TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU
Patrick Verona: Edward Cullen
Kat Stratford: Bella Swan
Bianca Stratford: Rosalie Swan
Cameron James: Emmett McCathy
Michael: Jasper Hale
Joey: James
Mandella: Alice Brandon
Chastity: Jessica Stanley
Walter Stratford: Charlie Swan
Miss Perky: Miss Cope
Mr Morgan: Mr Banner
CHAPTER 1: BEGGINGS
PAUDA HIGH SCHOOL DAY
Welcome to Pauda High School your typical middle class high school in Forks Washington.
PAUDA HIGH SCHOOL DAY THE OUTSIDE STREET
Two cookie cutter cute girls pull up to a red traffic light in there convertible listening to some popular pop fluff music.
Bella Swan eighteen, pretty but trying hard not to be (and failing) pulls up beside them in her beat down red Chevy that she loves. She scowls at their choice of music. The light changes and despite the age of her car zooms out of there as if listening to the music any longer could possibly kill her.
PAUDA HIGH SCHOOL DAYFRONT STEPS
Bella hurries to the front door of the school, she approaches another cookie-cutter-cute girl pasting an advertising poster for prom she studies it for a second and then rips it down.
"HEY" the poster girl screams out after her.
GUIDANCE COUNSELERS OFFICE DAY
Emmett McCathy, a hugely built, easy going new kid at school with an optimistic, mischievous face, sits facing Miss. Cope, an old-school single stereotype. She's in the middle of composing some racy lines from her pulp romance-novel-to-be on her laptop.
"So Emmett here you go, 9 schools in 10 years my my Army brat?" She asks giving him his schedule.
"Yeah my dad's a…" Emmett's cut off
"That's enough. I'm sure you won't find Pauda any different than your old School. Same little ass wipe shit-for-brains everywhere" Miss Cope tells him smiling.
"Excuse me. Did you just say…? Am I in the right office?" He asks looking around.
"Not anymore you're not. I've got deviance to see and a novel to finish. Now scoot. Scoot!" She tells him shooing him out the door.
"Uh Okay thanks I think" Emmett says as he leaves.
As he leaves he passes Edward Cullen, a smug, bronze haired Australian who's on his way.
"Hey new kid" he says
Emmett nods at him and leaves.
Miss. Cope looks down to her file and then to Edward.
"Edward Cullen. I see were making our visits a weekly ritual"
She gives him a disapproving glance. He answers with a charming smile.
"Only so we can have these moments together. Should I Uh get the lights?" He asks her.
"Oh very clever Kangaroo boy. Says here you exposed yourself in the cafeteria to a table full of cheerleaders"
"I was only joking. It was a bratwurst." He says smiling
"Bratwurst huh? Aren't we the optimistic? Next time keep it in your pouch okay? Scoot." She tells him sitting down.
After he leaves she goes back to writing her novel adding the word bratwurst to the sentence she's working on.
SCHOOL HALLWAY –DAY
Jasper Hale, a typical overachieving, brainy senior with a southern twang. He introduces himself to Emmett among the bustle of the Hallway.
"Jasper Hale, I'm supposed to show you around" He says sticking out his hand.4
Emmett shakes his hand "Oh Hi Thank God! You know usually they send down one of those audio/video geeks."
Seeming flustered Jasper replies "You know I do. I know what you mean yeah"
An audio video geek pushing a cart full of film equipment rolls along beside them.
"Hey Jasper where should I put these slides? He asks him.
Jasper brushes of the A/V geek "Jasper?!"
Jasper turns back to Emmett
"So uh (checks piece of paper) Emmett here's the breakdown"
They begin to walk down the hallway.
"Over there you've got your basic beautiful people. Now Listen. Unless they talk to you first, don't bother"
"But Wait. Is that your rule or there's?" Emmett asks him
"Watch" Jasper tells him. They pass a group of Jocks.
"Hey there" Jasper says to them
"Eat Me" The Jock yells after him
Jasper turns to Emmett "See". The jock and his friends glare as if offended as the pair walks away.
SCHOOL COURTYARD DAY
Groups of students stand around. Jasper and Emmett continue their walk.
"Okay to the left we have the coffee kids. Very Edgy. Don't make any sudden movements around them."
They step down and pass a table full of white boys with dreadlocks and prerequisite Jamaican berets.
Jasper continues "And these delusional are the White Rasta. Uh, they're big Marley fans. They think there black. Semi-Political but mostly…"
"Smoke a lot of weed" Emmett throws in.
"Yeah" Jasper nods.
They approach a group of kids wearing cowboy hats and boots.
"These guys…"
Emmett cuts him off "Let me guess. Cowboys?"
"Yeah but the closest they've come to a cow is MacDonald's…" Jasper laughs at his own joke.
Emmett doesn't seem to laugh so Jasper stops.
They approach a group of studious-looking teens who are bent over textbooks at a table.
"These are your future MBA's- We're all Ivy League accepted"
Jasper turns to the group
"Hey guys how ya doin"
The group look annoyed.
Emmett and Jasper walk away
"Yesterday I was there god" Jasper says
"What happened?" Emmett asks.
"Eric Yorkie started a rumour that I … that I buy my IWods at an outlet mall" Jasper tells him.
"So they kicked you out?" Emmett asks him.
"Hostile take-over. But don't worry they'll pay. Now over here…" But Jasper is cut short because Emmett has spotted Rosalie Swan.
Rosalie Swan is a young care free blonde with extraordinary beauty.
"OH MY God" Emmett mutters completely smitten.
"What group is she in?" he asks Jasper.
"The 'don't even think about it' group that's Rosalie Swan, a sophomore" Jasper tells him.
"I burn! I pine! I perish!" Emmett sighs.
"Of course you do. You know she's beautiful and deep. Pure" Jasper tells him.
Rosalie walks with her friend Jessica, a cute and seemingly less loquacious version of herself.
"You see there's a difference between like and love. Because I like my sketchers but I love my Prada backpack" She tells her friend
"But I love my sketchers" Jessica adds.
"That's because you don't have a Prada backpack" Rosalie tells her.
"Ohhhh!" Jessica says enamoured with Rosalie's wisdom.
Japer turns to Emmett "Listen forget her. Incredibly uptight father and it's a widely known fact that the Swan sisters aren't allowed to date."
"Uh…huh yeah" Emmett replies barely listening.
ENGLISH CLASS DAY
A room full of bored seniors doodle and stare off into space. Mr Banner an educated, no-nonsense man in his early thirties presides.
"Okay then. What did everyone think of the Sun Also Rises?"
A girl raises her hand and offers her approval,
"I loved it. It was so romantic" she sighs.
Bella is wearing a Camo top in preparation for her daily war against high school ignorance.
She adds her own opinion clearly disgusted "Romantic? Hemingway?! He was an abusive alcoholic misogynist who squandered half his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers"
The class roll their eyes obviously sick of her opinions.
James Donner, a slicked back 'popular' kid makes fun of her from his row.
"As opposed to a bitter self-righteous hag who has no friends?"
This earns a few giggles from around the class. Bella fumes from her seat without looking back.
"Pipe down Chaiche" Mr Banner yells at him.
"I guess in this society being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time." Bella tells him smiling sweetly. This earns a round of giggles.
Edward suddenly steps into the classroom late,
"What'd I miss?"
Bella turns around to face him "The oppressive patriarchal values that dictate our education"
"Good" Edward immediately turns around and leaves
"Hey, hey!" Mr Banner yells out after him.
"UH, Mr Banner is there any chance we could get Bella to take her Mydol before she comes to class?" James asks laughing.
More snickers are heard from the class.
Mr Banner turns to James "Someday you're gonna get bitch slapped and I'm not gonna do a thing to stop it. And Bella. I want to thank you for your point of view"
Bella smiles to herself her social indigent justified.
Mr Banner continues "I know how difficult it must be for you to overcome all those years of upper middle class suburban oppression. It must be tough."
Bella deflates and becomes hostile again.
Mr Banner starts up again "But the next time you storm around the PTA campaigning for better lunch meat, or whatever it is you white girls complain about, ask them why they can't buy a book written by a black man!"
Two of the white Rasta kids from the courtyard take up his cry of discrimination.
"That's Right mon!" They cheer.
Mr Banner turns to them "Don't even get me started on you two!"
They grumble and quickly shut up! Bella is fuming again.
"Anything Else?" She asks him seething
Mr Banner begins to walk back to the front of the class "Yeah. Go to the office. You're pissing me off!"
Bella turns to him in shock "What! But Mr Banner"
He cuts her off "Later!"
Bella gets up in a tiff and on her way out she hits James in the face with her books.
"Hey!" he calls out.
SCHOOL HALLWAY DAY
Bella fuming walks down the corridor not paying attention to where she is walking, she bumps into Edward Cullen her books flying everywhere.
"God could you watch where you're going you stupid son of a—"She stopped herself once she looked into his eyes.
Edward to was gazing at her, she had caught him off guard but soon enough his innocent expression was soon gone and replaced with a mask.
"Watch where you're going!" He snapped at her, he walked away.
"Asshole" Bella mumbled picking up her books.