Conversations: Forgiveness

Megan stirred, her nerves tingling with a warning that she was watched. Before she allowed her eyes to open, she verified her location. The smell and sounds were the same, it was still the hospital.

Her first glance went to Colby, but the man was still sleeping peacefully like he had done the last few hours.

The docs had switched the oxygen support from an oxygen mask to a canula. Together with his more healthy skin color, he looked more and more like his normal self.

She sat up, dropped her jacket used as blanket and let her gaze wander to the windows across the room to find the source of irritation that had awoken her.

Don stood in front of the windows and only looking marginal better than the occupant in the hospital room.

She climbed to her feet, stretched and left the room to talk to him.

"Did you deem yourself ready for human interaction again?" She greeted her boss to break through the shield he had built around him.

"Hmm." He glanced at her sideways before he returned his gaze to Colby. "How is he?"

Megan followed his look. "The docs say he is going to be fine. How are you?"

Her boss shrugged a little and then looked away. He seemed more tired than ever.

"Right. No answer." She watched their reflections in the glass until she had focused her eyes on the man in the hospital bed again. "So, what is going to happen now?"

"They are still investigating but apparently Colby's story checks out: he worked undercover."

Her voice reflected the satisfaction she felt: "Good."

Together they continued to stare through the window. Nobody talked and nobody moved. It was an eerie and peaceful silence. After months of anger and emotional storms they had reached culmination and survived.

They had set everything on one card and won. Now it was time to let the dust settle and rest.

"Where is David?"

Megan startled at the interruption of her thoughts. She needed a moment to shift through her memories of the last twenty-four hours. "He waited until it was clear Colby would survive. Then he went home. Or at least I assume he went home."

Don raised an eyebrow. It was his favorite non-verbal prompt to continue or answer the real question. It always worked on her. "He didn't want to stick around."

"And you did?"

She squared her shoulders. Despite expecting the question she still found it difficult to find the right words to answer it. "Colby shouldn't wake up without any friendly face around."

"I didn't mean this, you know."

Megan looked down. "It wasn't my partner working undercover the whole time."

"You also worked with him."

"Yes, but ..."

"But what?" Don threw his hands up. He still could feel and project anger powering him even after endless hours of gruel briefings. "I am happy Colby isn't a traitor. And I am willing to take the flack I am getting for boarding the Chinese freighter, but I am still angry. Angry at Colby, at the Bureau, angry about this mess!"

With a smirk, Megan deflated his anger. "Give yourself a little time to get over all the nice and mature comments in all the mandatory briefings and meetings and you'll be less angry."

Don snorted. "And then?"

"And then you forgive Colby like I did."

Don froze. He stared at her with an unreadable expression. "You forgave him. Just like that?"

"He did what he believed was right. I cannot fault him for that. I can and did fault him for lying and betraying my trust and friendship. But at the end of the day we weren't his target and he didn't make friends with us intentional to harm us."

"So this makes it alright? He didn't mean to betray us?"

Megan shook her head. "No. If it would make it alright, I wouldn't need to forgive him."

"But you did forgive him." Somehow Don didn't seem to get over this fact.

"Yes."

"Why?"

Megan took a deep breath. "Because I also want to be forgiven. I too need forgiveness."

Don shook his head. "Megan, you aren't a triple spy and reporting on your friends and co-workers, are you? Or do you really want to tell me it isn't so bad what he had done?"

Megan turned her head to catch Don's glare. "I don't know how bad it was, but do you really think it is worse than torturing suspects?"

They stared at each other. Around them the hospital floor buzzed with activity and background noises.

Don looked away first. "You mean like Buck Winter?"

"No, I mean the stuff I did-"

Alarmed Don raised his head and stared at her. "Megan you never-"

"Stop." She turned around to face him and held her hand up. "Don't say it. You don't know it and I am not allowed to talk about it but I can assure I did my fair share at bad things. I don't know what rates worse but I do know I hope for forgiveness so I need to forgive."

She shook her head. "It's easy like this. Forgive so you may be forgiven. I am not smart enough to rate who deserve and who doesn't."

"We have the law for this."

"And yet we break it and still come out okay or haven't you shared everything about Crystal Hoyle and Buck Winters? Is there an investigation going on?"

"I don't think this is the place or the time for a discussion like this."

"You're right. It isn't. It is also not the place or the time to judge Colby. Any excuse we allow ourselves we should also allow others."

Don nodded. "So everything is just fine between you and Colby?"

"No." She looked down. "It takes time. Time allows emotion to fade and time allows events to become history and memories. I need some time but I know where I want to end. Which result I'd like to achieve and work for."

"Yeah? What would they be?"

"A renewed friendship with Colby. Maybe even a possibility to work together or partner up again." It had been one of the first and important things she had known after his name had been cleared.

Don kept silent before they both returned their gaze and attention back to Colby.

"Maybe I should work on the same thing." Don interrupted at last the silence.

Megan gave him a tired smile. "Sounds good. But please first go home, take a shower and get some sleep. You are going to need it. The bosses will have a lot of questions and not everything is going to disappear just because we were right."

"Right," Don agreed and yawned timely. "What about you?"

"I am going to stay. My boss doesn't expect me in the office in the morning and I still want Colby to wake up to a friendly face."

Don nodded and slunk away, silent and tired, just as he had come in. But there was a spring in his step born out of hope that maybe not everything was despair. Some damage could be repaired.

Megan reentered Colby's room and sat down in the recliner chair. She could wait; wait for time to do some healing, in body and mind and relationships.

She would wait, for Colby and for herself.

END

Thank you for reading!