A/n: I kinda had the inspiration for this fic in the middle of a Literature lesson; we were doing character study, and I thought of Sanzo (like I always do). I also was thinking of why the HELL Goku still remained by Sanzo's side even though it meant going through physical, mental and emotional abuse…then I realized that Goku could have been…a little more understanding than the others think he is. I don't like him being too childish in his thoughts…he really should act his age^^
From Goku with Love by real-circus
I must be doing something wrong. I must have made you very mad with me. Can you…can you tell me what it is? The least you can do is to read this letter from me to you. If you reply me though, I'll be the happiest person alive…
I—I know that there's something more to that scowl you always give me. There must be a reason for your bad mood, and a motive for your hitting me. Your shouting, scolding, which I soon learnt to love—you don't mean it, do you?
Gojyo thinks I'm an idiot in love who doesn't want to let you go. He thinks I should leave you for someone better, someone more worthy of this love…to hell with what he thinks. I love you, and that's all that matters. I love you so much, I can't express myself when I'm with you.
Others might think you're a mean bastard, or a corrupted monk, but I believe otherwise. You're not mean, simply misunderstood, but yet, you like to think that you are a mean bastard. Why, you even worship the thought. You say you hate everyone around you, but I know what you think. You hate Hakkai's foolish smile, you hate Gojyo's…well, you kind of hate everything about him…and you hate my whining a lot…but I know those aren't the reasons for your anger and withdrawn self.
It's because you simply care too much about us. I don't know much about your past, but I know you lost someone dear to your heart, and that has left some sort of gash in your soul. You're just…too afraid to open up your heart to anyone, fearing that you might hurt yourself.
Yes, I know all these things. I'm not the stupid monkey you think (or want) me to be. I notice these things about you, because I've watched you for too long…and I want to tell you how I feel, because I can't keep myself from you any longer. I really love you to death.
To tell you the truth…you're one of the loveliest people on earth. You're so not mean at all. You never really tried to—to kill me or Gojyo. They were just threats, but I knew you never meant any of them. You look out for me, and the other two. You blame yourself on your loved one's death, and that's good enough proof for me that you aren't a self-centered, cold meanie. You actually cared.
You'll probably throw this away once you're done with reading it, but it doesn't matter. The contents are more important anyway. I won't even mind it if you come right now to my room and give me a good beating; at least I know you've read this, and felt something. I know you feel too, like any ordinary human. And, no, this isn't a suicide note. You may call it a love letter, or whatever, I just want you to love me the way I love you…
Sanzo, am I asking for too much from you? Can you at least tell me what is it that I'm doing wrong here? [blotches of wet are splattered here and there on the paper]
I love you. [is scribbled as though written by a shaking hand]
You turn away when I lock my arms around you. You tell me to get lost when I'm worried about you. I depend on you, Sanzo. You're my sun.
I love you. [in fierce, thick lettering]
I promise I won't leave you. I promise I won't ever hurt you, if that's what you're afraid of. I'll be good. I'll not whine anymore. Just for you. I'll do it just for you. Just for you to like me.
If you've succeeded in reading on this far, thank you so much, Sanzo. You must be sick and tired of me saying this, but…I love you. Every night, I relive the moment you brought me out of the cave. I love you for that, and many other things you've done for me. I remember all those things—the times you succumb to my whining and buy me something to eat, the times you put your hand on my head whenever I'm afraid or sad. I keep these things dear to my heart.
Please…give me some sort of sign, some sort of…anything, that would tell me how you feel about me. Please don't think this letter is childish. I just couldn't think of a better way to tell you how I feel. Ever since you took me out of the cave, my life was all about loving you.
Just wanted to tell you that it still is. I love you too much to let you go. I want you to understand, and hopefully love me too. I'm here waiting patiently for your answer, if you have one. If you don't…just…just don't forget, that you were loved by someone in this life, and cherish that.
From Goku,
With love.
A/n: Sorry for Goku's being so OOC in here. Sanzo was exactly like the character I was studying in Lit class, so it was easy to do.
I'm doing a pic of Sanzo reading the letter, but it's not even near completion. Just tell me if you want it, and I'll send it to you once I'm done^^