(A/N: fuck i've started this a month ago but i was so busy with everything else and i stayed up til 3am to finish this OTL anywayy enjoy~ reviews are always appriciated)

Dave Strider never thought he'd be sitting in this café on the edge of town waiting for a cup of coffee as he did for the past 5 weeks. Well why wouldn't he? It seems perfectly normal to get one but since Dave was too cool for any of that Starbucks crap that hipsters and white girls always Instagram hoping to get "likes" on their half-assed pictures with filters. Anyway, he tapped his fingers on the table with a bored expression on his face. Now some random person with nothing else to do other than to ponder the meaning of life beyond their universe might be thinking: "Why does he go to this café everyday for the past 5 weeks?" After all…this place had a reputation by being run by some of the ermm..craziest folks in town. Yup, Café Skaia had great food but crazy people behind the show. It was run by this one lady everyone called: the Condesce and her extended family employed there. But no matter, that's not why Dave was here.

Well what was he here for?

The very reason he breathed and lived for the past few weeks, walked by on by wearing the uniform. Yes, that person who everyone called "John Egbert" or at least that's what it said on the name tag. Black hair, glasses, and buck teeth shown in a smile was the very reason Dave has been absolutely infatuated with the man currently taking orders. He watched John as he took orders and delivered food to the table, observing the creases in his clothes, the sweat on his skin, the expressions on that perfect face of his, and the adjustment of his glasses, slipping off his nose. Now, a sane, normal person might have made their mood on a person driving them insane with desire but…here's the thing.

John seemed so amazing that…despite Dave being a cool kid who's nothing but cool irony most of the time.

He had no idea how to approach John. Cool kids didn't freak out every time the object of their affections even moved an inch near them nor stare at them when they think they're not looking. But John was different. Normally, Dave would try to pull some of his normal, flirting on typically everyone, even his friends. But nooo, John had to be a special kind of person and make the cool kid feel…something nervous for once (not that Dave would ever admit that because being nervous was for losers). Well, he was never going to get anywhere by just staring at love on legs so put yourself out there Strider. I'm sure that whatever comes out is not going to totally make John never want to see your face again. Okay here goes.

Soon, John came over to his table, wanting to take his order because it was his job and all.

"Welcome to Café Skaia, may I please take your order?"

"Yes, well, I'd like 4 cups of coffee, black, with some cream."

"Wow..That's a lot of coffee there. You have some kind of mind-killing project to do later?"

"Nah, I just like my coffee I guess. Tea's fine but coffee gets me going. It's nature's way of shock therapy for the tired as fuck person. Like seriously, coffee is a slap to the face to a person who needs to get shit done, but the slap hurts less the more you do it so it gets less effective over time like tobacco or some shit they taught in health.

"Wow, that was sort of confusing but it kind of made sense. Heh, coffee coming right up and are you sure you don't want anything to eat?"

"I try, all part of my charm and nah, I'm good. I've got you to talk to."

"I'm not really supposed to be talking to my customers but you seem pretty interesting. After all, no one ever comes more than once to this café. Guess they're all scared off by the owner, heheh"

"Right… How's working under the 'batterwitch' by the way? Seems like she'd be a great empress. She'd probably take over the world with Betty Crocker products because I can tell she uses them like how people use razors."

"You sure got that right haha, your order is coming right up, sir."

"Call me Dave, Dave Strider and I'm counting on that or no tip~"

"Don't be a jerk man or I'll spit in your coffee."

"And hehe, wow John-flavored coffee. Isn't this progressing our 'relationship' too much? Sharing spit with each other."

"Shut up, you know I mean it by not being a jerk," John left to go get his coffee, hips swaying a bit to the side. Dave got a good look at his ass while John was getting his order and rushing around getting everyone else's orders. Oh my god, I managed to talk to him not that I was nervous at all because Striders always get the chicks or rather this time, a dude. Just keep it going and something more will possibly happen. Otherwise I'll be stuck pining after him in a damn coffee shop like in a fucking romantic comedy or something.

He watched John as he talked with his other co-workers, lips moving, smiling, laughing a bit as he chatted up the person behind the counter preparing the coffee. His grin is a sight Dave wouldn't mind seeing for a while.

"4 cups of coffee, extra cream for being such a dedicated customer"

The coffee tasted good, kind of heavy tasting and dark. The aroma filled his senses; he enjoyed a good coffee but he enjoyed the server handing it to him even more. Tapping his fingers, sipping coffee seems like a nice way to enjoy life right? Too bad the coffee is expensive and man, you gotta go to the bathroom soon, but before that..the bill comes.

$14.27…shit that is way too much for coffee especially for the purpose of that sexy waiter waiting for the bill. Getting an idea, he wrote something down on the bill, handed it to John, subtly winking at him and walked into the bathroom.

Curious, John opened the bill, seeing the usual payments and all but saw a tiny note scrawled at the bottom in pen.

"I ordered all this dam coffee so you'd talk to me but now I have to pee. *insert sad face here* Soo, tell me: is there a non-creepy way to hit on your waiter? If so text me how?"

John blushed a bright red when he read that. What? He was…hitting on him? What? No one ever did so this was all very confusing for John. He never thought about dating anyone really. Too busy keeping a job after all. Dave came back, went over to John and leaned in his ear.

"That was only the beginning of sweeping you off your orthopedic waiter shoes."

John blushed and started sputtering but Dave left the café with a swagger in his step. Step one was a success.

Step two was: "Keep coming in to the same damn café everyday now that you've commenced conversation before, and do your thing. Until John slaps you, kicks you out or something. Even if he does, you're not going to be deterred."

Step two took the most time. Dave kept coming in to the same café over again, only this time leaving notes on the bills and casually flirting with John. To be even more ironic, he started using pick-up lines. Really bad, or for a word "creative" pick-up lines designed to sweep waiters/waitresses of their feet. Or at least that's what the website said. They might've been joking though but who cares; at least John is talking to you now and it makes him giddy inside.

Speaking of which, here comes John *swoon*

"Welcome to Café Skaia, may I take your order even though you hear this every single time you come,"

"I love hearing you say it though~"

"Ugh I bet you say that to all the waitresses here."

"Well…you're the only attractive waitress here and there's no one else at the moment so that leaves you, babe."

"Just order already….that's what I'm here for anyway. Taking people's orders."

"Well I was hoping you're here with me because I charmed you with my good looks and personality."

"Nah..you just amuse me that's all. You're a pretty funny guy you know, once you get past all the annoying flirting,"

"I thought you liked it so I kept doing it..You're pretty cute when you blush you know. But, I bet I can make you blush harder with what I can do.." his voice trailing off. Dave liked the banter they had every time he came. It felt like he wasn't just some nameless customer to John; he was an actual person who he bantered and teased on a day to day basis.

"Anyway..I'll have a burger. I'm in the mood for greasy American food."

"Sure thing, sweetheart. Coming right up,"

Did John just call him sweetheart? Even if it was in a mocking manner, it made him sort of happy to be called a pet name by him. Calm down, John's not your boyfriend…yet. He will be in time..you know if he accepts the mating signals we humans in modern day call flirting or showing interest. Though…was John even interested in Dave? Or was he just an annoyance? Oh well..unless he could probe into the inner workings of John's mind, he'd never find out.

Dave decided to get up and go to the bathroom. He really needed to wash his hands and his face to clear his head. On the way to the men's room, he overheard two voices talking; he recognized one of the voices as John but the other voice sounded quite harsh and ornery. It's not good manners to eavesdrop but..what they don't know won't hurt him.

"Oh my fucking god…that blonde guy with the shades comes everyday just to see your stupid face. He seems fucking shady though; who the fuck wears sunglasses indoors? Ughh out of the slightest bit of undeserved concern for your monkey-looking ass: has that person been bothering you or something? You look like you walked into thorns when you talk to him but also..you seem kind of happy to see him. Why? You like that douche or something?

Hey! Oh wait..nearly said that out loud..what, they're talking about me?

"Yeah, I guess I do, Karkat..he's an interesting guy once you talk to him..kinda weird though. His so-called metaphors confuse the fuck out of me. Despite all of his annoying flirting…I like seeing him come everyday. Certainly makes my day way more interesting. But..is he even serious about it? Or is he just joking?"

"Egbert, I'm not a fucking relationship counselor but I'm pretty damn sure that if a guy comes in everyday, just to see and talk to you to this shithole of a café, he's pretty into you. It's your call whether you want to make yaois with him or whatever Nepeta calls those damn boy's love animes. It's not everyday you're in a romantic comedy situation…"

"I'll consider it..thanks Karkat!"

"No problem, you pathetic little human. Those other orders are getting cold you know…."

"Ahhhh, Oh my God! I forgot!" He heard John rush off to the cooks' window, rushing to get everyone's order before they got mad and decided not to tip.

Whoa…John actually likes me? I have a chance? Wait….how the fuck did he think I wasn't being serious about the flirting? I know I don't have to go save him from a damn dragon in his tower and wake him up with a kiss to show my dedication, but God…Hmm maybe I wasn't being forward enough? After all..pretty much everyone knows I'm kind of a flirt. Not that I have been flirting with other people for a while..They're not as interesting as John…

Pensively thinking about what he overheard, Dave went back to his seat, tapping fingers, waiting for John to come back.

"Your greasy, all American burger hath arrived. No liability is ensued in case of the following: heart attack, stroke, heart disease, and other life-threatening symptoms."

"Oh well..you get 25% of the bill and 100% of my heart,"

"Eww I don't want your diseased heart. Gross..I admit that that was actually pretty good..got anymore up your sleeve?"

"Oh I don't know…I'm not gonna be the one pulling all the weight in this relationship. I'm not Atlas man, I can't carry the world of relationship stuff on my frail, poor back,"

"You asked for it then…lemme think: our catch of the day: me, babe."

"Quaint..but," Dave stood up and leaned into John's ear. He felt the heat of his blush as his breath was felt on his ear. Dave resisted the urge to bite on his soft-looking, tempting ear. "Then..I'll have takeout of the special of the day. No dressings. I like it best..natural and bare."

Now Johns' face really flared up, blood pooling up in his cheeks. Fuck Strider, no seriously fuck him. No, not like that…maybe…what?

"Stop being a fucking tease man. I thought this was supposed to be the part where you get on your knee and you romantically ask me out because I'm a bit tired of this whole flirting business."

"Great minds think alike huh? Tell you what..you brought me lunch, I'll buy you dinner. What's your favorite place 'sides here?"

"The Thai place down the street is pretty good. Pick me up at seven and you got yourself a date, Mr. Strider. Oh and by the way.." John leaned up and gave Dave a small kiss on the cheek, feeling the hotness of it. "That was only..a small, innocent teaser of tonight. Play your cards right boy, and oh by the way…I thought you'd never ask me out.."

The plan was a success…wait there was never really a plan but who cares? He's got a hot date with the cute waiter and he better not screw this up. But nooo…what could possibly go wrong when a Strider's got it all under control. Now..to make reservations and plan on the *possible* second date.