(a/n: Bwaah! First Naruto fanfiction - and a one-shot at that! My hideous attempt at humor all smashed down into 588 words. LIKE ORANGE-JUICE. cries On to the info!
Starring: Haku, Zabuza, and BoBobJoe.
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor/Parody
Summary: In which Zabuza learns the value of 'fun'.
On to the prologue!)
Prologue
"Zabuza-san… I think it's time for you to see a Psychiatrist."
(a/n: Now to face my… WALL OF TEXT! Muhuhahahaha! On to chapter 1!)
Chapter 1; aka the only chapter.
"What seems to be the problem, daughter?"
"Well, for one, I'm a boy, but with Zabuza-san… he just doesn't know how to have fun."
I'll show you fun, Zabuza Momochi thought as he struggled in the bonds of his chair. In front of him, young Haku and the psychiatrist - a thin, balding, grey-haired man - bickered over possible treatments. The psychiatrist, also known as BoBobJoe in 49 of the 50 states AND Canada, suggested aroma therapy, while Haku suggested a more "intimate" method.
Finally, they both came to terms, shook hands, threw a party, did the chicken dance, and decided on shock therapy.
"Now, Mr. Momochi, this shouldn't hurt much at all. When I press this red button," and he motioned to a lab full of physicians under the supervision of an giant, frowning, red button, "you'll feel a teensy-weensy-itty-bitty-tiny shock, okay?" Zabuza just looked at the man like he was crazy and kept his silence.
"Okay," Haku began, taking some flashcards from BoBobJoe's desk, "first we'll start with some word association. Bunny."
"Bunny?"
"Bunny."
"Like… a rabbit, bunny?"
"Yeah."
"Haku… that's not my name."
"No! that's not how you do it! Okay, okay, from the top."
The femmiboy pulled out another card. "Asgard."
"Viking." Haku looked at BoBobJoe.
"At least that's normal."
"…Axe."
"Excuse me – what was that, Mr. Momochi?" the psychiatrist adjusted his glasses.
"Viking Axe," Zabuza responded with a blank look on his face. Well, actually, since you couldn't see half of his face, it was really his eyes that looked blank. Except that they didn't because they were brown.
"All… righty, then? Duck."
"Homicide."
SHOCK
"AGH! DAMMIT!"
"Zabuza-san, watch your language! This is a PG-rated story!"
SHOCK
"Haaakuuu! When I get out of here "
SHOCK
"Dandelions!"
SHOCK
"Okay….! Okay, I'll admit it…! I ATE THE LAST CHEESE SANDWICH. Are you happy now!"
Haku and the psychiatrist gawked at him. How dare he eat their precious cheese? They were saving that for Easter! Now where would they get a decent bargain on lingerie?
"Okay, this isn't working." BoBobJoe retreated to the easy chair behind his desk.
"You're not giving up on my Zabuza-san, are you?" Tears came to the young boy's eyes.
"No, I'm just suggesting a different approach," the man said, sighing.
"You don't mean…"
"I do. We have to break out…The Song."
"No, it's too dangerous!"
"Haku, just remember the good old days. The days when sparrows put porcupines on your head."
Haku wiped away his tears and said, "I remember…. Mr. BoBobJoe, I'm ready."
Zabuza just wondered what horrors awaited him.
The boy turned around and, terribly off-key, sang, "F is for friends who do stuff together." BoBobJoe joined in now, "U is for you and me." They formed the letters with their bodies, and by the second stanza they were punching each others' brains out.
Recovering and dusting himself off, Haku squealed, "Fun!" leaving a befrazzled, confused, and disturbed Zabuza.
Then an alpaca came in and ate Haku's hair.
THE END.