With great sadness and great hope I leave this small tribute to a fine, fine actor.
For all the stories and all the joy, you have my deep gratitude, Mr. Spencer.
...oooOOOooo...
"I still can't…"
CJ stared for a moment at the goldfish bowl on her desk – his desk, she thought, involuntarily. So many things had changed in this office, but the desk was such a good one, and it had seemed right somehow to keep it…
"You know…" Margaret tried to start a comforting sentence, but her voice broke off abruptly and she fussed toward the door. "I'll be –" she motioned ineffectually toward her own desk in the outer room, and moved quickly out of the Chief of Staff's office, closing the door carefully behind her.
CJ watched her leave, wanting to say something comforting herself, not having anything to say. Blinking back her own tears, she spun her chair to look out the window, breathing raggedly as she brought the tissue to blot her nose. "Damn it, Leo. Why did it have to be now…"
"Because it was time."
She spun her chair slowly back and looked at the familiar figure sitting in her guest chair, her eyes widening slightly as she stared. A perfectly tailored gray suit, pale blue shirt, elegant yet stylish tie. Impeccable in a totally approachable way, and - if you were one of the favored few - eyes that you knew sparkled with hidden humor. A gravelly voice that spoke through a secret smile.
"You know how it is, CJ. Sometimes, you just don't have any choice."
"Leo…" she stopped, took a breath.
"It's okay. It'll be okay. I promise." His smile, as always, soothed her soul.
CJ dropped her eyes to the floor, inhaled again, shaking. "Oh, Leo…"
When she looked up again, the chair was empty.
…oooOOOooo…
Josh Lyman was still holding the phone to his ear as Donna stood in front of him, her eyes wide. He frowned, not believing. "When. No, I… okay. Yeah. Yeah, I'll let the Congressman know… Listen, CJ… yeah. Okay." He flipped the phone closed, stared at it for a long moment before slipping it unconsciously back into his pocket. Eventually his eyes found Donna.
"Josh? Is he-"
"Yeah. Yeah, he - he's gone." Josh stared at the door, at her. "I guess I should tell the congressman…"
"Josh?" He looked at Donna again, and seemed to see her for the first time. He reached out and she fell into his arms, a silent sob shuddering against his shoulder as she tried to speak. "I'm sorry. I know that he was like…"
"It's okay." He rubbed a hand over her back. "It's…" try as he might, he couldn't go on.
She blinked back her tears and looked at him. If anyone in this campaign knew how much Leo meant to Josh, it should be her… and here she was leaning instead of supporting. She took a breath and pulled herself together for him, brushing a hand over his arm. "Do you want me to tell –"
"No, no. I've got it. I just need a minute…"
Donna did her best to smile for him. "Okay. I'll find him for you?"
He blinked at the wall. "Yeah. Yeah, that would be good." He nodded at her as she stepped toward the door. "Yeah. Thanks."
She gave him a tight little grin and left. He stared after her for a moment, then collapsed onto the edge of the bed as his legs gave out. "Damn it, Leo. How the hell am I supposed to do this without you?" He rubbed his eyes roughly.
"Same as always."
Josh looked over at the overstuffed hotel chair. "Always always had you in it."
"No." The gruff voice didn't overpower the warmth of his expression. "You don't need me to be here. You've got it, kid."
"I don't…"
The older man sighed. "Listen. First you're telling me that I know it all, then you're saying that I don't know what I'm talking about. Make up your mind."
"But Leo…"
"Josh." The figure stood and walked over to where the younger man sat. "You're going to be fine."
"No, Leo. No I'm not. None of us are." Josh stood, warming to his argument. "You were the glue that held us together. You were the foundation that we all built on. You-"
"Okay, stop right now, before I'm an entire home improvement store." The eyes sparkled until Josh exhaled a watery laugh in spite of himself. "I'm telling you, kid. You'll be fine. More than fine." Taking a step closer, Josh's mentor gave a warm grin. "I believe in you, Josh. Always have. Always will. Don't you dare give up and then try to blame me for it. Got it?"
Josh blinked at him, his vision blurring. "Yeah. I got it."
"And you might want to do something about her." The figure nodded with his head toward the door that Donna had left through.
"Do something?"
"You know what I mean. If this teaches you anything, it should be that nobody has forever. Understand?"
Josh blinked toward the door with a frown, then looked back with a solemn nod. "Yeah. Yeah, I do…"
"Good. You keep on making me proud. We'll see each other again."
"But... what if I'm not sure I believe that?"
The chuckle was warm in the quiet of the hotel room. "Like you've got something to say about it."
The younger man choked back a sob and stepped forward, his arms outstretched… but they closed on nothing.
…oooOOOooo…
Jed Bartlet walked quietly along the halls of the residence, feeling far from Presidential. Something was missing, something inside… and yet...
With a deep breath, he stepped out and paced in the chill air to the rose garden, where the well-kept plantings were wrapped against the winter weather.
"You should be wearing a coat, Mr. President. Abby'd have my head if she knew."
Jed lifted his eyes, somehow not surprised to see his old friend leaning comfortably against a pillar. "I suppose that's one thing you won't worry about anymore."
"Oh, there's plenty I don't have to worry about anymore, sir." Leo's face split into a wide, laughter-laden smile, one that the President saw more often than most people. "It's kind of like winning the election, only better. More… restful."
"You certainly deserve the rest." Jed's eyes were misted over with thirty years of memories. "Damn it, Leo. We were supposed to get old together."
"And we did. It just... happened a little faster than we expected." The grin sparkled in his eyes, and the President couldn't help smiling as well, although his eyes were wet with tears.
"Listen, Leo…" the catch in his voice was nearly lost in the quiet of the night, while his expression grew seriously earnest. "Leo, you know, don't you? I mean…"
Leo's eyebrows lifted thoughtfully. "You know, that's one of the most interesting things about… this. You do know. You know who you've affected, and what you've done right… and what you could have done a lot better." He shook his head slowly. "But you know, sir." His eyes grew brighter as he focused on his old friend. "I know, Jed. When you're alive, you don't always have the words." He grinned. "Now I don't need them."
For a long while, it was quiet.
The President stood alone in the garden until a shiver reminded him of just how cold it was. He looked up at stars that sparkled in the chilled night like chips of ice on velvet.
Slowly, but with a strange kind of comfort, he turned toward tomorrow, walking with an awkward feeling back into the house, back into his life.
…oooOOOooo…
Godspeed, John Spencer. I believe that now you know…