The first Christmas that Meredith could remember well was the one just after she and her mother had been the one just after she and her mother had moved to Boston. It had been full of her mother attempting to create new traditions, not many of which would die within a year or two. Most only lasted a year or two, stopping once her mother's work picked up, but a few lasted longer, such as buying or at least decorating the tree together. Other than that, Meredith did not usually look forward to the holidays.
When the holidays approached during her own daughter's first year, Meredith was almost oblivious to them. She was so wrapped up in balancing Lydia, work, Derek and her friends that the outside world often disappeared from her perception. It was only when Izzie bought the turkey that she realized that it was nearly Thanksgiving.
She was not used to getting excited about Christmas. Her cynical attitude towards it the when she and Derek were broken up had not been brought upon by divorce as Derek's had, it had been the way she generally looked at it and only George and Izzie made it better. Thus, when Derek started playing Burt Ives in the car at 5:00 am she looked at him in shock as Lydia cooed in her car seat.
"The only thing Christmasy earlier than you is Starbucks," she said, glancing at the sins for Peppermint Mocha as they passed.
Derek just smiled and took her hand. "I could break out the holly printed scrub caps," he said.
She stared at him. "You're kidding."
Derek laughed, "Wouldn't you like to know?"
"Lydia, your daddy has a bad sense of humor," Meredith said, looking at Lydia in the rearview mirror.
Derek laughed again in a way that made Meredith wonder if he wasn't telling the truth. She wondered enough about it that she lingered near the nurses' station by Addison, trying not to make it look as if she were lingering.
"Dr. Grey, can I help you?" Addison asked, looking at Meredith over her glasses.
"Um… yeah… Here's the thing. Derek mentioned something this morning…God this sounds stupid."
"Not getting any younger here Dr. Grey."
"Holly printed scrub caps," Meredith blurted out then blushed, chewing on the end of a pen.
Addison's eyebrow shot up, but then she seemed to get a hold of herself. "Oh, yeah. He has one or two." She then swept away, her coat swirling around her, leaving Meredith in shock.
That night, she went home to Santa's workshop. She had known that Izzie was planning on putting up the tree, what she had not counted on was Santa's helpers, Derek and Izzie the elves, Lydia sitting in a baby carrier with a reindeer antler headband.
Meredith stood at the door, in shock, not quite knowing how to react to the scene before her. Derek saw her lingering there and he put down the tinsel he was hanging and went over to her, flicking the stereo on as he passed. "Rocking around the Christmas Tree" started playing and Meredith was reminded of endless sitcoms. She was leaning against the doorway wondering if it would burst his bubble to say "You are so sappy," when he grabbed her.
"Derek, come on," she protested as he pulled her into the room and twirled her under his arm.
Izzie laughed, picking Lydia up from her carrier and spinning with her.
"You come on," Derek said, kissing her cheek. "Dance with me."
What the heck? Meredith thought. She allowed Derek to lead her around the living room, a smile spreading across her face.
By Christmas Eve, Meredith found herself getting drawn into the season. It helped that she had the twenty-third off to clear all of the misanthropic thoughts, which arose from holiday season surgeries, out of her head. On Christmas Eve, the cold that Lydia had been battling off and on and that had been making both of them miserable for weeks miraculously disappeared and she awoke bright and bubbly.
Izzie made red and green waffles for breakfast, which frankly looked disgusting, but she was so excited about them that Meredith did not say anything negative about them; she just did not look at them as she ate and refused Izzie's offers to drop a drop of coloring into Lydia's oatmeal.
Derek was working until noon, and Meredith spent the evening helping Izzie get everything together for the meal that Burke had offered to help cook. Even the loop of Christmas music coming from the supermarket speakers did not bother her as much as usual as she put the cans of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup that Izzie handed her into the buggy. Lydia sat in the baby-seat, which she was finally big enough for, and shook a bottle of paprika like a rattle and smiled at her own cleverness. Meredith was rather surprised that the supermarket was not more crowded, but she supposed that most people had had the opportunity to shop earlier than Christmas Eve.
When Derek finally got home, he found her in the kitchen, sitting on the counter watching Izzie chop. Lydia was in her high chair banging a jingle bell against the tray.
"No one fell off of a roof today?" she asked, after kissing him hello.
"Nope. Ready to go?"
Meredith popped a piece of carrot into her mouth guiltily. "Um… no. Give me ten minutes, if you will get Lyddie ready. Her outfit is on her dresser."
"This was your idea, you know, Mer," Derek called as she dashed up the stairs.
She sighed. It had been her idea to go to the Christmas party at Roseridge. Four days before when they called as she was watching Derek help Lydia sit on the lap of Santa at the mall, and then watched the baby pull the man's beard almost hard enough to pull it off but not quite, then the whole thing had seemed like a nice, Christmas cheer, thing to do. As she stared at her closet trying to focus on the clothes in there it did not seem as such a good idea.
"She won't be lucid," Meredith said as they piled into the car. "And even if she is, Mom hates these things."
"Relax, Mer. She likes seeing Lydia either way, and it's Christmas."
Lydia made a noise that sounded strangely like agreement, but was probably just acknowledgement of her name. Meredith looked back at her and smiled. Derek had dressed her perfectly, and Meredith suspected that Izzie may have been involved. She wore a red velveteen dress, with a matching hat, white tights and tiny red buckle shoes. Izzie had bought the outfit against Meredith's protests, and she had to admit that it did look adorable.
"Okay," she said sitting back against her chair. "You're right. Who could resist Lydia?"
"No one, not even the Grinch," Derek said with a laugh.
Her mother sat on a couch away from the majority of the party, an untouched plate of Christmas cookies sitting uneaten on a table in front of her. Meredith sat down next to her, crossing her legs and clearing her throat nervously.
"Hi, Mom."
"I hate these things….these events," her mother snapped, not turning to her.
"Mom?"
"The hospital insists on Christmas parties every year, they're just ridiculous wastes of time if you ask me."
Meredith sighed and was about to start to answer when her mother continued.
"Meredith decorated the tree while I was at work. That hasn't happened since I left Thatcher. Still, she's growing up I suppose."
Meredith's tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. She did not know how to respond to that. She knew immediately where her mother was, when her mother was. Memories of decorating a tree with the boy next door, almost falling off of his shoulders while putting the star on and her mother coming home late to tell her about a surgery ran through her head.
"Everything okay over here?" Derek said, as he came by with a plate for Meredith in one hand and Lydia in the other. Meredith nodded mutely. "Here, take the pipsqueak while I get a plate, okay? She likes to grab the cherry tomatoes from other people's plates." Lydia giggled, pleased with herself, as Meredith accepted her onto her lap.
When Derek went away again she turned back to her mother, who was smiling at Lydia. Meredith decided to ignore her mother's harshness in the moment before, because her mother seemed to have already forgotten it.
"Such an adorable child," her mother said, holding a hand out to Lydia who grabbed it.
"Ba!" the baby exclaimed, propelling her grandmother's hand up and down. "Ba!"
"I never expected to have children," her mother continued. Meredith felt her faced go white, she wasn't going to go into that again, was she? About how she should never have had children. "But when Thatcher was so adamant, and then Meredith came, well, 1 can't say I really regret it."
"Mom," Meredith breathed, smiling at her.
Her mother did not seem to notice, just looked up from smiling at Lydia. "Can I hold her?" she asked.
"You don't have to ask, Mom," Meredith reminded her, and slid Lydia gently onto her grandmother's lap.
A second later, Derek appeared on her other side holding a plate and smiling. "Well, this is cozy."
"Yeah. It is." Meredith replied, with a smile. "I'm glad we came."
Later that night, Lydia was changed into her sleeper and unwinding in the living room. Meredith sat on the couch, curled up and resting her head on her hand, just watching Lydia lay on her stomach and looking around the room. Derek was in the kitchen washing the dishes and humming Silent Night.
Meredith was barely focused on Lydia when it happened, she watched as Lydia began to propel herself across the floor and reach her hand out for a ribbon dangling tantalizingly from a present wrapped in bright red paper.
"Derek!" Meredith exclaimed, "She's… well, not crawling, but she's moving!" She fumbled for the camera that was sitting on the lamp table and snapped a picture of Lydia's tiny fist curling around the ribbon. Derek came into the room, smiling, and swooped Lydia up.
"That's George's present, little one," he said. "I don't think he wants you opening it." Then he turned to Meredith. "She's inchworming. A lot of little kids who don't have lower body strength end up inchworming instead of crawling."
"And you know that how?" Meredith asked, taking Lydia to put her to bed.
"Lived with Addison for a while… and I read some literature about it a while back."
"You're a dork. Literature?"
"Yes, it's doctor-speak."
"I am very aware of that, seeing as I am, you know, a doctor." Meredith pointed out, and Derek laughed and kissed her cheek.
"And I am very aware of that, Dr. Grey. Now put our little elf to bed. Santa's on his way." He cupped his hand around Lydia's small head, running his thumb along her hair.
Meredith smiled, her eyes drawn into Derek, and she knew again why she loved him.
She took Lydia up and rocked her, reading her How the Grinch Stole Christmas and then turning on her small CD player starting the Disney Christmas CD. Lydia cooed sleepily at her as she put her into her crib. "Go to sleep, Lyddie, tomorrow's Christmas."
"Ba!" Lydia agreed, with a not-so-toothy grin.
"Mommy! Daddy! Wake up, wake up, wake up! It's Christmas!"
Meredith rolled over to face Derek and raised her eyebrow. "This is when we teach her to tell time, right?"
"She may still be a little young for that."
"Mommy I heard you, you're up! Open the door!"
With a sigh Meredith pushed the covers off of herself and stood up to take the couple of steps over to the door to open it. When she did it was all she could do to keep from bursting out laughing. Lydia had decided to dress herself. Her Rudolph shirt was on backwards, her jeans were unbuttoned and her braces were on the wrong legs, though her shoes were on right.
Meredith scooped her up and plopped her onto the bed, kneeling down to fix the braces before they hurt her.
"It's early, Lydia-bug," Derek said, propping his head up on his hand. "Everyone won't be here for a little while." Before the words were even out of his mouth the doorbell rang and Spock began to bark.
"Want to bet on that one?" Meredith asked, standing up. Lydia squealed with excitement and Meredith thought back to that first Christmas when she had waited docilely in her crib to be taken downstairs, and had found the wrapping paper to be the most interesting thing by far.
Derek sighed resignedly and sat up. "One day I'm going to wake up and realize that I will never have a quiet family life, and I may just be sad about that. But that day is apparently not today."
Meredith laughed and put her robe on over her satiny nightgown, then picked up Lydia who was quivering with excitement. "Let's go see who's here, okay?"
"Did Santa Claus come? Did you see him, Mommy?"
"He came; baby, but I didn't see him. Remember, he comes when everyone in the house is asleep."
"Even Spock? Did Spock see him?"
"I don't know about that, he can't tell us. I think he was asleep too, though. Hold your horses, we're coming!" she called to the door, whoever was there had rung the bell again.
Meredith opened the door, to reveal George, Callie, Izzie and Alex.
"Burke and Cristina are coming, they called," George said, in greeting.
"Can we open presents now, Mommy? Can we?"
"Lydia, not till everyone gets here, remember? It's time to be patient."
"What? I don't want to go to the hospital."
"I'll explain," Izzie said, offering her arms out to take the curious child, "Go get clothes on before you freeze."
Meredith nodded, stepping past George to the stairs.
"Grey, not that she said 'clothes on'," Alex said. "Remind Shepard of that."
Meredith rolled her eyes at him and dashed into her bedroom to get dressed.
"We've been invaded," she told Derek, who was sitting on the bed putting socks on.
"Want some help getting that nightgown off?" he asked, conversationally.
"Derek, we have a very impatient child down there, and the rest of our merry band of friends will be here soon; do you really want to risk her ripping into the presents without us?"
Derek seemed to seriously consider it for a minute; Meredith laughed at him, and then pulled a sweater over her head. "You're too late anyway." The doorbell rang again. "That'll be Cristina, Burke and Josh; let's get this show on the road," Meredith said with a sigh, as she buttoned her pants, which were starting to get just a little snug, thanks to the second child that would be squealing about Santa in a couple of years, she had no doubt.
"Are we telling them today?" Derek asked, putting his arms around her.
"We'll have to, I'm going to pop any day now, and there will be no hiding it." She laughed. "They'd be so mad if that happened. It's almost an appealing thought."
"Mommy! Daddy! What are you doing? It's time to open presents!" Lydia called from downstairs.
Meredith laughed. "We're being summoned. Come on, let's go." She took his hand and pulled him out of the room, to the stairs. Everyone was gathered down there, Lydia still in Izzie's arms, straining to look into the living room, Cristina and Burke had arrived, Josh was in Burke's arms, a plastic candy cane in his hand, which he was waving while he babbled happily.
"Yes!" Lydia exclaimed when she saw them. "Presents!"
"Love how appreciated we are," Derek commented.
"Always," Meredith said with a laugh. "All right, I take it that Lydia is ready to open presents, is that right Lyddie?"
"Yes!"
"Okay then, let's go."
Izzie put Lydia down and Meredith took her hand; Lydia practically dragged her into the living room and then squealed excitedly. Under the tree was an entire sleigh load of wrapped presents, labeled "To: Lydia, From: Santa" and one unwrapped FAO Schwartz rocking horse. Meredith had thought that she might be almost too old for it, but Derek had swayed her when he pointed out that there was another little one coming and it wasn't like they could get her the traditional bicycle for her five-year-old Christmas.
Lydia hugged the neck of the rocking horse, and stroked its mane, then scrambled up onto it with more coordination than Meredith expected.
"Whee!" she said. "I'll call him Pat, like Laura Ingall's horse that they had to sell, 'cept I won't ever sell my Pat!"
Meredith laughed, and Derek walked around the room being camera happy. The others settled around the room, and they began to settle into their own cozy Christmas.
Hours later, things finally settle down just a little as they sat down to dinner. The living room was a mess of wrapping paper, pink Barbie boxes, Josh's cars and the miscellaneous gifts that the adults had gotten each other, but that was not visible from the dining room. The table was comfortably crowded, although not as much as it was on Thanksgiving.
"How're you doing?" Derek whispered in Meredith's ear as she walked by him carrying the bread basket. She wasn't sure what he was referring to, the anxiety about their announcement, maybe, but she realized it was probably her melancholy the night before. It had hit her that night, when they put Lydia to bed, that it was the first Christmas Eve in years that they hadn't visited her mother, her first Christmas without her mother. There had been years that she had not gone home, but usually she found herself with her mother on that one holiday. She had taken flowers to the cemetery the week before, but they had been busy going to her father's house on Christmas Eve.
"I'm okay," she said. "Better than okay, actually."
"Good." Derek said, kissing her cheek.
They sat down to eat, and Meredith picked at her roast, nervously waiting for a lapse in conversation. She suddenly wished that she had talked to Lydia beforehand, but it was too late. There was a sudden lapse in conversation and before she knew it she was clearing her throat.
"Guys, I… well, Derek and I… we have something to tell you." She caught Izzie's eye and a knowing look spread over her friend's face. Meredith found herself smiling. "We're going to have a baby."
There was an uproar; Izzie hugged her and Alex and George start arguing about godfather privileges. Meredith, however, kept her eyes on Lydia who was looking at them, seeming somewhat befuddled.
"Okay, Lyddie?" Meredith asked, "You're going to be a big sister!"
"Is Santa bringing the baby?" Lydia asked, "Is that why you're saying it today?"
Santa probably should have brought a Where Did I Come From? book, Meredith thought.
"No, sweetie," Derek said.
"Oh. Okay. I'll be a big sister."
"Cute," Cristina said. "She doesn't know she made that choice when she chose you two as parents."
It was over, all the Christmas hubbub. It had been a mess that year, with the new baby, and Callie going all hormonal as she reached the end of her first trimester, but they had made her. Lydia was sitting on the couch in her nightgown, devouring the copy of The Secret Garden that George had given her. Baby Joel lay on a blanket in his red and white stripped sleeper looking around at the post-Christmas mess that was their living room. His bright blue eyes were alert and he squealed in delight as he began to crawl towards the new Elmo doll that he had received that was sitting just out of his reach.
Meredith surveyed all of this from the couch, where lay, he head on Derek's lap. He ran his fingers through her hair and she felt herself becoming drowsy; a glance at the clock proved that it was bedtime.
Lydia groaned and rolled her eyes when they announced it, ever the diva. Joel just squealed and clutched his Elmo when Derek picked him up, his grin impossible to ignore. He was a very happy baby, and his smile did wonders to reduce Meredith's stress. It had been a choice to keep their family going, one that involved much sacrifice of her career, but she did not regret it.
Meredith scooped Lydia off the couch, at six she was still tiny, and they met Derek at the door. Joel reached out a hand in their general direction and Lydia leaned over to kiss it. They had been lucky, their spoiled little girl had actually adapted well to having a baby brother. Derek speculated that it had to do with the fact that she had always had people around her, and one more wasn't going to hurt.
"Joel had a good first Christmas," she said. "I'm happy about that."
"Me too," Meredith told her, "Did you have a good seventh Christmas?"
"Uh huh. Wow. That's a lot of Christmases."
"Not really. Derek, did you have a good forty-eighth Christmas?"
"Joel, you're Mommy is a mean person, who just celebrated her thirty-sixth Christmas."
Meredith laughed at him, but it hit her that that was a lot of Christmases.
"Mommy, I forgot my Molly doll!" Lydia exclaimed, "She has to go to sleep with me tonight!"
"I'll get her," Derek volunteered, "You two ladies put Joel to bed." He put Joel in Meredith's arms after she set Lydia down on the floor. Lydia led the way to the nursery and they began to go through Joel's bedtime routine, Derek joined them as they were reading The Polar Express, and then went to get Lydia ready as Meredith gave Joel his night-time bottle. His eyes began to droop as he finished it off, although he fought sleep for several minutes, staring intently at her face. She smiled at him, as he finally drifted off to sleep.
"Good night, little angel," she whispered, lowering him into his crib and turning out the light.
In Lydia's room, she had settled into her bed with her Molly doll next to her, and Derek was reading her a chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone which they had finally decided that she was old enough for. They both kissed her good night and then turned off the light, with dire warnings about leaving the light off and sleeping, not reading.
In their bedroom, Meredith sank onto the end of the bed. "Thirty-seven Christmases."
"Feeling old, Dr. Grey?" Derek asked, sitting next to her.
"Not exactly, just thinking about all of those holidays. Not as many of them were as happy as I would have liked." She sighed. "Actually, almost none since I was twelve until I was twenty-eight, really."
"But they're happy now, aren't they?" he asked, gently, kissing her cheek.
"Yeah, they are," she said with a smile, glancing at the new picture on her night stand. It was the traditional Christmas picture with their children, and they had even gone as far as to send it out to relatives (all Derek's). Joel sat on Lydia's lap, and they were both dressed up for the holiday, a red bow in Lydia's hair that matched her "prettiest Christmas dress ever", and Joel in his Christmas sleeper. They were precious, storybook children in that picture. Of course, immediately after it Joel had spit up on the sleeper, and Lydia had had an attack of the gimmes in the toy section of the store, but somehow they remained absolutely precious.
"They're very happy, actually," Meredith said. "You could even call them bright and shiny, if you had to."
"Bright and shiny? Sounds almost like a catchphrase."
"We seem to have a lot of those, Dr. McDreamy."
"You're right, we do. Ah well, could be worse. We could still be Scrooges, like we were our first Christmas together."
"We weren't together then," Meredith pointed out, but before she could get the words all of the way out he kissed her so hard that she fell back onto the pillows.
"Merry Christmas, my merry Meredith," Derek whispered and Meredith smiled. She liked bright and shiny Christmases.
A/N I've missed this. School kept me busy, and the new season :)
Hope all of you are well, Merry Christmas!!!
And now, by the way, that I've been off of here a couple months, the line break thing is finally fixed. Oh silly website that will not allow me to type it's name on here