Sliding Keys
AU branching off from Beneath You, based on the movie Sliding Doors. A Dawn-centric look at different moments in season 7. For diva_stardust: happy birthday!
Dawn sat on the couch, trying hard not to give in to the impulses she felt. The impulse to hug Buffy tightly, and then shake her and say, "Why did you let things get so bad last year?" The impulse to break a table leg off and plunge it into Spike's chest. The impulse to throw her arms around Spike and say, "I've missed you for so long . . . you went away when Buffy came back. Are you really back, this time?"
Instead, she clenched her hands together in her lap, and watched the soap opera that was Spike and Buffy play out before her. Not to mention the supporting cast of Xander and Nancy. Dawn leaned back into the cushions, trying not to attract attention so she could observe everything. Even if it was more of the same. Buffy denying her feelings, Spike trying and failing to hide his. Xander doing his funny guy act. Just another day.
Then, some words made it through her cocoon of silent observation. About Spike seeing Buffy in the basement last week. She felt a bubble of anger pop within her. Dawn jumped off the couch, and turned to her sister. "What? You just forgot to mention this?" She stared at Buffy, who started babbling out some lame explanation. When Spike tried to defend Buffy, Xander stood up and started yelling. Spike drew Buffy out into the hallway, and Dawn rolled her eyes at their departing backs. She moved out of the living room over towards the book-strewn table, shoving aside a few things and picking up a volume that was newer than many on the table. It was still thirty years old, and Dawn let it fall open to a page she had read and re-read several times.
October 14, 1977
Nikki has not returned from her patrol. She had reported her fight with a vampire in the Park last week, and based on her description, it could only be William the Bloody. I urged caution on her part, but Nikki was less than caring. I have noticed this lack of concern lately and been troubled by it. Not even young Robin seems to be enough to make her exercise the proper amount of care.
I fear that her meeting with William the Bloody last week has not been her last encounter with him.
Dawn's attention was drawn away from the diary, and she let it drop to the table, before closing it hurriedly. Buffy and Spike had come back into the living room, and Buffy was bustling around, making plans. Spike was leaning against the wall and surveying the room with those hunter's eyes.
She had once felt so safe with him. Like she was being protected by the strongest person in the world. Now, she didn't feel so safe. She knew too much about him. Knew that he might have changed in some way, but he was still a vampire. Still dangerous.
But he had been her big brother, during that horrible summer. Shouldn't that count for something?
Buffy's voice cut through her thoughts, and Dawn jumped in, trying to make it obvious that she wasn't a weak little girl. "I'm command central--everyone check in with me." At Buffy's look, Dawn said with a sigh and a shrug, "I'll be doing my homework. But the other thing sounded cooler."
She heard Spike speak, and he moved from behind her towards the door. And she had to say it.
"Spike?"
He turned around, a curious, measuring look in his eyes.
"You sleep, right?" she said, trying to make her voice sound cool. "You. Vampires. You sleep."
"Yeah. What's your point, nibblet?" His voice was tinged with amusement, like he's trying hard not to laugh. Trying hard not to grin at her, acting all Bitty Buffy.
Dawn clenched her teeth. This was her chance. Her chance to show him where things stood. "Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all . . . touch her . . . you're gonna wake up on fire."
Spike stared at her. A bit surprised, but not, in a way. Like he was expecting this kind of reaction. Deserved it. Without a word, he left, following Buffy out of the house.
Dawn watched him leave. She felt a pang of sadness, mixed with satisfaction that he knew she was serious. Yet despite that sense of confidence in her abilities, she still wondered what he was really thinking.
***swoosh***
She heard Spike speak, and he moved from behind her towards the door. And she had to say it.
"Spike?"
He turned around, a curious, measuring look in his eyes.
Dawn opened her mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by Buffy. "Come on, Spike, time's a-wasting."
Spike turned towards Buffy, then looked back at her. Dawn sighed, and said, "Later, Spike. But remember, if anything--anything at all--happens to my sister, I'll know who's responsible." She glared at him, her well-planned speech tossed away.
Spike looked at her, as if he had expected such a reaction, even from her, formerly his greatest defender. Then, with a quick nod of his head, he followed Buffy out of the house.
Dawn sighed again, a bit upset that she hadn't been able to really tell him what she had planned if anything happened to Buffy. But perhaps it was just as well. He had seemed different. Quieter, less Spike-like. It seemed like he had changed. Besides, he had seemed so sad. Like he was a broken toy, put together with tape and deluded into thinking he was as good as new. But he wasn't, not really.
She grunted softly to herself in disgruntlement. 'Probably did something stupid, like go get his soul or something equally pointless, to get Buffy to love him.'
***
Buffy didn't talk about Spike much. Dawn had made it clear that while Spike was useful for muscle, she could care less about him. Even when Buffy was fluttering around, getting Spike out of the basement and moved into Xander's place, Dawn kept a stone face when Spike was mentioned.
At least, that's what she let Buffy think. Deep inside, Dawn missed him. Had missed him for months. During the time that Spike and Buffy had been boinking, Spike hadn't been around much. She guessed it was because of Buffy's whole "I'm doing something so wrong that pure little Dawnie must never have any clue!" attitude. And a Spike who was getting Buffy lovin' would have been a big clue that something was going on.
Buffy tried to pass her behavior off as just trying to protect Spike, since he had gotten his soul back and everything. But Dawn knew there was more to it. Had known that something had developed between her sister and Spike after Buffy came back from the dead, something that was now becoming deeper and truer. Buffy would try to deny the sky was blue if it suited her, so let her deny that she loved Spike. Dawn wasn't buying it.
Not that she really cared. She couldn't remember the last time Spike had spoken to her. One of their last real conversations had been the night that Buffy came back. After that, their interactions had been limited to glances across rooms and a few words of small talk. Not even during Buffy's never-ending birthday party had they talked.
She was mad about that. Mad that her sister had stolen her best friend away. And she couldn't even be happy that he had been happy with Buffy, because he hadn't been happy with her. The closeness she once had with Spike was gone.
Forever.
***swoosh***
Dawn walked into Xander's apartment, following her sister who was trying to argue with Xander. She turned, and noticed the vampire still standing in the hallway.
"Xander, stop being a jerk and invite Spike in," Dawn said, rolling her eyes at Xander's whining. He had been a lot less annoying over the past few months, less on this Xander-as-protector kick that he'd gone overboard on last year. As soon as Spike was in the picture, though, Xander had made sure to let everyone know that he thought it was a bad idea to have Spike around, even a souled Spike.
Xander looked at Buffy, then at Dawn, and sighed. "Come in, Spike. Looks like we're in for another episode of the Odd Couple, Sunnydale-style."
Spike stepped over the threshold, looking a bit wary. "Appears so. At least this time around, you've got your room and I've got . . ."
"Your closet," Xander interrupted, gesturing towards a door that actually concealed a very small guest room.
Spike nodded, and walked into his new room, closing the door softly behind him.
Dawn noticed that Buffy had watched Spike's departure with a tinge of sadness, covered with a facade of disinterest. Then, she turned to Xander and started placating him, asking about work and other mundane things.
Dawn took her chance, and crossed over to Spike's room. Knocking softly on the door, she quickly slipped inside.
Spike turned around, and looked at her. "Dawn," he said, his voice formal.
She stared at the floor, before managing to get her thoughts in order. "I wanted to talk to you. About the night that you came to our house."
Spike nodded, and dropped onto the bed. He gestured towards the chair that sat before Xander's drafting table, and said, "Sit. Take a load off."
She sat down, clasping her hands in her lap. Like so many times with Spike, the words she had planned flew out of her head, and she found herself sharing emotions with him that she hadn't even realized she had.
"I know that getting your soul is a huge deal, and I know you got it for Buffy, because of what happened. And you seem different, only not really," she said, scrunching up her face in annoyance at not being able to really say what she felt. But she pressed on. "But that night, when you came to the house--I had to try and protect her. She's the Slayer, yeah, but she's also my sister. And you may not believe me, but you did hurt her, and not physically, I mean."
She paused, rising from her chair so she could pace for a moment. She quickly glanced at Spike. He sat on the bed quietly, seemingly willing to take anything she dished out. Would accept scorn, insults, even physical blows. And her heart broke a little at that thought.
She went with her feelings, and crossed the room to sit beside him on the bed. She bit her lip and reached out, taking one of his hands in hers. He looked at her, a bit surprised. "But I know she hurt you, too," Dawn said, continuing as if she hadn't really stopped. "And after you left, you went to make things better. I think that even more than before, you'd die before you'd hurt her again. So, I want you to know that I'm glad you're back."
Spike stared at her, as if he hadn't really heard her. She gave his hand a quick squeeze. "I hope you'll be around more, too. Maybe you could finally teach me how to cheat at poker. Cheating at gin rummy is no fun."
The pressure of her hand, grasping his even tighter, seemed to snap him out of his daze, and her words made his eyes shine. He sat up a bit straighter, as if a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. "Thank you, nibblet. Although not really a nibblet, are you?" he said, his voice soft.
Dawn grinned at him, happy he had noticed. "Must be a perk to make up for being a weak little girl compared to her Slayer sister."
Spike didn't exactly grin back, although one corner of his mouth turned up in amusement. "Guess so."
They sat together for a moment, silence wrapping around them and confirming the importance of their discussion. Dawn knew that there were still things they should talk about. Things that should be addressed. But for now, she was happy to sit here, knowing that she didn't have to feel guilty about caring for Spike. Didn't have to feel like she was chosing her surrogate big brother over her sister. Didn't have to feel guilty for missing Spike when she didn't see him for a week.
Didn't have to feel bad about wanting to forgive him.
***
Dawn flipped her hair over her shoulder, trying to ignore the noise of Xander and Anya bickering as she grabbed a banana and a slice of toast. Carrying her breakfast booty up to her room, she closed the door behind her and flopped down on her bed.
As she chewed, Dawn stared at the ceiling, feeling left out and crabby. Buffy was spending all her time worrying about Spike and his chip. Worrying about how he had been triggered by the First to kill people. Buffy insisted that there had to be some way to help Spike, and said she was doing all this to keep control over something the First wanted.
Dawn snorted a bit, and tossed her banana peel into the trash can. "Once again, Buffy tells us the sky is green and makes us agree with her," she said in annoyance. She hated how Buffy was always finding some reason to protect him. Was always thinking about Spike. She barely noticed Dawn, giving her brief little orders like "do your homework!" or "go to bed!" But otherwise, Buffy ignored Dawn.
She sighed, and got up, leaving her bedroom and running into Xander in the hallway, who was dragging along that whiny guy that Buffy had fought last year. "Dawn, mind if I use your room for a little interrogation?" Xander said, pulling the guy by his shirt.
Dawn shrugged, and said, "Sure." She watched Xander disappear into her room, saying under her breath, "Not that anyone cares what I want."
She walked down the hall, hearing the sound of Spike's voice as she walked past Buffy's room. She paused, listening to the rumbling tones of his voice, softened and muffled by the wooden door between them. She stood still for a moment, taking in the sound that she remembered from the summer when Buffy was gone. She so often heard his voice, talking to himself, as he had sat in the living room while she was supposed to be sleeping in her room. He'd talk about anything; he seemed to need the noise when he was by himself in the house. Almost like he was trying to keep Buffy's ghost away.
Dawn let herself wish for a moment that they were back in that time. As bad as it had been, at least she knew that someone thought she was important. Not like now.
Spike hadn't said anything to her since that night, when she had threatened him. Not that they'd spent a lot of time together, but the old Spike wouldn't have used words to talk to her. A quirk of the eyebrow, a rolling of the eyes, the all-too-rare flash of his smile. He never had to speak a word to express his thoughts. Now, even that didn't happen. He stared at the floor when she was in the room. Didn't talk to her, didn't look at her. It was like he thought she hated him.
She shook her head, pushing away her thoughts, and went downstairs to gather her books and go to school.
***swoosh***
Dawn took advantage of her sister being distracted by Willow, and slipped into Buffy's bedroom, where Spike was tied to a chair. "Hey," she said softly.
"Shouldn't be in here, Bit," he said, his voice firm despite his small smile at her arrival. "I don't want you to be in danger."
"I think that if anything happened, I'd be able to scream before you could get to me," she said, plopping down on Buffy's bed. She added, "Besides, you once said that my screech had to be supernatural, since it could incapacitate vampires like you."
He dropped his head, but not before she spotted how his smile had widened into a grin. "True, Dawn, but you still shouldn't be up here. Big Sis wouldn't approve."
Dawn sighed, knowing that she wasn't going to wheedle him into letting her stay. And perhaps it was better that way. He deserved a little privacy and dignity, and if he didn't want her to see him snapping and growling, she'd give him that. They'd manage to talk some since that initial conversation at Xander's, and while things were still a bit fragile between them, she felt more secure than she ever had before.
She rose off the bed. "We'll talk later, all right?"
Spike nodded at her, and said, "Do appreciate the visit, Nibblet. Once we get things straightened out, we'll have a good chat."
Dawn smiled at him, and gave him a quick pat on his shoulder, before she slipped out of the room. She stood with her back against the door, gazing off into space. It was sad, to see Spike tied to a chair, without any confidence in his control. She pushed away from the door, and walked downstairs, wondering what it would take to make Spike his old self. Not that she necessarily wanted the evil, chip-free Spike back. But this Spike . . . this Spike wouldn't be able to survive, so soft and colorless.
***
As Dawn felt herself thrown across the room, she asked herself why she had stayed in the basement. Why had she stayed down there while Giles used his magic stone-slash-worm to fix Spike. Maybe she had hoped to be able to talk to him. He had seemed more himself since General Buffy had yelled at him about how he was a waste of space. She had kinda wondered if he'd start acting like the Spike she remembered, helping her with her homework and letting her sneak out for late-night sprees.
'Stupid, Dawn, real stupid. As long as the First was around, all he was going to do was worry about Buffy and try not to get killed. As if he cares about you,' her thoughts ran as she laid on the cold floor.
She heard noises behind her, but she stayed where she was, her face pressed against the hard concrete and her head pounding. Spike was growling, rattling his chains, banging the cot he sat on against the wall of the basement. He sounded like an animal, wild and uncontained.
'That's what he is,' a voice whispered to her. 'Even with a soul, he's still a vampire. Still a demon. He's always gonna want things violent and rough. Doesn't care about anything except Buffy and himself.'
As she laid there on the floor, Dawn accepted that the Spike she thought had returned would never really come back. She had hoped that his soul meant he'd be like her surrogate big brother again, and that Buffy could forgive him, and that they could be a family. She hadn't counted on the First Evil, the houseful of Potentials, and the Scoobies' hatred of Spike. She knew now that her wishes were just hopeless fantasies.
Spike would never come back.
***swoosh***
Dawn reached over and held Spike's other hand, following her sister's lead. Spike sighed a bit, but allowed Giles to place the enchanted stone close to his cheek. Dawn wrinkled her nose in distaste as she saw it morph into a worm and then crawl up Spike's cheek and into his eye. Spike twitched, his hand flexing in hers, as he was pulled into the vision.
Suddenly, he tensed, and Dawn pulled her hand away and stepped away from the cot. Buffy had only allowed her to stay here if Spike remained calm. And the way he was now thrashing around certainly wasn't calm. With a roar, his eyes snapped open and he tossed Buffy aside. Before anything else could happen, the stone dropped from his eye.
Dawn shot a glare at Giles, whose stupid slug hadn't worked, and walked over to Spike who had leaned back against the wall, looking both tired and angry as hell. "You all right, Spike?"
She watched him scrub his hands over his face before he looked at her. "Well, been better. Buffy all right?"
"Yep," her sister replied, pulling herself to her feet before dropping back down next to Spike. "I take it that it didn't work?"
Spike snorted. "Not unless a trip down memory lane was what was supposed to happen."
Giles sighed, and said, not without a touch of anger, "The Prokaryote stone is designed to access memories. Clearly, the trigger is related to some event in your past. I did explain all that, but you were too busy being truculent."
Spike opened his mouth, clearly getting ready to unleash his anger, but Dawn quickly stood up. "Giles, don't you think research on the First should take priority over Spike? We haven't seen any signs they're looking to recapture him, so why don't we take another look at the books you got on this last trip?"
Giles looked at her for a moment, before looking over towards Buffy. Dawn didn't take her eyes from his face, and whatever he saw in Buffy's eyes caused his face to droop a bit with tiredness and worry. "Very well, Dawn. Come along."
Dawn took a step, following Giles towards the staircase, only to be stopped by Spike's hand on her wrist. She looked down, and saw his thanks in his eyes. He nodded his head at her, and released her.
Dawn's eyes flickered over to Buffy, who had her hand resting on Spike's arm, and she realized that subconsciously, she had done exactly what Spike needed: let him be alone with Buffy, to talk about things that he would never want to tell Giles. She pulled her eyes back to Spike, gave him a quick wink, and headed upstairs.
'Maybe those two crazy kids might be able to work something out,' she thought wistfully as she turned her attention to the volumes that Giles handed her.
***
Dawn gritted her teeth in anger as she listened to the loud voices, fighting about how to proceed against Caleb, how to take down the First, how to act in Buffy's departure. She couldn't believe that Buffy had wanted to go back to the vineyard. Xander had just come home from the hospital, for God's sake, and she was talking about going back to the place that saw two Potentials killed and Xander blinded? She was crazy. Must have been Spike's influence.
She hunched down, deeper into the chair. Her sister had gotten more and more out of touch in the last few weeks. It seemed like Spike was the only person she trusted. Ever since Giles had tried to kill him.
Dawn frowned, her heart heavy. She almost hadn't believed it when she figured out what had happened. Giles had gone behind Buffy's back and set up Spike. Giles had never liked Spike, sure, but he had always accepted Spike's ability to back up Buffy. Now, he didn't just question Spike's role in Buffy's life, he was protesting about Buffy's actions. After years of letting her make the decisions, Giles was being all weird and order-guy.
She rolled her eyes at her thoughts. It didn't matter . . . Buffy was still gone, because she wanted Spike and no one else did. Buffy had gotten so paranoid about Spike, and it pissed Dawn off. Never any attention for her, or the other Potentials, or even Xander or Willow. Spike was the only one who merited the Great Buffy's concern.
Dawn quickly stood up, and headed outside to sit on the back porch. This used to be their spot, the spot where she could hear them talking after Buffy had come back. As far as she could tell, the talking had stopped not long after Buffy had kissed Spike. Ironic, that now all they did was talk.
Dawn hugged her knees, and looked up at the sky. It seemed that she had not only lost Spike.
She'd also lost her sister, all over again.
***swoosh***
Dawn followed Buffy as they walked down the sidewalks of Sunnydale. Buffy was dazed at what had happened at the house. Dawn wished she could have stopped it from happening. Buffy didn't need this, not now. None of them did. At the very time they should have been pulling together, they'd gotten kicked out of their own house.
Dawn kicked at a stone, watching it skip away from her as her anger simmered. That loudmouth Kennedy had whipped up all the Potentials against Buffy, and Giles hadn't helped by disagreeing with Buffy. Of course, Buffy getting all mother-hen about Spike didn't exactly defeat Giles' point about Buffy's inability to focus.
Buffy's shoulders were slumped, like she was carrying a thousand pounds of worries on her back. She seemed so tired. For the last two years, Dawn could count on one hand the number of times her sister had seemed well-rested, content. Despite the brave face Buffy put on all the time, Dawn could tell when things were bothering her. And things bothered her a lot more than people might think.
She hurried ahead, catching up with Buffy. Dawn slipped her hand into Buffy's, and when Buffy's head slowly turned towards Dawn's, she smiled at her big sister. Buffy tried to smile back only to have a tear drip down her cheek. Buffy's arms quickly encircled Dawn's shoulders, and she dropped her head.
"Oh, God, I've messed up everything," Buffy whispered as Dawn ran her hands over her sister's hair.
"No, you haven't," Dawn said. "You've still got me, and you've got Spike. We'll figure something out."
Buffy pulled away, wiping at her eyes and sniffing a bit. "Do I have you, really?" Her voice sounded a bit scared, like she wasn't sure of anything.
Dawn grabbed Buffy's hand. "I'm here, aren't I? And Spike will be back soon, and he'll find us, and we'll figure out how to kick some preacher ass."
Buffy looked like she didn't know whether to grin or scold her for her language. But instead, she just smoothed back Dawn's hair, and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Thank you, Dawnie."
Dawn stood still, letting herself enjoy this moment, despite their world going to pieces around them. Then, Buffy squared her shoulders, and pulled Dawn down the street behind her.
They held hands as they walked down the sidewalk. Like little girls on an outing, Dawn and Buffy walked down the streets of their decimated town. And Dawn felt like she had no worries, because her big sister would help take care of her. And she would help take care of her big sister.
***
Dawn coughed as some dust entered her lungs along with oxygen. The hallways of Sunnydale High School were teeming with Turok-Hans. She had managed to hold her own so far, but she was feeling tired and weak. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and the light of a hundred suns illuminated the room.
She squinted, trying to figure out where the light was coming from. She felt Xander's hand on her arm, pulling her away, following the others out of the building and onto the school bus. They start driving, and she wants to scream. To say, "Stop! Spike! Buffy! We've gotta wait for them!"
But then she realized that they couldn't wait. Because Sunnydale was disappearing. Sinking down down down into the Hellmouth.
She stared out the back window of the bus, hoping against hope that she'd see Buffy and Spike. Knew that it's completely illogical, that Spike couldn't possibly survive the sunlight, that Buffy might not have survived. And she hated the thought of what her life would be like, without either of them.
She felt tears forming, but before they could drop, she spied a small figure out of the corner of her eye. She turned her head, and saw her sister running along the rooftops of the buildings that lined the road. Like something out of a movie, Buffy flew across the rooftops and managed to catch up with the bus. Dawn heard the thump of a body hitting the roof of the bus and felt a burst of relief. A relief that was short-lived, as she realized that it was just Buffy.
Dawn could feel her hands clutching her pants. Spike's gone. He's dead. And she never made amends with him. And now she never could. Why hadn't she tried? Why hadn't she taken the time this morning, to tell him that she hoped he'd be all right?
'Because you were too busy worrying about yourself. Worrying about Buffy, and Xander, and Willow. Worrying about the people you thought it was all right to care about. You thought it was wrong to care about Spike, and now he's dead, thinking you hated him,' she thought to herself, her heart aching.
She looked around the bus, and realized that Amanda wasn't there. Andrew was sitting in shock, and she realized that Anya must not have made it, either. Dawn felt the tears drip down her cheeks. So many people had died this year, and she had never cried. Now, with the loss of so many people, she could do nothing but cry.
She had Buffy, and Willow, and Xander. Giles was still here, and a lot of the other Potentials--no, make that Slayers. But as Dawn looked out the window, seeing her hometown get sucked away into the earth, she realized that it didn't matter who you had at the end of the battle. What mattered was who you had lost.
And she had lost Spike. And her regrets make the victory into a cosmic joke. She had kissed Buffy this morning. Given Willow a smile, Xander a hug. Had handed Giles the last doughnut. Let Anya borrow a pair of socks. Said to Amanda, "Don't you wish you were taking finals right now?"
But she hadn't said anything to Spike. Hadn't noticed him at all. And now, he was dead.
She sniffed, and whispered to herself, "What am I gonna do now?"
***swoosh***
Dawn paused for a minute, looking at Spike as he fidgeted on the seat of the school bus. She dropped into the seat beside him, and said, "Never thought I'd see you someplace like this."
Spike grimaced, and said, "Riding to the big battle in a bleedin' school bus. If Angelus or Darla could see me now, they'd split their fancy clothes with laughing. Saying something about William and his foolish human idealism." He shook his head at her smile. "Daft, the whole lot of you."
"At least none of us are wearing something so tacky that even I wouldn't have shoplifted it," Dawn shot back, waving her hand at the amulet resting against Spike's chest.
Spike nodded in agreement. "Agreed, and you know what my taste in jewelry is like," he said with a grin.
Silence fell between them for a moment, before Dawn hesitantly said, "I've never done this before, but I just wanted you to know . . ."
Spike's hand came up, lightning fast, and rested against her lips. "No, nibblet. Don't jinx things."
She bit her lip, and nodded. He noticed her downcast eyes, and sighed. "Dawn, I think we've managed to hash out everything between us, these past few months. You don't know how grateful I am that we got the chance to do that. But I'm no good with speeches, and while you're a mite better than your sister in the words department, let's not spend this time fumbling for words."
She nodded again, trying to restrain the tears that wanted to flow. She felt his arm slip around her shoulders, giving her a quick hug. "You're a strong, brave girl, Dawn. I've gotten pleasure out of every moment we've spent together. Even when you were passing 80 decibels with that screech of yours," he teased, tugging at a lock of her hair. "Now, go hang out with your mates. Want to have a word with your sister."
Dawn sighed but accepted his words. Of course he'd want to spend his last moments before the battle with Buffy. She wanted him to have that chance, just in case there was anything left unsaid between them. Besides, how could anything top what he had just said? His words had touched her. It was as if his belief in her made her able to believe in herself. Odd, but Spike always seemed to know what to say.
She looked at him for a moment, trying to fix his image in her mind. Remember the exact color of his eyes, the way his eyebrow quirked up, the way his features fit together to form his face. Before she lost her chance, she dropped a quick kiss on his cheek, and said, "Thank you for everything, Spike. And . . . I love you."
She scrambled out of the seat, and plopped down next to Rona. She kept her eyes forward, not letting herself think about how the battle might end. In a few hours, it would all be over. She knew that some people would die along the way; that was the way of war. But as she watched Sunnydale's buildings flash past the windows, and heard the low hum of voices, she realized that her hands were pressed together, like she was praying. So she dropped her head, and closed her eyes, and whispered, "Thank you for the chance to make things better. Thank you for letting us get this far. Please help us all get through this. Please help us figure out what we're gonna do next."
As she said the last words, the bus jolted to a stop, and Dawn looked up to see the high school. She rose from her seat, grabbing a weapon and following the rest of the Potentials off the bus, staying close to Xander with whom she would be defending the hallway to the principal's office. She caught a glimpse of Buffy and Spike out of the corner of her eye, and for some reason, she waved at them.
They paused, and then in unison, they waved back.
Dawn grinned, although she wasn't sure why. Instead of thinking any more about it, she gripped her sword and said to herself, "I'm strong."
And she remembered Spike's words as the Turok-Hans came towards her. Remembered them as she sliced and diced, said them to herself as she felt herself grow weaker. Said them as Xander pulled her out of the building, and pushed her onto the school bus. Heard Spike's voice in her head, saying them again, as she sat on the bus, waiting for her sister and their vampire to come out of the school. Heard them again as they pulled away and neither were on the bus.
Cried them as she saw Buffy running towards the bus, and when she jumped from the rooftops onto the ceiling of the bus. Cried them as she realized that Spike was gone.
She was still crying, when a flash lit up the sky, and the universe blinked out of existence.
***
Dawn walked off the school bus in a daze. She heard the whimpers, the tears, the low gasps, as everyone realized who had been lost. She walked towards Buffy, who was staring at the hole that had replaced Sunnydale.
"Who did this?" Giles asked.
"Spike," Buffy replied, her voice sounding soft and tired, as they all stood staring at the canyon.
The Welcome to Sunnydale sign, which had been standing at the very edge of the hole, suddenly teetered and fell over the edge.
Dawn felt a giggle bubble up inside her. Spike had told her about his tradition of running over the sign, and she wondered if it was a message. That he knew she forgave him, even if she hadn't said the words to him. That he understood, and forgave her for the things she had done against him.
She found herself bantering with everyone else, not sure why. But then, she asked the question she had to know. "What are we gonna do now?"
Buffy didn't say anything, merely stood in place, staring out at the sinkhole. And Dawn realized that it didn't matter. Thanks to Spike, the world still existed. Buffy, her, everyone--they all had a chance at a future. And that was something that Spike would have been so happy to have given them.
Suddenly, her regrets didn't seem so heavy. She felt like Spike knew that she forgave him. She'd been too stubborn and angry to tell him before, but she had forgiven him as soon as he had arrived back in Sunnydale. But Spike had always seen more than anyone would ever realized. Surely he knew that she had forgiven him.
Dawn took a step forward, and crouched down at the very edge of the giant crater. She gazed out over the destruction, and realized that it wasn't an ending, it was a beginning. For her, for Buffy, and even for Spike. The beginning of a new set of tests, ones that she hadn't studied for and wasn't sure she could pass. But she had a feeling that she would make it through. And it was the same for Buffy, and for Faith, and Willow, Xander, and Giles.
And it was the same for Spike.
The crater didn't seem so barren now. In her mind's eye, she could see land filling the hole, making the earth level again. Then, a new town grew out of the ashes of the old Sunnydale. Out of the ashes of Spike. He would give birth to something beautiful.
Dawn gazed about her and quietly said, "Thank you, Spike." She felt a feather-light caress drift across her hair, and turned around, only to see no one close enough to have touched her. She smiled and turned back to the sinkhole. "I love you, Spike," she said, feeling tears in her eyes once again.
Before she started bawling, she stood up, and followed her sister and their friends who were trooping back onto the bus. Before she climbed on board, she took one last look, wondering how things would turn out. Then she climbed aboard the bus, ready to go to wherever this new beginning led her.
End.
AU branching off from Beneath You, based on the movie Sliding Doors. A Dawn-centric look at different moments in season 7. For diva_stardust: happy birthday!
Dawn sat on the couch, trying hard not to give in to the impulses she felt. The impulse to hug Buffy tightly, and then shake her and say, "Why did you let things get so bad last year?" The impulse to break a table leg off and plunge it into Spike's chest. The impulse to throw her arms around Spike and say, "I've missed you for so long . . . you went away when Buffy came back. Are you really back, this time?"
Instead, she clenched her hands together in her lap, and watched the soap opera that was Spike and Buffy play out before her. Not to mention the supporting cast of Xander and Nancy. Dawn leaned back into the cushions, trying not to attract attention so she could observe everything. Even if it was more of the same. Buffy denying her feelings, Spike trying and failing to hide his. Xander doing his funny guy act. Just another day.
Then, some words made it through her cocoon of silent observation. About Spike seeing Buffy in the basement last week. She felt a bubble of anger pop within her. Dawn jumped off the couch, and turned to her sister. "What? You just forgot to mention this?" She stared at Buffy, who started babbling out some lame explanation. When Spike tried to defend Buffy, Xander stood up and started yelling. Spike drew Buffy out into the hallway, and Dawn rolled her eyes at their departing backs. She moved out of the living room over towards the book-strewn table, shoving aside a few things and picking up a volume that was newer than many on the table. It was still thirty years old, and Dawn let it fall open to a page she had read and re-read several times.
October 14, 1977
Nikki has not returned from her patrol. She had reported her fight with a vampire in the Park last week, and based on her description, it could only be William the Bloody. I urged caution on her part, but Nikki was less than caring. I have noticed this lack of concern lately and been troubled by it. Not even young Robin seems to be enough to make her exercise the proper amount of care.
I fear that her meeting with William the Bloody last week has not been her last encounter with him.
Dawn's attention was drawn away from the diary, and she let it drop to the table, before closing it hurriedly. Buffy and Spike had come back into the living room, and Buffy was bustling around, making plans. Spike was leaning against the wall and surveying the room with those hunter's eyes.
She had once felt so safe with him. Like she was being protected by the strongest person in the world. Now, she didn't feel so safe. She knew too much about him. Knew that he might have changed in some way, but he was still a vampire. Still dangerous.
But he had been her big brother, during that horrible summer. Shouldn't that count for something?
Buffy's voice cut through her thoughts, and Dawn jumped in, trying to make it obvious that she wasn't a weak little girl. "I'm command central--everyone check in with me." At Buffy's look, Dawn said with a sigh and a shrug, "I'll be doing my homework. But the other thing sounded cooler."
She heard Spike speak, and he moved from behind her towards the door. And she had to say it.
"Spike?"
He turned around, a curious, measuring look in his eyes.
"You sleep, right?" she said, trying to make her voice sound cool. "You. Vampires. You sleep."
"Yeah. What's your point, nibblet?" His voice was tinged with amusement, like he's trying hard not to laugh. Trying hard not to grin at her, acting all Bitty Buffy.
Dawn clenched her teeth. This was her chance. Her chance to show him where things stood. "Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all . . . touch her . . . you're gonna wake up on fire."
Spike stared at her. A bit surprised, but not, in a way. Like he was expecting this kind of reaction. Deserved it. Without a word, he left, following Buffy out of the house.
Dawn watched him leave. She felt a pang of sadness, mixed with satisfaction that he knew she was serious. Yet despite that sense of confidence in her abilities, she still wondered what he was really thinking.
***swoosh***
She heard Spike speak, and he moved from behind her towards the door. And she had to say it.
"Spike?"
He turned around, a curious, measuring look in his eyes.
Dawn opened her mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by Buffy. "Come on, Spike, time's a-wasting."
Spike turned towards Buffy, then looked back at her. Dawn sighed, and said, "Later, Spike. But remember, if anything--anything at all--happens to my sister, I'll know who's responsible." She glared at him, her well-planned speech tossed away.
Spike looked at her, as if he had expected such a reaction, even from her, formerly his greatest defender. Then, with a quick nod of his head, he followed Buffy out of the house.
Dawn sighed again, a bit upset that she hadn't been able to really tell him what she had planned if anything happened to Buffy. But perhaps it was just as well. He had seemed different. Quieter, less Spike-like. It seemed like he had changed. Besides, he had seemed so sad. Like he was a broken toy, put together with tape and deluded into thinking he was as good as new. But he wasn't, not really.
She grunted softly to herself in disgruntlement. 'Probably did something stupid, like go get his soul or something equally pointless, to get Buffy to love him.'
***
Buffy didn't talk about Spike much. Dawn had made it clear that while Spike was useful for muscle, she could care less about him. Even when Buffy was fluttering around, getting Spike out of the basement and moved into Xander's place, Dawn kept a stone face when Spike was mentioned.
At least, that's what she let Buffy think. Deep inside, Dawn missed him. Had missed him for months. During the time that Spike and Buffy had been boinking, Spike hadn't been around much. She guessed it was because of Buffy's whole "I'm doing something so wrong that pure little Dawnie must never have any clue!" attitude. And a Spike who was getting Buffy lovin' would have been a big clue that something was going on.
Buffy tried to pass her behavior off as just trying to protect Spike, since he had gotten his soul back and everything. But Dawn knew there was more to it. Had known that something had developed between her sister and Spike after Buffy came back from the dead, something that was now becoming deeper and truer. Buffy would try to deny the sky was blue if it suited her, so let her deny that she loved Spike. Dawn wasn't buying it.
Not that she really cared. She couldn't remember the last time Spike had spoken to her. One of their last real conversations had been the night that Buffy came back. After that, their interactions had been limited to glances across rooms and a few words of small talk. Not even during Buffy's never-ending birthday party had they talked.
She was mad about that. Mad that her sister had stolen her best friend away. And she couldn't even be happy that he had been happy with Buffy, because he hadn't been happy with her. The closeness she once had with Spike was gone.
Forever.
***swoosh***
Dawn walked into Xander's apartment, following her sister who was trying to argue with Xander. She turned, and noticed the vampire still standing in the hallway.
"Xander, stop being a jerk and invite Spike in," Dawn said, rolling her eyes at Xander's whining. He had been a lot less annoying over the past few months, less on this Xander-as-protector kick that he'd gone overboard on last year. As soon as Spike was in the picture, though, Xander had made sure to let everyone know that he thought it was a bad idea to have Spike around, even a souled Spike.
Xander looked at Buffy, then at Dawn, and sighed. "Come in, Spike. Looks like we're in for another episode of the Odd Couple, Sunnydale-style."
Spike stepped over the threshold, looking a bit wary. "Appears so. At least this time around, you've got your room and I've got . . ."
"Your closet," Xander interrupted, gesturing towards a door that actually concealed a very small guest room.
Spike nodded, and walked into his new room, closing the door softly behind him.
Dawn noticed that Buffy had watched Spike's departure with a tinge of sadness, covered with a facade of disinterest. Then, she turned to Xander and started placating him, asking about work and other mundane things.
Dawn took her chance, and crossed over to Spike's room. Knocking softly on the door, she quickly slipped inside.
Spike turned around, and looked at her. "Dawn," he said, his voice formal.
She stared at the floor, before managing to get her thoughts in order. "I wanted to talk to you. About the night that you came to our house."
Spike nodded, and dropped onto the bed. He gestured towards the chair that sat before Xander's drafting table, and said, "Sit. Take a load off."
She sat down, clasping her hands in her lap. Like so many times with Spike, the words she had planned flew out of her head, and she found herself sharing emotions with him that she hadn't even realized she had.
"I know that getting your soul is a huge deal, and I know you got it for Buffy, because of what happened. And you seem different, only not really," she said, scrunching up her face in annoyance at not being able to really say what she felt. But she pressed on. "But that night, when you came to the house--I had to try and protect her. She's the Slayer, yeah, but she's also my sister. And you may not believe me, but you did hurt her, and not physically, I mean."
She paused, rising from her chair so she could pace for a moment. She quickly glanced at Spike. He sat on the bed quietly, seemingly willing to take anything she dished out. Would accept scorn, insults, even physical blows. And her heart broke a little at that thought.
She went with her feelings, and crossed the room to sit beside him on the bed. She bit her lip and reached out, taking one of his hands in hers. He looked at her, a bit surprised. "But I know she hurt you, too," Dawn said, continuing as if she hadn't really stopped. "And after you left, you went to make things better. I think that even more than before, you'd die before you'd hurt her again. So, I want you to know that I'm glad you're back."
Spike stared at her, as if he hadn't really heard her. She gave his hand a quick squeeze. "I hope you'll be around more, too. Maybe you could finally teach me how to cheat at poker. Cheating at gin rummy is no fun."
The pressure of her hand, grasping his even tighter, seemed to snap him out of his daze, and her words made his eyes shine. He sat up a bit straighter, as if a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. "Thank you, nibblet. Although not really a nibblet, are you?" he said, his voice soft.
Dawn grinned at him, happy he had noticed. "Must be a perk to make up for being a weak little girl compared to her Slayer sister."
Spike didn't exactly grin back, although one corner of his mouth turned up in amusement. "Guess so."
They sat together for a moment, silence wrapping around them and confirming the importance of their discussion. Dawn knew that there were still things they should talk about. Things that should be addressed. But for now, she was happy to sit here, knowing that she didn't have to feel guilty about caring for Spike. Didn't have to feel like she was chosing her surrogate big brother over her sister. Didn't have to feel guilty for missing Spike when she didn't see him for a week.
Didn't have to feel bad about wanting to forgive him.
***
Dawn flipped her hair over her shoulder, trying to ignore the noise of Xander and Anya bickering as she grabbed a banana and a slice of toast. Carrying her breakfast booty up to her room, she closed the door behind her and flopped down on her bed.
As she chewed, Dawn stared at the ceiling, feeling left out and crabby. Buffy was spending all her time worrying about Spike and his chip. Worrying about how he had been triggered by the First to kill people. Buffy insisted that there had to be some way to help Spike, and said she was doing all this to keep control over something the First wanted.
Dawn snorted a bit, and tossed her banana peel into the trash can. "Once again, Buffy tells us the sky is green and makes us agree with her," she said in annoyance. She hated how Buffy was always finding some reason to protect him. Was always thinking about Spike. She barely noticed Dawn, giving her brief little orders like "do your homework!" or "go to bed!" But otherwise, Buffy ignored Dawn.
She sighed, and got up, leaving her bedroom and running into Xander in the hallway, who was dragging along that whiny guy that Buffy had fought last year. "Dawn, mind if I use your room for a little interrogation?" Xander said, pulling the guy by his shirt.
Dawn shrugged, and said, "Sure." She watched Xander disappear into her room, saying under her breath, "Not that anyone cares what I want."
She walked down the hall, hearing the sound of Spike's voice as she walked past Buffy's room. She paused, listening to the rumbling tones of his voice, softened and muffled by the wooden door between them. She stood still for a moment, taking in the sound that she remembered from the summer when Buffy was gone. She so often heard his voice, talking to himself, as he had sat in the living room while she was supposed to be sleeping in her room. He'd talk about anything; he seemed to need the noise when he was by himself in the house. Almost like he was trying to keep Buffy's ghost away.
Dawn let herself wish for a moment that they were back in that time. As bad as it had been, at least she knew that someone thought she was important. Not like now.
Spike hadn't said anything to her since that night, when she had threatened him. Not that they'd spent a lot of time together, but the old Spike wouldn't have used words to talk to her. A quirk of the eyebrow, a rolling of the eyes, the all-too-rare flash of his smile. He never had to speak a word to express his thoughts. Now, even that didn't happen. He stared at the floor when she was in the room. Didn't talk to her, didn't look at her. It was like he thought she hated him.
She shook her head, pushing away her thoughts, and went downstairs to gather her books and go to school.
***swoosh***
Dawn took advantage of her sister being distracted by Willow, and slipped into Buffy's bedroom, where Spike was tied to a chair. "Hey," she said softly.
"Shouldn't be in here, Bit," he said, his voice firm despite his small smile at her arrival. "I don't want you to be in danger."
"I think that if anything happened, I'd be able to scream before you could get to me," she said, plopping down on Buffy's bed. She added, "Besides, you once said that my screech had to be supernatural, since it could incapacitate vampires like you."
He dropped his head, but not before she spotted how his smile had widened into a grin. "True, Dawn, but you still shouldn't be up here. Big Sis wouldn't approve."
Dawn sighed, knowing that she wasn't going to wheedle him into letting her stay. And perhaps it was better that way. He deserved a little privacy and dignity, and if he didn't want her to see him snapping and growling, she'd give him that. They'd manage to talk some since that initial conversation at Xander's, and while things were still a bit fragile between them, she felt more secure than she ever had before.
She rose off the bed. "We'll talk later, all right?"
Spike nodded at her, and said, "Do appreciate the visit, Nibblet. Once we get things straightened out, we'll have a good chat."
Dawn smiled at him, and gave him a quick pat on his shoulder, before she slipped out of the room. She stood with her back against the door, gazing off into space. It was sad, to see Spike tied to a chair, without any confidence in his control. She pushed away from the door, and walked downstairs, wondering what it would take to make Spike his old self. Not that she necessarily wanted the evil, chip-free Spike back. But this Spike . . . this Spike wouldn't be able to survive, so soft and colorless.
***
As Dawn felt herself thrown across the room, she asked herself why she had stayed in the basement. Why had she stayed down there while Giles used his magic stone-slash-worm to fix Spike. Maybe she had hoped to be able to talk to him. He had seemed more himself since General Buffy had yelled at him about how he was a waste of space. She had kinda wondered if he'd start acting like the Spike she remembered, helping her with her homework and letting her sneak out for late-night sprees.
'Stupid, Dawn, real stupid. As long as the First was around, all he was going to do was worry about Buffy and try not to get killed. As if he cares about you,' her thoughts ran as she laid on the cold floor.
She heard noises behind her, but she stayed where she was, her face pressed against the hard concrete and her head pounding. Spike was growling, rattling his chains, banging the cot he sat on against the wall of the basement. He sounded like an animal, wild and uncontained.
'That's what he is,' a voice whispered to her. 'Even with a soul, he's still a vampire. Still a demon. He's always gonna want things violent and rough. Doesn't care about anything except Buffy and himself.'
As she laid there on the floor, Dawn accepted that the Spike she thought had returned would never really come back. She had hoped that his soul meant he'd be like her surrogate big brother again, and that Buffy could forgive him, and that they could be a family. She hadn't counted on the First Evil, the houseful of Potentials, and the Scoobies' hatred of Spike. She knew now that her wishes were just hopeless fantasies.
Spike would never come back.
***swoosh***
Dawn reached over and held Spike's other hand, following her sister's lead. Spike sighed a bit, but allowed Giles to place the enchanted stone close to his cheek. Dawn wrinkled her nose in distaste as she saw it morph into a worm and then crawl up Spike's cheek and into his eye. Spike twitched, his hand flexing in hers, as he was pulled into the vision.
Suddenly, he tensed, and Dawn pulled her hand away and stepped away from the cot. Buffy had only allowed her to stay here if Spike remained calm. And the way he was now thrashing around certainly wasn't calm. With a roar, his eyes snapped open and he tossed Buffy aside. Before anything else could happen, the stone dropped from his eye.
Dawn shot a glare at Giles, whose stupid slug hadn't worked, and walked over to Spike who had leaned back against the wall, looking both tired and angry as hell. "You all right, Spike?"
She watched him scrub his hands over his face before he looked at her. "Well, been better. Buffy all right?"
"Yep," her sister replied, pulling herself to her feet before dropping back down next to Spike. "I take it that it didn't work?"
Spike snorted. "Not unless a trip down memory lane was what was supposed to happen."
Giles sighed, and said, not without a touch of anger, "The Prokaryote stone is designed to access memories. Clearly, the trigger is related to some event in your past. I did explain all that, but you were too busy being truculent."
Spike opened his mouth, clearly getting ready to unleash his anger, but Dawn quickly stood up. "Giles, don't you think research on the First should take priority over Spike? We haven't seen any signs they're looking to recapture him, so why don't we take another look at the books you got on this last trip?"
Giles looked at her for a moment, before looking over towards Buffy. Dawn didn't take her eyes from his face, and whatever he saw in Buffy's eyes caused his face to droop a bit with tiredness and worry. "Very well, Dawn. Come along."
Dawn took a step, following Giles towards the staircase, only to be stopped by Spike's hand on her wrist. She looked down, and saw his thanks in his eyes. He nodded his head at her, and released her.
Dawn's eyes flickered over to Buffy, who had her hand resting on Spike's arm, and she realized that subconsciously, she had done exactly what Spike needed: let him be alone with Buffy, to talk about things that he would never want to tell Giles. She pulled her eyes back to Spike, gave him a quick wink, and headed upstairs.
'Maybe those two crazy kids might be able to work something out,' she thought wistfully as she turned her attention to the volumes that Giles handed her.
***
Dawn gritted her teeth in anger as she listened to the loud voices, fighting about how to proceed against Caleb, how to take down the First, how to act in Buffy's departure. She couldn't believe that Buffy had wanted to go back to the vineyard. Xander had just come home from the hospital, for God's sake, and she was talking about going back to the place that saw two Potentials killed and Xander blinded? She was crazy. Must have been Spike's influence.
She hunched down, deeper into the chair. Her sister had gotten more and more out of touch in the last few weeks. It seemed like Spike was the only person she trusted. Ever since Giles had tried to kill him.
Dawn frowned, her heart heavy. She almost hadn't believed it when she figured out what had happened. Giles had gone behind Buffy's back and set up Spike. Giles had never liked Spike, sure, but he had always accepted Spike's ability to back up Buffy. Now, he didn't just question Spike's role in Buffy's life, he was protesting about Buffy's actions. After years of letting her make the decisions, Giles was being all weird and order-guy.
She rolled her eyes at her thoughts. It didn't matter . . . Buffy was still gone, because she wanted Spike and no one else did. Buffy had gotten so paranoid about Spike, and it pissed Dawn off. Never any attention for her, or the other Potentials, or even Xander or Willow. Spike was the only one who merited the Great Buffy's concern.
Dawn quickly stood up, and headed outside to sit on the back porch. This used to be their spot, the spot where she could hear them talking after Buffy had come back. As far as she could tell, the talking had stopped not long after Buffy had kissed Spike. Ironic, that now all they did was talk.
Dawn hugged her knees, and looked up at the sky. It seemed that she had not only lost Spike.
She'd also lost her sister, all over again.
***swoosh***
Dawn followed Buffy as they walked down the sidewalks of Sunnydale. Buffy was dazed at what had happened at the house. Dawn wished she could have stopped it from happening. Buffy didn't need this, not now. None of them did. At the very time they should have been pulling together, they'd gotten kicked out of their own house.
Dawn kicked at a stone, watching it skip away from her as her anger simmered. That loudmouth Kennedy had whipped up all the Potentials against Buffy, and Giles hadn't helped by disagreeing with Buffy. Of course, Buffy getting all mother-hen about Spike didn't exactly defeat Giles' point about Buffy's inability to focus.
Buffy's shoulders were slumped, like she was carrying a thousand pounds of worries on her back. She seemed so tired. For the last two years, Dawn could count on one hand the number of times her sister had seemed well-rested, content. Despite the brave face Buffy put on all the time, Dawn could tell when things were bothering her. And things bothered her a lot more than people might think.
She hurried ahead, catching up with Buffy. Dawn slipped her hand into Buffy's, and when Buffy's head slowly turned towards Dawn's, she smiled at her big sister. Buffy tried to smile back only to have a tear drip down her cheek. Buffy's arms quickly encircled Dawn's shoulders, and she dropped her head.
"Oh, God, I've messed up everything," Buffy whispered as Dawn ran her hands over her sister's hair.
"No, you haven't," Dawn said. "You've still got me, and you've got Spike. We'll figure something out."
Buffy pulled away, wiping at her eyes and sniffing a bit. "Do I have you, really?" Her voice sounded a bit scared, like she wasn't sure of anything.
Dawn grabbed Buffy's hand. "I'm here, aren't I? And Spike will be back soon, and he'll find us, and we'll figure out how to kick some preacher ass."
Buffy looked like she didn't know whether to grin or scold her for her language. But instead, she just smoothed back Dawn's hair, and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Thank you, Dawnie."
Dawn stood still, letting herself enjoy this moment, despite their world going to pieces around them. Then, Buffy squared her shoulders, and pulled Dawn down the street behind her.
They held hands as they walked down the sidewalk. Like little girls on an outing, Dawn and Buffy walked down the streets of their decimated town. And Dawn felt like she had no worries, because her big sister would help take care of her. And she would help take care of her big sister.
***
Dawn coughed as some dust entered her lungs along with oxygen. The hallways of Sunnydale High School were teeming with Turok-Hans. She had managed to hold her own so far, but she was feeling tired and weak. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and the light of a hundred suns illuminated the room.
She squinted, trying to figure out where the light was coming from. She felt Xander's hand on her arm, pulling her away, following the others out of the building and onto the school bus. They start driving, and she wants to scream. To say, "Stop! Spike! Buffy! We've gotta wait for them!"
But then she realized that they couldn't wait. Because Sunnydale was disappearing. Sinking down down down into the Hellmouth.
She stared out the back window of the bus, hoping against hope that she'd see Buffy and Spike. Knew that it's completely illogical, that Spike couldn't possibly survive the sunlight, that Buffy might not have survived. And she hated the thought of what her life would be like, without either of them.
She felt tears forming, but before they could drop, she spied a small figure out of the corner of her eye. She turned her head, and saw her sister running along the rooftops of the buildings that lined the road. Like something out of a movie, Buffy flew across the rooftops and managed to catch up with the bus. Dawn heard the thump of a body hitting the roof of the bus and felt a burst of relief. A relief that was short-lived, as she realized that it was just Buffy.
Dawn could feel her hands clutching her pants. Spike's gone. He's dead. And she never made amends with him. And now she never could. Why hadn't she tried? Why hadn't she taken the time this morning, to tell him that she hoped he'd be all right?
'Because you were too busy worrying about yourself. Worrying about Buffy, and Xander, and Willow. Worrying about the people you thought it was all right to care about. You thought it was wrong to care about Spike, and now he's dead, thinking you hated him,' she thought to herself, her heart aching.
She looked around the bus, and realized that Amanda wasn't there. Andrew was sitting in shock, and she realized that Anya must not have made it, either. Dawn felt the tears drip down her cheeks. So many people had died this year, and she had never cried. Now, with the loss of so many people, she could do nothing but cry.
She had Buffy, and Willow, and Xander. Giles was still here, and a lot of the other Potentials--no, make that Slayers. But as Dawn looked out the window, seeing her hometown get sucked away into the earth, she realized that it didn't matter who you had at the end of the battle. What mattered was who you had lost.
And she had lost Spike. And her regrets make the victory into a cosmic joke. She had kissed Buffy this morning. Given Willow a smile, Xander a hug. Had handed Giles the last doughnut. Let Anya borrow a pair of socks. Said to Amanda, "Don't you wish you were taking finals right now?"
But she hadn't said anything to Spike. Hadn't noticed him at all. And now, he was dead.
She sniffed, and whispered to herself, "What am I gonna do now?"
***swoosh***
Dawn paused for a minute, looking at Spike as he fidgeted on the seat of the school bus. She dropped into the seat beside him, and said, "Never thought I'd see you someplace like this."
Spike grimaced, and said, "Riding to the big battle in a bleedin' school bus. If Angelus or Darla could see me now, they'd split their fancy clothes with laughing. Saying something about William and his foolish human idealism." He shook his head at her smile. "Daft, the whole lot of you."
"At least none of us are wearing something so tacky that even I wouldn't have shoplifted it," Dawn shot back, waving her hand at the amulet resting against Spike's chest.
Spike nodded in agreement. "Agreed, and you know what my taste in jewelry is like," he said with a grin.
Silence fell between them for a moment, before Dawn hesitantly said, "I've never done this before, but I just wanted you to know . . ."
Spike's hand came up, lightning fast, and rested against her lips. "No, nibblet. Don't jinx things."
She bit her lip, and nodded. He noticed her downcast eyes, and sighed. "Dawn, I think we've managed to hash out everything between us, these past few months. You don't know how grateful I am that we got the chance to do that. But I'm no good with speeches, and while you're a mite better than your sister in the words department, let's not spend this time fumbling for words."
She nodded again, trying to restrain the tears that wanted to flow. She felt his arm slip around her shoulders, giving her a quick hug. "You're a strong, brave girl, Dawn. I've gotten pleasure out of every moment we've spent together. Even when you were passing 80 decibels with that screech of yours," he teased, tugging at a lock of her hair. "Now, go hang out with your mates. Want to have a word with your sister."
Dawn sighed but accepted his words. Of course he'd want to spend his last moments before the battle with Buffy. She wanted him to have that chance, just in case there was anything left unsaid between them. Besides, how could anything top what he had just said? His words had touched her. It was as if his belief in her made her able to believe in herself. Odd, but Spike always seemed to know what to say.
She looked at him for a moment, trying to fix his image in her mind. Remember the exact color of his eyes, the way his eyebrow quirked up, the way his features fit together to form his face. Before she lost her chance, she dropped a quick kiss on his cheek, and said, "Thank you for everything, Spike. And . . . I love you."
She scrambled out of the seat, and plopped down next to Rona. She kept her eyes forward, not letting herself think about how the battle might end. In a few hours, it would all be over. She knew that some people would die along the way; that was the way of war. But as she watched Sunnydale's buildings flash past the windows, and heard the low hum of voices, she realized that her hands were pressed together, like she was praying. So she dropped her head, and closed her eyes, and whispered, "Thank you for the chance to make things better. Thank you for letting us get this far. Please help us all get through this. Please help us figure out what we're gonna do next."
As she said the last words, the bus jolted to a stop, and Dawn looked up to see the high school. She rose from her seat, grabbing a weapon and following the rest of the Potentials off the bus, staying close to Xander with whom she would be defending the hallway to the principal's office. She caught a glimpse of Buffy and Spike out of the corner of her eye, and for some reason, she waved at them.
They paused, and then in unison, they waved back.
Dawn grinned, although she wasn't sure why. Instead of thinking any more about it, she gripped her sword and said to herself, "I'm strong."
And she remembered Spike's words as the Turok-Hans came towards her. Remembered them as she sliced and diced, said them to herself as she felt herself grow weaker. Said them as Xander pulled her out of the building, and pushed her onto the school bus. Heard Spike's voice in her head, saying them again, as she sat on the bus, waiting for her sister and their vampire to come out of the school. Heard them again as they pulled away and neither were on the bus.
Cried them as she saw Buffy running towards the bus, and when she jumped from the rooftops onto the ceiling of the bus. Cried them as she realized that Spike was gone.
She was still crying, when a flash lit up the sky, and the universe blinked out of existence.
***
Dawn walked off the school bus in a daze. She heard the whimpers, the tears, the low gasps, as everyone realized who had been lost. She walked towards Buffy, who was staring at the hole that had replaced Sunnydale.
"Who did this?" Giles asked.
"Spike," Buffy replied, her voice sounding soft and tired, as they all stood staring at the canyon.
The Welcome to Sunnydale sign, which had been standing at the very edge of the hole, suddenly teetered and fell over the edge.
Dawn felt a giggle bubble up inside her. Spike had told her about his tradition of running over the sign, and she wondered if it was a message. That he knew she forgave him, even if she hadn't said the words to him. That he understood, and forgave her for the things she had done against him.
She found herself bantering with everyone else, not sure why. But then, she asked the question she had to know. "What are we gonna do now?"
Buffy didn't say anything, merely stood in place, staring out at the sinkhole. And Dawn realized that it didn't matter. Thanks to Spike, the world still existed. Buffy, her, everyone--they all had a chance at a future. And that was something that Spike would have been so happy to have given them.
Suddenly, her regrets didn't seem so heavy. She felt like Spike knew that she forgave him. She'd been too stubborn and angry to tell him before, but she had forgiven him as soon as he had arrived back in Sunnydale. But Spike had always seen more than anyone would ever realized. Surely he knew that she had forgiven him.
Dawn took a step forward, and crouched down at the very edge of the giant crater. She gazed out over the destruction, and realized that it wasn't an ending, it was a beginning. For her, for Buffy, and even for Spike. The beginning of a new set of tests, ones that she hadn't studied for and wasn't sure she could pass. But she had a feeling that she would make it through. And it was the same for Buffy, and for Faith, and Willow, Xander, and Giles.
And it was the same for Spike.
The crater didn't seem so barren now. In her mind's eye, she could see land filling the hole, making the earth level again. Then, a new town grew out of the ashes of the old Sunnydale. Out of the ashes of Spike. He would give birth to something beautiful.
Dawn gazed about her and quietly said, "Thank you, Spike." She felt a feather-light caress drift across her hair, and turned around, only to see no one close enough to have touched her. She smiled and turned back to the sinkhole. "I love you, Spike," she said, feeling tears in her eyes once again.
Before she started bawling, she stood up, and followed her sister and their friends who were trooping back onto the bus. Before she climbed on board, she took one last look, wondering how things would turn out. Then she climbed aboard the bus, ready to go to wherever this new beginning led her.
End.