SOMETHING STINKS
Inspired by a meme I saw online the other day - Song of the Black Wolf XD
Levi had always had an irrepressible inner prankster which he had suppressed for years, but now that he found himself in charge of one fifteen year old Eren Jaeger – titan shifter, it was getting increasingly difficult to control at all. It had been showing itself some ever since he'd started hanging around with Mike Zacharius and Zoe Hange, but now, with an equally mischievous teenager in his care, it was coming out even more.
The deceptively diminutive captain was still a little miffed at the last practical joke Mike had pulled on him. Levi had returned from training Eren to find his office completely rearranged – ie: everything had been turned upside down. His desk, his book case and books, his chairs, even his bed were all up ended. Everyone in headquarters had heard his yelling as he swore to kill "that goddamned Sir Sniffs-a-lot".
As he and Eren sat down to eat their dinner, a little later than usual, Mike stopped on his way out to give them each a prolonged sniff, giving sneer as he got to Eren. "Wow. You really took quite a tumble today, Eren," he stated loud enough for the other departing scouts to hear.
The other scouts, including the new recruits that had joined at the same time as Eren, began to giggle as the boy turned red. "H-how'd you know?"
"I think you landed on some deer shit."
The giggle escalated to full blown laughter. "Yeah, well at least he didn't slip on a pile of horse shit in the stables like you've done more than once!" Levi retorted, more because he was still sore at the larger man than to defend his subordinate. "Even my nose can tell me it's there and not to step in it! So stick that up your nose and smoke it, Sniffy!"
Mike just sneered and walked away while Eren cracked up laughing. "You know," the teen chuckled. "He takes so much pride in that nose of his and being able to identify everyone and everything by scent; It would be kinda funny if we all switched jackets around to mess him up."
Levi raised an eyebrow at the boy. Eren shrunk back, fearing the worst. I wish he'd show at least a little emotion on his face! I can never tell when he's pissed or not.
The captain brought his left hand up to his mouth, the knuckle of his index finger resting on his lower lip. "Hmm. You know, Eren, that's actually not a bad idea," he said quietly. "In fact, it's a brilliant idea. I'll get Zoe to help me let all of the officers and their teams know. Do you think you can get your friends to do it tomorrow?"
Eren's face was the picture of impish delight. "Yes, sir!" he said enthusiastically.
The next morning, Levi was wearing the jacket of one Connie Springer; he couldn't wear Zoe's since they always smelled like each other anyway, and he worked to close with Eren to use his. This ought to throw Sniffy for a loop! Too bad I have to wear this disgusting, dirty jacket all day to do it . . . of course, that's what's going to be so confusing to him . . .
He entered the mess hall with Eren. Nothing looked out of the ordinary . . . except for Connie. "Mr. Springer," Levi said with annoyance. "Do you really think that no one is going to notice that you are wearing Bertolt's jacket? You're damn near swimming in the thing."
Connie turned red with embarrassment as Sasha pointed at him and laughed, "Told you so!"
Connie managed to get another scout's jacket that fit him much better. Even Commander Erwin had gotten in on the joke, wearing Reiner's jacket and with Bertolt wearing Erwin's. Everyone began to go about their normal business, getting breakfast and going over what to do that day. Mike strode in and sniffed at the first person he came too; namely, a dark girl named Ymir. The tall man froze in his tracks. Wait a minute . . . Why does she smell like Zoe Hange? They must have worked on something together this morning . . . but Zoe's scent is so strong . . .
He got more and more flustered as he walked through the mess hall. Nobody smelled right this morning. When he sat down with his breakfast next to Erwin and across from Levi, he was certain that there was something wrong with his nose. Erwin smelled like . . . one of the new recruits . . . and so did Levi!
"Good morning, Mike," Erwin greeted.
"Mornin'" Mike mumbled back.
Eren came and took a seat next to Levi. "Morning!" he greeted cheerily.
"It's too damn early in the morning to be so fucking cheerful, Jaeger," Levi growled. "You too, Eyebrows."
Zoe joined the group and the conversation took off, while Mike was having a silent mental breakdown. What is wrong with me?! Eren usually carries Mikasa's, Armin's and Levi's scent on him, but this morning he smells just like . . . like . . . Donna Carter from my squad? Am I developing allergies? Am I sick? What is wrong? Maybe I'm just losing my mind. Don't let on . . . Don't let anyone know anything is wrong.
"You're quieter than usual this morning," Zoe observed.
"You do look a little pale," Erwin added.
"Looks more like he smelled a pile of shit," Levi concluded.
"Hm? Oh, no, I just stayed up to late last night reading," Mike responded.
The day only got worse from there. Everyone switched jackets multiple times, so that every time Mike would come near them, they'd smell different. "Having a problem, Sniffy?" Levi asked shortly after lunch as Mike came upon him and Eren were cleaning out the stables. "You look a little lost."
"I think something's really wrong with me, Levi," Mike confided. "My sense of smell is failing."
"Tch! I seriously doubt that," Levi said as Eren fought to stifle his laugh as he continued cleaning the stall he was working on.
"I'm serious, Levi!" Mike insisted. "Nobody smells like their supposed to today!"
"Well I'll have to send out a memo telling people not to go around smelling like they're not supposed to."
"You don't understand! You smell like . . ." Mike inhaled deeply. "Carl Perkins from Captain Lorissa's squad. This morning, Erwin smelled like one of the new recruits – Bertolt. And Eren didn't smell like any of his friends!"
"So you came into the stinky stables to clear your sinuses?" Levi was enjoying this entirely too much. Eren was almost doubled over with suppressed laughter.
"Uuuuuugh! You don't get it! My greatest asset is my sense of smell! What am I supposed to do if I lose it?! How am I supposed to do my job properly if I can't trust my nose?! What if I can't smell titans anymore?!"
Eren had disappeared entirely to the bottom of the back corner of the stall, tears running down from tight shut eyes due to squelched laughter, his face red and stomach and facial muscles aching.
"Sniffy," Levi said, sounding unemotional as always. "Everybody has off days . . . except for me, of course. I'm sure your oversized honk will be back to normal after a good night's sleep."
The day only got worse. All of the horses smelled normal, and the food all smelled normal . . . It was just the people that smelled off. By the time dinner was over that evening, Mike had a splitting headache and his nose was dry from all of the excess sniffing and attempting to figure out what was going on.
Levi was seated at his desk, with Eren across from him helping him with a pile of paperwork when Mike burst into the room with an armload of stuff. "Gotta use your bathroom," he told Levi.
Eren immediately had to try to stifle a laugh, and Levi got up to see what Mike was doing. "Sniffy, why are you in my bathroom?"
"I'm tellin' you, something is wrong with my nose! I can always tell people apart by smell alone! That is what makes me, well, me! I have to fix this!" With that, Mike turned and handed Levi a large tea kettle. "Can you boil that water for me? The steam may help."
Levi sighed and rolled his eyes, but hung the kettle over his fire to boil. He looked at Eren, who had his head down on the desk and his shoulders shaking from silent laughter. The captain sat down, and Eren looked up with tear filled green eyes, his hand over his mouth and shoulders still shaking. "That . . . is fucking . . . brilliant!" he finally managed to get out between gasps for air.
Levi still kept a straight face. "You are so right."
Two full hours later, Mike was still in Levi's bathroom, trying to remedy his confused nose. Levi was again checking in on the man, who was now attempting to use something called a "neti pot". It looked like a small tea pot with which the man was pouring water in down his nose. "That is so disgusting!" Levi told him. "Do you realize that's the same as picking your nose and eating the snot? You're just bypassing the mouth!"
Mike did it anyway, and Levi turned away so as not to gag. "Listen, Zacharius, has it even crossed your mind that maybe, just maybe, that everyone had switched clothes today?" Levi asked. Mike froze, nearly choking on the contents pouring down the back of his throat from the neti pot. "And that we were switching jackets multiple times today? Or is your brain too small because your sinuses are too big?"
Mike spun around and looked at Levi with his eyes wide with shock . . . and perhaps a bit of hope and relief. "What?!"
"Payback's a bitch, ain't it?" Levi sneered. Eren was finally free to fall apart laughing, which he did. "It was the brat's idea, actually. I just thought it was a good one implement."
Mike glared at the teen, who swallowed hard. Mike lunged forward at the boy, but Eren leapt out of his chair and ran down the hall, stumbling as he continued laughing hysterically.
Levi stood in his doorway, leaning back against the frame with his arms folded over his chest, watching Mike chase the hapless teen down the hall and down the stairs. A satisfied smirk played across his lips. "And the best part is that Eren takes the heat for it!"