I materialized in the shed. I looked at the red haired boy who had summoned me. I glanced at the blue-haired, blue –clad man standing opposite him.

I charged the latter, swinging my invisible sword, forcing the man out of the shed and creating a huge wave of air pressure.

I turned to the boy, who was looking confusedly at me. I checked my chest and my crotch and found that something was wrong with both.

I exited the shed and resumed my attack. With skills I shouldn't have had I struck blow after blow after blow. I blocked every counter, parried every strike. I struck with mana enhanced power, overpowering my opponent. Finally, we broke apart, eyeing each other.

"What do you say we just call a draw for tonight?" Lancer asked.

"Sounds good," I said.

"Well, then—Wait, really?"

"Yeah, I have stuff to get sorted out. Go, shoo."

"Well, um, thanks, Saber. See you around, I guess."

"No problem."

I walked back over to Shirou.

"Hi, you probably have a lot of questions," I said. "You're part of a sort of game called the Holy Grail War. This is responsible for the gas leaks and murders recently. I'm King Arthur, but you should call me Saber. Except I'm actually a guy from a universe where this is all a visual novel in King Arthur's body. Yes, King Arthur was a girl. Questions answered?"

"More or less," said Shirou, "but how do I win the Holy Grail War."

"Hold on, Rin and Archer are approaching. Follow me."

I jumped over the wall and approached Archer and Rin with a relaxed posture, trying to appear visibly non-threatening.

"Yo, I'm Saber," I said, "Shirou is kind of clueless, so please help us out for right now."

Shirou then emerged from the house behind me.

"Tohsaka!" he said.

"Good evening, Emiya-kun,"

"Wait, one thing," I said, then I stabbed Archer in the chest, "he's Shirou from the future and would try to kill Shirou if I didn't wound him. At least, I think that's how it works."

"Shirou, your Servant is weird," Rin said.

"Hey!"

"Can someone explain all this Servant and Holy Grail War stuff?" Shirou asked.

"Sure. Rin, lead the way to the Kotomine Church."

"How do you—"

"I'll explain on the way."

I watched Shirou and Rin walk down from the Kotomine Church, joining them as they passed. I was wearing the large rain poncho Saber wore in this scene. Shirou and Rin had confused and incredulous looks on their faces, respectively.

"So," Rin said, "you're saying you're from another universe, where all of this is fictional, and you're here because you fell asleep watching a show about the last Grail War"

"Yes," I replied.

"So, where's the real Saber?"

"I don't know, maybe she's still here, I have her sword skills after all."

"Interesting."

"So, Rin how about we team up,"

"Sounds good. I could use your foreknowledge."

"Okay, let's get ready for Berserker's attack."

"Too late, Saber! Good evening, Onii-chan!" said Illya, "I'm Illyasviel von Einzbern. You can call me Illya."

"Crap, we're screwed."

I charged at Berserker, and jumped over his head. I turned around and slashed at his back. It didn't do much.

Okay , new plan.

Berserker whirled around and struck me with his axe-sword. I slammed into the wall on the side of the path, then fell to the ground.

"Saber!" Shirou said.

As I struggled to stand, Shirou ran up and pushed me out of the way of the next blow, taking it himself.

Berserker and Illya then left.

"I wanted to avoid this, but he'll be fine," I said, "Help me carry him home."

"Okay," Rin said.

We carried Shirou home. Rin and I went to sleep.