Freefall

Summary: '…In the months to come, I might start to grow. I may start to change into a better person.' A onesided Motoko x Yuki ficlet. Don't hate me! (hides)

So...here it is! My first Furuba fic! I know things might sound a little weird here, but I don't have much experience writing in first person as a character, so I thought that if people decided I'd got something wrong here, they could tell me how to improve it in a review. You don't have to review if you don't want to, though. Oh, and about the pairing...I just felt really sorry for Motoko. I mean, yes, she is selfish, but she can admit it, and she did say that she would allow Yuki to be with Tohru ('I'm sure that their love will be full of troubles, and it certainly won't go for Yuki the way I would want it to, but...') So I just decided to write this. Please don't flame me for it. I'm really sorry if you don't like it, but I won't be able to improve if people don't tell me how to! BTW, I haven't seen the anime, only read the books. So this is the manga-book-Motoko. I know she's OOC, but I tried to re-write it and she ended up even more OOC. So...I'm sorry if you hate it!

Eclipsedragon does not own anything except her own thoughts (and we're not even sure about that). So please don't sue me!
In the dark of the night, a light shining at a window. A girl leaning over a desk, starting to write. A heart in freefall.

Dear Yuki,

I'm so sorry. Sorry for all that I've done. You might think my sudden apology a little odd; might think I had no reason to apologise, but I can assure you that I do. I almost…ruined your life. Maybe you already know what I did. Or maybe no-one ever told you. I had the Prince Yuki club follow you everywhere, wouldn't let you get close to anyone. I was trying to protect you, but I did exactly the opposite, didn't I? No. That's a lie. I was never trying to protect you, just keep you away from other girls. It was what I wanted, but not what you needed. I've learnt my lesson now; learnt it the hard way.

Forget how I acted before. I wasn't in love with you, not really. It was just a crush. A foolish, doomed crush that saw only the outside of its focus, never who you really were. Now I'm much wiser, but also much more miserable. If only I'd seen this before. Would you have been my friend if I'd understood you? Would you have felt for me if I could see your heart, could heal you? I still love you, Yuki, but it's a much deeper and unhappier love than before. It's a lonely, lost feeling that's tearing me up, because I know I can't be with you; know that I have to lose you to Honda. You'll be much happier with her, and I want you to be happy. That's what love is, right? Wanting the one you love to be happy no matter what, right?

I think that the dream was what kept me going. The dream that one day, you might grow to love me. You might turn to me. When I knew my time was running out, I concentrated my efforts on trying to get you. My trying to become a better person was entirely selfish. But maybe I was becoming one, nonetheless. I wanted to help you, but you helped me. So maybe I can thank you by making myself see the truth.

It's ironic, isn't it, Yuki? Even I never realised how important you were to me until I knew I would lose you. I never thought about your personality, just the glamour of being near Yuki, seeing your handsome face. The lift my reputation and popularity would get if I ever did manage to date you. Even now, when I'm writing this, a letter I know I could never send, it's still the same. It feels like every sentence begins with 'I'. What about you? But Yuki, I think I'm less selfish than I was before. You see, I know I'm not worthy of you. I can't help you to step out of your past; out of whatever hurts lie in it. So, for your sake, I'm letting you forget me. In a week, I'm graduating. And during that week, I won't follow you around like I used to. I'll disband the Prince Yuki club. Anyone who still tries to separate you from her will have me to deal with. It's time for me to let go of my dream once and for all. Please be happy.

I love you, Yuki.

Motoko.

A letter perfumed with the scent of lilies, stained with tears, tucked away in the back of a drawer: falling to pieces with the weight of the years.

Memories of a lost love, still clear in her mind as she grows older.

And, once, the sight of a man and his wife, the same but still different after all this time, watching their children play together.

Gone, but not forgotten.

Please review and tell me what you thought of it. But please...don't...flame...me...?