"Shit!" I slammed my palm down on the bathroom counter top, tears stinging at my eyes - even though I don't cry. Crying is a form of weakness, and I am not weak. "Shit."

I can't deal with this now. The air suddenly felt heavy, too thick. There was an instantaneous feeling of drowning, though both feet were planted quite firmly on the ground. I struggled to get enough air in my lungs and quickly became so dizzy I slid to the floor in a heap.

"Beca? Hurry up! I have a date!"

Damn it. There aren't enough bathrooms to go around in the Bella house, not with the amount of girls living here. Bumper actually referred to the Bella house as a Brothel, insisting that he had a business proposition for us that could make us all both rich and famous.

Times like this I miss living in the dorms – if I wanted to disappear for an unspecified amount of time, I could. If I wanted to have an hour long shower, I could do that and not have two or more others knocking the door down for using all the hot water. Plus, I wouldn't have to listen to Fat Amy and Bumper having sex more frequently than I'd like to admit.

I took a deep breath, clinging to the edge of the counter with both hands until my knuckles were white, trying to pull myself together. I was well aware that Chloe was right outside the door, and Chloe has this radar that was always able to pick up every single time something, anything, is bothering me. If she tried to hug me right now, I'd completely fall apart. In fact, if anyone so much as looked at me right now, I know I'd break down. I pushed my fingers into the corners of my eyes to push back the tears and glance at my expression in the mirror, barely recognising the pale faced brunette looking back at me.

"Beca! Did you hear me?" Chloe was slightly more insistent this time as she knocked on the door, and I felt myself becoming agitated. I used the least amount of bathroom time of any of the Bella's, and would've appreciated being left to my own devices for just five minutes. Literally, just five minutes without being harassed should not be too much to ask!

Throwing the bathroom door open, I glared at the last person I wanted to be around, "I just wanted five fucking minutes, Chloe! Jesus Christ!"

Chloe recoiled in shock and glanced over at Fat Amy, eyebrows raised way up into her hairline, "What did I do?!"

"Well, it could be your red hair, or that your top makes your boobs look like they're totally different sizes, or maybe she thought that you ate her last peanut butter cup when really it was me…" Fat Amy shrugged as she disappeared down the stairs, leaving Chloe to cross her arms over her chest as she ducked into the bathroom feeling slightly violated.

I closed the bedroom door firmly behind me, locking it quickly in case Chloe decides to hunt me down for a lecture for raising my voice at her like I did. I just needed to be alone. I know that Chloe had as much right to be in here as I do, since it's her room too, but I just wanted to be left to sift through the issue at hand in my own time and in my own way. The only way I've ever really been able to cope is to push everyone else away, literally everyone. My parents, best friends… my boyfriend. I close in on myself because if anyone else sees how truly messed up I am, they'd run a mile.

Unfortunately though, this time the mess doesn't just involve me.

A/N: I have not written anything like this in a long, long time. I understand it is going to be rusty, so please bear with me. I am also open to ideas as I'm not entirely sure of the direction this is going to be headed in - I just really missed writing.