Rival this, Rival That, Rival Fight!
After all the mystery books, fantasy, and adventure Books I've read, I should've known that the day I let that Golden Rat into my home That I was NEVER going to have another normal day in my ENTIRE life, for the simple reason is that the day something strange, I'm not talking Déjà vu-sixth finger-webbed toes-lights in the sky strange. I'm talking zombie-talking rat-magic-abracadabra strange, waltzes into your life, your life is officially screwed over…..I just realize this after my first try on capturing the Clow card known as the Fight Card….Best I start at the beginning..
So there I was, in Gym Class practicing my punch and kicks on a punchin' bag, with help from Ryder of course, when I feel this tap on my shoulder. I turn of course, and there she is, a gal slightly smaller than I, wearing Gym clothes, with nice red hair strung back in a ponytail am.
Naturally I responded the only way I could.
"C'n I help you?" I asked, swallowing my flirtatious remark I WOULD have made. I looked in the corner of my eye, and of course, I saw Ryder practically drooling at the girl.
I think I should take this time to explain something about One Joshua Ryder. He's a hopeless flirt, he will flirt with any single girl he can find as long as she's pretty, available, and will look at him. He's succeeded very few times with his flirtatious nature, but often enough that one could call him a 'playa' to put it in Las Vegas Terms.
"Yes, you can step aside so I can show you how it's done…" Now this rattled me a bit, gal I don't even know trying to push me around? I frowned a bit, then stepped aside, motioning for her to try. I hate to brag, but I got some o' the best punches in the School. I've knocked a few bullies out in my time, knocked a few teeth out I have, The Marvelous Tommy Marvel they call me!
….Well…okay….not really.
"Right…how about yer name so I know what t' call you?" I asked before she started her little display. Instead of answering, she let lose a good amount of rightly impressive punches, kicks, and a few moves I ain't rightly heard of. Then, as She let loose one more kick that sent the Bag flying back, she turned to me, grinning with what looked like a bit of one-upmanship.
"YOU can call me Katrina." She said smugly, then walked off, with a DEFINITE air of superiority that rightly….to put it mildly….pissed me off. Ryder then walked next to me, looking at the retreating lady.
"MAN she's HOT!" he said, shaking his head.
"What she IS, is smug." I retorted, folding my arms across my chest.
"You just have no respect to the beautiful body of a woman…"
"And What YOU have is a definite Surplus of Testosterone and god knows what other kind of Hormones raging in yer noggin." I remarked, looking at him. He just made a little huffing noise in response.
"C'mon, Gym Class is almost over." He puffed, pointing towards the clock.
Homework at my house, BEFORE Kero, consisted of basically this; Get home, Eat, watch TV, do homework, exercise, and then play Smackdown!
NOW what it consists of is THIS; Get home, eat up in my room with an annoying rat, do my homework cause some RAT is using MY TV, exercise, and THEN try to get a little gaming time in but CAN'T CAUSE THAT DAMN RAT IS HOGGING THE PLAYSTATION! Our conversation would go something like this…
"C'mon! I'm almost high enough to get that Intercontinental Title!"
"IT DOESN'T MATTER CAUSE IT'S MY TURN!"
"Just one more match!!!"
"YOU SAID THAT TWO PAY PER VIEWS AGO!!"
"Yeah Well, that Royal Rumble takes a while!!!" He had me there.
"JUST GIMME THE CONTROLS YOU RAT BASTARD!!"
And then the fighting would commence, whereas I would pull him by his tail away from Control, but he'd hang on for dear life. Then we'd get into a bit of a I-swing-at-him-he-bites-my-face match, then after about ten minutes of this we'd collapse on the bed and decide to fight it out to see who'd use the playstation by fighting each other on the game. 'Course I win about HALF the time…..I PERSONALLY Think he uses that damn Gameshark.
THIS night was a bit different. I went up to my room with a plate of Chocolate chip cookies, and when I went in my room, he was reading a newspaper on my bed.
"Oh my god…. You're not watching TV! Hell must've frozen over!!!" I cried with a bit of sarcasm. Alright more than just a bit…He just gave me a dirty look and pointed at a picture of…what looked like a girl that was glowing light blue, in some pretty funky japanese like clothes, fighting someone.
"THIS! Is a Clow Card!" he cried as I sat down, putting the plate on the bed. He rushed over, grabbing a cookie and munching on it.
"No what it looks like is that some girl with some cheap special effects is mugging people." I responded, grabbing a cookie before KERO got them all. Kero just shook his head vigorously, sending crumbs everywhere.
"Nope! I've handled this one before with the Previous Card Captors! That's the Fight Card in physical form! It's been seeking out martial arts masters in the park, Challenging them, an' beatin' them up!"
"Sounds like an odd thing for a card that don't wanna be found…"
"Naw The Clow Cards just, Do what they want. All about PRIDE really, The Fight card Loves fighting so it seeks out strong opponents and take's them on!" Made sense, after all they wouldn't call it the Fight card if all it did were pick flowers…
"….Okay….So what do We do?" He finished off the cookie, then swallowed, grinning at me.
"We go capture…is what we do.."
You ever get the feeling, like as you walk down a street, that the rest of the day is going to be a VERY bad day? I mean, you don't know why you think that, but all of a sudden you do?
Well….that ran through my mind as I met Josh In the park, Kero in my pocket.
"Alright! Where's the card?" He asked.
"Dunno….But I can sense it around here somewhere!" Kero cried, fluttering out of my pocket. He started fluttering over to a small pond, looking down into it. Josh and I quickly ran after him, myself pulling out the little keychain Kero gave me.
"Right! So where is the thing?" Josh asked, holding up his camera. Kero pointed down into the pond.
"Hiding down there waitin' for an opponent no doubt."
"Right so how we.." That's when a Voice interrupted me.
"Why don't you just go home and leave the Card Capturing tot he PROFESSIONALS." I recognized that voice. That Smug Voice, with an air of snobbishness and the tone of Superiority that ROYALLY pissed me off. I turned, feeling a mad twitch start to come over my right eye, then it widened in shock as I saw mademoiselle Katrina standing there, wearing some sort of greenish robes with a yellow outline, a Strange japanese symbol on the front, and of course, Josh was staring….well…I'll put it this way, wasn't her face.
"…Hello Miss Katrina…are you perhaps FREE this Saturday?" Josh asked, inching over to her. I snorted in disgust, a bit peeved at Josh's behavior. She eyed Josh like you might a fly, dismissing him with a wave o' her hand. Kero fluttered over to her face, eyeing her.
"What do you MEAN professionals?"
"I am a descendent of one Lei Reid! Who was a descendant of Clow Rei!" I just stared at her dumbly.
"…And this matters HOW?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest. She tilted her head like you would when you were looking down upon someone, which just FURTHER aggravated my pissed off mood.
"Those CARDS are RIGHTFULLY mine by heredity."
"HEY! No way! He opened the Clow! He's the Card captor!!" Kero cried, motioning to me.
"Not much of one…..and you'd be the Guardian Doll Kero…..not much of a guardian are you?" She said smugly, waving a finger at Kero. Of course, If I wanted to, I could've warned her not to do that…but…seein' as she went ahead and pissed me off….hey…her finger not mine.
Kero Bit deep into her finger, drawing a bit of blood as she let out a big yelp of pain and shook'em off.
"Watch where you spout yer insults lady!!" Kero cried.
"You Little RAT! I'LL KICK YOUR ASS YOU RAT!" She cried, holding her hurt finger. I tapped the key chain twice on my hand, elongating it into that god awful eyesore of a wand, as she lunged towards Kero. I used the wand to stop her, holding it in front of her.
"Alright, KAT, If you wanna take a shot at th' fight card…take yer time, Give me a chance to see what I'm up against when YOU fail. So go 'head, getcher ass whupped." I snarled, pointing at the water. She grinned cockily, sauntering over to the water. Immediately, a freaky looking girl shot out of it, looking EXACTLY like it did in the newspaper, complete with weird outfit and the light blue glow. I walked over to the drooling Josh, knocking him once over the head with the wand.
"Stop drooling, yer making the pond overflow."
"She's Gorgeous…she's a model…" He said dreamily.
"She's a Bitch." Kero and I said at the same time. I was dimly aware of the sounds of fighting as Josh gave us an incredulous look.
"She's NOT a Bitch! She's a perfect example of a woman in her prime!"
"You mean prime as in prime pickin's fer you. Face it, You have No Chance in Hell with her." I said, hearing a loud cracking sound come from the battle between Katrina and the Fight card.
"You'd have more of a chance with Suzy from Geology class…."
"Is that the girl with the green or Blue hair?" Josh asked, looking at Kero and me.
"I think it was the Blue haired one….." I mused, hearing several yelps of pain from Katrina.
"Noooo I think it was the green hair…."
"No you went out with the green hair one two weeks ago….The Blue you went out and got the slap." Kero pointed out, sitting on my shoulder with his eyes averted from the screams of pain from Katrina.
"No I got the slap from the GREEN hair two weeks ago…wait…Suzy's hair was brown….."
"So who were the Green and Blue?" Kero asked.
"I think Those were the Reds Twins."
"No the Reds are blonde…." I was dimly aware of Katrina screaming for help, choosing to pay more attention to Josh.
"I think the Red haired Bitch needs help…" Kero said, pointing to Katrina.
"No The Red haired One isn't a BITCH! She's actually very polite…" Josh said.
"Yah the Green One was the bitch.."
"No I mean the Bitch…as in Katrina."
"OOOOHHHH! THAT bitch!" I cried, slapping my forehead. I turned to Katrina, he was on the ground with the Fight card slamming her head into the mud. I sighed, the sight of Katrina getting slammed into the mud like a dream….but to work I guess. I sighed, sneaking to behind the card and raising the wand.
"HEY! YO! OVERGROWN PIECE OF CHEAP CARDBOARD!" I swung the wand down towards it's head, but I got a nice kick to the face instead, sending me flying back. Josh rushed over, dragging Katrina away as I got to my feet.
"Ya gotta out fight it Thomas!!" Kero cried. I sighed, getting back up, stuffing the wand into the mud. The thing was just a nuisance if I had to outfight it. It assumed a karate position, almost daring me to take a swing.
"A-ight you Overgrown homeless poster! JUST…BRING IT!!" I said, raising my fists.
I'd like to think I'm a good fighter, but Truth is, the fighting I do is not boxing, karate, tae kwan doe or stuff like that……I'm a big fan o' the WWF, so I ended up studying all the move lists I could find. I'm actually pretty good at locking in a good headlock or an ankle lock, and I can throw some pretty damn powerful punches If I do say so myself. I was having doubts that my…unique…style was going to take this thing down…but hey….I know had an excuse to do some of those moves!!
It swuing out a nice roundhouse, which I just BARELY managed to duck and follow with an uppercut, which was blocked. Every time I swung a punch, it blocked and followed with a kick or punch, sending me back.
Kero and Josh, meanwhile, were sitting on some folding metal chairs Ryder had brought. Of course, Ryder was video recording me as I was getting my ass whupped, and Katrina was starting to stir from her ass kicking she got.
I finally managed to get in a good shot to the face, with knocked the thing back a few feet, but it lunged at me, nailing me with a flying kick to the gut, sending me reeling on over to Josh and Kero.
"C'mon Thomas! You can take this thing!" Kero cried, clapping for me. I just glared at him evilly, then rolled to the side as The Card tried to slam a heel down into me. I nipped to my feet just as she swung at me with a fist, Instinctively I grabbed the arm with both arms and stepped to the side of it, locking in an armbar. What I got was a kick to the back of my head, sending me flying forward into the ground.
"Dammit…this thing is more flexible than Jackie Chan!!!" I growled, getting to my feet. That's when my eye's hit Keo's steel chair…hey…what's more WWF than a good cheap shot?
Soi what I did was I formulated a good ole fashioned plan in my head….
Well….okay not really…..All I did was, as it swung at me, I ducked down, rolling over to Kero and swatting him off the chair, picking the chair up in the same motion.'
"Look out behind you!" I turned to see The Card swinging a foot at me, so I held the chair of so the foot hit the chair, causing it to reel back in agony, hopping on one foot. I raised the steel chair over my head and brought it SOUNDLY down over the Things head with a loud clanging noise, Letting it crumple to the ground holding it's head.
"Whoa…. Nice shot Tommy boy!!!" Kero cried, clapping. I threw the chair aside, grabbing the wand quickly.
"…Uh…just return to your damn card form you li'l Cardboard flap!" I had forgotten the words, but that worked as I brought the wand down over it's head, and poof! In a flash of light it turned into what looked like an over sized card. I picked it up, looking at it.
"…Hey…I did it!" I turned to Josh and Kero, who were cheering.
"I DID IT!!! WHOOOOOO!!" I ran over to Josh, doing a bit of a victory dance.
"That was Sooooo COOL! A Chair shot to the head!!!" Kero Cackled, fluttering around my head.
"Very cool!!!" Josh agreed. That's when I felt a Tap on my shoulder and turned, seeing Katrina standing….barely….with a black eye, bruised face, and what looked like a broken finger.
"That's MY card!" She cried, reaching for it. I moved my arm back keeping it out of her reach.
"Liiike HELL! I caught it fair 'n' Square!" I cried. She just growled, reaching for it again.
"It's MINE by BIRTHRIGHT!"
"Yeah and it's MINE by the right of, 'Finder's keepers LOSERS WEEPERS'! You got your ass whupped, so I took my shot and Caught the damn thing! Now you can do one o' two things woman! First, you can…as Degeneration X puts it, SUCK IT……and second…….GO TO HELL CAUSE YOU SURE AS HELL AIN'T GETTING THE CARD!!!" I cried, stepping away from her. She growled, then assumed a fighting stance.
"I'll FIGHT you for it!!" Now….This was something. This showed one o' two things about this lady. One, she was high in endurance and a tough one, or two, she was a dumbass to the core.
I think I'd choose number two, wouldn't you?
"You ain't in any condition to fight. So why don't'cha mosey back to the hole where you crawled out from and go back in?" I said, turning my back to her.
BIG…MISTAKE!
Before I knew it, she had knocked me down with a swift kick to the back. After I collected myself, I turned back to her, and she was resuming that damn fighting stance, almost DARING me to swing at'er.
"C'mon! One on One! Whoever wins gets the card!" She cried, dancing around. I just stared dumbly at her, Filling with rage for getting a cheap shot, so What I did was I just dashed over to her and beaned'er right upside the head with the wand, leaving her howling in pain.
"CHEAP SHOT!!!" She cried. I got in a baseball stance, waiting for her to turn to me.
"Cheap shot? I'll give ya a cheap shot!" I muttered, then swung the wand like a bat, nailing Katrina in the side of the head for the Technical KNOCKOUT!!
"HOME RUN!!!" Kero cried, laughing. Josh was staring like I had just committed the worst sin in the world.
"You…..you NAILED her in the face!!!"
"And?"
"That ANGELIC face!!!"
"More like that APEISH face." Kero muttered.
"Quit yer bewilderin' and let's go home." I shouted, returning the wand to it's keychain size. Josh Reluctantly started to follow us, his mind quickly going to the video cassete in his Camera.
"Man this'll be great! The Adventures of Tommy Boy Marvel and Kero The Golden Rat!!!" Josh cackled. I just sighed, stuffing the wand in my pocket and looking at the Fight card.
They say over 53% of families are dysfunctional now a days….. I think they're just wrong. It's not the FAMILIES, it's the PEOPLE in the families and their actions. If you got a Mom and Dad that are so weird they put Olives in their whiskey, yet you go to school, have friends, do well, and all that, well….You're normal as normal gets aren't you? Sure everyone's got their little tweaks, something odd about them that will make them unique. Whether it be the ability to hang a spoon on your nose, and odd hobby that has you recording everything. Or…..that Strange things just HAPPEN to ATTRACT to you like flies to honey, or even that your so damn smug and arrogant, thinking you're the best and that everything belongs to you by birthright, but you got no friggin' gall to back it up….I digress…This first experience in the world of The Clow stuff, shows to ME just how unique a person can be, and still be one Gi-NORMOUS Jackass.
After all the mystery books, fantasy, and adventure Books I've read, I should've known that the day I let that Golden Rat into my home That I was NEVER going to have another normal day in my ENTIRE life, for the simple reason is that the day something strange, I'm not talking Déjà vu-sixth finger-webbed toes-lights in the sky strange. I'm talking zombie-talking rat-magic-abracadabra strange, waltzes into your life, your life is officially screwed over…..I just realize this after my first try on capturing the Clow card known as the Fight Card….Best I start at the beginning..
So there I was, in Gym Class practicing my punch and kicks on a punchin' bag, with help from Ryder of course, when I feel this tap on my shoulder. I turn of course, and there she is, a gal slightly smaller than I, wearing Gym clothes, with nice red hair strung back in a ponytail am.
Naturally I responded the only way I could.
"C'n I help you?" I asked, swallowing my flirtatious remark I WOULD have made. I looked in the corner of my eye, and of course, I saw Ryder practically drooling at the girl.
I think I should take this time to explain something about One Joshua Ryder. He's a hopeless flirt, he will flirt with any single girl he can find as long as she's pretty, available, and will look at him. He's succeeded very few times with his flirtatious nature, but often enough that one could call him a 'playa' to put it in Las Vegas Terms.
"Yes, you can step aside so I can show you how it's done…" Now this rattled me a bit, gal I don't even know trying to push me around? I frowned a bit, then stepped aside, motioning for her to try. I hate to brag, but I got some o' the best punches in the School. I've knocked a few bullies out in my time, knocked a few teeth out I have, The Marvelous Tommy Marvel they call me!
….Well…okay….not really.
"Right…how about yer name so I know what t' call you?" I asked before she started her little display. Instead of answering, she let lose a good amount of rightly impressive punches, kicks, and a few moves I ain't rightly heard of. Then, as She let loose one more kick that sent the Bag flying back, she turned to me, grinning with what looked like a bit of one-upmanship.
"YOU can call me Katrina." She said smugly, then walked off, with a DEFINITE air of superiority that rightly….to put it mildly….pissed me off. Ryder then walked next to me, looking at the retreating lady.
"MAN she's HOT!" he said, shaking his head.
"What she IS, is smug." I retorted, folding my arms across my chest.
"You just have no respect to the beautiful body of a woman…"
"And What YOU have is a definite Surplus of Testosterone and god knows what other kind of Hormones raging in yer noggin." I remarked, looking at him. He just made a little huffing noise in response.
"C'mon, Gym Class is almost over." He puffed, pointing towards the clock.
Homework at my house, BEFORE Kero, consisted of basically this; Get home, Eat, watch TV, do homework, exercise, and then play Smackdown!
NOW what it consists of is THIS; Get home, eat up in my room with an annoying rat, do my homework cause some RAT is using MY TV, exercise, and THEN try to get a little gaming time in but CAN'T CAUSE THAT DAMN RAT IS HOGGING THE PLAYSTATION! Our conversation would go something like this…
"C'mon! I'm almost high enough to get that Intercontinental Title!"
"IT DOESN'T MATTER CAUSE IT'S MY TURN!"
"Just one more match!!!"
"YOU SAID THAT TWO PAY PER VIEWS AGO!!"
"Yeah Well, that Royal Rumble takes a while!!!" He had me there.
"JUST GIMME THE CONTROLS YOU RAT BASTARD!!"
And then the fighting would commence, whereas I would pull him by his tail away from Control, but he'd hang on for dear life. Then we'd get into a bit of a I-swing-at-him-he-bites-my-face match, then after about ten minutes of this we'd collapse on the bed and decide to fight it out to see who'd use the playstation by fighting each other on the game. 'Course I win about HALF the time…..I PERSONALLY Think he uses that damn Gameshark.
THIS night was a bit different. I went up to my room with a plate of Chocolate chip cookies, and when I went in my room, he was reading a newspaper on my bed.
"Oh my god…. You're not watching TV! Hell must've frozen over!!!" I cried with a bit of sarcasm. Alright more than just a bit…He just gave me a dirty look and pointed at a picture of…what looked like a girl that was glowing light blue, in some pretty funky japanese like clothes, fighting someone.
"THIS! Is a Clow Card!" he cried as I sat down, putting the plate on the bed. He rushed over, grabbing a cookie and munching on it.
"No what it looks like is that some girl with some cheap special effects is mugging people." I responded, grabbing a cookie before KERO got them all. Kero just shook his head vigorously, sending crumbs everywhere.
"Nope! I've handled this one before with the Previous Card Captors! That's the Fight Card in physical form! It's been seeking out martial arts masters in the park, Challenging them, an' beatin' them up!"
"Sounds like an odd thing for a card that don't wanna be found…"
"Naw The Clow Cards just, Do what they want. All about PRIDE really, The Fight card Loves fighting so it seeks out strong opponents and take's them on!" Made sense, after all they wouldn't call it the Fight card if all it did were pick flowers…
"….Okay….So what do We do?" He finished off the cookie, then swallowed, grinning at me.
"We go capture…is what we do.."
You ever get the feeling, like as you walk down a street, that the rest of the day is going to be a VERY bad day? I mean, you don't know why you think that, but all of a sudden you do?
Well….that ran through my mind as I met Josh In the park, Kero in my pocket.
"Alright! Where's the card?" He asked.
"Dunno….But I can sense it around here somewhere!" Kero cried, fluttering out of my pocket. He started fluttering over to a small pond, looking down into it. Josh and I quickly ran after him, myself pulling out the little keychain Kero gave me.
"Right! So where is the thing?" Josh asked, holding up his camera. Kero pointed down into the pond.
"Hiding down there waitin' for an opponent no doubt."
"Right so how we.." That's when a Voice interrupted me.
"Why don't you just go home and leave the Card Capturing tot he PROFESSIONALS." I recognized that voice. That Smug Voice, with an air of snobbishness and the tone of Superiority that ROYALLY pissed me off. I turned, feeling a mad twitch start to come over my right eye, then it widened in shock as I saw mademoiselle Katrina standing there, wearing some sort of greenish robes with a yellow outline, a Strange japanese symbol on the front, and of course, Josh was staring….well…I'll put it this way, wasn't her face.
"…Hello Miss Katrina…are you perhaps FREE this Saturday?" Josh asked, inching over to her. I snorted in disgust, a bit peeved at Josh's behavior. She eyed Josh like you might a fly, dismissing him with a wave o' her hand. Kero fluttered over to her face, eyeing her.
"What do you MEAN professionals?"
"I am a descendent of one Lei Reid! Who was a descendant of Clow Rei!" I just stared at her dumbly.
"…And this matters HOW?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest. She tilted her head like you would when you were looking down upon someone, which just FURTHER aggravated my pissed off mood.
"Those CARDS are RIGHTFULLY mine by heredity."
"HEY! No way! He opened the Clow! He's the Card captor!!" Kero cried, motioning to me.
"Not much of one…..and you'd be the Guardian Doll Kero…..not much of a guardian are you?" She said smugly, waving a finger at Kero. Of course, If I wanted to, I could've warned her not to do that…but…seein' as she went ahead and pissed me off….hey…her finger not mine.
Kero Bit deep into her finger, drawing a bit of blood as she let out a big yelp of pain and shook'em off.
"Watch where you spout yer insults lady!!" Kero cried.
"You Little RAT! I'LL KICK YOUR ASS YOU RAT!" She cried, holding her hurt finger. I tapped the key chain twice on my hand, elongating it into that god awful eyesore of a wand, as she lunged towards Kero. I used the wand to stop her, holding it in front of her.
"Alright, KAT, If you wanna take a shot at th' fight card…take yer time, Give me a chance to see what I'm up against when YOU fail. So go 'head, getcher ass whupped." I snarled, pointing at the water. She grinned cockily, sauntering over to the water. Immediately, a freaky looking girl shot out of it, looking EXACTLY like it did in the newspaper, complete with weird outfit and the light blue glow. I walked over to the drooling Josh, knocking him once over the head with the wand.
"Stop drooling, yer making the pond overflow."
"She's Gorgeous…she's a model…" He said dreamily.
"She's a Bitch." Kero and I said at the same time. I was dimly aware of the sounds of fighting as Josh gave us an incredulous look.
"She's NOT a Bitch! She's a perfect example of a woman in her prime!"
"You mean prime as in prime pickin's fer you. Face it, You have No Chance in Hell with her." I said, hearing a loud cracking sound come from the battle between Katrina and the Fight card.
"You'd have more of a chance with Suzy from Geology class…."
"Is that the girl with the green or Blue hair?" Josh asked, looking at Kero and me.
"I think it was the Blue haired one….." I mused, hearing several yelps of pain from Katrina.
"Noooo I think it was the green hair…."
"No you went out with the green hair one two weeks ago….The Blue you went out and got the slap." Kero pointed out, sitting on my shoulder with his eyes averted from the screams of pain from Katrina.
"No I got the slap from the GREEN hair two weeks ago…wait…Suzy's hair was brown….."
"So who were the Green and Blue?" Kero asked.
"I think Those were the Reds Twins."
"No the Reds are blonde…." I was dimly aware of Katrina screaming for help, choosing to pay more attention to Josh.
"I think the Red haired Bitch needs help…" Kero said, pointing to Katrina.
"No The Red haired One isn't a BITCH! She's actually very polite…" Josh said.
"Yah the Green One was the bitch.."
"No I mean the Bitch…as in Katrina."
"OOOOHHHH! THAT bitch!" I cried, slapping my forehead. I turned to Katrina, he was on the ground with the Fight card slamming her head into the mud. I sighed, the sight of Katrina getting slammed into the mud like a dream….but to work I guess. I sighed, sneaking to behind the card and raising the wand.
"HEY! YO! OVERGROWN PIECE OF CHEAP CARDBOARD!" I swung the wand down towards it's head, but I got a nice kick to the face instead, sending me flying back. Josh rushed over, dragging Katrina away as I got to my feet.
"Ya gotta out fight it Thomas!!" Kero cried. I sighed, getting back up, stuffing the wand into the mud. The thing was just a nuisance if I had to outfight it. It assumed a karate position, almost daring me to take a swing.
"A-ight you Overgrown homeless poster! JUST…BRING IT!!" I said, raising my fists.
I'd like to think I'm a good fighter, but Truth is, the fighting I do is not boxing, karate, tae kwan doe or stuff like that……I'm a big fan o' the WWF, so I ended up studying all the move lists I could find. I'm actually pretty good at locking in a good headlock or an ankle lock, and I can throw some pretty damn powerful punches If I do say so myself. I was having doubts that my…unique…style was going to take this thing down…but hey….I know had an excuse to do some of those moves!!
It swuing out a nice roundhouse, which I just BARELY managed to duck and follow with an uppercut, which was blocked. Every time I swung a punch, it blocked and followed with a kick or punch, sending me back.
Kero and Josh, meanwhile, were sitting on some folding metal chairs Ryder had brought. Of course, Ryder was video recording me as I was getting my ass whupped, and Katrina was starting to stir from her ass kicking she got.
I finally managed to get in a good shot to the face, with knocked the thing back a few feet, but it lunged at me, nailing me with a flying kick to the gut, sending me reeling on over to Josh and Kero.
"C'mon Thomas! You can take this thing!" Kero cried, clapping for me. I just glared at him evilly, then rolled to the side as The Card tried to slam a heel down into me. I nipped to my feet just as she swung at me with a fist, Instinctively I grabbed the arm with both arms and stepped to the side of it, locking in an armbar. What I got was a kick to the back of my head, sending me flying forward into the ground.
"Dammit…this thing is more flexible than Jackie Chan!!!" I growled, getting to my feet. That's when my eye's hit Keo's steel chair…hey…what's more WWF than a good cheap shot?
Soi what I did was I formulated a good ole fashioned plan in my head….
Well….okay not really…..All I did was, as it swung at me, I ducked down, rolling over to Kero and swatting him off the chair, picking the chair up in the same motion.'
"Look out behind you!" I turned to see The Card swinging a foot at me, so I held the chair of so the foot hit the chair, causing it to reel back in agony, hopping on one foot. I raised the steel chair over my head and brought it SOUNDLY down over the Things head with a loud clanging noise, Letting it crumple to the ground holding it's head.
"Whoa…. Nice shot Tommy boy!!!" Kero cried, clapping. I threw the chair aside, grabbing the wand quickly.
"…Uh…just return to your damn card form you li'l Cardboard flap!" I had forgotten the words, but that worked as I brought the wand down over it's head, and poof! In a flash of light it turned into what looked like an over sized card. I picked it up, looking at it.
"…Hey…I did it!" I turned to Josh and Kero, who were cheering.
"I DID IT!!! WHOOOOOO!!" I ran over to Josh, doing a bit of a victory dance.
"That was Sooooo COOL! A Chair shot to the head!!!" Kero Cackled, fluttering around my head.
"Very cool!!!" Josh agreed. That's when I felt a Tap on my shoulder and turned, seeing Katrina standing….barely….with a black eye, bruised face, and what looked like a broken finger.
"That's MY card!" She cried, reaching for it. I moved my arm back keeping it out of her reach.
"Liiike HELL! I caught it fair 'n' Square!" I cried. She just growled, reaching for it again.
"It's MINE by BIRTHRIGHT!"
"Yeah and it's MINE by the right of, 'Finder's keepers LOSERS WEEPERS'! You got your ass whupped, so I took my shot and Caught the damn thing! Now you can do one o' two things woman! First, you can…as Degeneration X puts it, SUCK IT……and second…….GO TO HELL CAUSE YOU SURE AS HELL AIN'T GETTING THE CARD!!!" I cried, stepping away from her. She growled, then assumed a fighting stance.
"I'll FIGHT you for it!!" Now….This was something. This showed one o' two things about this lady. One, she was high in endurance and a tough one, or two, she was a dumbass to the core.
I think I'd choose number two, wouldn't you?
"You ain't in any condition to fight. So why don't'cha mosey back to the hole where you crawled out from and go back in?" I said, turning my back to her.
BIG…MISTAKE!
Before I knew it, she had knocked me down with a swift kick to the back. After I collected myself, I turned back to her, and she was resuming that damn fighting stance, almost DARING me to swing at'er.
"C'mon! One on One! Whoever wins gets the card!" She cried, dancing around. I just stared dumbly at her, Filling with rage for getting a cheap shot, so What I did was I just dashed over to her and beaned'er right upside the head with the wand, leaving her howling in pain.
"CHEAP SHOT!!!" She cried. I got in a baseball stance, waiting for her to turn to me.
"Cheap shot? I'll give ya a cheap shot!" I muttered, then swung the wand like a bat, nailing Katrina in the side of the head for the Technical KNOCKOUT!!
"HOME RUN!!!" Kero cried, laughing. Josh was staring like I had just committed the worst sin in the world.
"You…..you NAILED her in the face!!!"
"And?"
"That ANGELIC face!!!"
"More like that APEISH face." Kero muttered.
"Quit yer bewilderin' and let's go home." I shouted, returning the wand to it's keychain size. Josh Reluctantly started to follow us, his mind quickly going to the video cassete in his Camera.
"Man this'll be great! The Adventures of Tommy Boy Marvel and Kero The Golden Rat!!!" Josh cackled. I just sighed, stuffing the wand in my pocket and looking at the Fight card.
They say over 53% of families are dysfunctional now a days….. I think they're just wrong. It's not the FAMILIES, it's the PEOPLE in the families and their actions. If you got a Mom and Dad that are so weird they put Olives in their whiskey, yet you go to school, have friends, do well, and all that, well….You're normal as normal gets aren't you? Sure everyone's got their little tweaks, something odd about them that will make them unique. Whether it be the ability to hang a spoon on your nose, and odd hobby that has you recording everything. Or…..that Strange things just HAPPEN to ATTRACT to you like flies to honey, or even that your so damn smug and arrogant, thinking you're the best and that everything belongs to you by birthright, but you got no friggin' gall to back it up….I digress…This first experience in the world of The Clow stuff, shows to ME just how unique a person can be, and still be one Gi-NORMOUS Jackass.