A HARRY POTTR CHRISTMAS CAROL!!!!

A/N: Tis the season to parody awesome books! Alright, it's always the season for that. Anyway, can't remember what inspired this little bit of nonsense, but-OH YEAH! It was a scene form the Muppet Christmas Carol! Now I remember! Right, so, please review! and remember, bad reviews are pointless and make you look like a jerk! )

CHAPTER 1: THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST (that one came first, right?).

Severus broodingly walked through the great hall, occasionally cursing a first year. It was Christmas eve and, since he was such a depressing character, he hated Christmas. Easter, too, but that was because of a terrifying incident with bunnies and multi-colored eggs.
He sat down at his seat at the staff table, glaring at everyone in the room, except Dumbledore. Dumbledore was alright.
"Now, now, Severus! Can't you be cheerful for just once? It's Christmas, for goodness sake!" Dumbledore said.
"Bah humbug." Snape muttered.
"Oh, Severus. You should try to enjoy the holidays! I for one am going to this nice little island in the south pacific to get away form this horrible school! I-I mean.. wonderful school! I don't hate the idiot students, either!" Dumbledore said quickly.
"Well, I do. I hate this blasted holiday, with all the pretty lights, presents, good food, and cheerfulness! And not to mention those bloody bell ringers, begging for my hard earned money! Bah humbug!" Snape said, standing up.
"Wait, Severus. I don't remember anything about paying you for this job." Dumbledore said.
Snape got up and stormed out of the great hall, only to be stopped by some little kid.
"Please, sir. Can you spare some change?" The kid asked.
"Who the hell are you?!" Snape demanded.
"I'm Tiny Tim, you dummy! Now hand over the change!" Tiny Tim demanded.
Snape pushed the kid out of the way, wondering if he had almost been mugged by Tiny Tim.
:) :) :)

That night Snape was sitting in front of the fire in his room, brooding like always.
God, he hated Christmas! Why did everyone have to have his money?! Apparently, he didn't even get paid, so he had no money anyway.
At 11:00, he went to bed, but couldn't sleep. Soon he realized that it was because someone was standing in the door way of the bed room, slowly saying "Severuuussss Ssssnnnnape.."
Out of habit, he sat up, pointed his wand at the person, and said "Avada Kedavara!"
"Hey, you jack a$$! What the hell was that?!" The voice demanded, floating into the room.
Snape squinted at the thing. "Vo-Voldemort?" He asked. The thing looked like Voldemort, all except for the fact that he was wearing a purple wig, sun glasses, and an obviously fake mustache.
"What? No, no, I am the Ghost of Christmas Past." The ghost waved his arms in the air for effect, and in doing so, his wig fell off.
He gasped and dove under Snape's bed.
"I know that's you, ex-master." Snape said.
"No it's not!" Came the muffled voice from under the bed.
Snape got out of bed and looked down. Voldemort was there, hiding.
Snape dragged him out and pulled off the fake mustache.
"Why are you here?" He demanded.
"Alright, alright, you got me! I'm really the ghost of Voldemort." Voldemort said.
"Then what are you doing in my room?" Snape asked the ghost. "And why are you dead?"
"Funny story, actually. See, I died." Voldemort said.
"And?"
"That's it. Guess it's not funny. Anyway, since it's Chrismas and all, all of us ghost decided you could use a good lesson in Christmas spirit, so we're going to kill you." Voldemort told him.
"WHAT?!?!"
"HAHAHAH! Just kidding, buddy! I do that to all the guys I haunt! It kills me every time. No, what I'm really going to do is take you on a journey back in time, to see all the Christmases past as you were a kid." Voldemort said, wiping his eyes.
"What good will that do?" Snape asked.
"I don't know, I just do what the boss man tells me to do. Well, lets go before the other ghosts get here!" Voldemort said brightly, jumping off Snape's bed.
"What other ghosts?!" Snape cried.
" The other ghosts." Voldemort said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Before Snape could ask any more questions, Voldemort grabbed Snape's arm and the room began to disappear.
:) :) :)

When Snape opened his eyes, he was standing inside a dingy little house. To one side of the room there was a tiny, sad, Christmas tree. He recognized where they were: It was Snape's old house. And there was little Snape, sitting on the couch.
"What the hell.." Now day Snape asked.
"This is your house, 6 days before Christmas, when you were just a little kid. This is supposed to show you what Christmas was like when you were a kid." Voldemort told him. "Now shut it and watch."
"And what do you want for Christmas, Sevvei?" Snape's mom asked him.
"I want the (insert name of old day popular broom)! it's so awesome!" Young Snape said.
"Hmmm, no, you'll shoot your eye out." His mom said.
"What?! How?" Young demanded.
"Don't argue with me, Severus. You'll shoot your eye out, end of story!" his mom said.
Now day Snape shook his head sadly. "All I wanted was that broom. But of course I didn't get it. Stupid Christmas!"
"Really? What did you get?" Voldemort asked.
"A rock."
"Well, this is obviously the wrong memory. Lets look at something else." Voldemort snapped his fingers and the room melted away, only to be replaced by another room. This time it was Hogwarts when Snape was 14.
"God, I can tell you right now this isn't going to be good." Snape said, leaning back on a desk (they were in a classroom).
"No, no. I have a feeling this is the right one." Voldemort said.
Snape looked around the room. He could see James harassing Lily and Sirius harassing everyone.
"Hey, Snivly! I suppose your not going back home for Christmas?" James called.
"Not that it's any of your business, but no, I'm not." Snape said.
"That's cuz no one wants you!" James burst out laughing.
Then, Severus attacked him.
"Wow, for such a skinny little dude your sure beating the crap out of him!" Voldemort said, watching Sev and James beating each other. "See? This was on Christmas eve. Good things do happen on Christmas!"
"Actually, he broke my arm and I ended up spending Christmas in detention with him, which made him really mad, so he made my life even more miserable." Snape said kicking James even though it made no deference.
"OK, that's it! I'm the freakin' dark lord and I have more Christmas spirit then you do! Now you come with me!" Voldemort grabbed his arm and once again, the room melted and was replaced with some where else.
This time it was his own, current bed room.
"Huh, I was trying to take you back to your best Christmas memory, but it looks like this is it!" Voldemort slapped him on the back. "I'm flattered! Anyway, I got to go. The ghost of Christmas present will be along shortly! Byyyyye, Sevvvverussssss!" And Voldemort slowly backed out of his room.
Snape was left staring off into the darkness, wondering what would come next.

END OF CHAPTER 1.

END NOTES: Well, how fun! If you give me good reviews, I'll update!