This is sordid. But please enjoy.

My entire body thrummed with an agonizing energy. My limbs felt heavy and painful. My palms itched. My legs gave out and I collapsed to the old, dirty couch.

My stomach knotted and I heaved.

Just a few steps away, stashed in an old shoebox in the closet…

It was so close.

A little bit wouldn't hurt.

I pulled myself off the couch and bounded to my bedroom, trying to push down all of the thoughts that were screaming for me to stop.

She will never forgive you, the familiar voice whispered.

I ignored it and threw open my closet door, grabbing the shoebox quickly and pulling out the small baggie. I smiled in spite of myself.

I somehow willed my body to move back to the living room. I sat back down on the couch and emptied the baggie onto the coffee table. I pulled my wallet out of my back pocket and produced one of my many maxed-out credit cards.

The white powder was eventually compiled into two large lines. My mouth nearly watered at the sight of it.

My brain retreated back to her.

What would she think of me now?

Would she ever look at me the same again?

I shook my head and decided it didn't matter. Nothing mattered now - not while I had two pristine white rails lined up in front of me.

I took a five dollar bill out of my wallet and rolled it into a cylinder.

Finally, I thought.

My entire body tensed with anticipation as I bowed my head towards the coveted powder. One long inhale from my nose and the first line was gone.

It was the best feeling in the world.

My body thrummed once again, but this time I welcomed the electricity humming through every vein in my body. My eyes danced around the room and I felt them fall to the back of my head.

Bliss.

I bowed my head once again and cleared the other line. I licked one of my fingers and collected the remaining powder, rubbing it across my gums, revelling in the taste and the way my body seemed to soar.

I don't recall standing up, but I soon found myself in my kitchen, perched atop the counter with my feet dangling over the edge.

I felt as if I were on top of the world.

The resounding knock at my door barely penetrated my sensed.

Knock, knock, knock…

"They can wait," I mumbled to myself, continuing to revel in the feeling of being so close to the proverbial edge.

I threw my head back and laughed. The sound was harsh against my ears, but that just made me laugh even harder.

But when my head felt lighter than it ever had and my limbs seemed to paralyze on their own accord, I knew something wasn't right.

I tried to ignore the sick feeling that took root in the pit of my stomach and the way my eyes seemed to bounce around in my head.

My head, I thought instantly.

It was the worst pain I'd ever felt. It was like someone was drilling into my temple with a rod of solid steel.

The last coherent image in my head was one of my apartment door being flung open and a beautiful array of silky brown curls.

Those curls curtained an even more beautiful face, but I couldn't see her face. I couldn't see anything.

Darkness, pain, screaming, sobbing, sirens…

I don't remember how I ended up on my kitchen floor that night.

I don't remember why her hands were covered in blood as she hovered above me.

I don't remember why the paramedics were shining blinding lights into my eyes.

I don't remember why she'd ever trusted me.

I don't remember why I'd ever laid a hand on cocaine.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. This story will be updated every second Thursday, if all goes as planned. Thank you.