"Stop Ma! Just stop. Today is my day off and I really don't want to spend it gossiping with crazy Italian women," Jane huffed at her mother after her little tirade.
"Jane, that is not what this is and you know it," her mother said back to her in a saccharin sweet tone.
"Do you think I'm dumb? Did you forget that you are my mother and I grew up with you? I know exactly what this is. It will be me chugging beer while I hear, 'Jane, you're so pretty, why aren't you married?' Or 'Honey, you know you need a man to take care of you, you're not getting any younger.' Then I will leave with a dozen Italian losers' phone numbers. Of which I have no intentions to call"
Angela just stared at her daughter with a proud mama bear glare. Her daughter was infuriating and exasperating, but she also knew that she did have a point.
"So let's just skip it. How about I tell you how much I love you and that you are the greatest Ma that ever was and I promise to be at the neighborhood barbecue next week?" Jane asked with an innocent lilt to her voice.
"Fine, but you are coming to that even if I have to march to the station and drag you there by your ear kicking and screaming. I mean it Jane Clementine Rizzoli!"
"Okay, okay. Now leave my apartment I'm going back to sleep."
Jane sat at her computer faced with a foot-high pile of paperwork that wasn't going to do itself. Huffing she pushed her chair back and headed to the cafeteria to get some much needed and long overdue caffeine.
Sitting at a table with her head resting in her hands she heard the distinct sounds of footsteps approaching her.
"I thought of the perfect solution to your problem," said her partner as he sat across from her.
Without looking up Jane replied, "Doubtful Frost, but I'm all ears. Let's hear it."
"One word. Escort."
"One word. Illegal. Actually, no two words. Illegal and gross."
"Hear me out. You need Angela off your back right? Well pay someone to act as your date. It's only illegal if you sleep with him. So just don't sleep with him. Simple. Let him know this will be a reoccurring gig and everybody wins."
Jane lifted her head and stared Frost straight in the eyes.
"I'm just going to pretend like this conversation never happened. And on that note," without another word Jane lifted herself from the chair, grabbed her coffee and went to finish her paperwork.
As she sat at home scanning Netflix Jane couldn't get what Frost suggested out of her head.
Maybe I could just do it this once. I mean it is technically only a date and it's legal. It would keep everyone off my back. Plus, I'm paying him, he has to be a good date or he doesn't see a penny.
Then a proverbial light bulb went off in Jane's head. If her mother and everyone wanted her to bring a date. She was definitely going to bring a date. She couldn't wait to see the looks on their faces when she walked in.
Jane looked through four escort sites before she found one that seemed to have what she was looking for. After much scrutiny she finally found a dirty blonde that she thought was attractive, granted she didn't pay much attention to the face since their other attributes were much more appealing. The only one with the face was blurry and far away anyway, she figured this had something to do with privacy and safety issues. The bio was short and generic mentioning something about liking animals and crossword puzzles. After calling and setting up a meet and greet at a bar for the following night Jane sent Angela a text saying she was indeed bringing a plus one and she couldn't wait.
Walking into the bar Jane was a bundle of nerves. Her palms were sweaty and her heart was racing. She already felt like what she was doing was wrong and dirty even though she knew nothing physical would happen.
Her eyes scanned the bar looking for her dirty blonde companion. She didn't see anyone matching the picture and approached the bar to order a beer. After grabbing it she turned around to see the back of who looked to be her future date. The body type was right, the hair color was right, the expensive clothes were right. Jane took a deep breath and tried not to vomit as her shaky legs took her towards the table.
"Hi, I'm Jane," she said awkwardly, "I think I was supposed to meet you here tonight, do you mind if I sit here?" she tentatively asked as motioned to the other chair.
"Hello." a melodic voice responded back to her. "Please sit down."
Jane felt the air leave her lungs as she stared into rich hazel eyes.
"I'm Maura and I don't particularly believe in serendipity or fate," she replied.
Jane said nothing. She just stared at the beautiful woman in front of her. She stared at her mouth as the big words fell from them in the most delicate of ways. Jane was only doing this to prove a point to her mother, but she thought it might not be too bad going on a date with this beautiful woman, even if she was technically paying for it. At least she would have something amazing to look at. After a moment of awkward silence Jane realized it was her turn to talk and forced herself to take a swig of her beer in an attempt to gain some composure. However, that failed miserably and then it happened.
Nervous, rambling word vomit.
"So this thing that my family's having is in two days. It's just a barbecue, so it's nothing formal. I don't normally date women, but my Ma is always on my back about me marrying a nice Italian boy and giving her grand babies and having someone to take care of me. I suppose this is my way of getting her to see that my life does not revolve around finding a man. I mean, there is nothing wrong with dating women as a woman. Especially for you, I mean, you're beautiful. I guess you have to be right? I will hold your hand and kiss your cheek if that's alright, is that extra? It doesn't matter. Also I want them to think we are in love, newly together, all the chick flick romancey stuff. Can we do that? I know that's really specific, but is that something we can do?"
When it finally ended Maura just stared at her with her head tilted in curiosity and deep in thought.
"Jane, are you alright? Take a breath. I would love to be your date to the barbecue. I have also never been on a date with a woman, I guess you could say I'm new, and about the holding hands and cheek kisses let's see what comes naturally. I do promise to make it clear to everyone that I am there as your escort and no one else's, will that suffice?"
Jane smiled at the way Maura responded to all her questions. She was also relieved that Maura was new, she would rather have a rookie than a seasoned veteran.
"Also thank you."
"For what?" Jane asked with a confused look on her face.
"For saying I'm beautiful. I could tell by your facial cues and your voice that you weren't lying. So thank you."
Jane mumbled something that sounded like 'you're welcome' and blushed furiously as she drank from her beer.
Not wanting to ruin a good thing, Maura began gathering her things to make an exit, giving Jane her phone number and laying down a fifty on the table.
"Jane I look forward to our next meeting," Maura practically whispered as she kissed Jane's cheek.
It took all of Maura's discipline and self-control not to run to her car and squeal with delight like a schoolgirl when she made it outside. She couldn't believe a woman as beautiful as Jane approached her and actually asked her on a date. Granted, sometimes she didn't fully understand what Jane was talking about, but that happened daily with almost everyone. Missing social cues or jokes was nothing new.
My first date with a woman is with a beautiful, brash, shockingly adorable Italian, Maura thought to herself. I have never been more excited or nervous about a date.
Jane left the bar feeling much more confident about the situation. Maura was much more beautiful in person than in her pictures and she felt better just being able to put a name with a face. Her family would have nothing negative to say about her appearance that's for sure, because despite her chosen profession Maura reeked of nothing but class. Her brothers were going to be so jealous. Unbeknownst to her she walked right by another dirty blonde woman who had her eyes glued waiting for her new client to walk in the door and introduce herself.