Lolliot: I just recently finished the Godchild series, and since Mary Weather is my favorite character, I just had to write this...

Warning: Spoilers up until the end of the series! CainxMary (If you aren't finished with the series) and implications of CainxRiff

My brother's eyes are usually what everyone notices when they first meet him. It is not unusual; those golden irises seem to have a quality that draws you in. In fact, I was no better than those people. When I first saw him, I thought that he reminded me of a cat.

A very handsome and irritable cat.

I used to wonder, what did I appear to him behind those eyes?

Cain always seemed to have a cloud of sadness that separated him from the ignorance of others. He never smiled when he was with those people, and when he did, it was cheap and fake.

But…I was special.

I remember when he was with me he became calmer, he would smile. It was such a beautiful sight I felt I could cry from joy. But that's just how radiant older brother was. He was like a candle on water, a bright light floating in a midst, but if you try to catch it, it will float away from you.

I used to misunderstand older brother's affection for hatred. I thought he wouldn't let me outside because he was ashamed of me because of my background. However, it was only after he saved me--for the first of many times--that I understood. It wasn't that Cain kept me inside because he hated me. It was because I was precious to him, so precious that he never wanted me harmed or seen. He wanted me all to himself

I was…so happy.

I didn't care if it was an obsession or true affection; I just wanted him to be happy. So on that day I promised I would throw away any emotions I was feeling and smile when he walked in the room. I would become the perfect doll as long as I could be trapped inside his love.

Day by day, I felt our relationship grow stronger. Those were the happiest days of my life. I was the only girl in the world that could make older brother truly smile.

However, there was someone else.

The head butler, Riff, was closer to him than anyone I knew. He could find Cain no matter where he was, he could understand his thoughts, he would—not just die for him—go to hell and back for him.

Whether or not older brother would admit it, I knew, he was in love with Riff. They're bond was stronger than anything in the world. Nothing could separate it, I knew all of that.

And I also knew…that I could never take Riff's place, no one could. I could never be that someone for older brother. No, it had to be Riff.

It was at that point I realized something horrible; I had fallen in love with Cain. I had gone against the will of God himself. At first I was confused and denied it all, but in the end I had no where to run.

And again, whenever Cain was around, I would smile for him. Grinning through all the pain and confusion I felt. I thought maybe if I did just that, there was hope that my feelings would reach him.

I also began to hate myself, not just because I had committed a deadly sin, but because I began to see Riff as a bad guy.

It was such an ugly feeling. There wasn't any hatred, I wouldn't call it that. But I felt hurt and betrayed by him. He was so kind and gentle to me, I always thought of him as a good ally and friend. This is why it pained me so to see him and Cain together, because Riff was a much better person than I.

I knew the more time they spent together, the more it would be impossible for me to be older brother's someone. The point that they were at was getting harder and harder to reach.

I remember how the more he got involved with taking down Delilah, our father's organization, the more he seemed to push me away. I knew that it was because he wanted to keep me safe, but still, I felt hurt. I always seemed to be at home with Oscar while older brother was out risking his life.

Oscar…

I felt so bad for him; he really was a nice man. He had affection for me and would protect me with the cost of his life. But it wasn't the same; there was no one in the world I could love except for older brother. He, and he alone could be that someone.

Then one day, Cain suddenly burst through the door. I asked him what was going on. In response he yelled at me, telling me to shut up.

I didn't have to be told what had happened. I knew. Older brother never would have yelled at me like that, unless something had happened to Riff. No matter how many times Oscar would try and bring him to the truth he wouldn't believe it. He continued to cling to the past, he wanted—no—he needed to believe it was all a lie.

I felt two things after Riff betrayed us. One was utter despair; Cain was under such emotional pain that it was hard to bear. He smiled less and less without me.

And the other, was hollow happiness. Older brother seemed to cling to me because I was the only one he had left. He began to show me much more affection than ever before, and I knew it was genuine. I was…happy.

However, I knew that when he left the mansion, he would be facing dangers and horrors beyond what I'd ever heard of. It was most important now than ever before to smile and laugh when he walked through those doors and comfort him. Just like I'd told Mikaila, it was something only I could do.

I truly think that I somehow made older brother happier, and that's all I needed. Because I knew that even if Riff was gone, I could never be that someone for older brother. Sometimes when I felt these ugly feelings I thought of killing myself, but…no. I couldn't do that to older brother, I wouldn't leave him alone. No, I was different from Riff, I wouldn't leave Cain even if it meant hell and back again.

I remember…older brother once promised me a tea party, didn't he? An endless one with all of our friends. A place where I could feel at peace and smile without pretending to be happy. He…promised he would come back…

Older brother…always broke his promises.

But I always hoped that he would be telling the truth each time. Which was why it was impossible for me to believe he was really gone.

I heard from someone that he had died in Riff's arms.

I shouldn't be surprised. Even in death, Riff had stolen Cain away from me.

I had promised myself I would never leave Cain alone, but what had that done? How had he repaid me? Did he even bother thinking of me?

Those thoughts pierced my mind so often I thought I might die.

Older brother always said how he never wanted me to dirty my hands, but I always thought that was silly. I wasn't as pure as he thought. I had fallen in love with my brother, it was obvious I was no angel.

And then, when I thought all hope was lost and I was all alone, Cain saved me…for the last of many times.

No matter how much I sinned, he would only ever see me as pure and untainted.

And then, quite recently, some very surprising news hit my ears…I was not Cain's actual sister. But then why? Why would he keep me by his side? Why would he feel comforted when he saw me smile? Why would he grace me with such affection if I wasn't a true blood-relative?

Ah…

It was only then that I finally understood what Cain saw when he used to look at me with those golden (cat-like) eyes…

He saw his beloved little sister, one of the few people he could ever love.

And I…was happy.

I might not have been able to overcome the bond between him and Riff, but I had won his love. Perhaps not the kind that I had been hoping for, but it is enough. I don't need anymore…

Because older brother, will always be my someone.