Santa stole the disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Rangers characters. I just had a random thought through my head and had to get it down.
The Truth About Santa
"Let me see if I get this straight," Shane held up his hand. "This fat guy is supposed to break and enter through houses, flying all over the world in one night scarfing down all the milk and cookies he can stuff into his mouth while leaving a bunch of toys behind?"
"Yes Goose that's Santa Claus," Zach Jr. said patiently.
"And he flies around not in a jet but in an old beat up sleigh pulled by flying reindeer?" Shane gave him another look.
"Yes," Jessica nodded.
"One night? For all the kids in the world?" Shane gave them a look. "Everybody gets a toy?"
"All the good ones anyway," Zach Jr. said.
"You two have got to be pulling my leg," Shane gave them a look.
"What's going on?" Zach asked his children as he and Doc walked into the Rec Room.
"We're trying to explain to Goose about the legend of Santa Claus," Jessica said.
"They never told this story at Wolf Den I'm guessing," Zach looked at his friend.
"Let's just say if this guy Santa was real and he made the mistake of coming to Wolf Den he and his mutant reindeer would have been shot. And then there would have been a very large barbecue. You people actually tell this story to kids? And they believe it?" Shane asked Zach.
"Well yeah," Zach said to him.
"Are these kids brain damaged in any way or something?" Shane asked. "There is no way this story about a fat guy squeezing down something only a few feet wide with a giant sack full of toys can be believed."
"He uses magic," Doc said. "That's how he gets in and out of houses."
"And if they don't have chimneys?" Shane asked.
"Magic," Zach said.
"And the flying reindeer?" Shane asked.
"Again magic," Zach said. "Come on Goose, we've encountered magic before. It's not that implausible."
"Please! Mogul the Space Sorcerer couldn't deliver presents on one street block in a night with magic!" Shane gave him a look.
"Presumably Santa is a lot better at it than Mogul," Doc told him.
"And you actually told your kids this story and they believed it?" Shane gave strange looks to them.
"Well we were kind of little at the time," Zach Jr. admitted. "I stopped believing when I was eleven. Although Dad tried to keep up the pretense."
"I liked playing Santa," Zach's face fell. "It broke my heart when you kids stopped believing. Took a little of the magic away from Christmas."
"So you actually pretended that you were this mythical Santa and left presents for them?" Shane gave the Captain a look.
"Yes Goose, the story goes that good children get presents from Santa," Zach nodded.
"In other words it's a conditioning and controlling device," Shane said. "Something used to ensure proper behavior."
"I wouldn't say that Goose…" Zach began.
"It's a lie isn't it?" Shane interrupted him.
"Well…" Zach began.
"And you tell it to get kids to behave themselves don't you?" Shane added.
"Okay maybe but…" Zach said.
"Hold on," Jessica held up her hand. "I'm remembering a few things. Nearly every time Little Zach and I had a fight you always brought up Santa Claus and that usually stopped us from fighting!"
"Remember the time we accidentally broke a vase and Dad said that we were making Santa cry?" Zach Jr. remembered. "And that was in April!"
"Emotional blackmail," Shane smiled triumphantly.
"It was not blackmail!" Zach snapped. "Emotional or otherwise!"
"Okay it was bribery then," Shane shrugged. "Behave and you get treats."
"Holy cow he's right!" Zach Jr. realized. "I can't believe we fell for that!"
"Now hold on a minute…" Zach began. "Okay maybe we sort of lied to you…"
"Yeah about Santa, the Easter Bunny…" Zach Jr. counted them off.
"What's an Easter Bunny?" Shane asked.
"Like Santa only it's a big rabbit that delivers chocolate," Jessica said.
"You mean like a Kiwi?" Shane blinked.
"No an actual rabbit," Jessica said. "Obviously a magic rabbit but that's beside the point…"
"The Tooth Fairy," Zach counted off. "The monster in the toilet that likes to eat poo…"
"The what?" Shane did a double take. "Zachery what kind of mind warping things have you been telling your kids?"
"I have not been warping their minds! They're harmless little stories!" Zach said.
"Harmless my butt," Zach Jr. grumbled. "I was scared to death of the monster. I had nightmares about it until I was seven."
"It was a trick we thought we'd use on toilet training that backfired!" Zach snapped.
"Yeah he didn't even stop wetting the bed until he was nine," Jessica snickered.
"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE DEAD!" Zach Jr. started chasing his sister around.
"KIDS KNOCK IT OFF!" Zach shouted.
"Why?" Shane asked. "Are you gonna have the Tooth Fairy whack the Easter Bunny if they don't?"
"Jessica you are gonna…" Zach Jr. chased his sister outside. "OKAY NOW I'VE GOT…OW! OW! JESSIE! OW! THAT HURTS!"
"Hey your daughter has a pretty good right hook," Shane grinned. "This I gotta see!" He ran off to get a better view.
"Why is it that whenever we try to explain the simplest concepts to Goose, things always get more complicated?" Zach groaned.
"Captain promise me one thing," Doc smiled.
"What?" Zach glared at him.
"Promise me that you'll let me be there when you explain to him about Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer," Doc grinned.
"I'll do one better," Zach had an evil glint in his eye. "HEY GOOSE! DOC HAS SOMETHING HE WANTS TO TELL YOU!"
"NOOOOOO!" Doc yelled.