This popped into my head whilst listening to the song What I wouldn't give by Holly Brook - apologies if it's all a bit angsty I had some bad news recently and my heads been in a bit of a funk.
I don't own skins but I wish I had Naomily chained up in my head for my own personal pleasure! *sigh*
Naomi stumbled through the front door completely off her face, tonight had been especially shit. Another night out with Effy and Cook a familiar experience that she looked forward to just so she could drink herself into a stupor and consume as much drugs and alcohol as humanly possible without passing out and hopefully not run into anyone she knew. But it appeared tonight wasn't destined to be, it appeared Naomi was due some punishment for fucking the dead girl and making a mistake she now felt she would never be forgiven for and a part of her felt she shouldn't be forgiven. She had hurt so many people with her actions and even though she hadn't pushed Sophia she had certainly played a part in her death.
Of all the people Naomi could have seen out it had to be her Emily, no not hers not anymore just Emily, Emily and that bitch, that giant not Naomi who had her grubby hands all over her precious little pocket sized red head, in fact she had been at the point of practically fucking her there and then in the club. It was as if a ton weight had been placed on her chest crushing her so she couldn't breathe she could only see red and not just the red of Emily's hair she was furious but she couldn't tear her eyes from the pair, she seemed destined to torture herself.
Anger radiated through the blonde upon seeing them together and just seeing Emily rather than the once cherished feelings of love and want that she would normally experience when she saw her beloved red head. Deep down she still loved Emily and she felt she would continue to do so but Naomi was a different person now ever since Emily had stabbed her in the heart and twisted the knife so the wound couldn't heal. The old Naomi had left with her, this new version was even more closed off, even more self destructive and ice cold. At least that's what most people thought, it appeared only Effy was able to see through the facade and see the truth; she was always watching and always analysing the blonde. She would notice the defeated and soulless look in her eyes however brief it may be, the clench of her fists and jaw, something the blonde done to stop herself from walking across and taking back what should always be rightfully hers. The way Naomi steeled herself so she could keep her composure and not show to everyone the hurt inside her, to not show Emily how much it hurt without her by her side, her hand clasped in her own.
Effy's own fury rose at the red head, she didn't disagree that Naomi had made a mistake she cheated on Emily of course it was a mistake - more than a mistake - but Emily's actions had been harsh and spiteful something she hadnt thought she would be capable of, she had broken Naomi the day she had walked in on Emily and Mandy mid fuck. Although I suppose you could argue that this was technically no different to what Naomi had done, Effy's intuition was that it was premeditated and sadly she was rarely wrong she felt as though Emily had known that Naomi was going to walk in on them, like she had planned it to get back at the blonde, to give her a taste of her own medicine so to speak. It's ironic really as in her opinion Naomi had been doing everything in her power to win Emily back, she had taken the cold shoulder, the abuse both mental a physical, the embarrassment in front on her friends and Emily's family at that fateful barbeque of Mrs and Mrs Campbells, she had taken everything the red head had thrown at her and the shit Katie had thrown that Emily was probably unaware of.
Effy watched Naomi swipe some pills from Cook and then down a number of drinks together whilst torturing herself looking over at the pair who were currently stampeding all over the blondes lifeless body. Finally and thankfully she watched Naomi leave, well more like stagger from the bar after she had spent more than 20 minutes staring at the toilet door she had watched Emily and Mandy pass through and not return from, a scowl firmly plastered on her face as she downed shot after shot. Leaving it another half hour or so after Naomi had left she followed the same path made by the blonde knowing she would have needed time on her own.
Laying on her bed stripped down to her bra and jeans as she had managed to throw up on her top Naomi's mind raced like a joy riding teen being chased by the police, her anger had faded during her cold walk home and it was replaced by longing for her familiar red headed beauty, longing to have her laying here next to her here now, caressing her porcelain skin, enjoying the little whimpers and moans of pleasure she could elicit from the petit woman who owned her heart lock stock and barrel. Instead all the blonde had were her thoughts, thoughts to tempt her with that she couldn't have and couldn't hold.
Naomi vaguely heard a key in the front door and then heard it click shut shortly after she then heard the thud of Effy's boots on their way up the stairs.
Not long after Emily had left Effy had moved into the house after not being able to cope with her mum any longer. It had actually been a welcome release as she rarely pushed Naomi, that all seeing knowledge she possessed almost always resulted in Effy doing exactly what it was that the blonde needed at the time. There was however one downside and that was that Effy watched her friend like a hawk.
She felt rather than heard Effy's presence at the door, it had been expected and so when she heard Effy speak to her if hadn't been a shock.
As she glanced a look at the door she saw Effy leaning casually against the door frame, one foot crossed over the other and her arms mirroring in a similar fashion her head tilted and clearly surveying the blonde from afar 'She doesn't love her you know' like it really mattered to the blonde, Emily didn't love Naomi anymore it made no difference if she did or didn't love Mandy the whole point was that she wasn't in love with Naomi all because she had been scared. Scared of the fact that one small beautiful red head had such a hold on her, that she would give her life for another person something she had never thought was possible Emily Fitch was like kryptonite to the blonde a pure undiluted weakness that crippled her and left her a quivering wreck inside who had no control and no power over herself. That was why she fucked Sophia to prove to herself she was in control to prove she wasn't a slave to her feelings, want and need for the red head.
At hearing no response from the blonde Effy walked further into the room and dropped down onto the bed next to Naomi resting her head in her hand facing her whilst Naomi continued to stare blankly at the ceiling. Effy grasped Naomi's forearm and traced her fingers down it feeling all the imperfections that now marred her beautiful pale skin 'I almost expected to come home and find some new additions...' trailing off she stared at the blonde waiting for a sarcastic retort but received nothing but a shrug. A ripple of hope crossed Effy's features this wasn't like her companion normally she would come home and release her anger in some form whether that be fuck some random girl she picked up or trash her stuff or harm herself by taking her temper on out a solid object or herself as she had so many times which had resulted in the many scars that graced the blondes body. Effy also frequently got flipped off when she mentioned Naomi's harming even though more than once she had come home and found Naomi a wreck having to clean her up whether it be from illness due to excessive drinking or cuts and grazes due to her destructive nature she had developed. There were now too many scars to count, she had tried before but they crossed each other leaving no clear path. It was scary as only a couple of months had passed since the fateful day that had created the damaged Naomi that existed today and the level of destruction the blonde had caused in such a short period was unfathomable.
It had started slow at first, by accident in fact the unintentional result of one or maybe ten too many drinks at a bar and a trip on a staircase which had left the blonde bloody and bruised for some time but the event had served two purposes - the pain had been a welcome distraction from the gaping hole left behind by Emily but at the same time the crimson blood had served as a reminder of her Emily, it was like a double edged sword. Effy knew Naomi didn't self destruct to gain attention as many people would think, she done it to prove to herself she was in control and to feel something other than the nothingness left behind now, or sometimes just to forget and enjoy the nothingness without the guilt and the remorse. The fact that she hid her habit so well from everyone - everyone except Effy - spoke volumes about how it wasn't a cry for help. If people wanted help they would walk openly, arms spread wide to show to all the extent of their pain. No... self harmers weren't attention seekers quite the opposite in fact.
The scars that marred her porcelain skin were to always serve as a reminder of what love did to you and why it would never happen again, no... correction it couldn't happen again. Harming had been one of the blondes releases - her trusty friendly blade that had allowed her to see the red she desired red that reminded her so much of her Emily and then it had evolved into something different a form of self inflicted punishment, punishment for allowing herself to become so weak and so reliant on one person something she vowed she would never do but something that had happened without her realising none the less. It also proved to give her a distraction; the pain numbed her thoughts and drove away her inner demons that would torment her. It gave her an out, a distraction where she was safe where she could choose to control her pain rather than letting her pain control her.
But now Effy sensed something different in the blonde, she had seen it building recently, brief glimpses in Naomi's eyes and in her actions. Defeat - pure and simple. She couldn't go on this way forever and she had recognised this but it was up to Naomi to voice it, to speak it aloud so she could begin to heal. She needed forgiveness not from Emily as you would think but from herself, she needed to forgive herself and stop punishing herself, maybe then she could deal with her pain and stop finding ways to distance or distract herself from it. Effy waited patiently the same way she had been waiting for weeks, waiting for her friend to take that step and learn to live again. She grasped her hand and laid on her back beside the blonde tracing lazy circles on her hand a sign of reassurance that she understood her and was here for her for whatever she needed an unspoken vow of friendship.
'I can't stop thinking about her Ef, I can't get her out of my head' a tear slid down the blondes cheek 'I want to forget her but...' She didn't finish her sentence, she didn't need to Effy understood, she was scared, scared that if she let Emily ago she would be giving up on them for good that would be it, the end, finito.
'I know Naoms but this can't go on forever' Naomi didn't need Effy to point this out but she had pointed it out regardless if Naomi was ready to talk then Effy was going to grab the opportunity with both hands and try to help the blonde start to deal with this so she could learn to live her life, she had waited for Naomi to make the first move but she wouldn't sit back and watch her friend suffer forever.
'I can't tell what's real and what's in my imagination anymore all I see is red Effy... everywhere I turn - it all reminds me of her... she's my... my everything...' Naomi trailed off having felt she had said too much already. Effy knew it was now or never she grasped Naomi's hand tighter and turned so she could see the blondes face she took a deep breath 'I know she was Naoms but she can't be not anymore, not unless you're going to fight for her and stop punishing yourself, you need to forgive and fight for her back or forget her and learn how to live without her, because this... where you are now in a kind of limbo, this isn't going to cut it not forever, not for you babe, sooner or later it will wear you down or destroy you completely.'
A muffled sob was all the response she had received and then the blonde had turned her back on Effy curling into a ball 'Ef will you stay with me tonight' it was whispered almost unheard but a simple request so she wasn't alone and Effy would oblige she would keep her friend close to her and show her that she was loved 'course just don't get any ideas, my tits are still off limits' a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob left the blondes lips and Effy stood up slipped her clothes and boots off down to her underwear and slipped in the bed making herself comfortable whilst she waited for the blonde to do the same. Naomi had equally slipped under the covers and returned to the position before facing away from her so Effy scooted over and wrapped her arms around the blonde and held her close as she waited for sleep to overcome her. This wasn't the first time Effy had comforted the blonde and she had a feeling it wouldn't be the last. Naomi obviously wasn't ready to let go, not yet she needed more time but at least there was hope now, at least she was starting to talk to her now rather than continuing to bottle it all up.
Naomi would be okay, Effy would make sure of it but one thing was certain the blonde would always carry with her a constant reminder of the red head in her heart and on her skin but they would be hers and hers alone. She understood all too well, she understood that Naomi wouldn't ever tell anyone the reason behind her wounds as to do that she would have to let someone close again and she wouldn't drop her guard and let anyone in the same way. She'd built her fortress stronger and more impenetrable than ever before.
As Effy listened to the blondes breathing even out she pressed a kiss to the nape of the her neck 'everything will be ok I'll make sure of it Naoms' with that she snuggled in closer to the blonde making sure that Naomi was loved as tomorrow things would resume back to normal, until the time came that Naomi was ready to learn to live again.
So I had originally intended this as a one shot - just a way to get some of my dark mood out of my head but I'll leave the decision to you guys as if you want more or not. No pressure! Any reviews good or bad would be welcomed as this is my first skins story on here - thanks for reading!