I would like to point out this is totally unedited so, feel free to point out mistakes and so on. Please keep it constructive though! Also, I may write more. Not an actual story, more little drabbles and situations. Hope you enjoy it!

The Professional

"Right then you pair of imbeciles." Carolyn said to Martin and Douglas as she strode into the cockpit. Arthur was trailing after her with the usual inane grin on his face.

"And good morning to you too Carolyn." Douglas muttered darkly.

"And what do we owe the pleasure of your presence today?" Martin inquired.

"Tell 'em Mum!" Arthur said, hopping from foot to foot. Carolyn waved a hand airily,

"As you may be aware, we have an inspection on Friday..." She started. Martin mock gasped,

"No, really? You never mentioned it! Ok, maybe once...or twice. Or every moment of every day since you got the letter..."

"Shut up Martin!" Carolyn snapped briskly. "As I want MJN Air to pass, I want it to appear professional. That means currently we stand no chance of passing."

"But Carolyn..." Martin started. He was quickly silenced by an icy death glare from Carolyn, who continued her speech.

"Because of this, and by an extraordinary stroke of luck, I have invited a real air hostess down for two weeks." She said,

"Cousin Gloria!" Arthur said gleefully.

"Cousin Gloria?" Repeated Douglas. "She's a relation to you? That's just what MJN needs, two Arthurs."

"My niece, Gloria Knapp." Carolyn said, "Is twenty two and has probably flown around the world more times than you I'd say. She works for British Airways, but she did a special training course with the SAS."

"That stands for Scandinavian Airline Service." Arthur interrupted.

"Really? I didn't know that Arthur." Douglas said sarcastically. Arthur nodded seriously,

"Really, really." He said. Sarcasm was wasted on him. Martin huffed,

"Well yippee for HER!" He said sulkily.

"Martin! Show her some respect when she arrives. She's going to be a member of your crew and an example of what I want YOU to be!" Carolyn said. "Now, she's boarding Heathrow. We have an hour to get there, which is plenty of time. After that we have to get to Paris for three. I suggest you get moving." And with that she stalked out of the cockpit.

"Bet she's a right snooty woman." Martin grumbled. In his experience, air hostesses tended to be heavily made up and generally dumb blondes. He felt insulted that HE the CAPTAIN should have to show HER respect, and not the other way around! "Respect! Pah! I fly this plane; all she has to do is get up occasionally to give a passenger a drink or something." Douglas cleared his throat a little before speaking,

"In fairness, sir, she has had training from the SAS. They fly in terrible conditions. Imagine what sort of training she had to do." Douglas pointed out. Arthur was nodding fervently at his statement,

"Yeah, she said they did several disaster scenarios. They even had to escape from a submerged aeroplane! She said it was like, really scary, she had to hold her breath for aaaaages, but she did it!" He agreed

"There you go sir." Douglas said. Martin tightened his tie,

"Well I fly with you two regularly, I have averted disasters too, and I do it without training." He replied. "She's is an air hostess and I will make sure she respects ME. The Captain."

"Of course you will." Douglas said. "Arthur, prepare for take off..."

"WHO IS CAPTAIN." Martin squeaked. Douglas rolled his eyes,

"You are, sir."

"Then I give the orders! Arthur, prepare for take off."

"Right-ho skip!" Arthur said, and disappeared into the cabin.

Martin was fiddling about with the dials when Arthur and Douglas came back into the cockpit, "Did you find the chocolate Arthur wanted?" Martin asked.

"Yes." Douglas said, and sat down. "Heaven help the poor passengers when he gets high from the sugar." He shifted a little in his seat, "So Martin, what is it you have against air hostesses anyway?" Arthur opened his mouth, but Douglas shot him a look and he closed his mouth with a snap.

"Well." Martin said, "They're highly trained in throwing food at the passengers if they so desire it. There is no SKILL in it, not like us Douglas. We fly this plane after all. We make this pile of metal FLY. They just stand at the front of the cabin, all pouty and fluttering their eyelashes as they show you the exits all 'OOH TO YOUR LEFT, AND TO YOUR RIGHT' flouncing about and acting flirty if you are a mildly attractive male passenger!"

"Er skip?" Arthur said, tapping Martin's shoulder.

"Not now Arthur! I tell YOU Douglas, if Gertie crashes into the sea, heaven forbid if she does. Miss Knapp will be the one screaming and crying and running about the place in panic, SAS training or no SAS training."

"Skip?"

"Arthur! I'm nearly finished WAIT." Martin said, he was on a roll and nothing was going to stop him. He looked to Douglas again. "All air hostess are the same, just pretty faces for the airline, advertising. If the airline has a pretty hostess; they will fly with them again. It's never 'Oh that pilot was excellent, lets fly with them again' NO. It's the hostesses. Pilots never get a thank you and they are the ones doing all the work. I can't see why Carolyn wants a hostess to make us look more professional, all Miss Knapp will do is flutter her eyelashes and MJN will pass. We are better off without her." Martin finished his rant, and sighed. "That is why I don't like air hostesses."

"Fair enough. I do not share your view sir though sir." Douglas said.

"Each man to themselves." Martin said flippantly. "Arthur, was there something you were going to say?" Arthur nodded,

"Skip. I was going to say Gloria boarded with us, she was in the cabin...And Douglas had his finger on the tannoy button the whole time you were speaking and now Gloria is right over there." Arthur said, jabbing his finger to the cabin door.

"And she heard every single word." Said an irate female voice. Martin's face fell and his cheeks flushed scarlet. "Captain Crieff, please turn around so I can see you." Martin turned slowly to see a young woman of average height in a navy skirt, white shirt and a waistcoat with a yellow scarf knotted about her neck. Her red-brown wavy hair was tide back neatly, apart from a few stray wisps, and she was scowling at him. "I normally do not voice my opinions on Captains to people but since you so willingly shared your opinions on hostesses, I think I am allowed to." Gloria took a breath and put her hands on her hips, "Captains are often just little wimpy men with a ton of gold braid to compensate for their minute amount of masculinity. You obviously have some issues with the amount on your hat. I hope it doesn't hurt your head too much when you wear it sir. Also, they aren't the ones dealing with screaming babies, whiny passengers and the ones who seem to throw up every where, including my shoes. The hostesses deal with this every day and we make sure they don't go bothering you, the Captain, as you do your job. All you have to do is fly the plane. A job which can so easily be done by a ROBOT." Gloria snapped, before looking at Douglas and adding calmly "Pleasure to meet you Mr Richardson by the way."

"You too Miss Knapp." Douglas said, a little startled at her change in demeanour.

Gloria smiled, before looking back at Martin, "So what have you to say for yourself Captain? Not very nice to be insulted, is it?" She glowered at him for a moment, before Martin's face crumpled and he started to sniff loudly.

"That was a v-v-v-very hurtful thing to s-s-say Miss Knapp!" He sobbed, tears welling up. "I was set up, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to insult you!" His voice cracked as he spoke, the tears trickling down his cheeks. Gloria took her hands off her hips and moved a few steps closer, unsure if this grown man, the Captain, was crying. It was a rather pitiful sight.

"Please stop crying sir." Gloria said. Martin just started to cry louder. "PLEASE stop crying sir." She insisted, but it only made him sob even louder. "Captain Crieff PLEASE STOP CRYING!"

"S-s-stop sh-shouting at mu-mu-me!" He wailed. Gloria moved a little closer,

"Are you seriously crying because of me?" She asked, pulling out a tissue. Gloria pressed it into his hand; he was starting to make her feel uncomfortable. "Pull yourself together, please." She said quietly. The door clanged open and Carolyn stomped in, alerted by the sounds and activity from within the cockpit.

"Captain Crieff!" She cried. "I ask you to show some respect to Gloria and this is how you treat...Is he crying?"

"Yes." Gloria said, "I think he is."

"Gloria shouted at him and made him cry." Arthur added, before taking a bite of his chocolate bar.

"Martin isn't used to a woman so honest and strong giving her opinion of him straight to his face. Other than YOU Carolyn." Douglas said. Carolyn tutted,

"Do man up Martin." She said, "I think she had the right to share her opinion on you after those shenanigans over the tannoy."

"B-b-but she said I could be replaced by a r-r-robot." Martin hiccoughed.

"I highly doubt that." Carolyn said.

"Was that you being NICE Carolyn?" Douglas asked surprised.

"No. It's cheaper to have you Martin, you don't rust or breakdown...Not often anyway." Martin blew his nose in the tissue Gloria had given him. "Since the passengers are ready to board I suggest you two apologise to one another and make up. I can't have a Captain who's crying because the hostess insulted him." She looked at Gloria,

"Oh um. Sorry...Captain Crieff. I shouldn't generalise you. I haven't been here long, I'm sure you are an excellent Captain. And I hope we can be friends even after this horrid misunderstanding." Gloria apologised to Martin. He had stopped crying now, apart from the occasional hiccough. He dabbed his red rimmed eyes,

"Apology accepted. A-a-and I'm sorry too for insulting you, I never meant t-t-to offend you. I am sure you are a very capable hostess really." Martin said.

"Good." Carolyn said. "Douglas, I know how much you enjoy torturing poor Martin, but, please could you try to not upset him in the future."

"Yes Carolyn." Douglas sighed.

"Hurrah! We're all friends again!" Cheered Arthur. There was an uncomfortable silence between them all,

"Right then Arthur, Gloria. Let's get the passengers on board." Carolyn said. "Are you ready Captain Crieff?"

"I suppose."

"That's good enough!" Carolyn said wearily, before ushering Gloria and Arthur from the cockpit leaving Martin and Douglas alone. They were silent for a good few minutes, before Douglas started to snigger.

"What." Martin said, clenching his jaw.

"Nothing, sir." He continued to snigger. Martin rammed his hat on, the violent pink flush creeping across his cheeks.

"Glad to hear it." He replied stiffly. Martin knew Douglas wasn't going to forget this incident, not for a long time.