It was a cool summer evening, and all the ninja of Konoha were converging to the same location. That location was the new bar that had been built just for the ninja students and sensei. They were all from different teams and were rendered with different methods of training, but now they congregated for one common reason: Their day had sucked. Everyone gathered to forget their troubles and get wasted.
After about an hour, the atmosphere was lubricated with alcohol and things were starting to get a bit crazy. Especially crazy was the table where team 6 was doing tequila shots.
A trashed-looking Ten-ten stood up and announced, "I'm gonna go get another bottle." She staggered off.
Lee and Gai-sensei cackled stupidly and did another shot together. Neji stood up and said, "Well, I've had enough of you guys for one night." And with that, he took off to harass various people.
Then Gai said, "Lee, there's something I need you to do."
"Anything for you, Gai-sensei. Just name it!"
"Actually, it's not for me," Gai told him. "Did you hear that Ten-ten's bed collapsed?"
Lee's bloodshot eyes widened. "No, Gai-sensei. That is terrible."
"Well, I was thinking that you could give her your bed tonight. I mean, she is your teammate, after all."
Lee shook his head. "I am sorry, Gai-sensei. I can not do that." He promptly threw back another shot.
Gai said, "Come on, Lee. Why not?"
"I just can not."
"Why don't you help a friend in need? It's the right thing to do."
Lee looked across the room to Ten-ten, who was totally hammered. It was common knowledge that when Ten-ten got drunk, she pissed her bed (or whatever else got in her way of the toilet).
"I am sorry, but I can not help Ten-ten tonight." He said.
Gai said, "Come on, Lee, spare a bed for a teammate."
Finally Lee stood up and screamed, "I JUST DON'T WANT HER SOAKING MY SHEETS WITH HER DISGUSTING URINE, OKAYYYYYYYYYY?!!" And with that, he passed out on the floor.
Meanwhile, Naruto and Sasuke were drinking Sake at the bar stools. They overheard the whole thing (Hell, half of Japan probably overheard the whole thing.)
Naruto turned to Sasuke and asked, "Did Bushy Brow just . . .?"
"Use a contraction?" Sasuke offered.
"I was gonna say stand up on his table and do the Caramel Dance." He paused for a moment to take a good look at Sasuke, who was finishing off his bottle. "I think you've had too much to drink." Naruto picked up his own bottle and leaned back to get the last swallow. He leaned back too far, fell off his bar stool and passed out.
"Whatever," Sasuke replied.
At that moment, who should show up but Gaara. He stepped over Naruto's unconscious body and took the stool next to Sasuke, since it was the only available stool left.
Sasuke turned to scowl at Gaara, and their glaring eyes met, sending a tiny lightening bolt through their gaze. They turned away from each other and said to the bartender, at the same time, "Give me a shot of tequila." Upon hearing each other say the same thing, they turned back to each other and glared even harder.
The perplexed-looking bartender got out two shot glasses and filled each one with tequila. He was about to put the bottle back when Gaara said, "Leave the bottle."
Six shots later . . .
Gaara and Sasuke each had an arm around each other and a shot glass in hand. "All right, buddy, you ready?" Sasuke asked, slurring his words. Gaara replied, "You better know it!" And with that, they each threw back their seventh shot, and then set their emptied glasses on the counter, which was now littered with shot glasses, spilled tequila and sand.
Meanwhile, Gai was getting an ice pack for Lee. He ran into Temari and Kankuro, who were nearby keeping and eye on their younger brother.
Gai said to them, "So, you're letting your twelve-year-old brother get totally inebriated. That's really responsible."
"Hey, lay off." Kankuro told him. "The kid has a hard life. He deserves to get wasted every now and then."
"Yeah, like that's any less responsible then you letting YOUR team of thirteen-year-olds get hammered and then go around harassing people," Temari put in.
"As a matter of fact, it is." Gai said. "They've got ME supervising them. I'm their sensei."
"Yeah, just look at what Hyuuga's doing under the watch of his 'responsible' sensei." Kankuro gestured across the room to team 6's table.
Neji had his arm around Lee, who had just woken up and was trying to get away to get another bottle. Neji's Byakugan was activated.
"Lookin' good, Lee." He slurred. "I see you've been keeping in shape."
"I am flattered, Neji. But my heart belongs to Sakura."
Neji scowled. "Whatever." He shoved Lee off. Then he spotted someone else across the room. "Hey, Ten-ten!" He called. "You lookin' hot tonight!"
"I rest my case," Kankuro said to Gai as he took a sip of his beer.
Gai snorted. "It's totally different. You two are just a couple of teenage Genin. I, on the other hand, am a highly trained Jonin. I can handle things like this way better than you."
Kankuro whipped the heavily wrapped doll off his back, and Temari cracked her fan open. "You wanna bet?" Kankuro asked.
Gai narrowed his eyes at them. "Fine, you don't need to start a riot. I'm outta here." And with that, he walked off.
"Yeah, you better run," Temari muttered as she put her fan away.
The next day, all the ninja were nursing hangovers. (All except for Gaara, whose sand got in the way of him getting hung over.) Naruto and Sasuke were sitting on the ground outside of Ichiraku's, each of them holding an ice bag to his head. Just then, Neji walked by (rather unsteadily) and tripped over Sasuke's foot.
"Watch it, Uchiha," Neji growled. Then he continued on his way. Sasuke growled and mumbled something under his breath, but he was too hung over to do anything about it.
"Hey, where do you think you're going?" Naruto yelled after him.
Neji turned around and yelled, "I'm going back to the bar!"
Naruto scoffed. "Oh, why, so you can hit on Bushy Brow some more?"
"Shut up," Neji snapped. "I was drunk. It doesn't count."
"Well, thanks to your drunken antics, Busy Brow's taken more pride in his sex appeal. Believe me, I already got a taste of that." Naruto shuddered as he remembered the run-in he'd had with Lee that morning.
That Morning:
Naruto was at Ichiraku's, eating a big bowl of ramen for breakfast. "Nothing to get rid of a hangover like a good bowl of ramen," he said to himself. He grinned as he shoveled the noodles into his mouth.
Just then, he heard an annoying voice call to him from across the street. "Good morning, Naruto!"
He turned to see who it was. It was Lee, who was wearing a white spandex tank top and green running shorts in place of his usual green jumpsuit. He was swaggering and flexing his arms obscenely as he walked.
Horrified, Naruto screamed "OH MY G-" he spit out his last bite of ramen. "Thanks a lot, douche bag!" he yelled. "You just ruined my breakfast!"
Neji sneered. "Yeah, right. It probably wasn't that bad. You were just too much of a pansy to handle it." He started to walk off again, but then he heard someone calling his name.
"Hello, Neji!"
He turned to see who it was. It was Lee, wearing the same spandex white tank top and green running shorts that Naruto had described. The horror of the sight left Neji speechless and trembling.
It got worse. Lee said, "It sure is hot today." And with that, he splashed a glass of water on himself, and then tossed it aside dramatically.
Neji's skin paled, and he broke out in a cold sweat.
"Yeah," Sasuke said, grinning. "And you were all over him last night."
Neji's eyes widened as he stood frozen and awash in terror. "I . . . I need to take a shower!" Stumbling, he ran away for all he was worth.
"Yeah, you better run." Sasuke muttered, chuckling to himself.
"Hey, Sasuke, wasn't that a little harsh?" Naruto asked.
Sasuke grinned broadly. "Well, look on the bright side, Naruto."
"What's that?"
"There's gonna be one less jerk in the bar tonight."
THE END.