AN: So i figured today of all days would be a good one to upload my first fanfic. Not my first writing... not even my first fanfic that I've written, but it is the first one I am getting up the nerve to share. The idea for this started with the title; I just took the simple idea and ran with it and this is what happened. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think.
Disclaimer: Obviously i don't own Kingdom Hearts. If i did this wouldn't here at all.
The day was the same as every other for the most part. There was no monumental differences in his day, nothing that should bother and worry. Nothing that should get under his skin, be at the back of his mind for the rest of the day. Except there was.
He dragged himself out of bed at the last second, just enough time to take a quick shower, run his fingers through hair that would spike out however it wanted no matter what he did, throw on a nice shirt and slacks and head down the stairs to the café on the first floor. There he got his morning coffee at 7:09 sharp, giving him 6 minutes to drink it, grab the coffee meant for his boss, and head down the street to his workplace, walking in the door to his boss's office at 7:29 on the dot. "Early is on time, and all that…" he grumbled.
But something was missing this morning.
"Roxas! Right on time, as usual." Demyx, the barista by day, singer/guitarist by night, gave his winning grin to one of his favorite customers. The coffee, a special blend of two different beans just for Roxas, sat on the counter where Roxas always sat, just the right temperature so as not to burn his mouth, but still warm his bones, with one packet of Roxas' favorite creamer. Just the way he liked it.
But as he sat down, took a big whiff of that heavenly smell, and took that first sip that was like a wave of warmth washing over him, he noticed something was missing. A young man, probably a year or two older than he was, that always sat at the end of the counter. He looked around the little café, wondering if maybe the man had just sat somewhere else today instead. No sign. And he was a hard to miss guy.
"Hey Dem, do you know where that guy that always sits at the end of the counter is?" Roxas questioned the social barista, knowing he had probably chatted the man up at some point and might have a clue.
"Axel? The redhead?" Roxas nodded, remembering that crimson red hair that made the man so recognizable. "I dunno, haven't seen him today. M'sure it's nothing to worry about."
Roxas simply hummed in agreement into his drink, finishing it quickly so he could make his way to work. Without another word, Demyx sat a steaming to-go cup in front of Roxas, while he pulled out the exact change to cover his and his boss's coffee. Nodding to the fauxhawked, dirty blond barista, Roxas made his way out the door, coffee in hand, off to another usual day at his usual office with his usual boss earning his usual paycheck.
But his day was still missing something. A certain redhead.
Roxas had never spoken to Axel, didn't even know his name before Demyx mentioned it that morning, but he was there every morning at that café, sitting in the same place he always was, just the same as Roxas. Although Roxas never spoke to him, he would never forget him. Bright, crimson colored hair that fell over his shoulders in spikes unless pulled back in a low ponytail, which still couldn't reign in the crazy spikes. A sharp jawline and pointed chin. Piercing green, green eyes like Roxas had never seen before. Slim, lanky form that he folded up under the counter almost awkwardly. He was there every morning when Roxas entered the café, and stayed some time past Roxas' exit for work. He wasn't sure how long Axel was there every day, when he came in, when he left, and what he drank or ate while he was there, but he was always there for the six minutes Roxas could spare for his morning coffee.
But he wasn't there that morning, and Roxas wasn't sure why it bothered him so much.
xxx
Shadows; looming, following, consuming everything. Running, panting, feet slapping hard, dark pavement. Rain; cold, soaking, depressing. Voices; echoing, haunting, repeating, calling. Begging.
Eyes snapped open, quickly starting to search for those glowing numbers in the night. A splotch of green in the dark. His alarm clock, but he couldn't make out the numbers, they were nothing but a blur. He quickly rubbed at his eyes, realizing tears clouded them as they always did after a dream like that. 3:18.
"Ugh…" Rolling over, reaching for the tiny notebook, scribbling some words down that he wasn't sure he would be able to read in the morning. Face back into the pillow, breath evening out, no more dreams. Not tonight.
xxx
7:09. Again no redhead. Demyx said he had never come in yesterday and again hadn't seen him yet that day. Roxas sat in his cubicle, eating his usual turkey sandwich for lunch as he mulled over why he couldn't get this man out of his head. He would see something red and compare the shade to the missing man's hair-it was never as incredible a shade. Someone tall would walk past his cubicle and he would wonder if the man would be able to look over their head like it seemed he would be able to do with anyone. He would catch a whiff of someone's coffee and wonder if it was something the man might order on a regular basis- did he like his coffee black? Catch a glimpse of green and know it was nothing like those eyes.
Roxas groaned in frustration at these thoughts and his head met the desk with a nice resounding thump.
xxx
Yellow eyes, watching; waiting. Shadow black hands, grabbing; clawing. Skyscrapers looming; electric blue flickering, static. Glimpse of red, red, red - like fire. Swirling darkness; black and purple. Consuming. Black. Nothing.
Cold, unusually so. Out of breath. He searched again for those green numbers, rubbing the tears from his eyes. 3:58. Another sigh. Scribbled words in the little notebook before wrapping the blanket tight, tight around him to trap any warmth he could. Black. No more dreams tonight.
xxx
"It's really bothering you that he's not there, isn' it?" Demyx asked as Roxas flicked over to the empty stool at the end of the counter, against the wall for the 23rd time since he had arrived there 3 minutes ago.
Roxas sighed. "Yeah, and its driving me crazy because I don't understand why."
"Wish I could help, man, but I ain't got a clue." Demyx shrugged, placing the to-go cup down in front of Roxas as his six minutes came to end and he needed to head out.
xxx
White walls. Unending black window. White sheets. Consuming black darkness. Red, red, red – like fire. White floors. Discarded black boots. Green, green, green – like poison.
"Roxas…"
Hot sweat. Rubbing eyes, no tears this time, just sweat. Green – not like that green - numbers read 4:23. More scribbled notes, blankets thrown off, face buried into the pillow. Dreamless.
xxx
"It's been a while, Roxas." A sweet voice for a sweet young woman. Naminé sat in her white chair, across from Roxas, cup of tea in her frail looking hands. Pale blond hair over thin shoulders, brushing the neckline of her white top. Periwinkle blue framed by pale lashes on a round, sweet face. Roxas' twin who was studying psychology and was an expert on dreams. "You said you were having dreams again and that they were changing?"
Roxas nodded, nervously munching on a slice of cucumber. "They've always been pretty much the same up till now. Shadows with yellow eyes coming after me, a dark city with bright blue and yellow lights that didn't really make the place any lighter. Often running in the rain. Displaced voices that never say any real words but I know they are calling me."
Naminé nodded, her notebook that she kept specifically for Roxas' dreams in her lap, open to a new page, pencil poised for new information. "So what is changing about them?"
"Well the first week I started seeing the color red. A vibrant, crimson, fire red. It would disappear into the darkness, or I would pass it by. I've never seen that color in my dreams before." She nodded, writing a few notes down in her elegant handwriting that Roxas had always envied.
"The second week I started to have dreams of a new place. Everything was white: the walls, the floors, the ceiling, the furniture. Everything. There would be windows looking out into nothing but black, sometimes the windows were huge, taking up the whole wall. Then there would be swirling darkness, black and purple." More notes in that perfect script.
"Then last night… I think I was in a bedroom. Something about white sheets. And I saw that red again. Discarded black boots on the white floor. And a bright green, like poison." A shiver went down Roxas' spine remembering that mesmerizing color. "And then my name…"
"You saw your name?" Naminé asked, looking up from her notes.
"No, I heard it. Someone said my name."
"Did you recognize the voice? Was it male or female?"
"It sounded familiar, but I don't know who it was. I can't remember what it sounded like."
"Do you remember how they said your name? A question? Calling…?"
"They said it like…" Roxas swallowed hard, never really liking to share this part of his life with his twin. "They said it like they wanted to have sex with me."
"And this room, it was like the other rooms that you had been in before?"
"Yes."
"Is there any connection from the dark city with shadows to these white rooms you've started dreaming about?"
"I had one dream where I was running from the white rooms and out into the dark city. I remember yellow eyes and… rage." More words scratched on paper.
"So these white rooms are in a building in that city? One of the skyscrapers?"
"Castle."
"Hmm?"
"The white rooms. They were in a castle."
"A castle in the middle of the city?"
"Over the city. Above it."
"A flying castle?"
Silence.
"Yeah. A flying castle."
They sat in near silence for a while, nothing but the sound of pencil on paper as Naminé wrote down whatever it is she wanted to remember. "Has anything in your life changed since these dreams started happening? Meet someone new? Start going to a new restaurant?"
"My days are exactly the same as they've always been. Except…" Roxas trailed off, unsure if his obsession with the redhead he still hadn't seen in a little over two weeks might really have anything to do with his changing dreams.
"Except?"
"Except this guy that used to always be at the café I go to in the morning for coffee. He hasn't been there since the day before I had the first dream this time around."
"Were you friends with him? Interact with him regularly?"
"No. I never once talked to him. I didn't even know his name until Demyx mentioned it when I asked if he knew where the guy was."
"So he means nothing to you?"
"He means nothing to me, and yet… Ever since that day I keep thinking about him all the time. Throughout the day little things will remind me of him. I don't get it."
"What did he look like? What was his name?"
"His name is Axel. He's really tall and lanky, always awkwardly folded up under the counter. He has bright crimson red hair and green, like I've never seen on anyone else before, eyes. Tattoos under his eyes and a sharp chin."
"Have you ever seen a red like his hair anywhere else before? Or a green like his eyes?" Roxas looked up at Naminé, surprised by a question like this, before thinking it over. It was several moments before he realized he had in fact seen that red and that green before somewhere.
"The red and green from my dreams. That crimson, fire red that I kept seeing. And the poison green from last night. They are the same as his hair and eye color… But what could that mean?"
"It seems like… this Axel has made his way into your dreams. I think he was the one who said your name."
"But I've never even talked to him let alone…" Roxas stopped again, not wanting to go down that road with his sister. It was bad enough he had to tell her the mysterious voice in his dream wanted sex from him, he couldn't go down the road of his waking sex life.
"I want you to try and find him to talk to him."
"Easier said than done. He hasn't been back to the café once since the last time I saw him. Demyx hasn't seen him at all and he's talked to the other people that work there. He hasn't been back in the café and no one knows who he is."
"Find him somehow. He has something to do with these dreams." Roxas nodded reluctantly, planning to ask around to more people he knows to see if anyone has an idea of where this man disappeared to. "You bring your dream book?"
"Yeah, of course." He handed over the little notebook he had been writing in since the dreams started again. She opened it and scanned the first page, shaking her head a little bit.
"Chicken scratch as always."
"That's what happens when you write in the middle of the night, in the dark, and you already have bad handwriting." Roxas defended his horrible excuse for the written word.
"It's a good thing I have grown up reading this mess. I don't know how anyone can read what you write at work."
"It helps when I can see and am not 90% asleep still, but I write slowly when someone else is going to have to read it." Roxas pouted.
"I'll keep this and read it over, see if there was something you missed. Make sure to have another one for any more dreams. And find Axel. I really do think he has something to do with these dreams. I don't know what yet, but we might be able to figure it out if you can just talk to him." Naminé stood up from her seat, notebooks tucked under a folded arm. Roxas followed her lead, stepping over to give his twin a hug. "And call once in a while. Is it too much to ask to get to see my big brother and not have to analyze his dreams?"
Roxas laughed, pulling away from her. "Yeah yeah, I'll talk to you later."
xxx
"Hey Roxas! Good news!" Demyx greeted as Roxas took his usual seat at 7:09 sharp. "One of my friends was in the café down the street the other morning. Said he saw your redhead there. Maybe he's just changed cafés for some reason."
"Dem, he's not my redhead." Roxas protested, taking that first sweet, sweet drink of his coffee. "But thank you."
"You have tomorrow off right? You going to take that extra time to go down to that café and see if you can catch him?" Demyx asked. "It's Friday, maybe you can get a hot date out of it too." He winked.
Roxas groaned. "I'm not after a date Dem." The to-go cup was set in front of him. "Ugh, I gotta go now, Dem. I'll check out that café tomorrow and let you know what happens. See ya."
xxx
Hot, burning. Tangled, white sheets. Discarded black coat. Red, red, red – like fire. Soft, long, silk. Green, green, green – like poison. Dark, elongated diamonds.
"Oh god…" Hot, burning, pleasure. "Roxas…"
Hot, sweaty. Again. And… sticky?
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me." Sweat whipped out of eyes. Searching. Green – but not that green – numbers read 5:33. Quick notes scratched on new paper. Rolling out of bed, into the bathroom. New boxers. Face buried in the pillow. Please no more dreams tonight.
xxx
7:14. Roxas stepped into the different café. The one down the street that Demyx was talking about. He quickly scanned the room. Red – yes that red – caught his eye. He quickly ordered a cup of coffee, knowing that they wouldn't have his special blend that Demyx always made for him, and it would be too hot when he got it, and that he might have to sift through several different creamers to find the one he likes, but if it meant he could talk to the person that has been on his mind for week, the person that may or may not be causing the dreams that wake him up every night, he was willing to suffer once.
His coffee was made quickly and he wandered over to the corner booth the redhead, Axel, had claimed. As he stepped up to the booth, Axel, who had been staring out the window at the passing people, looked up and green – yes that green – eyes meet blue. Roxas was suddenly nervous, looking into the eyes that seemed so familiar to him all of a sudden, and he could see the surprise and… is that confusion? that was in the impossibly green eyes before him.
"Do you… mind if I sit here?" Roxas asked. He could see Axel's mind working, deciding if he should allow it or not.
"I suppose." He finally spoke, and the voice sent shivers down Roxas' spine. Shivers of recognition. But the voice was reluctant, like he really didn't want him to, but Roxas did anyways. He wasn't about to let this opportunity go even if the redhead didn't really want him there.
"You're name is Axel, right? You used to go to the café down the street every day…" Roxas was so nervous.
"Yep. And you're Roxas. You've gone to that café every morning for the past two years. You get the same thing and you are there at the exact same time every day. So why are you here? Don't you have work?" Axel questioned. His voice was harsh.
"I have today off." Roxas chose to try and ignore the question of why he was there.
"You didn't answer one of my questions. Why did you follow me here?" Roxas took a nervous sip of his coffee, cringing when the flavor wasn't his special coffee.
"I just… I was… Interested in you. And I wanted to know why you suddenly went to a different café…" Roxas' voice as small, nervous. "So why did you leave?"
Axel was quiet for a while. He turned back to the window. "I didn't want to see you anymore."
"You… didn't want to see me… anymore?" Roxas whispered.
"It became… too hard to… see you everyday."
Crushed for reasons he didn't understand, Roxas just nodded. "I guess I'll… go then. I'll leave you alone." He stood awkwardly and slowly walked away from the table, Axel never once looking back up at the retreating blond. It was just too hard to watch.
xxx
Flashing blue and yellow. Electric. Static. Black boots on black pavement. Echoing.
"You're minds made up?"
Red, red, red – like fire. Black fabric. Green, green, green – like poison. Words, questions.
"You can't turn on the Organization! You get on their bad side, and they'll destroy you!"
"No one would miss me." Foot steps. Black pavement.
"That's not true!"
Words, whispered.
Tears. Green – but not that green – numbers. 4:41. A sigh. Scribbled words. Clutch a pillow, but it's not the same – the same as what? It's not enough. No more dreams tonight. Please not tonight.
xxx
"You've been moping around for a week. Ever since you went to that other café to try and run into that Axel guy. Is he like a homophobe or something? Tell you he's not interested?" Demyx questioned as Roxas flopped down in his usual seat, barely seeing the perfect coffee sat down in front of him.
"For the last time, Demyx. I wasn't going to ask him out or anything. I just… wanted to meet him." Roxas sighed taking a sad little sip of his coffee, not really tasting the perfect blend of flavors.
"So what happened that's got you so out of it? I've never seen you like this."
"He said… it was too hard to see me everyday. Said he went to a different café so he wouldn't have to see me anymore." Roxas mumbled miserably into his coffee.
"Woah, he said that? Tough man. But come on, don't let it get you down. There are plenty of other people out there to… meet." Roxas just sighed again, grabbing the coffee for his boss before heading off to another usual day of work.
His dreams had gotten more vivid. He knew for sure now that Axel was the person in his dreams. And he was there every night. Dreams of them sitting, just talking about nothing important enough to remember. Dreams of them… fighting? Shadows? White figures following them, following their every command. Dreams of… a key? And that last dream, what was that? Organization? They'll… destroy him?
Roxas sighed for what seemed the millionth time that day. Work was over, the weekend was here. Friday… he usually just went home to relax on Friday, but for whatever reason he found himself in front of the old abandoned clock tower with a bar of sea-salt ice cream. He climbed the old stairs, careful of the broken railing. When he finally reached the top and he sat down on the edge, he pulled the ice cream out and took the first bite. The sunset before him was beautiful.
Hey, Roxas. Bet you don't know why the sun sets red.
Sharp, intense pain. Roxas held his head, his ice cream falling, forgotten to the bottom of the clock tower.
You see, light is made up of lots of colors.
A groan of pain. What is this? He had never had brain freeze like this before.
And out of all those colors, red is the one that travels the farthest.
"Like I asked! Know-it-all." Roxas found himself saying through gritted teeth. "Oh god, what is this? Now he's in my head during the day too? And why does it hurt so damn much?!" Roxas groaned.
Footsteps.
"You're early." Roxas froze. That voice was not coming from his head. It was real. He turned.
"No, you're just late." Axel, standing there at the corner, leaning against the wall. Green – yes that green – eyes watching him. Red – yes that red – hair left to spike out on its own. Worn, fitted leather jacket over a simple shirt. Jeans and a studded belt. He walked over to sit on Roxas' other side, one leg pulled up, a popsicle stick in his mouth. Roxas turned back to the sunset, the sharp, intense pain in his head suddenly gone.
"Why do I feel like I know you? Why do I have dreams about you every night? About us, together, in some strange place where shadows loom around corners, and all the furniture is white?" Roxas asked, desperate, but afraid Axel would think him insane.
"I have them too." Roxas could only look up in surprise at Axel confession. "I've had dreams for as long as I can remember. Of a dark city, with blue and yellow lights. Skyscrapers with no one around. Just shadows, watching, waiting. Of a White, white castle. Everything about it was white. Of swirling darkness.
"Then a few years ago they started to change. I started seeing blond hair and blue eyes. A giant key. Flashes of light. A voice, calling my name. Conversations about nothing. Fire and light mixing together. Tangled sheets…" It was quiet for a while. The two of them letting all this information sink in.
"Do you know what they mean? Why we have these dreams?"
"I got really into history in high school. Several thousand years ago, the universe was out of balance; darkness ran rampant and light was scarce to find. Out of the darkness came things called Heartless; they prey on the darkness in peoples heart to create more Heartless. Most commonly they were black creatures that loomed in the shadows… with bright yellow eyes…
"There were also these things called Nobodies, a by-product of Heartless. Beings without emotion. There were thirteen Nobodies that were special; they retained their human bodies, could speak, had memories of their human life… Together they formed Organization XIII." Again there was silence for a while. The sun had long set and darkness was setting in around them, but neither moved from their place.
"Number VIII… He controlled fire, and was called the Flurry of Dancing Flames. He had red hair, and green eyes… His name was Axel. And there was nu-"
"Number XIII…" Roxas interrupted. "The Key of Destiny. Power over light. Blond hair and blue eyes… His name was Roxas."
"Yes."
"So what… We have past lives? These dreams… they're memories? Of back then?" Roxas had to admit it made sense, but… "That's crazy!" Is it?
"Why else could I feel like I know you? How else could I know that your favorite ice cream is sea-salt? That you hate change; hate not knowing things about yourself, and it drives you crazy when someone knows something that you don't and they won't share. How else could I know that… you'll shiver if I touch you here?" He reached out and lightly touched a spot below Roxas' ear, sending shivers and shots of heat down Roxas' spine. "How else could I know that some nights you just want to be held? You know things about me too, don't you?"
Roxas nodded. "You take 5 minute showers that are as hot as you can get them. You want to get your ear pierced but are afraid of them getting caught on something. You fear that people will forget about you but want to live forever in peoples memories, so you ask them to memorize your name. You love it when I touch… when I kiss… right here." He touched the spot where Axel's neck met is shoulder, Axel sucking in a breath through his teeth. "We were together."
Axel nodded. "You made me feel… like I had a heart. Almost like I… loved you."
"If you knew all this, why didn't you say anything to me? Why did you disappear? What do you mean it was too hard to see me?"
"You walked away." Axel's voice was suddenly harsh, angry. "You walked away from me, left the organization… forgot me." He was quiet again, head bowed. "I thought you didn't… feel the same about me as I did you. I thought you didn't want to see me anymore, and that was why you walked away from me." His voice was small.
"Axel…"
"I didn't want to lose you… It hurt so bad." He choked out.
"Axel… I didn't want to walk away from you. But I had to."
"No! You didn't! You could have stayed and helped finish Kingdom Hearts! We could have had hearts again. Hearts of our own! You didn't have to go back to Sora!" He said, voice suddenly loud.
"It wasn't that simple Axel, and you know that." Roxas whispered. "It hurt so bad to walk away from you. But what Xemnas was doing was wrong, you know it was. He wasn't going to give us all hearts, he was using us to gain power. And Sora was the only one who could stop him. I had to help him. I had to go back."
"You forgot about me…" His voice was quiet and broken. He couldn't deny what Roxas was saying, he did know it was true.
"DiZ was manipulating me. They made me forget. I could never truly forget about you, Axel. I loved you. And I can again… Maybe I already do." He looked at Roxas with eyes that could break his heart; the heart he had never been more aware of than now. But there was more there, hope? "I don't want to walk away from you again. I think… I could only stand doing it the first time because I didn't have a heart, not a complete one. I can't walk away again. Please don't walk away from me…" Roxas was gripping Axel's arms now, fully facing him, pleading.
Axel watched him for a moment, thinking, considering. Then, without a word, he leaned in, Roxas meeting him halfway, in a soft kiss that seemed to answer everything. Each felt… complete once again. The hole in their heart that they weren't even aware of for most of their lives, now filled. All of the problems of their past didn't matter anymore. It was just Roxas and Axel. "I don't think I could if I wanted to." Axel whispered finally, mouth still against Roxas'.
xxx
Red, red, red – like fire. Swirling darkness; myriad of colors. Green, green, green – like poison. Flicker of flames. Fading, disappearing.
Axel.
"I wanted to see Roxas. He… was the only one I liked… He made me feel… like I had a heart."
Axel! I'm right here. I'm here, just… please… don't-
"It's kind of… funny… You make me feel… the same…"
No! Axel, please. Don't leave me. I'm here…
Fading. Flames consuming. Falling apart. Falling… away.
"Axel!" a choked sob. Hands reaching, grabbing, clawing. "Axel, please. Don't leave me!"
"Roxas… Roxas, I'm right here." A soothing voice. Reaching hands meet solid arms. Arms that wrapped around a trembling body, pulling it close. Large, rough hands rubbing soothing circles, tracing patterns along a shaking back. "Roxas, you're all right. I'm all right. I'm right here. Everything is okay…" Whispered sweet nothings, over and over again, just simply to hear that soothing voice.
"Axel…" Somewhere between a sob and a sigh. Trembling arms wrapped around a thin torso, holding tight, tight, tight. Can't bear to let go. One hand gripping lose, soft fabric, the other tangling in soft, soft red fire. Face buried in soft fabric, breathing in the smell of fabric softener, cologne, and that ever present, comforting scent of smoke, like a burnt out match, a blown out candle, that he loved, recognized, and on nights like this, searched for.
Two years sharing a bed and they still had to deal with this. At least once a month they would wake to desperate calling of their name; sometimes Axel's, and sometimes Roxas'. Tears, grabbing hands, trembling bodies, whispered words of comfort. It was always the same. They were past the apologies in the morning, each understanding that they didn't chose this, but they would help each other through it. They would do anything for each other.