Hi all! And welcome to the second installment of the Symphony Series. Hope you enjoy!
Undertow
All we got is one chance, and it's sink or swim.
He hides in the dark, and I go looking for him each time he loses himself.
I take his hand and lead him back into the light where he belongs, but somehow he always finds his way back.
----
I knew.
I took one look at him, and I knew.
But I have to ask him anyways.
To ensure what I already know is true.
"What's wrong?" I say.
He looks at me with the prettiest amethyst eyes I've ever seen.
If you look close enough, it appears as if someone dipped a paintbrush in a royal blue.
And then spun the tip around the lining of his irises.
They're one of the many reasons I fell in love with him all those years ago.
Love.
Sometimes I think that it's not a good enough word to describe how I feel.
I would die for him, of course.
But I would also chase him to the end of the world.
I would travel across the universe and bring him back whatever his heart desired.
I would change every part of me just to see him smile.
I'd live a life of misery, if it meant that he'd live a life of happiness.
But we've been best friends since we were three.
And the bond that we share is the entire world to me.
To be with him, even just as his friend, is the reason I breathe.
His existence, it's the reason my heart beats.
And if I were to admit how I truly feel about him and he turned away from me, I would die.
I guess I'm a coward.
But his rejection would destroy me, and I'm just not willing to risk it.
And besides...
He had a boyfriend.
"Is he hurting you again?" I ask him.
An abusive one.
"No," he replies.
He's lying.
And he knows that I know.
But he lies to me anyways.
And it hurts.
"Yuugi." He has such a pretty name. It's perfect for him. "Is he?"
He hesitates.
I can hear the gears in his mind at work.
Shifting through the lists of excuses.
Searching for one he can use.
But before he even opens his mouth, we both realize the same thing.
He's run out of excuses.
"We just got in a fight. I kind of deserved it, I guess. I should have kept my mouth shut."
I knew it had happened.
But hearing it from him sends a white-hot spark down my spine.
My face and hands and body feel like they're on fire.
And there's only one way to put it out.
"Yuugi," I say. "You can't go back to him anymore."
"Atem."
He's not looking at me.
"Don't worry so much."
Because he can't lie to my face.
"Everything's fine."
"You call this fine?" I pull his arm towards me and lift up his jacket sleeve.
I see the bruise I already knew was there.
And just like that, I feel like someone set me on fire again.
But this time, I can't control myself.
"Atem —"
"Where is he?"
"Stop, please."
"Don't." I lock my eyes with his, while at the same time trying not to lose myself in them. "Don't defend him."
I turn around towards the door, but Yuugi pulls at my arm and circles in front of me.
And then, his hand reaches up and touches my cheek.
"Até," he says, searching my eyes.
He calls me that when he wants to calm me down.
It usually works, too.
But not this time.
"Please. I'll take care of it, I promise." His gaze wanders towards the floor. "I'll leave him."
"Yeah." I say, unconvinced. "Right after I break his face."
"No, I don't want that!" He moves away from me. "Please, just —"
"What, Yuugi?" I pull him back to me by his wrists. "You promised me this wouldn't happen again!"
I don't want to yell at him.
But if I don't, I'm afraid my frustration will release itself another way.
And I will not cry in front of him.
"Stop, let me go." He tries to escape my grasp, but I refuse to let him go.
"Why do you keep going back to him, Yuugi?" I ask, and I don't even realize I'm shaking him. "You deserve so much better, can't you see that?"
If I was stronger, I would have said 'I can give you so much better. I can give you the world, if you just let me.'
But I didn't.
And I don't think I ever will.
"Please." He looks up at me, and his eyes begin to shine with a clear layer of tears. "Just let me take care of it, Atem."
I don't want him to cry.
I don't think I'd be able to handle it if he did.
He means the world to me, and the more I think about how much I love him, the more my anger begins to fade.
I look into his eyes.
He's the water to my fire.
He's the only person in my life, who can control me like this.
And so, I let him go.
"Yuugi... I just..." I sigh and look away, raking a hand through my hair. "I just don't want to see you hurt." I glance back to him. "I... I can't see you hurt."
"I'm sorry," he says quietly, and I know he wants nothing more than to just disappear. "I'm so sorry."
Why is he apologizing for being abused?
"Stop, Yuugi." I look at him, and I can feel my entire body slacken. "Stop blaming yourself."
"But —"
"Shh." I reach out to him and pull him into my arms. "We'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?"
I wish we didn't have to eat or sleep or work.
That way, I could stay like this forever.
Just holding him.
Breathing him in.
Loving him.
"I'd like that," he says with a deep sigh. "Thank you."
My arms tighten around him.
He shouldn't be thanking me.
I didn't do my job.
I didn't protect him.
I take a moment to digest this.
And, suddenly, I know how he feels.
I want to disappear, too.
"Don't thank me," I whisper in his ear.
After that, we're both silent because there's nothing else left to say.
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