A/N: This story was originally a song!fic - which aren't allowed to be posted here. When I deleted the lyrics though I found that it still works without them. So I decided to share my story in this version. If you want to read it in its original form you can do so over at my Livejournal account, I put up the link to it on my profile page. The title is from the Mariah Carey song of that name.
All characters are property of CBS, Alliance Atlantis, Jerry Bruckheimer and whoever else and sadly not mine. I just play with them a little and then return them to their owners. Special thanks to my dear friend Sarah (1983Sarah) for all her help and encouragement and being a great beta. Thanks to everyone who read and/or reviewed one of my others stories.
Watching as the car with Mark and Billy Gantry drove away, Ryan took a deep breath.
He couldn't describe how glad he was that they were all right. That he had spent the night in the hands of a kidnapper - who worked for the Russian mob - and had been tortured into agreeing to tamper with evidence in a murder case didn't matter that much anymore.
At first he had fought the kidnapper, had even taunted him.
But with each blow he had received that determination had been weaken. It had never gone completely though.
He had known that there had been no point in refusing any further, even if it had been against his very core to let a criminal get away, but he had tried to buy time to come up with a plan. Then he was told that the Russians also had abducted his friend's son Billy and that the boy would suffer as he had.
So he had given in.
It had been the only way to save both his and Billy's life. Because there's nothing of more value in this world than a human life, especially if it's the one of an innocent child.
He had known that, as long as he would do as the kidnapper had demanded of him, he would keep the kid from getting killed because of him.
When they had driven him back to where they had grabbed him the previous day and had thrown him out of the van - bloody, in pain and missing a tooth - he had made his way home. He had washed off the blood, had changed into a new suit and had taken something against the pain since he couldn't risk someone noticing, before he had gotten the call to come to a crime scene.
From the details the Russian had given him, he had known that this had been the case where he had to cover up for the murder.
Upon arriving at the scene, an office building where the manager of a company had been shot at his desk, he still hadn't had a clue how he was supposed to take evidence without anyone noticing.
When he had found a casing he had fought with his conscience until he had gotten an idea. He had picked it up and had wrapped it into his rubber glove before quickly putting it in his jacket's pocket. This way the case wouldn't be ruined entirely, there would just be a delay in the solving of it.
The worst part had been that he wouldn't be able to tell anyone. It was too risky in case he was observed. And he wasn't sure that they would have let him do it if they had known.
So he had had to lie to his colleagues which hadn't been easy for him. But he had known that he didn't have any other choice.
He had really been relieved when Horatio had asked him what had been going on after Billy's father had stormed into the lab, demanding to speak with Ryan. His boss had promised to try and find the boy without reprimanding the young CSI for his actions. He had planted phony evidence to keep his colleagues from figuring out the killer too fast. Despite the ever-present fear of being fired again if it would come out, he had kept on.
Then he had gotten a call from the kidnapper who had told him that he hadn't done enough to keep the boy alive. He had protested but to no avail. The sound of a gun being fired had made him stop dead in his tracks.
For a moment he hadn't been able to breath, hadn't been able to move.
All he ever wanted was to be a good CSI. When the work had been too overwhelming, he had started to gamble to the point where he hadn't been able to stop. Mark Gantry, a former gambler himself, had helped him.
And now Ryan was responsible for the death of that man's child.
Fearing the worst he had heard Horatio's voice at the other end of the line, telling him that Billy was all right. Not caring that he had been standing in the middle of the lab's hallway with people staring at him, he had let his head rest again the cool structure of the wall, and closing his eyes he had taken a few deep breathes before turning around and slowly sliding down the wall in relief.
Though he still hadn't been sure what repercussions would await him, he had at least drawn comfort from the fact that Billy hadn't been killed.
After that there had only been one thing left to do.
He had handed over the casing he had taken from the crime scene in what seemed ages ago to Calleigh and Eric, but he hadn't told them the reason for his action. Both of them hadn't been thrilled about it as he had imagined. He didn't know what treatment he would get from them in the future because of this.
Now he stood on the steps in front of the crime lab, waiting for his friend to arrive.
He didn't know what to expect in the aftermath and he wasn't sure if he should have played it differently.
But when Billy walked up from behind and wrapped his arms around Ryan's waist, the world was suddenly looking better. The CSI hugged back and smiled for the first time that day. Then Mark arrived and after waving goodbye, both he and his son got into the car.
Horatio appeared at his side and they both watched the car leaving. Ryan asked him why the Russian's had chosen him, his boss said that they probably thought they had found the weak link, but that they had underestimated the young CSI.
He looked at his supervisor in disbelief, but seeing the sincerity in the older man's eyes, he nodded.
He had done what he had to do in order to survive the kidnapping and to prevent Billy from getting shot. But he had held on to the key piece of evidence, so it could be processed when the kid had been released by the Russian's. And more importantly, Mark and Billy were safe again. His gaze followed the disappearing car until it was out of sight.
In the end nothing else mattered.
A/N2: Thanks for reading! If you have some time please leave a review! Constructive criticism is always appreciated.