CHAPTER 1
I can't smile, I can't laugh, I can't sneeze, bloody hell I can't even go to the loo! I have to stay in the same standing position for four hours. Straight. Plus this bugger which they consider to be a hat makes my head itch….and it's really heavy. You see, I am quite zonked by the end of the day. I see the same scenery all the time and the tourists always attempt to get me to smile or make me mad by trying to climb the Buckingham Palace's gate. The only thing that gets me by is my friend Flying Mint Bunny who comes to visit me. FMB keeps me company.
I always thought joining the British army would be the best for my country and for me, but really all I am is… bored. I am bored with my life. I hate standing here feeling peckish all the time. I hate having to have all this self-control. It feels as if I can't be myself. It's true that the Queen's Royal Guards are real operating soldiers, but this isn't the job for me. I feel pity for myself and want to sigh but remember that I can't so I do it in my head.
As two hours of my shift pass I see some American tourists walk by. My gaze latches onto one of the rather tall men of the group. My emerald eyes widen in awe. Oh goodness. He was bloody gorgeous. His ash blonde hair framed his perfect face and his stunning blue eyes were filled with happiness and ambition. His glasses didn't make him look like a nerd, but added on to his good looks. I could also tell he was ripped under the shirt he was wearing. I suddenly feel a warm sensation rise to my cheeks but I suppress the feeling. I shouldn't be feeling this way, I have to be in control.
He caught my stare and this time I couldn't tame the blush forming on my face. He smiled a toothy grin in my direction and he started walking over leaving his friends. My mind started freaking. I didn't know what to do. I can't do anything. I chose just to stand there (not much of a decision). I used all the willpower I had to restrain my eyes from looking at him. Why was this so hard? I usually have a lot more control over my actions. I felt sweat developing in my palms. The weapon I held slipping from my grasp from the moisture on my hands. What is going on with me?
The stranger made his way to me and I lost my strength of mind and flash a quick glance at him. I drop my rifle, but I quickly grab it from the ground. That was not good. I am going to get into so much trouble for it! My eyes scan the area to see if anyone saw and surprisingly no one did. A wash of relief washes over me, but it suddenly disappears as I have remembered the man that came up to me. He saw the mishap that had just occurred. My heart was racing. Would he tell anybody?
He notices the fear in my eyes and he simply reassures me, "It's okay dude. I won't tell a soul." He motions a finger pulling a zipper across his lips meaning his lips were sealed and I was safe. My body relaxes no longer worried about what could have happened.
"So bro, do you like standing here all the dang time?" The stranger asks me. He was obviously curious, but I can't answer him no matter how much I want to. I just stand there surveying the environment and doing my job. He takes the hint. "Oh yeah you can't talk to me or smile can you?" He looks at me for a reply, but once again I show no sign of interest, even though I really would fancy making small talk with this man.
"Well since I bet you are bored I am gonna stay here with you until your shift is over." My heart rate sped up a bit. Would he really do this for someone he just met? His appearance came off as arrogant and obnoxious but for some reason I could see past that. I could see how heroic he was. I give him the smallest of nods showing him that I was okay with it. He notices the small gesture and he takes a seat beside me. "My name is Alfred, Alfred Jones." Alfred informs me. "I just felt that if a new friend is gonna stay and get to know you, you might as well know his name." Hmmmm…Alfred. I ran the name through my head many times. It suited him perfectly.
For the next hour and a half Alfred kept telling me about himself and his likes and dislikes. A major topic was about his love for burgers, or should I say obsession. It seems that this guy really loved talking. Once he started he didn't stop. No snooze button or off button on this kid. I didn't mind though. I paid attention to every word that came out of his mouth. I nodded slightly at points where I found it appropriate and so he knew that I was listening.
"…. I probably couldn't do your job. I have no self-control whatsoever. I like burping and farting and using the bathroom and eating and sneezing/ coughing when I have to. If I was you I would get fired on the first day for sharting on my uniform!" My face forms into a confused look and he understands. "Oh you don't know what a shart is? It's when you pass gas and you think that's all it is but you accidentally shit yourself from the force of the fart. That's how it got the name shart, a word created from the words fart and shit." I didn't know what came over me, but the way Alfred explained it with such a serious face made me snort and cause my lips to curl into a smile. Though soon after I realized what I did, I put my emotionless face back on and tried to distract myself from him by looking around to see if anyone was causing trouble.
Alfred crossed his arms and has recently acquired a smug smile from his recent accomplishment. "I thought it was impossible to get a Buckingham Palace guard to smile." He joked teasingly. He raised a brow and looked at me like he just made history, well… technically he did. "I should go into a world record book or something for this!" He continued on with self-appraisal. I wasn't worried he would tell anybody. He told me he wouldn't tell anyone about the earlier mishap so why would he tell anyone about this? Also no one would believe him if he did it anyways. I roll my eyes playfully at his idiocy.
Soon enough my shift is over and the ceremony of "Changing the Guard" takes place. Alfred watches the sight and takes many pictures. It is a very popular tourist attraction. Surprisingly after I change into my civilian clothes and am allowed to leave Alfred turns a corner and finds me once again.
"Hey man I found you!" He exclaimed.
I hope you guys all liked the first chapter! Please tell me if you think I should continue it. I am writing more, but don't know if you would want me to go on with it. I don't want to get too many reviews about my horrid writing skills. Thanks for reading! :3