Title: Scared

Summary: I am scared of how I feel, scared when people look at me, scared of trusting people with my emotions and secrets. Why should I trust people? Why should I care?

AN: This is just a trial. I don't know if I want to go on with it. So tell me what you think.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Chapter 1: My Diary, a New Day

I am scared of most things. Scared of how people, my feeling, emotions, my secrets, and most importantly my trust.

I have tried to let people in, but they find a way out. I don't feel like I really belong. I have tried to kill myself plenty of times, but didn't have the courage to. I don't belong anywhere. Everywhere I look…I can see happiness, laughter, courage, compassion, integrity, wisdom, and …love. But what I feel is mostly sadness, scared, discipline , hatred, and….I don't know. I just don't belong. I don't know what is going on in my life. When I think about it…I don't have one.

My name in Kagome Higurashi and getting through life is hard for me. This is why I poor myself into writing. I write when ever I can. Even if it is in school, home, the park, anywhere, I write. This only thing that keeps me sane. Well that is what my shrink says anyways. For people that are reading this and don't know what a shrink is, they are a physiatrist. I call him Big Bird, because one, he looks like one and two, I just feel like it. I filled ten books already. Ever scene I was ten myself. I am now sixteen. The only thing that keeps me going is my family. I don't know what I would do without them. Too many emotions, too little time.

When I walk up that morning, I didn't want to get up. I wanted to sleep and not think about the evil school that is ruining my life. I hate ever subject that they give me, yet there are a couple that I can deal with. Art, Writing, Foods, and PE. I made sure that I had all four of those classes every trimester that we have. I got up from my black silk sheets, sitting up, and the only thing that was keeping me awake was that stupid alarm that my dad got for me for a "birthday present." You put the part of in under your pillow and when it vibrates you can't turn it off until you get off the bed, because the real clock was over at my desk. All the way across the room. I hate the mornings.

I got out of my wonderful bed, and went into my gorgeous bathroom. I don't know what I do without my wonderful bathroom…bullshit. I went into the nice warm water from the silver shower head. Yes I hate to admit it, but I am rich, well my family is anyways. I almost hate every damn minute of it. My dad is an everywhere but home kind of guy, I mean he does come home, but not really. He always said some shit about work, and I know that he doesn't want to be home. When he sees my brother and me, he goes off to his room and stays there almost all night. I can hear him crying for my mom. My brother does that and so do I.

My brother is an interesting character. He is almost like me but in different ways. He likes art but doesn't do any. He writes all of this crap about a dream girl meeting a dream guy and they live happily ever after. But I have to say that they are really good. Sometimes he adds some horror into it, but tries to stay positive. I wish I was like that. I am too busy being negitive that I don't have time to be positive. Doesn't like foods as much as me but we cook together every now and then. He is in LOVE with PE, just like me because we kick people's asses in every sport that we play. Even if we just started to learn it. His name is Souta and he is a really cool guy. He is only 13, his friends say that he is in the "popular" crowd. He says that he's not and doesn't act like he's popular and if he was…I would beat the living shit out of him because I despise popular people and the whole "click" thing.

My mom died when Souta was around five. He never got to know her, but thinks of me as a replacement for her. Souta gave me a mother's day card that says "you're the best at what you do and you better keep on doing it." With one of his happy faces on it and gave me a Happy Bunny poster that said, "Make all the stupid people shut up." It is up on my bedroom door. I love looking at it when I enter my room, and it gives a message to all the people that come into my room.

I have two cats. One is named Buyo and the other is Magic Night. Buyo is a fat cat that I love to hold and play with. He is a lazy ass cat, who does nothing but eat, sleep, and whine, but I love him. Sometimes I wish I could do that. Magic Night is a really special kitty. She is the damn smartest cat that I know. I found her some the street and when I brought her home….she started to play with the electronics. She even fixed my tv. She is like my little helper when I am doing something else, or too lazy to do it myself but she knows when I should do something when I am supposed to. She is too damn smart for her own good.

Me…I just like to draw, paint, write in my dairy, sometimes stories, love cooking and I adore hitting people with volleyballs. So much fun. I smile at the wonderful memories.

I got out of the shower and headed for my walk in closet. Nothing really special here but black, gray, white, brown, dark green, dark blue, and dark purple. I have some clothes for cooking but that is for my cooking section in my closet. I found black baggy pants, a dark green short, sheaved, tight, shirt with a cut on the part where the small sleeve are, three belts, and back skater shoes.

I walked out of dark room, where the sun don't shine, and headed to make some breakfast. I let the cooks cook when I don't feel like it but I let them know a head of time. That's how nice I am…snore. I like that my house is a little dark but sometimes it is too bright for my taste. Walking down the spiral stair case, saw the picture of my family for when my mother was a live, had my usually shiver for every time I past it, and went into one of my estuaries. I had designed the entire kitchen, with a little help from the cook's, sense I had nothing else to do.

I made omelets, bacon, toast, and all of the other good stuff. Right when I was done Souta came in with is school stuff. He was wearing baggy black pants, a blue shirt that had a skater on the front, that said "Krup you." I made that shirt for him last year and he still loves it. Today was the first day at a brand, spankin' new high school. I really don't want to go.

"Are you givin' me a ride today?" Souta asked starting to dig in his omelet. "And maybe the rest of the school year?"

I thought for a moment, "Maybe, I'll think about it when I drive you to the new hell hole that you have to go to."

"Do we really have to go I don't like new schools." Souta exclaimed. "This is the third one in like a year."

I knew that Souta didn't like new schools, but I got a call from dad saying that he called the principals of our schools and said that there will be a student or two waiting for us to show us around the stupid school and we have a be around them for a hole fucken week. Greeaaat… I took a breath. "Sorry, the suck ups will be there to show us around." I ate the last bite my of toast.

After Souta finished eating is breakfast he said his thanks to me and we got our stuff and headed toward my 2004, black Toyota Tacoma. Souta looked through my cd case and found The-All-American-Rejects. We listen to this cd when we are nervous to I don't give a shit. Right now is "I don't give a shit." We are just a happy family now aren't we?

We turned the last turn to Souta's new school and he started to sweat. I took him over to the loading and unloading, stopped the care and turn to him. "D-do I really have to go in there?"

"Souta, I will say this once again," I took off his seatbelt and grabbed his bag from the back seat. "Yes you do. And there is someone that is going to show you around the school for a week." He rolled his eyes at me. "I know that it's going to be bullshity, but I have to do that too, remember. Just think of me with a guy that I will probably kick his ass later."

Sota laughed, opened his door, and got his bag from me. "Thanks I'll keep that in mind." Souta laughed and closed the door.

I smiled to myself and said, "This is why I am still living." I drove off in search of my new school. I got the "I will kick this persons ass", "Don't ever go near", and "Do not trust this person EVER" lists in my diary. I like lists. When I finally found the school I looked around for a parking space not near the school or the popular freaks. I could already tell who those people were. Girls and guys were standing outside of there cars, talking about bullshit that I didn't want to know about. Hey who would? There was a guy that was making out with a girl on top of his car, another guy that was talking to girls left and right, and there was this guy with silver hair, amber eyes, and was wearing a red hat that looked really hot…wait a frick. What the hell am I saying? He is a popular freak of nature that bangs every girl he sees…probably. No…that would be the other guy. Looking to the guy that was still making out with the girl on top on his car. When I found a parking space…it was right next to the popular trash. Wonderful right. I started to pull and let go of the rubber band that was on my wrist. I use this as something that keeps me calm and in control of what I am doing. I pulled into the space, got out of my truck, got my back, closed the door, and there in front of me was the silver haired guy.

Ok done with that. Remember this is a trail and I just wanted to know if it was good or bad. Ok.