shut up!"
"But-"
"(beep beep beep beep)"
'She hung up.', Olimar thought, 'I HATE LOUIE! Of course I'm gonna kill him... Just look at that innocent face... Pink nose, ping-pong ball sized eyes... What a triple fat fatty with a double chin... So STUPID!' Olimar was really mad... He gently gave the cellphone back to Louie. Olimar pretended that nothing happened and said,
"Why didn't you tell me that you had a cellphone? We could call Hocotate with that!"
"I don't wanna call Hocotate with a CELLPHONE! I would pay too much! 5,000 pokos a second!", replied Louie.
"But then we can order Grammie The Hammie and some fuel and some battery and the internet thingy! And all other stuff!"
"With what money?", asked Louie.
"I'll pay!", said Olimar.
"Hmmmm... NO!", replied Louie.
"Come on..."
"I bought the cellphone!"
"Just give me it..."
Olimar grabbed half of the cellphone and started pulling. But Louie pulled back. The phone broke in half.
"Great.", said Olimar, "Now the cellphone's gone."
"Nooooooo! Waaaaaah! Why did you have to die! Why! Nicky... Why did you have to die? You know you owe me Olimar!", Louie cried.
"I don't owe you a centi-poko! I'm still paying for all the stuff you did to our house and my children and my wife.", Olimar replied.
"I'm telling the police wen we get back...", said Louie.
"When is that?", Olimar said.
"You bitch! You killed Nicky...", Louie cried... Olimar laughed but was also sad because of the divorce and mad at Louie. Olimar thought, 'Why? It's all Louie's fault... Now I don't even have a wife... But I killed NICKY, Louie's cellphone!MWUAHAHA! What next?'
End of chapter 1
Author's note: sorry for the swearing if you guys aren't used to it... please R&R!