I can't see your star
I can't see your star
Though I patiently waited, bedside
For the death of today
I can't see your star
The mechanical lights of Lisbon
Frightened it away
Harry stared up at the night sky, looking for the Sirius constellation. He wondered briefly how Remus and Sirius were fairing with the war over and Sirius' name cleared. He knew that they were worried about him, but they didn't understand. They had each other, everyone had someone else. Ron had Hermione, Ginny had Neville, Harry didn't have anyone not any more, at least. Of course, no one knew who it was that Harry didn't have and Harry preferred to keep it that way. He didn't think he'd be able to handle his friends' reactions to the truth.
And I'm alone now
Me and all I stood for
We're wandering now
All in parts in pieces, swimming lonely
Find your own way out
Harry thought back to that day, the day he had lost him. He had sacrificed himself to save Harry, so Harry could end the nightmare that had ruined so many lives. His words still echoed on the wind, words Voldemort hated beyond most things. Those words were what gave Harry the strength and courage to kill Voldemort. Harry hadn't thought he'd survive the final battle, hadn't thought that he'd survive and his dragon wouldn't.
Harry shook himself from his memories, not wanting to relive the pain he felt when he realized that he had lost the one person whom he loved with more love than anyone could fathom. Harry turned his gaze away from his godfathers' namesake, now looking for the other constellations. Harry found all of them, except the one he longed to find. Harry searched desperately for it, but it didn't seem to want to show itself this night. Suddenly, the darkness Harry used to wish for, the darkness that had always offered Harry a refuge when he'd needed it, seemed oppressive and scary to Harry.
I can't see your star
I can't see your star
How can the darkness feel so wrong?
Harry choked back a sob threatening to escape. Why couldn't he find it, why couldn't he find his loves' star? That question berated Harry as he searched for it, for the hundredth time in the past half hour. It was killing him, silently and slowly killing him. His loves' star was the only thing that had kept Harry going as long as he had. When the oppressive darkness started to overwhelm Harry, he made his way back to his cottage that was nestled at the edge of some dense woods, far away from society.
Harry looked around his cottage, feeling more alone now than he did since that day. The day his love died, Harry had seen that constellation and felt comforted by it, knowing that his love would always be with him. But Harry didn't see it this night, and he felt utterly alone.
And I'm alone
Me and all I stood for
We're wandering now
All in parts in pieces, swimming lonely
Find your own way out
Harry lay down in his bed, feeling the emptiness without the warm body of his lover beside him. Harry tried to sleep, but dreams and nightmares plagued him all night. When Harry woke the next morning, he couldn't hold back the tears that welled up in his eyes as he stared at the moving photograph of his love. His memories coming back to engulf him in sweet kisses, loving eyes, passionate nights, comforting arms.
So far away
It's growing colder without your love
Why can't you feel me calling your name?
Can't break the silence
It's breaking me
A knock on the door brought Harry out of his memories. Harry dried his eyes and went to answer the door, briefly wondering who it was though he had a good idea of who it might be. Harry wasn't surprised to see Remus and Sirius standing in the doorway. He let them in and fixed them some tea. Sirius looked at Harry with concerned eyes and asked: "Are you okay, Harry?"
Harry gave him his best smile, knowing that Sirius probably wouldn't buy it as the real thing like most did, and replied back: "Yes, Sirius, why do you ask?"
Sirius looked at Harry solemnly and said: "Because I care about you and because of what day it is."
Instantly, Harry remembered that this day was the one year anniversary of the final battle, the one year anniversary of his loves' death. Harry prayed that he would be able to find his loves' star tonight, not knowing if he could make it without finding it.
Several hours after Remus and Sirius left, Harry was walking through the woods. When he came upon a particular tree, he stopped and kneeled before. Harry let the memories of the day that this tree had become their tree. Silent tears began to fall from Harry's eyes. After several minutes of simply remembering, Harry got up and continued on his walk, one destination in mind.
As he walked, memories from that night, one year ago, assaulted Harry. Things Harry had seemingly forgotten assaulted Harry. Things like the look in his loves' eyes as he told Harry he loved him. Things like Voldemort's word when he heard those words spoken to Harry. Voldemort's words that had enraged Harry, adding more to the power that his loves' words gave him.
All my fears turn to rage
When Harry reached his destination, his loves' grave, he looked up to the night sky, searching it. Overwhelming sorrow and loneliness filled Harry when he couldn't find the constellation he longed to see. After searching for it and not finding it for over an hour, Harry screamed at the top of his lungs, the beginnings of sobs making the words hard to understand.
"Draco! Why can't I find your star? Where is it? I can't find it!!! Draco, please, I love you, why can't I find you within the sky?"
Harry looked at his pocket knife he kept on him whenever he went for a walk in the woods, hoping that his friends would find the note he left behind telling them everything they needed to know. He made his decision. Harry sat down and leaned against Draco's head stone that sat in the middle of the clearing of trees. As Harry whispered the words "I love you, Draco" he drew the pocket knife over his wrists. Feeling alone, as he watched the blood pour from his wrists. But oddly, he didn't feel alone either.
And I'm alone now
Me and all I stood for
We're wandering now
All in parts and pieces, swim lonely
Find your own way out
As Harry took his last few breathes, he looked up and saw the Draco constellation directly above him. And as Harry looked at it, drawing in his final breath, he knew that even if he was alone, he wasn't truly alone.
Author's note: I do no own any of the characters. JK Rowling does. The song is "You Star" by Evanescence.