TITLE: Puppy's Dreams
AUTHOR: Moonchild in Distress
FANDOM: Love Mode
RATING: PG-13
PAIRING: Jinnai Kuniaki/Katsuki Kyosuke
GENRE: Drama
SUMMARY: Kyosuke is in a bad mood, and has a reason for that.
WARNINGS: Kyosuke's brooding. Yes, all characters tend to do that once I lay my hands on them.
DISCLAIMER: I'm just borrowing them from Shimizu Yuki. Will return mostly undamaged, honest.
A/N: My deepest gratitude goes to my beloved Anonymous Super Beta for editing. All comments, opinions and corrections are welcome.
Kyosuke never remembered his dreams. His mother used to tell him that it spoke of their insignificance. She'd mentioned the puppy they had as an example, how it seemed to have nightmares sometimes, whining and twisting in its sleep but always waking up happy and playful. It was normal, she'd said, for little boys to have little dreams that were forgotten as easily as they came.
Now he was an adult and he would've liked for once to wake up and remember what he'd been dreaming about.
Occasionally he wondered if the things he wanted to achieve, daydreamed about, were just as meaningless and insignificant. They never worked out as he'd planned, did they?
It was apparent by now even to him that he wasn't meant to aspire to the heights of the courtesan world. He was lacking something important. Looks? Brains? Patience? Charisma? What was that vital quality, separating him from hot, irresistible guys like Izumi or Rin? Guests returned to the club again and again just to look at them, threw away their money and career just to be permitted a single touch. And the recent departure of both hosts proved that some were even prepared to dedicate their lives to them.
Kyosuke knew that envy was not an attractive character trait. But it wasn't like he was really envious of these guys' success. He didn't want popularity. Not with so many men, anyway.
And he sort of liked his new job. The duties of a pageboy weren't very difficult once you learned all the most important moves and lines. Some guests already remembered his face and smiled at him in greeting.
He still thought he could be a damn good host. He would've tried to test that theory if it hadn't been for the threat of immediate unemployment for going beyond his commission, and because hours of unrestrained sex with Jin in one of the guest rooms resulted in soreness and exhaustion, and rendered him absolutely useless even for a little flirting, let alone any bed activities.
How Jin found energy to work after their sex romps, Kyosuke had no idea. His lover's stamina was indeed amazing. Maybe he was too weak to satisfy Jin... Kyosuke frowned, not liking this line of thought.
He only wanted Jin to look at him like that. As if he was everything Jin ever desired and there was nobody around them. Just once. He'd remember this look for a long time.
But either Jin didn't have such a look in his repertoire, or Kyosuke lacked whatever this look demanded. Kyosuke checked.
Every time Jin was around, Kyosuke would turn to him abruptly, hoping to take the man unawares and catch that look. Jin didn't as much as throw a glance in his direction. Kyosuke's neck hurt from those attempts, and one of the pageboys once asked him if he was afraid of Jin-san, since he was obviously nervous about having Jin-san next to him.
Jin would never be owned. Not by him, at least. He reminded Kyosuke of those stray cats he'd found in the streets when he'd been a small boy. He had always wanted to feed them but despite all his petting and coaxing they'd inevitably refused to follow him home or wait for his return with food. Too independent, with an agenda of his own, Jin was exactly like them in his unwillingness to let a newcomer in.
Kisses and smiles meant nothing, whether given in public or in intimate darkness. They were not signs of affection but habitual gestures, part of everyday interaction of hosts and guests. Sarcastic, ridiculing remarks about Katsuki's intellect, opinions and behavior were another, far more personal matter. They cut deep, scathing reminders of Kyosuke's naivety and impossibility of ever rating higher than an apprentice with temporary privileges.
In the back of his mind Kyosuke registered the sound of his cell ringing. Judging by the muffled ringtone, it was somewhere on the floor, in the pocket of his crumpled and dirtied coat most likely. He was supposed to be in the club thirty minutes ago. Aoe-san did not have much tolerance for tardiness, and the club administrators pursued the same policy. He went to the window and kept staring outside intently till the ringing stopped.
The cell came back to life again almost six hours later. The caller's identity was disappointing but unsurprising. Amagai Seiichi. Jin was probably busy with a guest. He couldn't be bothered with such trifles as the failed appearance of his boyfriend at work.
"No, I'm not sick. Everything is fine." Liar.
"Please don't worry about me. Nothing happened. Something urgent just came up and I couldn't get to the club tonight." Another lie.
"I will contact Aoe-san later and give him my reasons." Like hell.
"I don't think I will be able to come tomorrow." Finally some truth.
"Yes, I will talk to Aoe-san immediately and apologize. I have to go, please excuse me." He'd never used such formal language before. Amagai-senpai probably was sure by now that something was wrong with him. Maybe he was in his car right this moment, heading here, to Kyosuke, determined to find out what was going on and help him...
And if he'd wanted Amagai-senpai to come this much, why hadn't he just admitted the truth? Because he was scared. Scared of the horrified expression on Amagai-senpai's face. Scared to hear a confirmation that nothing could be done about this. Scared that he wouldn't come at all.
Amagai-senpai hadn't been very pleased with Kyosuke finding a job at Blue Boy, no matter in what capacity. He wasn't ignoring Kyosuke entirely these days, but had begun addressing him instead in a polite and painfully detached manner ever since.
With a fair share of wishful thinking, it could be interpreted as newly found respect for the kid who'd made his dream come true. Kyosuke, however, with his past experience of playing the role of a prized pet at Eiko-san's cocktail parties, was inclined to take this attitude for what it was – well-masked contempt and disappointment. No, Kyosuke shouldn't have expected compassion or care from him.
He didn't want anybody to come. Not even Jin. Jin was to be left behind and forgotten, a beautiful, breath-taking adventure into the world where he didn't belong.
The rumbling of the washing machine in the bathroom stopped, signifying the end of its work. He should have gone and checked the state of his blood-stained shirt but didn't feel like getting up from the sofa.
He'd had to start from scratch and had been tempted to buy a TV set after the acquisition of a new, Blue Boy-worthy wardrobe stopped being his first priority. But regular visits to the laundry were tiresome and he was too lazy for hand-wash. So the washing machine had won over the TV. This decision had looked very practical back then, even if he'd been motivated by laziness, and he'd been proud of the first and very likely only substantial purchase he had made since the beginning of his work at Blue Boy.
Earning money would become a serious issue now. Manners and conversational skills didn't mean much without good looks. And without a decent education he had no chance at making a career in business or scientific field where appearance didn't matter.
Some low-ranking job where nobody would spare him a second glance would have to do. He pictured himself servicing the familiar black and white Karumangia at the car-washing station and quickly erased the image from his head.
It was dark outside but he was unsure how long ago the day ended. Had the sun just set down or was it about to rise? His internal clock was completely off these days.
One of the peculiarities of his new job was a total disregard of the outside world's time. Patrons came and left as they pleased, never informing the club how long their next visit would last. Perhaps they didn't know that themselves. Such vulgar concept as time had not been introduced in Blue Boy. Sometimes Kyosuke walked out of the club unaware if the five o'clock his wristwatch was showing him indicated evening or morning.
His solitude was interrupted with loud knocking.
"Open up, Katsuki!" The voice behind the door sounded loud and displeased. Kyosuke jumped in surprise. Why would Jin...?
"Open up if you don't want to replace a broken lock!"
Knowing that Jin was perfectly capable of fulfilling his threat, Kyosuke hurried to the door.
"What the hell's going on, brat?" Jin greeted him, taking a step inside.
"N-nothing," Kyosuke hastily averted his face to the side. Too late.
Jin's fingers caught his chin and forced to Kyosuke to face him. He studied Kyosuke's cheek for a few seconds, then released him with a nod towards the room.
Kyosuke nervously swallowed and obeyed the unspoken command.
Once in the room, Jin shoved him onto the bed, applying a little more force than was strictly necessary, in Kyosuke's opinion. Jin himself remained standing mid-room. "All right. Talk."
"Nothing to tell," Kyosuke muttered defensively.
Pause.
"I screwed up, okay! Like I always do." He spoke up rapidly, ignoring the pain energetic speech was causing him. "She was there – Eiko-san, I mean – at the bar – and she looked upset – and I asked what's the matter – and she told me she was upset – and I asked why..."
"Yes, we already established that Eiko-san was upset. And I don't really care about her moods. I am more interested in hearing why your left cheek looks like you took up embroidery and started practicing on your own body."
Kyosuke cringed at the cold tone. He'd already seen his reflection in the mirror, and could do without such an accurate description.
"She was trying to convince me that I'd made a mistake. With the club, and you, and... everything. I wouldn't listen and she got angry. She threw her glass on the floor and it broke. I... I don't know how it happened. She was waving her hands in the air and seemed almost hysterical. I just wanted to hold her, that's all. But she pushed me away, and I lost my balance and fell. Right on the glass."
He didn't feel up to describing the rest of it. His own memories were quite hazy. Echoes of Eiko-san's stuttered, frightened apologies and offers to take him to a doctor dying down behind him, Kyosuke had stumbled to a clinic, streets blissfully empty and random passersby averting their eyes from a weirdo wrapping his head in a coat. It would've been wiser to accept Eiko-san's help but he was too hurt and shocked to think rationally.
Numbly, he waited in the queue, sat through disinfection and stitching, provided a lame but nevertheless accepted explanation about an unfortunate fall, and heard out an equally unconvincing promise that the scars would soon become almost unnoticeable.
"So I didn't go to Blue Boy. I can't work when I have this," Kyosuke pointed at his face. "And I can't work with the scars, I understand. I'll tell Aoe-san. Tomorrow. I'm sorry I didn't warn you. You don't have to touch me or anything. It's ugly, I..."
Before Kyosuke finished, he found himself out of air, due to a hand roughly seizing the collar of his shirt and almost strangling him in the process. The next moment he was lifted up and off the bed, and dragged out of the apartment in the same manner. The grasp relented only when he was thrust into a car – Jin's car, as he belatedly noted.
As the car joined the traffic flow, Jin took out his cell and called Aoe-san. Kyosuke didn't catch much of that conversation. After hearing Jin saying, "Now I understand why Seiichi was so relieved when I offered to go instead of him," he opened the window on his side and determinedly stuck his head out as far as he could.
Less than a minute later he heard a stern "Get your stupid head back into the salon before it's smashed by a truck!" and was forcefully returned into his seat with an already familiar grip on his collar.
Jin hissed something like, "This moron needs a keeper!" and Kyosuke pretended not to hear. Jin rarely got angry with him but when he did, Kyosuke was too afraid of being kicked out for good to start an argument. Right now, considering how irritated Jin appeared, Kyosuke was worried that he might get kicked out not only figuratively but also literally, from the moving vehicle. Keeping quiet seemed to be the most reasonable policy under the circumstances.
They arrived at a clinic, Aoe Kiichi and another doctor greeting them with cheerful enthusiasm that Kyosuke found rather discomforting.
His face was thoroughly examined, and then he listened to the longest lecture in his life, peppered up with medical terms and references to all types of scar treatment, from surgical removal to injections to laser surgery. The lecture concluded with a cautious suggestion that perhaps he should at least wait till the stitches were removed before thinking about possible scarring. They walked out of the cabinet, Jin not bothering to hide a smirk, and Kyosuke elated and embarrassed. He felt as a complete idiot, which, he suspected, was the main purpose of this visit.
"I'm taking you home now," Jin informed him dryly as they got into the car. Kyosuke didn't find a fitting reply to that. It occurred to him belatedly that he should've thanked Jin for going through all this trouble for him but he didn't feel very grateful. Jin didn't have to be so rude about this, did he? Well, never mind about that. Jin's opinion of him probably couldn't drop any lower.
The rest of the trip went in absolute silence, Jin smoking and Kyosuke intently studying his own lap. He raised his eyes only when the car screeched to a halt. And blinked in surprise. It wasn't the street he lived at. It wasn't even the same district. It was an underground garage, a part of some rather fancy property, judging by the rows of expensive-looking cars around.
He opened his mouth to ask Jin where they were, but realized that in order to do that he'd have to walk out. Jin was already standing next to the vehicle, both his pose and facial expression speaking of impatience. "Jin, where are we?"
"Hey, Jin? Wait up! Jin!" Kyosuke's only option was that of jogging after his retreating lover.
Jin didn't spare him a word, not in the lift and not as they walked down the corridor of what appeared to be an apartment building. It could be a demonstration of Jin's bad mood or revenge for Kyosuke's silence during the car trip.
Jin stopped before one of the doors and opened it with a key. "You are staying here for a while. Bathroom's the second door to your left, bedroom's the third." And that was it. Orientation according to Jinnai Kuniaki.
"Er, Jin... What is this place?"
"Home," Jin replied laconically. Apparently noticing Kyosuke's uncomprehending look, he clarified, "My home. I want at least some resemblance of peace and obviously I won't have it if you are left unsupervised."
Well. This wasn't how Kyosuke imagined an invitation to live together would sound, coming from the man of his dream. But it would have to do.
Following the directions, he shuffled to the bedroom. The room was dark but Kyosuke didn't feel up to exploring the surroundings. It only took him a moment to identify the bed and land on it. Thinking and talking could wait. Jin insisted he wasn't very good at either, anyway.
Soon he felt a hand running through his hair again and again, lulling him into quiet untroubled sleep. Kyosuke shivered, relishing not the caress itself but in the fact that this hand couldn't belong to anybody but Jin. It could've been just another silly dream of his, but the memory of the touch returned in the morning with astonishing clarity, making him thinking that it might have been real.