The Akatsuki's Daily Life
Monday: Arguing With Akatsuki
(At the Akatsuki's hideout in Rain country.)
(The Akatsuki's hideout looks like a regular rain country house, two stories tall...above ground.
Below the first floor and below ground is a secret underground cave. The design of the cave is like an ant farm all the layers and stuff like that then at the end of the ant farm tunnel there is a large boulder with a hand print scanner. After one of the Akatsuki members place their hand on the scanner the bolder lifts up to reveal another cave which leads to a wooden door. When the door is opened there is a normal living room. You know a couch a TV, chairs, a coffee table, and anything that belongs in a living room. A door leads to the kitchen and dining room, and a door that leads to a stair case going down that leads to the Akatsuki's hallway with doors to their rooms and ONE bathroom, and another stair case that leads down another floor, The Akatsuki Leader's office (not Tobi/Madara it's Pain...in this story.) *Note Leaders office is next to the basement were Sasori keeps his left over parts. Christmas...Birthday...*Yes they celebrate their birthdays*...Halloween crap.* There is only ONE bathroom in the entire Akatsuki organization. But Konan has her own privet bathroom that she so kindly shares with leader so he won't have to deal with the idiot's one floor above.)
(The Akatsuki just got back from the Maury Show *Look back on my first story if you haven't read it.* Konan is holding the infant trying to keep him calm so he won't cry. Kakuzu and Zetsu are holding Itachi back from killing Kisame. Sasori, Deidara, and Hidan are holding their ears in a desperate attempt to tune out Itachi's yelling rage. Leader is somehow able to tune out everything and give orders, Tobi is just so happy and Deidara is starting to get annoyed by how happy Tobi is and is about to snap.)
(Kakuzu and Zetsu let go of Itachi after he promises not to attack Kisame. Zetsu and Deidara sit in favorite their spots on the couch. Kisame sits down but in constant fear that Itachi is going to kill him. Hidan and Kakuzu go to their rooms to do their thing *Just guess* Tobi went down to the basement to get the Christmas lights *it's early August* and put them on the above ground house and when he puts them up and turns them on at night. The light is so bright it makes the area around the hideout was brighter than day. *Details in a later story* Konan was taking care of the infant and Itachi is sitting in his rec-liner chair staring anger-ley at Kisame. *I mean a I will set you a blaze right now death glare* Then Leader called everyone to the living room for a meeting. Everyone is sitting in their usual seats except Konan who was holding the infant, Hidan, Kakuzu, and Sasori who were standing in front of the TV and Tobi who was standing next to Deidara. Leader was standing in front to the door that leads to the first stair case with a loaded shot gun. *Leader is the only person in the ninja world with an extreme gun collection and a riding lawn mower *Details in a later story*.)
Leader: Now every one of you morons have embarrassed the Akatsuki names! Hidan with your constant bitching! Sasori with your logical complaining! Deidara with your temper and wanting to take the state and the Akatsuki out with your explosive art! Need I go on! And Itachi you are going to give this brat a proper name and take care of it since it is your kid and your problem! And Kisame! If you haven't given Itachi illegal alcohol none of this would have happened!
Hidan: Now who's the one bitching! Huh?
Kakuzu: Shut up! Hidan you do more complaining than anyone is this organization put together!
Hidan: Really? cause I remember a certain blonde bitch doing a hell of a lot of complaining on the way back here! And as I see it the only blonde in this whole organization is...
Tobi: Deidara Senpai!
Deidara: TOBI! How many times do I have to tell you SHUT UP!...You swirly bitch.
Tobi: Is Tobi bad?
Deidara: Yes Tobi is bad. Bad, bad, bad. Bad Tobi!
(Tobi starts crying)
Sasori: Thanks a lot Deidara.
Deidara: Humph!
Zetsu: You know when Tobi starts crying he won't stop and he gets very, very, VERY! Annoying.
Kisame: Well how was I supposed to know that Itachi can't hold his liquor?
Itachi: *Death Glare* this is all your fault.
Kisame: My fault? If you didn't drink the liquor in the first place then THIS would have never happen!
Itachi: I'm going to kill you now. (Itachi has a calm face)
(All the Akatsuki are arguing except Konan and Leader and the infant starts crying. So Leader picks up his shot gun, cocks it, aims at the roof and fires.) BANG! (And they all finally shut up.) Konan keeps the baby from crying.) (All the Akatsuki stop and stare at Leader in fear.)
Leader: *cocks the shotgun again points the gun at Hidan* Hidan! you need to stop your constant complaining and bitching.
*Points gun at Deidara* Deidara you are going to anger management classes and if you don't, there is a shotgun bullet waiting for you.
*Points gun at Tobi* Tobi, Shut up.
*Points gun at Kisame* Kisame I am almost tempted to fire off this shotgun into your head, because of you we had to go on national TV and expose the entire Akatsuki to the (BEEPING) world!
*Points gun at Itachi* Itachi you..Are..Going..To..Take..Care..Of..You're..Kid.
*Holds gun to Itachi's head* or. Else.
Hidan: Humph, Now who needs anger management? Heheheh
Leader: *Points gun back at Hidan* You say something?
Hidan: Nothing.
Leader: *in an American southern voice* Damn right nothing. This meeting is over.
(Konan hands Itachi the kid and Leader hands Itachi the kids birth certificate, the mothers name already on it, and Leader wrote Itachi's name on it and they both walk away down to Leader's office to do paper work. The other Akatsuki are sitting in the living room trying to deicide what to watch and they are fighting over the remote...Itachi is deciding on what to name his kid. The others decide to help.)
Deidara: Name him Sasgay! HAHAHA!
Itachi: *Death Glare*
Deidara: *Silence*
Kisame: Name him Bruce.
Itachi: Not even if you paid me.
Kakuzu: How much are you asking?
Itachi: Sarcasm Kakuzu.
Tobi: Name him Rover.
Itachi: Over my cold dead body.
Leader: That can be arranged. *cocks shotgun* *Just came up because he forgot his gun*
Hidan: Name him Jashin
Itachi: Shut up Hidan!
Hidan: (BEEP)ING MAKE ME BITCH!
Leader: *Cocks shotgun*
Hidan: *Shuts Up*
Deidara: Hey Sasori you have an idea?
Sasori: I'm staying out of this cause I don't give a flying (BEEP)
Zetsu: Name him...LUNCH!
Itachi: No, wait, What? Oo
Kakuzu: Name him Ryo.
Itachi: NO! For the last time, his name is FLUFFY!
Konan: Don't name him that! Name him Angel. ^.^
Leader: Name him Damien; or something close.
Itachi: Hmmm... I think I will name him Lucifer.
Hidan: WTF is a Lucifer?
Leader: It's another name for Satan.
Deidara: That sounds perfect for the son of Satan..Erm..Itachi.
Itachi: *Death Glare*
(Itachi not wanting to deal with the other idiots that might make another stupid suggestion he writes down Lucifer as the boy's name.)
Itachi: There his name is Lucifer, Happy?
The Rest of the Akatsuki: Yeah pretty much.
Tobi: Tobi wants to play with Lucifer. Can Tobi play with Lucifer?
Itachi: Knock your self out. (Hands Tobi Lucifer)
Tobi: He is just so...
(Lucifer grabs Tobi's hair and then *RIP!* out comes a lock of his hair.)
Tobi: Ow, ow, ow, ow, Here Itachi you can have him. Ow
Deidara: Heheheh, I like this kid already.
Sasori: This kid is as evil as Itachi
(Konan comes out and picks up Lucifer.)
Konan: Hey Itachi I'm going to watch Lucifer while YOU go and get more supplies for Lucifer. You know everything you need to take care of him. Just so you know what to get, I made you a list.
Deidara: Hey Konan you better write that list in large print for old Eagle-Eyes (Sarcasm)
Itachi: Bitch
Deidara: Whore
Itachi: SLUT!
Deidara: Tramp!
Itachi: Damn right
Deidara: What? Oo
Itachi: Nothing (Looks the other way.)
(Itachi takes the list and says.)
Itachi: It's six p.m. so I'll go tomorrow.
Hidan: Whiner
Itachi: Shut up
Hidan: Humph (Mumbles random stuff and clearly calls Itachi a bitch)
(Thirty minutes later all the Akatsuki except Leader, Konan, Sasori, and Lucifer are in the living room trying to find something to watch and Tobi is chewing on the remote.)
Deidara: Ugggh. There is NOTHING ON!
Hidan: Shut up Deidara your whining isn't going to make it any better.
Kakuzu: Hey Tobi stop chewing on the remote and turn it to the Shopping channel.
Deidara: Don't change it to the shopping channel change it to Mythbusters.
Itachi: Change it to the Torture channel
Hidan: Change it to the History channel they have a documentary about the world's bloodiest massacres.
Zetsu: Change it to the Cooking channel I want some new ideas on how cook my victim..er I mean meat better.
(All the Akatsuki in the room except Tobi who is still chewing on the remote stop and look at Zetsu.)
Kisame: Change it to the Discovery Channel, Shark Week is on.
(Tobi is chewing on the remote *with his mask on somehow* and he chooses a few numbers at random and that's the channel it stays on. Tobi bites down hard and the remote breaks and gets stuck on "Creature From The Black Lagoon" (A horrible black and white movie that looks so fake and It's on for a eight hour marathon. and the TV is so big and heavy they can't move it to get to the plug or manually change the channel.)
All the Akatsuki: NOOOOO!
Tobi: ZZZZ...
(8:00 p.m.)
Sasori: Dinner is ready everyone come and eat. (Sasori is in charge of making Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner.)
Kisame: Not yet this movie gets better after the third time you watch it.
Deidara: I wanna look away but I just can't.
(Leader just came up to hear them complain and pulls out his shotgun. *cocks shotgun* BANG! A new whole in the ceiling)
Sasori: Leader I just patched up the whole from the last one.
Leader: We must make sacrifices to keep this organization together.
(The Akatsuki sit down for dinner *Sasori can eat in these stories* their dining table is a round table. On the table is a nice large ham with mashed potatoes, green beans, a large bowel of gravy, dinner rolls, and cranberry jelly. The Akatsuki sit in this order all the time. Leader sits next to Konan who sits next to Itachi who sits next to Kisame who sits next to Hidan who sits next to Kakuzu who sits next to Deidara who sits next to Tobi who sits next to Sasori who sits next to Zetsu who sits next to Leader. Everyone gets their share and starts a conversation.)
Tobi: Saturday Tobi is going to put up the Christmas lights.
Deidara: It's July!
Kakuzu: And you are never aloud to use the staple gun again.
Tobi: Why not?
Itachi: Because last time Hidan got his body chopped into pieces you stapled his body parts to random things around the hideout.
Hidan: YEAH! AND I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND MY RIGHT PINKY!
Sasori: Oh yeah, I found that four months ago stapled behind the fridge.
Hidan: HEY! WHY THE (BEEP) DIDN'T YOU (BEEP)ING TELL ME!
Sasori: Because it was just a skeleton pinky finger.
Hidan: WHAT!
Kakuzu: Shut up Hidan.
Hidan: THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, YOU HAVE ALL OF YOUR FINGERS!
Kakuzu: I'll attach a new one...tomorrow. Zetsu, you have a lot of left over hands and I want you to bring me a hand for Hidan...tomorrow.
Konan: You guys are going shopping tomorrow. Every single one of you are going.
Kakuzu: Zetsu, scratch that, make it Wednesday when we get Hidan a new pinky.
Hidan: HEY! (BEEP) YOU KAKUZU!
Kakuzu: You should be ashamed.
Hidan: Humph.
Leader: *cocks shotgun*
Akatsuki: OO *crap*
Leader: What? I was just reloading. For the next time you guys decide to argue. Just remember this gun will be waiting and it's been anxious to kill one of you idiots. I wonder who it will be.
Akatsuki: I'm done. Whose turn is it to wash dishes?
(They look at the list and see its Sasori's turn.)
Sasori: (BEEP)
(All the Akatsuki go down a floor for a shower, one at a time. As you know Leader and Konan have a privet bathroom one floor below.
Three hours before all the Akatsuki get done with their shower/bath. And Deidara is the last one when he bursts out with what used to be the bar of soap.)
Deidara: WTF is THIS! (Holds out what looks like a large hair bar.)
Itachi: I think it's the soap bar?
Hidan: You have got to be kidding?
Kisame: That soap is hairier than a cave man's back!
Tobi: *Scared* It looks like its going to come to life.
(Deidara drops the soap and everyone backs away. Then Konan shows up.)
Konan: Hey guys what's... (Looks on the ground and sees the soap bar.) Up? What is that?
Zetsu: The soap bar.
Konan: Wow, you guys seriously need to go shopping tomorrow. There is a sale at this clothing store, So I will go to. And I'm sure you boys will help me carry all my stuff?
Hidan: YOU CAN CARY YOUR OWN DAMN STUFF! YOU GREEDY BITC(muffled by Kakuzu)
Kakuzu: If you don't shut up and stop mouthing off to Konan, Leader is going to electrocute you in the bathtub with a toaster.
Hidan: BRING IT!
Leader: *cocks shotgun*
Hidan: *Crap*
(After random yapping everyone goes to sleep.)
Tobi's Room: MANGO, MANGO, *sped up* MANGO MANGO *slowed down* MANGOOOOO!
All Akatsuki except Tobi: TOBI GO TO SLEEP!
All lights in the Akatsuki hideout: CLICK
To Be Continued... in Chapter Two: Shopping With Akatsuki.