Lei Wulong Adventures: A fic by MiggyMeista
Hello everyone, here I am with a fic to make you all laugh, this is essentially a Tekken spoof of the Jackie Chan Adventures cartoon starring my favorite Tekken character, Lei Wulong, as the lead character. So far here's a list of the good and bad guys of this fic.
Good guys: Lei Wulong, Ling Xiaoyu, Wang Jinrei, Ganryu, King, Asuka Kazama, Raven
Bad guys: Steve Fox, Lee Chaolan, Hwoarang, Sergei Dragunov, Paul Phoenix, Jack-5
Of course, that's not everyone that'll be in the fic, there will be cameos from other Tekken characters as well as characters from Soul Calibur, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Killer Instinct, Super Smash Bros. Darkstalkers, and Rival Schools. Here's who I have slated for cameos thus far, the list is bound to expand as time goes on and I get more ideas for the fic.
Tekken: Marshall Law, Bruce Irvin, Julia Chang, Roger Jr.
Soul Calibur: Mitsurugi, Taki, Maxi, Zasalamel, Xianghua
Street Fighter: Ryu, Ken Masters, Chun-Li, Alex, Dudley, Ibuki, Oro, Gill
Mortal Kombat: Sub-Zero, Frost, Goro, Johnny Cage, Li Mei, Raiden, Kenshi
Killer Instinct: Jago, Orchid, Glacius, Sabrewulf, Fulgore
Super Smash Bros: Mario, Luigi, Link, Zelda, Samus, Fox, Kirby, Pit
Darkstalkers: Felicia, Bishamon, Hsien-Ko, Jon Tailbain
Rival Schools: Hideo Shimazu, Kyoko Minazuki, Boman Delgado
So now that we got that all squared away, let's begin the story now.
Chapter 1: Start of an Adventure
In an old abandoned mine on the outskirts of Hong Kong, an archaeological team goggles over their findings on a recent dig.
"Wow, this is one sweet looking treasure chest!" exclamied one archaeologist.
"I know, it's so sweet it's making me hungry, seriously," replied another relic hunter as he knelt down and tried to sink his teeth into the chest, only to yell out in pain upon chipping a tooth on the hard metal.
"So what you think could be in this, I think it's gold," chimed in one archaeologist.
"Maybe it's jewels," responded another.
"I hope it's chili beans," said the one that chipped his tooth on the chest.
"Why would someone put chili beans in a treasure chest?" asked one of his comrades rather peevishly.
"You never know, maybe they didn't have bowls back then," answered the hungry man.
"Let's just open this thing up and see the fantastic mystery prize inside," exclaimed one of the weary treasure hunters.
As the group of archaeologists begins to open the jade colored treasure chest, loud orchestral music begins to play which irks the one that's opening the chest.
"Hey, shut that fucking shit off, it's so damn annoying!" yelled that archaeologist.
"Oh, sorry about that, I just thought it would be cool to have going along with this momentous moment," said one of his comrades who immediately shut off a boombox he was holding for no reason.
The archeaeological team then resumed the opening of the chest, as they opened it, a thin cloud of dust emitted from the inside. the chest. The team wasted no time in pulling whatever artifacts that were in the chest out. All there was was a large cloth with some intricate drawings on it.
"Wow, that's one big Kleenex right there!" exclaimed one man.
"That's no Kleenex you idiot, it's a scroll, and according to this scroll, it's telling us the history of these twelve talisman things that will give us unimaginable powers," retorted his friend.
"Wow, that's so cool!" they all exclaimed.
"I believe we'll take that from you," spoke a British sounding voice from the crowd.
All the archaeologists whirled around to see a blonde haired British man in a green suit and along with him are his four henchmen, a fruity looking white haired Asian man in a violet suit, a fiery red haired Korean in an off white leisure suit, a dark haired pale skinned Russian who had a stupid expression on his face and clad in a dark brown suit, and a guy with a blonde skyscraper hairstyle, thick beard, and a white gi.
"The evil Steve Fox, there's no way we're giving this to you," said one of the relic hunters.
"Then, I will have to hurt you then guv," commented the British man.
"Yeah right you pansy," said another archaeologist, who chucked a rock at Steve's face making him cry.
"Y-Y-You hurt my beautiful face, Paul dispose of these bloody bastards!" shriked Steve to the man in the white gi.
"Bully steals lunch money!" yelled Paul snatching the scroll from the relic hunters.
"What the, that's our scroll, give it back," whined the archaeologists.
"Man flushes shit down toilet,!" shoutes Paul who severely beats the crap out of all the angry archaeologists.
"Good job, now Paul, Lee, Hwoarang, Dragunov, let us depart this dirty place, I hate getting dirt on my clothes," ordered Steve.
"Uh sir, you got dirt on your boots," spoke Dragunov.
"Eek, my boots!" shrieked Steve immediately fainting.
"Aw, my poor bossy boo, I'll carry him back to base," cooed Lee.
"No way RuPaul, I don't trust you, I'll do it," retorted Hwoarang.
With that, the evil Dark Hand, left the cave leaving the battered relic hunters to lick their wounds. Across the sea, in the city of San Francisco, an old man runs an antique shop with a student of his, his fat chi wizard apprentice, and his granddaughter. The old man's student, a Chinese man with black hair in a ponytail, a white collared shirt with a black tie, brown pants, and white shoes, walks around with an iPod on singing NWA's "Fuck The Police" greatly irking the old man.
"Ai ya! Lei, stop singing that infernal rap music, you know it gives me the runs!" shouted the old man.
"No it doesn't Master Wang, you're just complaining because you're old," retorted Lei.
"Hey Lei, mind I download that to my iPod later?" asked the fat man.
"Ganryu, you like that crap too, oh I think I need to go crap now, crap," grumbled Wang who then ran to the toilet.
"Sorry about that Master," said Ganryu as Wang let loose a huge fart.
"Hey Lei, there's someone on the phone for you" exclaimed a young Chinese girl, Wang's granddaughter, Ling Xiaoyu.
"Is it a hot chick?" asked Lei.
"No it sounds more like a dude, unless that guy is a cross dresser," answered Xiaoyu.
Lei took the phone from Xiaoyu and promptly said "Hello this is Lei Wulong, who is this?"
"My name is Raven, I'm from Section 13, I heard you were a great relic hunter, and we need your help," spoke the man.
"Section 13, what are you, some type of James Bond wannabe?" inquired Lei.
"Well I am a secret agent, but I aint trying to act like that wannabe casanova James Bond," answered Raven.
"All right, so what do want with me?" asked Lei.
"Enough with the questions, I'll tell you all you need to know at our base, the chopper should be here shortly," answered Raven.
"Ok, I guess I'll see you soon," said Lei.
"Indeed you shall, I'll see you in hell, oops, no I won't I'm supposed to be on your side," responded Raven.
About ten seconds after hanging up, propeller blades could be heard outside and a knock on the door was heard, Lei quickly ran to open the door, and saw a dark skinned man in a white ninja outfit at the door.
"You Lei Wulong?" asked the man.
"Yeah, are you Raven?" replied Lei.
"Yes, let us make haste, bring your friends too," answered Raven.
"Ok, Xiaoyu let's go, Ganryu, grab Master Wang and come with us!" shouted Lei to the others.
"You got it Lei," said Ganryu who broke down the bathroom door and lifted the toilet out of the ground, with Wang still on it.
"Hey, put me down you lunkhead, where are we going?" screamed Wang.
"Get into the chopper!" yelled Lei and Raven in unison.
In about a minute, everyone was in the chopper and it took off for the Section 13 headquarters, Xiaoyu looked at Raven and her eyes lit up.
"Hey what's up my ni-" Xiaoyu started to say before Raven abruptly cut her off.
"Before you finish that, take a look at yourself, do you look like me in any way?" asked Raven.
"Uh no," answered Xiaoyu.
"Then you can't say what you are about to say," answered Raven.
"Aw nut sack," pouted Xiaoyu. Wang immediately smacked her on the head.
"One more thing, watch the language you speak young one," said Wang.
Xiaoyu rubbed her head in paid as the others remained silent until they finally landed at the headquarters, upon exiting and going into the building, Raven let Lei and his companions into an office like area.
"Ok, now is the time for me to tell you all you need to now," said Raven.
"All right, so tell us already," commented Lei.
"Okay, don't get so impatient, you've heard of the twelve talismans have you not?" inquired Raven.
"Yes, Wang would tell me stories about that all the time, it put me to sleep though," answered Lei.
"Well, that was my bedtime story when I was a kid, so I guess it's a natural sleeping pill, without the actual pill," piped Xiaoyu.
"Right, so anyways, we're in trouble, an evil organization called the Dark Hand has the scroll that tells them about the talismans, chances are they are going to try and get them all," briefed Raven.
"Oh, just like Pokemon," said Ganryu.
"No, not like Pokemon, ok maybe a little like that, but the point is, if they can get all twelve, it means bad news for all of us," said Raven.
"How so?" asked Lei.
"Well, they can call forth a mystical beast who has the power to destroy the world," answered Raven.
"Ai ya, if the world is destroyed, then I can't beat off no more to hentai of random fighting game babes," gasped Wang.
"Yeah, it's bad, so we need you Lei, since you're labeled as one of the greatest relic hunters in the world to get these talismans before they do so that way we can seal them up and prevent them from falling into the hands of evil," commented Raven.
"Yeah, sure thing Zordon, I got ya," answered Lei.
"Good, and don't call me Zordon, I aint some floating head in a jar," grumbled Raven.
"But you sure act like him, and Master Wang acts like Alpha 5," responds Lei.
"Ai ya, I do not! Ai yi yi yi yi!" bellowed Wang.
"Enough bickering, we're going to get you some help too, you'll meet these two later on in your adventure, they'll be part of the Lei Team, as will I," answered Raven.
Raven then handed out pictures of two people that would also be allies to the Lei Team, one was a Mexican wrestler in a jaguar mask and black jacket and sweat pants. The other was a buxom Japanese girl in a silver track suit and blue sports bra.
"The Mexican wrestler is King, I don't why he doesn't call himself Rey since that's Spanish for King, but who cares, he'll be the muscle of your group. The girl is Asuka Kazama, she should be good for stealthy stuff since she's pretty damn agile," briefed Raven.
"Wow, she's hot!" exclaimed Lei, Wang, and Ganryu in unison.
"Yeah, that too," commented Raven.
"When do we meet these people?" asked Xiaoyu.
"Whenever the author feels like it," answered Raven.
"And when do we meet the bad guys?" asked Lei.
"Next chapter, this is just an introduction to the story," replied Raven.
"Fair enough, well then Lei team, let's begin our quest to look for the Talismans!" exclaimed Lei.
"One more thing, we need to go back to antique shop," said Wang.
"Oh yeah, to get your chi wizard stuff," spoke Ganryu.
"Well that, but you need to fix toilet you idiot!" screamed Wang.
"Yes Master," grumbled Ganryu.
With that, the Lei Team left Section 13 ready for the biggest adventure, or is it misadventure, of their lives. This is Lei Wulong Adventures.
Ask Lei segment
"Hey Lei," pipes up some little kid.
"Yes?" asked Lei.
"What do you think of this story so far?" asked the little kid.
"Well, I'm happy, I get a story of my own, and better yet, there's no Mishima bastards hogging the spotlight. That's right bitches fuck you Mishima zaibatsu, this is my fic. I'm Lei Wulong bitch, BYAH!" answered Lei.
"Uh, thank you Lei, " said the little kid.
"You're welcome, I'm rich beeyotch!" screams Lei who then for some reason, honks an 18 wheeler's horn.
Author's Note: Well that's the first chapter folks, how did you like it? I tell you it will get funnier as time goes on, I don't want to use up all my good gags in the first chapter. But this is Lei's fic and it will be modeled somewhat after the JCA cartoon. Anyways folks, I'm off to work on the next chapter, but until then, please read and review.