A/N: Well so my friend dared me to write fanfiction because I told her I couldn't write. But right now I'm pretty filled with angst and honestly don't even know which fandom to try to tackle and not mess it up. So here is a story about a muggleborn going to Hogwarts. I think it's set during harry's 3rd year but I might change it latter. I'm writing from a boy's point of view even though I'm a girl because all my favorite characters are guys so it's good practice. If you see a mistake in identity, grammar, spelling, word choice, plot hole, tenses, whatever PLEASE point it out. If you wanna beta please tell me I will give you a hug and cookies. If you actually read this authors note and still plan on reading this fic you get cookies anyway.

'So here's a story all about how my life got flip turned upside down…' It's stuck in my head. I probably should have been reading magic books instead of watching TV in my last days of my uninspired muggle life, but when someone tells me basically I have to spend an entire year with kids who don't even know what a TV is (I asked) it's a little hard not to enjoy the little things.

"-Chambers" Was that their first or last name? Either way probably a witch.. wizardette?

"Ravenclaw" I wonder what the proper terminology is there. 'Another one bites the dust' Oh man, I am so glad they said I couldn't bring a radio. I think I would probably be the first student killed by their own dorm mates. Well maybe not first, there are a lot of ghosts…

"Astoria Greengrass" OH MAN. Greengrass. I suddenly have the intense urge to find out how long that name has been in their family.

"Slytherin" She's a girl so maybe the line will die with her? Maybe she has a brother? Although that looks like a sister so maybe not, those stuck up types seem to have a thing for minimal children. Maybe it's a magic thing?

"Derek Reed" Ah, now that kid has the make of a muggleborn. Look at that look he gives the hat. Epic man, I know exactly how you feel. If someone came up to me a year ago and told me a talking hat would decide my entire future when I was eleven I would have probably laughed and then ran away from the crazy person. But that was before the ..weird stuff.

"Gryffindor" Well isn't that an interesting reaction? Half the kids in line seem ..disappointed? excited? Most of the table is clapping, although the older years seem kind of bored and the younger years are focusing on a group of 3 students gossiping. I wonder if there's some kind of listening spell?

"Alphred Silvers" Well at least no one will be able to tell if I'm wizard-born or not with my weirdo name. Apparently they're sensitive about parentage. Don't want us muggles in their secret club or something. Like my secret club wouldn't be 1000 times better. At least we'd have TVs.

'Ah an inquisitive mind, and such passion!' Ah. The magic future telling hat has spoken. To be honest I think I could make anywhere work, except maybe Slytherin. I don't think I could handle all the posturing for 7 years. Also maybe not Gryffindor, they seem way too interested in each other's business. Actually I probably wouldn't fit in too well with hufflepuff either, unless they have an energy spell. Or better yet, a duplicate yourself spell! Now that would be awesome. Oh great, now the hat is creepy laughing at me.

"Ravenclaw" Well that's okay then. Seven years with silence and smart people. Sounds pretty ideal actually, maybe they have cheat codes? I got some applause but it's impossible to tell which are out of respect and which are habit.

There is a blond girl a couple seats down reading a magazine with moving pictures. Either people are ignoring her because it's a trashy magazine or because she's reading it upside down, I'm not sure.

"Alex Chambers" Ah, introductions. Yay.

I took her offered hand with a smile. "I'm Alphred Silvers, but call me Max."

"Max?"

"Long story."

"Romilda Vane" the hat is barely on her head before it shouts "Gryffindor"

Scanning the head table it looks like absolutely none of the teachers want to be there. The vampire looks like he's going to set the room on fire with his mind. Note to self: avoid eye contact and maybe he won't notice me. Oh no, what if he actually is a vampire and kills me? I need to read more of that law book. It has to be illegal to kill your students for misbehaving right?

Ah the headmaster is going to make a magic speech this should be good. "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I have a few things to say to you all, and as one of them is very serious, I think it best to get it out of the way before you become befuddled by our excellent feast... As you will all be aware after their search of the Hogwarts Express, our school is presently playing host to some of the dementors of Azkaban, who are here on Ministry of Magic business." Yes, very specific thank you that answered so many questions.

"They are stationed at every entrance to the grounds, and while they are with us, I must make it plain that nobody is to leave school without permission. Dementors are not to be fooled by tricks or disguises - or even Invisibility Cloaks." Invisibility Cloaks?! Magic school was such a good choice, even if it doesn't work out I'll have a great career as a thief. Although, that is a bit scary on the privacy spectrum. Those should probably be some of the first spells I look up.

"On a happier note, I am pleased to welcome two new teachers to our ranks this year. First, Professor Lupin, who has kindly consented to fill the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher." Oh man the tall guy looks like he had a fight with a cat and lost. School hasn't even started yet and he looks dead on his feet.

"- I am delighted to say that his place will be filled by none another than Rubeus Hagrid, who has agreed to take on this teaching job in addition to his gamekeeping duties. Well, I think that's everything of importance. Let the feast begin!"

Well this is somewhat of a disappointment. I was kind of expecting magic food like sparkly cookies and floating mushrooms. Awards for presentation though, I wonder if the food was hiding under an invisibility spell the whole time and was triggered by a catch phrase? Can wizards even do spells without a wand? It's probably like training wheels or something maybe.

After dinner the prefects led us up 5 staircases that order made absolutely no sense, I think we walked in a circle at one point, swear. Finally we reached an old fashion door next to a statue of a woman. And then the door talked. No joke. I think every inanimate object is capable of speech at this point. "Which came first, the phoenix, or the flame?"

The prefect turned around and explained to us how every time we want to go to our common room we have to answer a riddle and isn't that just wonderful. Not to mention all the riddles had to do with magical knowledge that most kids have had since birth.

Well, no time like the present to start learning everything from fairytales to laws. This year is going to be fun, I can already tell.