Pain So Deep
June 26, 2008
Sum: This is inspired by all those last season fics where Mamoru leaves and when he come back he breaks up with Usagi. This time around though it's a little different.
Chapter One
Last time he saw her, he was saying goodbye.
It had pulled out his heart to see her tear stained face looking at him like that. He hadn't wanted to leave her, but he'd been on this tract since he could remember and this was the only way to complete it and get to where he wanted to be.
He remembered that day clearly.
"Mamo-chan!"
He turned and looked to Usagi as she ran through the crowds, almost being swallowed up by them as she forced her way through. His heart swelled with love as she made the effort to see him off. "I didn't think you were going to make it."
"I always will be there for you Mamo-chan." She told him, the love shinning out from her eyes.
He smiled softly and hugged her. "Thank you." He whispered into her ear, but she didn't hear it as she pulled away and grinned at him, trying to be brave.
"I made you this for your trip." She handed him a box and later he'd find out that it was a box filled with snacks and things to entertain him on his long journey. He took it and thanked her again, but made sure to put a slight more emphasis on the true meaning behind his thanks.
She was his family and to leave it all behind tore at him, cutting him deep and he wondered if he'd ever get this back again. Motoki too, was the friend he knew would always be there, no matter what happened, he'd just have to show up and things would be the same.
His innocent Usagi though, she'd learned so much from him, he wondered if she'd use that knowledge with others as well once he was gone. He pulled her off to the side, he'd make sure that wouldn't happen.
"You have to know, I can't write to you as much as I'd like and so the communication will be kept to a bare minimum and it takes forever to get here."
Usagi nodded and beamed at him, despite the pain in her eyes. "That's ok Mamo-chan, I will write you a letter everyday and mail it, I'll keep this up for the both of us."
Mamoru smiled, that was his Usagi, and Mamo-chan rolled off her tongue in an endearment he just couldn't get her to stop, nor did he want her to. "I know." He told her gently and sat her down as he knelt in front of her. "I wanted to give you this." He pulled out a box. She was still in high school, she'd have graduated by the time he got back, but he didn't want to draw unnecessary attention to her, so he settled for a promise ring instead of an engagement ring, he'd get that for her later. He just hoped she understood the meaning behind this ring.
She took it and squealed and hugged him. "Usako." He held her close, breathing in her scent and trying to remember every detail about her. His acceptance and turn around had been so short, he barely packed, and he barely had time to tell her. But she had pushed him and so he had agreed and now he was off and on his way to Harvard for a year. Without her, he still would have gotten here, but he would have been a different person, probably not as well qualified in the humanity department as he was needed to be.
She looked up at him, the tears rushing down her face and he groaned and tried to rub them away. She shook her head. "No, these are happy tears. I'll wear this ring proudly Mamo-chan." She told him fiercely.
He leaned down and kissed her, it was one of the few public displays of affection they shared. It wasn't so much them, as it just wasn't done that much in Japan. If there was any, it was done in the home, away from outside eyes. Usagi was one though that didn't care about precedents and often did things that were considered taboo for one of her caliber and nature.
She groaned and leaned into the kiss before he pulled away and grinned. "That is the look you should be wearing as I leave, not sadness, this one beckons my prompt return."
Usagi laughed and she nodded. "Of course Mamo-chan. I love you." She hugged him again and while he held her close, he echoed her sentiments.
He looped his arm around her shoulders and together they walked to the departure gate. Usagi could only go so far, but as they walked, a man ran into her and they paused momentarily as they looked at each other, before the man apologized. "Sorry."
Usagi brushed him off, Mamoru vaguely recognized the guy as a celebrity among Usagi's demographics but Usagi quite clearly had no interest or clue and it was what made Mamoru laugh and pull her along as his brothers moved him as well. That move however, as Usagi didn't recognize him, was what caught that guy's interest.
Mamoru had hoped to stave off any truly depressing and separation, and it had lasted until the gates and it was he who almost broke down and cried but Usagi managed to hold her greater theatrics at bay for a change, knowing if she said anything he'd call the entire thing off and stay with her, refusing to leave her side and fear he'd forever blame her in the future. So she said nothing though he knew how much this separation was going to hurt the both of them. They had already been through so much.
That was what brought him to the here and now. He was finally home, and finally going to see his Usako again. After spending a year in New York, his tolerance of public displays of affection rose considerably and he was ready to share that with Usagi. He was ready to take her head on and perhaps move their relationship to a more serious level. But he would respect her and her speed and her decisions.
Her letters had come every day. After awhile they seemed to falter in her undying love and that was what concerned him. She wrote about what happened that day or the previous one. She deleted some of the more interesting things, but from the way she talked, she was maturing without him, and he knew that there was more trouble brewing in that part of the world than she let on.
America surprisingly didn't have much world news and what little he saw of it was situated in the Middle East, Europe or North Korea. However every once in a blue moon, he'd hear a news announcement about yet again weird occurrences attacking the greater Tokyo area.
She also mentioned something about in the news there were new senshi and how Haruka thought they looked like pansies. That meant that Haruka didn't like them, but Haruka didn't really like anyone either, so it didn't mean much. But he was also concerned about Usagi and the presence of the three idols at her school and in her class and their rather direction inclusion of her. Power breeds a lot to it and can make someone act a little irrationally.
So he was going to surprise Usagi. But first, he was going to get some sleep. It was midnight in Tokyo which meant he'd been awake for more that twenty-four hours, more like forty, and tomorrow was going to be a busy day.